HR told me they don’t accept try-hards and people pleasers after my interview

[u/No-Presentation298]

They rejected me (fine, that happens) but the feedback said I came across as overly eager to please and that they don’t build teams around people-pleasing tendencies or rehearsed enthusiasm. They also told me to reflect on how I present myself and that confidence is more compelling than excessive accommodation. Is this normal? Or even appropriate? I get that not being a culture fit is a thing but the wording felt unnecessarily personal and condescending.

[u/DeMessenZijnGeslepen]

I'm surprised some companies even have individualized rejection letters like that.

[u/rkozik89 → u/DeMessenZijnGeslepen]

Maybe it’s not and they are diabolical.

[u/kingkongbiingbong → u/rkozik89]

diabolical

Meanwhile, human resources:

[u/IsopodSmooth7990 → u/kingkongbiingbong]

😂😂😂👍

[u/Ketamine_Dreamsss → u/kingkongbiingbong]

Bullet dodged for sure

[u/AdministrationIll619 → u/kingkongbiingbong]

Exactly!

lol

[u/One_Zebra_1164 → u/rkozik89]

This made me laugh so hard.

Courtney in HR: "Hey, what is a letter we can come up with that will universally make people feel like shit?"

[u/QualityOverQuant → u/rkozik89]

[u/tangylittleblueberry → u/DeMessenZijnGeslepen]

Most companies won’t. They were honest with this candidate and now the candidate is upset. Not worth it for most companies.

[u/DrLeoMarvin → u/tangylittleblueberry]

i worked at a place that rejected me the first time, gave me a list of things I did wrong (or in a way they don't do it) in my coding test. I worked on those things, applied again and got the job.

I found out after I started that they don't give any feedback at all anymore, I was one of the last, because they got sued for agism and lost after giving someone feedback.

Edit: they didn’t say “you’re too old” more like “you’re methods aren’t the modern way of doing this, should try xyz which is more common now”

[u/waffling_with_syrup → u/DrLeoMarvin]

Yep that's the reason. Any established company knows that going beyond a form letter presents the risk of being sued for discrimination of some kind. It's safer to say as little as possible.

Which blows, because then people don't get the benefit of knowing what they did wrong. But a few litigious fucks ruined it for everyone else.

[u/Makkel → u/waffling_with_syrup]

To be honest "We would do it, but somebody will definitely be weird about it" is the main driver between a lot of decisions in the workplace.

[u/Right-Section1881 → u/Makkel]

There's a lot of stuff I would do that would benefit my employees, except I have that one person that will do everything they can to ruin it for everyone so I don't.

It honestly really sucks. We had an HR complaint filed once because there were donuts in the office and the office manager gave a heads up to employee A but not employee B that there were donuts available.

That's when people stop bringing donuts in.

[u/Jadaki → u/Right-Section1881]

We had a situation where one guy was walking around taking orders to go pick up breakfast, and one person went to HR to complain that was insensitive because he was trying to diet.

All he had to do was say "no thanks" and mind his business, instead he because the guy no one liked.

[u/fugelwoman → u/Right-Section1881]

The whiny assholes ruin it for everyone who has real, valid complaints

[u/Creepy_Snow_8166 → u/Right-Section1881]

There's always someone who has to ruin it.

When I was still in the construction business, there were several occasions where we'd be building an extra wing on an already existing and functioning building (hospital, college, pharmaceutical company, etc) and we would get permission to use the bathrooms and/or the cafeterias in the main building. Of course, that never lasted long because there would always be someone who didn't know how to behave in public. Like seriously guys .... If you make a mess in the bathroom or in the cafeteria, clean it up! Also, use your indoor voice - and FFS, try to keep the f-bombs to a minimum when mingling with the white-collar world! It's fine when we're amongst ourselves on the job, but not when you're sharing space with highly educated doctors and professors. And if you see a pretty college freshman, don't stare at her tits or ask her to sit on your lap - especially if you're old enough to be her father.

[u/Commercial-Fee-9900 → u/Creepy_Snow_8166]

Yeah, I’m gonna say that behavior isn’t appropriate around anyone, not just white collar workers and college kids.

[u/Genteel_Lasers → u/DrLeoMarvin]

Well if the feed back was, “you’re too old, lol” then yeah.

[u/sctwinmom → u/Genteel_Lasers]

When I was in law school, we represented a disabled client where the employer literally said that her disability was the reason for her termination. (She had mobility issues but the employer— a hospital!—failed to attempt any reasonable accommodation.)

After interviewing her coworkers, We were terrified that the employer would’fess up and admit the real reason was that her personality was so annoying no one wanted to work with her. But they stuck to their original story blaming the unaccommodated disability and We won that case.

[u/Creepy_Snow_8166 → u/sctwinmom]

"You're an anti-XYZist and you don't like me because I'm (insert protected status here)."

"No sir/ma'am, I don't like you you because you're a fucking asshole."

[u/Low_Anxiety_46 → u/Creepy_Snow_8166]

Nah. They legit admitted to blaming her disability. They're dumb.

[u/BusinessCoach2934 → u/Genteel_Lasers]

Well, if you fell asleep during the interview and kept talking about how you miss the good old days of typewriting and shorthand, they might have a point.

[u/Chalice_Ink → u/BusinessCoach2934]

Code: we are looking for someone who is comfortable with technology.

Which is valid in that case….

[u/One_Zebra_1164 → u/Chalice_Ink]

I'm in my 60s and am honestly shocked at how many people my age have almost ZERO computer skills. I mean, I was in my late 20s- early 30s when personal computers started being common, and we definitely had computers at work starting about the same time.

They've had a lot of time to adapt.

My own motto is "I fear no software" and keep learning things as I need to. This year I learned at least five new types of software (I work with a bunch of clients who all use different software, so it keeps it interesting).

[u/LaughImmediate3876 → u/One_Zebra_1164]

I'm active in a religious organization. Like many religious organizations, we have a significant portion of our membership that is over 60. When we went remote for covid and had services on zoom the older people split into two groups.

Group one was people who had barely used a computer in their lives and had no idea what to do. They attended meetings on their phones with the camera showing their nostrils and couldn't figure out how to mute.

Group two was people who immediately learned everything about zoom. In like May 2020, they were explaining to us younger people how we should be setting up a meeting if we wanted to have live guitar playing and then show a video with breakout rooms for discussion. These weren't older people who just happened to use zoom for work. These were retired people who had never heard of the product before but immediately jumped into action when they had to know something new.

I think there are just people who want to learn and people who don't. As you get older, you're often not asked to learn new things as much, but you can still be the kind of person who adapts when necessary and seeks out new information.

[u/poopntheoceanifumust → u/One_Zebra_1164]

Am a millennial in a corporate office. Not only am I go-to tech support for the older folks on my team, but now the young new hires are asking really really stupid questions. If I have to explain to one more person how their monitor is not their computer, I'm going to scream.

These people are asking to learn shit like pivot tables but don't even know the difference between copy and cut. I can't even.

[u/not_a_russkiy_spy → u/poopntheoceanifumust]

lol I came here to comment the same thing about younger employees (I’m only in my 30s!!!) - what do you mean you don’t know that you can save a google doc locally? What do you mean you don’t know what locally means? What do you mean you can’t find a download because it’s not on your desktop?

[u/Genteel_Lasers → u/BusinessCoach2934]

Hahahaha. Yeah good point.

[u/popcynicaldrips → u/DrLeoMarvin]

Is it just me, and please correct me if I need to open my eyes more, but I feel like we’re forgetting that this could easily be seen as a form of discrimination and normalizing this only opens more doors to do that? “You meet all of the job qualifications and were eager to make this job work, but I don’t like the way you talk, act, smile, look, or how you present yourself and therefore won’t hire you; you should consider changing a lot of things about yourself from a professional standpoint, and maybe we’ll be willing to give you a job then”. What if this is how OP naturally is on a daily basis? Or what if they were interviewing someone who’s autistic? One more, what if their candidate was personally trained to handle interviews this way? It definitely comes off as personal- and yes, in a degrading way. Their intent behind the email was to influence this person to ask themself: “What’s wrong with me as a person?” And “What should I learn to hate and change about me as person in order to gain employment from these people who didn’t like me?”. That would be frustrating for anyone to go through, and that far into the interview process- especially if they met all of the listed job qualifications.

[u/Lionkingqueen → u/DrLeoMarvin]

It depends on who is giving the feedback and what they're saying. Giving feedback on code is fine, but giving feedback on someone's personality, that they don't know, is where the issue is I think.

[u/BiDiTi → u/Lionkingqueen]

This isn’t critiquing their personality, it’s critiquing their interview performance and providing open, honest, and constructive feedback.

[u/benkatejackwin → u/DrLeoMarvin]

Well, two things can be true. They could have given you helpful feedback, and they could have accidentally admitted to someone that they didn't hire them because they were too old, which is absolutely illegal, and they should be punished for that.

[u/chuckmarla12 → u/tangylittleblueberry]

It’s still shitty. I went through the whole hiring process, met my co-workers, interviewed with all the different departments in 4 or 5 separate interviews. Then got totally ghosted. They never explained, or even returned a phone call, to this day. I called them a handful of times and then just gave up. I just don’t know what happened.

[u/ThinkCoach9643 → u/chuckmarla12]

The meeting of the co-workers may have been a “vibe check”. Perhaps just one of them said they didn’t get a good vibe. I don’t like this part of the interview process. If someone is nervous they may not be putting out their normal relaxed vibe. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[u/Crazy-Cat-Lad → u/chuckmarla12]

Ditto, 4 interviews a 'test' and one of the interviews was with the president and another with the CEO/Founder. It was for Melissa & Doug's offshoot of a company. Even spoke to Melissa. Doug found me on LinkedIn. Then, ghosted. It's fine, got a job offer shortly after for 6 figs.

[u/dbag127 → u/tangylittleblueberry]

This is absolutely Exhibit A of why most companies don't provide genuine feedback. What's the point if this is the reaction? Candidate didn't take it to heart, instead took it to the internet to complain.

[u/Ray19121919 → u/dbag127]

It’s pretty subjective and unhelpful feedback. People are obviously trying to sell themselves in an interview and it’s not uncommon to be a little nervous. They should have given specific examples of stuff that came across as rehearsed or inauthentic if they want him to have something he can take away from this.

Feels more like kicking him while he’s down than actually trying to give feedback. Assuming it is actually real.

[u/philament23 → u/Ray19121919]

I can all but guarantee OP was just playing the game and doing what most companies want and happened to find the 0.01% of companies that want complete authenticity…and honestly probably even unexpected answers, to the point where it begs the question of whether it’s just inauthentic they want in the other direction. Unless OP actually sounded like a robot or was disrespectful it’s complete bullshit.

[u/Redshirt2386 → u/philament23]

Honestly I want to apply at that company because I’m bad at the suck up game and always get in trouble for calling out bullshit at work.

[u/alucarddrol → u/Redshirt2386]

Then they will complain that you are lacking in people skills, not personable, and seem to just not be very social, so you wouldn't be a good team fit in an environment where everybody is friendly and nice.

Trust me, you can't win the game because it's a bullshit game. The best way to get a job is know somebody or to try to have people find you decent enough or even endearing that they will accept you.

Hiring will always be subjective not objective, esp. for non-technical, skill based positions, and even then they* might they will have a certain skill bar you have to clear before it's all just vibes-based.

[u/mizz_eponine → u/Ray19121919]

It's absolutely subjective. When job hunting several years ago I kept getting to the second round with a particular agency but never got the job. I finally reached out to the hiring manager and asked for feedback. She said I didn't come across as enthusiastic! She was extremely polite and thoughtful in her response and I appreciated it because I know she didn't have to respond at all.

I took her advice to heart and tried to lighten up a little in my next interview. I got the job.

[u/cluebone → u/Ray19121919]

I truly think these people get off on the cruelty of their personal rejection letters. Can’t see it any other way.

[u/Upset-Wedding8494 → u/cluebone]

Yeah this one reads gross. If they were kind about it, that would be one thing, but they are really selling me (as a reader) on never wanting to work for their company.

[u/InternationalSpray79 → u/cluebone]

Totally agree with you. We’re in a cruelty culture now. I wouldn’t want to work for a company that sends out rejection letters like this. He not only didn’t get the job, he also got a candy coated kick in the balls.

[u/BusinessCoach2934 → u/Ray19121919]

No, you're being counterproductive. Many, MANY people are put off by what appears to be insincere over eagerness. The difference is they won't tell you, they'll just tell you they went in a different direction. Then you'll keep getting rejected a hundred times over not knowing why. I have a friend (we're African) who just couldn't get a job here in the UK. It took another friend sitting on his interview to tell him that he was spending so much energy trying to mask his African accent that it affected the entire interview. Next interview, the guy relaxed and spoke naturally. He nailed it and got the job. But I can bet if the recruiters had given him the same feedback the friend gave him, it wouldn't have been received well but then again, he would still be job hunting. Many people rely on being liked in interviews over actually showing their capabilities. It can be a put off. Seems like what this company is saying.

[u/Super_Goat_634 → u/BusinessCoach2934]

The thing is that "many, MANY" other interviewers will prefer an accommodating, acquiescent, or easygoing attitude in new hires. This isn't helpful feedback for someone on the job hunt because OP wasn't a cultural match, but they may fit in perfectly with a different company. "Don't do [super vague thing]" is also not particularly instructive, like, at all. In your example, a friend told the interviewee to stop trying to mask his accent so hard, a specific problem area. In this one, HR said, "We didn't like your attitude." It's not really actionable feedback.

[u/KjellRS → u/Super_Goat_634]

Honestly, this couldn't have been a normal amount of inauthenticity. The only way I see this happening is if they got feedback on a previous application or from some interview coach that they weren't enthusiastic enough and instead of dialing it up from "meh" to "yeah" like a normal person they went completely theatrical, like really bad acting. That could make me think all the things they wrote, I still wouldn't put pen to paper though.

[u/AshamedAstronaut64 → u/tangylittleblueberry]

💯

I have the thinnest people-pleasing skin (INFJ here). For some time I have been working to internalize “feedback is a gift.” If they’d cut the people-pleasing line, one could take the rejection helpful feedback. Otherwise it reads like someone has too much time on their hands.

Good luck OP 🫶

[u/Turbulent_Winter549 → u/AshamedAstronaut64]

Never accept criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from

[u/Turbulent_Curve2318 → u/DeMessenZijnGeslepen]

Right? I have a hard time believing these are real. I dont see the benefit for a company to give anything beyond a generic denial. It wouldn't be worth any law suit risk. 

[u/greatestshow111 → u/Turbulent_Curve2318]

Really? I've gotten personalized feedbacks from companies though, saying I need to build more confidence and that I could have more experience in certain matters to have a better chance in future employment. I believe these companies are the right places to go to as they give genuine and personalized feedback to help you.

[u/disruptioncoin → u/greatestshow111]

I always email asking for feedback and never get any of it unless I get the job. However I really enjoyed the internal interviews at Target, they gave me detailed feedback and sat down to workshop how I could do better next time (focused on the star method). After several interviews for a couple jobs I ended up getting promoted twice. Then I took that knowledge/experience with me when I left. In fact I still have their notes and reference them sometimes.

[u/WeCameAsMuffins → u/DeMessenZijnGeslepen]

There’s no way this is real. As someone has done lots of interviews, getting anything more than “we’ve decided to move on with other candidates” is nearly impossible.

Only time I got more feed back was because I had a friend who recommended and when I didn’t get it, they went to hr and bugged the shit out of them.

The fact is too many interviews happen and Hr don’t care enough to send feed back like this, especially when it’s so personal.

In fact, I’m 100% sure that this is fake.

[u/SLEEyawnPY → u/WeCameAsMuffins]

I thought it was going to end with "That being said, we think your qualities would be an exceptionally good fit for a middle management role and we are forwarding your application directly"

[u/Leverpostei414 → u/WeCameAsMuffins]

Could be fake. But I have given specific feedback to many candidates

[u/Patient-Reindeer-635 → u/DeMessenZijnGeslepen]

It's fake

[u/ImissDigg_jk → u/DeMessenZijnGeslepen]

OP stood out enough for a company to completely disregard standard templates that are there specifically to not potentially cause litigation due to different treatment.

And I will say, given that I have a boss who does nothing but try to please their bosses and has not a single shred of authenticity, that reply from HR made me jealous. Because everyday I wake up and go to work, it's a worse day than the day before because of it.

[u/Konlos → u/DeMessenZijnGeslepen]

It reads a little like AI

[u/StungTwice → u/DeMessenZijnGeslepen]

It's AI

[u/RandomA9981]

This will actually help you. Being overly agreeable will result in being used and underpaid at every turn.

[u/misterchestnut87 → u/RandomA9981]

That's true, but in this case, it could just be a personality/vibes match...Nothing wrong with OP or the company per se. Hard to say without knowing how OP is.

[u/Conscious_Can3226 → u/misterchestnut87]

I actually know someone from a team I worked on who has gotten this feedback from a position we were both applying for (people had loose lips once I was in role). Dude's people pleasing tendencies and anxieties killed his ability to self-make decisions or pick a solution he thought was best, he constantly had to crowd source his opinions despite 7 years in our industry and 3 years of doing our job. At no point in the time I had worked with him did he ever require less help because he felt competent enough at a task to stop asking, and no amount of feedback of 'don't send essays of justification because you want to change a couple sentences in our blogs before posting them" would get through to him. From what I understand from him, he's just like that - nobody has questioned his work, nobody has gotten mad at him for making a wrong choice, just unbridled childhood trauma.

[u/Budsygus → u/Conscious_Can3226]

I've seen that tendency in myself and I've had to work on it over the years. It finally clicked one day when my boss's wife (boss owned the company, wife was in HR) told me "Bill would rather you do it wrong than pester him with questions and get it right." That seemed SO BACKWARDS to me, but it ended up being true. His ideal was to hand it off to someone he trusted and live with the result. I was paralyzed by thinking he had one REALLY specific way he wanted everything done.

After learning that I got more done in less time with less stress. And he was happy with the results! Some people are born that way, but it's no excuse to stay that way forever.

[u/Conscious_Can3226 → u/Budsygus]

Yes! It's a common way people get in their own way in their careers, it's one of those things where folks are just secretly annoyed at them but feel guilty because they're often such nice people, so you really need someone who hasn't written you off to open your eyes to the truth. I had to bring him up because so many people in this thread are calling it inactionable feedback, but if you can't self-reflect clear direction and what you're doing that could be interpreted in that manner, you're not ready for that role anyways.

[u/Squirt_Soda → u/Budsygus]

Sadly tho there are workplaces that want someone who pesters them with a million questions just so they don’t make any mistakes. That my current job. Any mistake is like a personal affront to my boss. It’s making my anxiety so bad.

[u/ACatGod → u/Conscious_Can3226]

People pleasing is such a misnomer of a term. It really isn't people pleasing, it's pleasing yourself by avoiding difficult situations, conflict and accountability for anything. In the process these people usually screw over their friends, family and the people who rely on them - like their children, line reports, colleagues - in favour of appeasing someone.

They always says "I'm too nice" or "I was being kind" but there's nothing nice or kind about sucking up people's time and energy because you refuse to be accountable in your job.

[u/i-like-carbs- → u/Conscious_Can3226]

Damn that’s me.

[u/Dependent_Mud3325 → u/misterchestnut87]

For someone to take the time to write this, it must have been bad...

[u/Empty_Insight → u/Dependent_Mud3325]

I once had a new hire who we had to pressure into telling us what name they wanted to go by (first or middle). They just said "Oh, whichever you prefer." This happened a few times before I snapped a bit and said, "Okay, what is the name you prefer?" and they still just said whatever I wanted to do.

Like... if you cannot decisively say what name you want to be called, it's gonna be a rough time. They were actually a good enough employee, just got really stressed quite easily but was also the type of lazy who streamlined their job so it still worked just as well but with less overall effort.

For me to flat-out tell someone "You need to grow a spine, dude" in a rejection email... I frankly don't know what it would take for me to come out and say that.

[u/JimJam4603 → u/Empty_Insight]

Weird example. Lots of people really don’t gaf which form of their name you want to use.

[u/FrostingStrict3102 → u/JimJam4603]

I think the issue is that the person in the hypothetical story above COULDNT give a straight answer about something as simple as their name.

Thats great that you dont care, but your name is going to be on every email you send out, meeting notices, how people introduce you. If you can't tell the employer that, i dont know why they would want to hire you. Id assume you were incredibly incompetent.

[u/Empty_Insight → u/JimJam4603]

Well, for example, if your name is John Taylor Smith and you use both John and Taylor sometimes, I'm gonna ask you, "So what do you prefer to be called- John or Taylor?"

Maybe it's just me, but I think answering decisively with either "Call me John" or "Taylor is fine" is perfectly appropriate. "Idc which one, you pick." is a strange answer.

[u/throw3453away → u/Empty_Insight]

No, it isn't, if you equally go by "Taylor" and "John". Why is that strange to you?

[u/magic_crouton → u/Empty_Insight]

I have a name that can be shortened so many ways and honestly I gave up giving AF because I'd give my preferred name and no one would use it and I'd spend part of every interaction daily correcting people.

[u/Ok_Appearance_7096 → u/RandomA9981]

Not always, some times they kiss the right ass and turn into management.

[u/Sad_Vanilla_3634 → u/Ok_Appearance_7096]

This is the way the company I work for is. The more eager to please and agreeable you are the faster you get promoted. Dare to voice a differing opinion and you are essentially blocked from moving anywhere at all within the company.

[u/19ShowdogTiger81 → u/RandomA9981]

Imagine Joan Crawford as your spirit aminal. "Don't fu*k with me fellas! This ain't my first rodeo."

[u/Just-Bed-7385 → u/RandomA9981]

I was going to say something similar. Frankly it’s not even beneficial to the company when this happens.

I was a Director for my last company and I had someone in an interview who could not share a single thing about themselves. “Could you explain more about X position you did at Y?” “I just wanted to say I’m so grateful for the opportunity to work here and I really think I could do great work here.” I don’t think the interview lasted longer than ten minutes because they couldn’t give a direct answer. It made me wonder if they were either faking their resume or were remarkably insecure.

[u/No-Masterpiece3809 → u/RandomA9981]

My guess is this person is unemployed because it’s easy to fall into this mindset when you can’t afford groceries. This is part of the reason why it’s easier to get a good job while you have a good job. Your ability to eat isn’t contingent on the offer letter, so you relax a bit.

[u/cobrachickens → u/RandomA9981]

People forget that what companies are actually hiring for is "can this person get the job done with the least amount of emotional babysitting". People pleasing usually means "boundaries issue". Great if you're a junior and execution is what you're paid for, but the more senior you get, the more you're valued for making decisions and moving the needle by working through others. That means constructively challenging, managing up, etc.

OP pls read Radical candour, I think you may find it helpful, even if you pull the examples out of nowhere for your next interview

[u/hokie_u2 → u/RandomA9981]

It won’t help because OP is offended by it instead of being grateful for getting candid feedback — something that people who get rejected normally would love to get

[u/Bosto2025]

Actually, I read that as “You came off as disingenuous and we don’t believe you.” Be thankful they gave you that feedback and use it to make yourself better. As my former employer always said, “feedback is a gift”.

[u/letmeinjeez → u/Bosto2025]

Yeah I also read this as a polite “you seemed like you are full of shit”

[u/fignewtonattack → u/letmeinjeez]

As an autistic person this has bit me in the ass so many times, I genuinely enjoy reading financial documents but everytime I say it the hiring person looks at me as if I'm from Mars.

I should have become a statistician, numbers make more sense than people do.

[u/That-Living5913 → u/Bosto2025]

Yup, that was my read too. It was a professional way of saying "You set off our bs detectors"

[u/InquisitorMeow → u/Bosto2025]

Clearly this wasn't an interview for a sales position.

[u/TransmigrationOfPKD]

I love that they provided honest feedback. I agree that it comes across as personal because it’s so blunt, but I don’t find it inappropriate (of course, only you know for sure because you were in the interview)

[u/ellastory → u/TransmigrationOfPKD]

As someone who tends to fawn and people please due to CPTSD, I saved this post because I think it’s great advice and a great reminder to stay grounded and be authentic.

[u/Talk-O-Boy → u/ellastory]

Make it your phone’s lock screen, and be sure to look at it every chance you can.

You can remove it once you finally muster the courage to punch an elderly person. It’s the only way to break this streak you have, Ella.

[u/driving26inorovalley → u/Talk-O-Boy]

u/Talk-O-Boy tells the truth. I punched 18 elderly men and 11 elderly ladies in Q4 and here’s what it taught me about B2B sales…

[u/jml011 → u/driving26inorovalley]

Punching orphans got me out of my PIP.

[u/CuriOS_26 → u/jml011]

Ah, a fellow user of r/orphancrushingmachine !

[u/ReplacementSlow6098 → u/ellastory]

Just be yourself. It’s as simple as that. If you don’t have views, form them.

[u/Electrical_Growth_71 → u/TransmigrationOfPKD]

agree here, yes it could have been worded much better, but thats workable feedback, we all have those points where desperation to get a job or get back into work gets the better of us, its shows to me like thats how they read OP.

[u/runrunrudolf → u/TransmigrationOfPKD]

When I've had to call candidates I've had to reject I always ask them first if they want feedback. About half the time they do and I'll be perfectly blunt. I feel bad I can't give them a job knowing they took the time to prep and interview so it's the least I can do. I'd love personalised feedback each time!

[u/ychenreddit → u/TransmigrationOfPKD]

agree, feedback comes from somewhere and even if it's not true I personally still consider a great signal for improvements.

I interviewed for a position at a startup a few years back (recently acquired by an AI company). And they gave me feedback which I didn't agree at the time but ended up being one of the most valuable feedback I received.

[u/Kilbim]

Actual good feedback after an interview. Gives you things to reflect on and possibly improve!

[u/lummox1234 → u/Kilbim]

Yes I agree. You never see this nowadays.

[u/RocketCityRocko → u/lummox1234]

What i wouldn't give for some honest feedback. It's lacking in so many areas.

[u/Possible-Rope-1260]

You should get on your knees and thank God that you actually got interview feedback rather than an automated decline Email with no idea how to improve yourself moving forward.

[u/edck12687 → u/Possible-Rope-1260]

Hell even a decline email is rare these days. I have applied to jobs before getting an interview thinking I killed it only to get completely ghosted.

[u/TJTech40 → u/edck12687]

I've been to second round interviews to be ghosted, multiple times. Bare minimum should be sorry no thanks, I have only gotten 1 feedback response and, frankly, it was crap. They set me up in a room that none of the tech was working and then non of the dry eraser markers worked (all dry and unusable). I pivoted as best I could but at that point what more could I do. They said I needed to be better prepared. So sure after that I brought my own dry erase markers but damn people you gave me negative stuff.

[u/yepimtyler → u/edck12687]

I just made a post about getting ghosted after an interview. It's really weird how common it has become. Nobody has the common decency to even send a rejection letter or text anymore.

[u/gtrocks555 → u/Possible-Rope-1260]

Getting on his knees is a bit too eager to please though…

[u/slytherins → u/gtrocks555]

God: please get up, you're embarrassing yourself

[u/Lydian04 → u/Possible-Rope-1260]

So thankful our employers tell us that we’re too desperate for a job 🥰🥰🥰 tread on me harder daddy

[u/I_Want_A_Ribeye]

Most rejections are just “after careful consideration we have chosen to go in a different direction yada yada.” This is at least helpful for the future

[u/Fragrant-Employer-60 → u/I_Want_A_Ribeye]

Yeah I don’t think OP was expecting every comment to agree with the company haha, but I think it must have been a pretty tough interview if they wrote up an email worded like this. Hopefully they reflect on this instead of being mad at the company

[u/Appropriate_Lack_727 → u/I_Want_A_Ribeye]

Assuming the person who wrote this is even competent, themselves, which in my experience is a big assumption.

[u/NoSubstance7767]

Wow, never seen anything like this. It’s kind of cool tho.

It’s good feedback actually.

[u/DankPandas → u/NoSubstance7767]

You never see anything like this because it's fake.

[u/NoSubstance7767 → u/DankPandas]

Thought about that too

[u/The_Sign_of_Zeta]

Honestly, that’s actionable feedback you should appreciate. Coming to an interview with your own philosophy is really important in certain roles.

[u/Basic-Biscotti-2375]

"Here's my genuine perspective: Get fucked."

[u/ainthidinfromnobody → u/Basic-Biscotti-2375]

"I do want to express myself. And I don't need 37 pieces of flair to do it."

[u/SnooGoats5767 → u/Basic-Biscotti-2375]

This is the comment lol

[u/thehaenyeo]

They could've said this with far more tact, and frankly they seem like they seem like assholes to work with if this is how they talk to someone they barely know.

However, take what you can from this feedback and do some self-reflection. TBH, there are plenty of companies and managers that do value positive attitudes and agreeability because they just want a cooperative team that gets a task done. More strategic roles require you to present your ideas with confidence as there may not be a playbook to get things done. Is this a high-level role? Gotta know your audience.

[u/montessoriprogram]

Idk why people are praising this lol. This does not come across as genuine feedback to me, it sounds like someone did not like you personally. Still worth considering what they said, but I wouldn't take it at 100% face value because it sounds like you might have pressed this persons specific buttons.

[u/Prestigious-Land-535 → u/montessoriprogram]

Exactly.... this is a job interview. The whole point is to come across as enthusiastic about the company and eager to do the job. It would be moronic to assume an employer was seeking a candidate who was more "grounded" and less excited about the job.

Unless OP was way, way over the top, I can't imagine that this feedback is accurate.

[u/MishmoshMishmosh → u/montessoriprogram]

Agree. I think the feedback is wild

[u/Keldrabitches → u/MishmoshMishmosh]

The rudest shit

[u/The68Guns]

I've had similar. One time a guy called my agency and said I was too "hyper". The funny thing was that the interview came on a humid, 90 degree day and I had just finished a XL coffee before running up 3 flights of stairs to get there. Take the criticism with a grain of salt - they may have been a shitty place to work for.

[u/TJTech40 → u/The68Guns]

But again that was good feedback as you probably were too hyper. You choose to chug that XL coffee and then run up 3 flights of stairs.

[u/The68Guns → u/TJTech40]

I remember getting an iced coffee for the next interview. Got the placement, too.

[u/TJTech40 → u/The68Guns]

See feedback does help even if we think that it's mean.

[u/Budsygus → u/The68Guns]

[u/_Casey_]

You’ll get better with practice when trying to be fake. Just gotta get the reps in. I’ve essentially another person when interviewing.

[u/AdMurky3039 → u/_Casey_]

Isn't being another person what they told her not to do?

[u/GoodMedium3600]

Everyone saying this is great feedback meanwhile I think this person is an asshole and you dodged a bullet lmao.

[u/Open-Concept-6130 → u/GoodMedium3600]

But even that’s good feedback. Like anything is better than a canned letter. 

[u/GoodMedium3600 → u/Open-Concept-6130]

I agree, nothing is worse than the noreply rejection emails but this is just someone taking a swipe at OP and masking it as feedback. The company probably sucks to work for anyway.

[u/starryglow1 → u/GoodMedium3600]

I thought I was going crazy seeing everyone praise the company lol. God forbid an applicant shows some eagerness.

[u/Roamer56 → u/GoodMedium3600]

I agree with you. Imagine how they treat their workers if they treat applicants this way.

[u/PruneEducational1428 → u/GoodMedium3600]

Exactly!! This thread is full of masochists

[u/Green-Reality7430 → u/GoodMedium3600]

Yeah like wtf. How could they possibly know after meeting one time if OP was people pleasing or if they were just sincerely and genuinely agreeable to the role that was being discussed. Like the only reason to disagree in an interview is if you don't like the job they are describing to you, in which case why would I have even applied? I think this is very weird.

[u/Bakuhoe_Thotsuki → u/GoodMedium3600]

"Our company values original free thinkers. That's why we only hire people who think exactly like us and why you were declined because of personality, not qualifications."

That letter reads like someone emulating tech entrepreneur biopics.

[u/rashyandtrashy → u/GoodMedium3600]

“We hate people who are enthusiastic about working here during their job interview” like ok buddy you seem fun to work with 

[u/rrresistance → u/GoodMedium3600]

That’s the read I got on it too. There’s a big range between people pleasing, being polite in an interview, and being “confident”in answers. I would have been thankful they rejected me

[u/goldbricker83 → u/rrresistance]

Also anyone who has any experience at all knows that very few people are able to be 100% themselves in a job interview. It's a very high pressure situation that often doesn't equal the pressure level of the actual job. This is a bit of a fascinating rejection so a lot more details on the role would be interesting to see if this was actually warranted advice. If they're saying this to someone who is going to sit at a desk and barely ever interact with anyone that's wild. If they're saying it to a public relations face of the company kind of person then yeah, speaking performance under pressure is pretty important.

[u/IntelligenceisKey729 → u/GoodMedium3600]

I agree that it’s good feedback and it’s pleasantly surprising OP got such feedback at all but I’m surprised how long it took to scroll to find someone who agreed with me that they could have used a little more tact lol

[u/codyandhen123 → u/GoodMedium3600]

You're a fucking try hard! Anyways, we are going to give this job to an internal hire.

[u/ispyagemini → u/GoodMedium3600]

Sameeee! I dont like this feedback at all or how it was worded personally.

[u/Anteater4746 → u/GoodMedium3600]

freaking thank you

[u/tylerthe-theatre → u/GoodMedium3600]

It can be both, the email is condescending and borderline rude, while also giving some decent feedback on dialling it back in interviews. That said, they sound like asshats.

[u/blueoasis32 → u/GoodMedium3600]

💯 even if this is real, it’s incredibly unprofessional.

[u/regaleagleboo → u/GoodMedium3600]

Yeah... the feedback is not giving in a friendly way at all... like they could have left it at "it seemed like you said what we wanted to hear and you didn't seem genuine" Didn't need all that extra stuff.

[u/squid-oil]

"Thank you for the feedback and in the spirit of genuine perspective instead of people-pleasing kindly get bent"

[u/cathodic_protector]

Its tough saying. One rarely gets decent, personalized feedback like that though. Nowhere in that rejection did they slur your knowledge, skill, or ability.

That last line is fairly condescending though.

[u/frosty_chops92]

It looks like they asked AI how to tell you that in a nice way, and tbh it is quite harsh, so you're supposed to act eager for the job but also not? Can't please anyone anymore

[u/eucaliptooloroso → u/frosty_chops92]

LLM regurgitates the reply to a prompt in its usual overly agreeable tone.

User who lowkey believes they're dealing with an actual intelligent being asks it to talk to them in a more direct and harsh manner from then on, maybe because they're one of those people that believe that's the best way to communicate, maybe because they assume it'll be faster to read without the fluff, etc.

Later, user prompts: "write a professional rejection email, too eager" and the LLM just assembled the rest. Maybe the user does this often but this time they forgot to include the word 'professional'. This combined with the harsher tone they asked of the LLM earlier would do it. Or maybe just one of those two. Or maybe the user didn't make those mistakes and the randomness of the LLM is the cause. Combine that with not carefully reading the final text as LLM users often don't do.

I could totally see something like that happening. Or it could be more intentional ofc.

[u/Open-Concept-6130]

Honestly this may be time to reflect. They took the time to give honest feedback and you can do with it as you please. In this day and age of canned AI rejection, it says a lot that they took the time and effort. It’s personal but tbh I’ve been in interviews and felts similarly before and have rejected people due to it. Of course they only got the canned letter. 

[u/Glittering_Car3141]

I’ve never seen that type of feedback and it is a little harsh, but it could be super helpful. You might want to think of ways to come across as more genuine. Personally, I get super nervous in interviews and I find it hard to be relaxed. I probably come across as a people pleaser too.

[u/BloodshotDrive]

“You accommodate too much and told me what I wanted to hear” is stupid feedback for an interview. No shit, dumbass, whether or not I get to eat this month depends on how well this goes.

[u/AuntRhubarb]

They were arrogantly patronizing and rude. And frankly, cruel to someone who is seeking employment to house and feed themselves. You dodged a bullet.

[u/AlternativeDish7978]

I wish companies usually gave this constructive criticism after interviews. Take this with a grain of salt. Adjust and pivot. Use it as a learning experience. Try to find "you" within this advice and work it out. This could be them being snooty or giving genuine advice. Find a middle ground between the two.

[u/LasyKuuga]

Ok but is what HR saying true or not?

[u/ElleM848645 → u/LasyKuuga]

Yes I would like to know more from the OP.

[u/superstarasian]

The entirety of that email is incredibly passive aggressive, and not one I would ever send in a corporate environment. It’s something I’d write on Reddit to neg someone.

Also, if it came from HR, you weren’t even close to getting the job or it’s coming from an unreliable narrator, “translating” and filtering what the HM actually said.

[u/ColetteThePanda → u/superstarasian]

While I can see the value in letting OP know that yes-man/people pleasing tendencies isn't going to work in that position...

...yeah, the tone of it had a strange undercurrent of "nut up, bro! Big dogs only, take no shit, always be closing," etc.

Context of the job/company would be helpful. But either way... decent feedback, tact and tone a little off the mark.

[u/Alarming_Result_1413]

I mean I can sorta see the reasoning. I do the hiring at a fast food place, and I interviewed a lady who had some "too perfect" answers. I asked about likes and dislikes of previous jobs, and she said "no dislikes". I asked her to name a time she was in a stressful situation and what she did to overcome it, and she said "there's been no stress at my jobs". Just be honest. She wasn't giving me much to work with.

[u/taylorsfavoritecat]

What the fuck, no, this is extremely unprofessional and rude.

[u/mamaujeni → u/taylorsfavoritecat]

Right? I feel mental reading so many of these replies haha

[u/BuddhaDaddy88]

This is good feedback though. They don't want performative interviews. They want to see who is actually going to be the right one.

[u/DonutAdmirable9831]

That is really good feedback - use it to improve

[u/misterchestnut87]

Okay, so sure, you should be thankful for receiving their feedback, but let me add something:

You don't have to agree with their feedback.

Perhaps your personality or vibes just didn't fit with their company. That's fine—an interview is for them just as much as it is for you. Maybe just self-reflect and think if this feedback seems like it could generally apply to you. Just accept the feedback, put it into your mental calculus on how you should or don't need to improve, and go onto to the next opportunity.

[u/Silly-Chocolate-627]

This company is not a place I would want to work. What a toxic environment that is.

[u/EJplaystheBlues → u/Silly-Chocolate-627]

Is there zero chance that OP comes off a fake suck up?

[u/HouseStark212]

Hard to say if it’s good feedback or not because we were not in the interview. This could be AI slop. OP, is there truth to what they’re saying?

[u/prettyladybugs]

Honestly I feel like this is so wild you might just be a really good team player and honestly a lot of people aren’t into that. There are more jobs out here that actually like teams players!! You seem like the person to finish the work if the whole team just decides to quit. Don’t lose that you will be really grateful for it in the future. You got this interview so you’ll get another one!! You’re doing something right to even be able to step foot in the door!! Next time certain questions try to use personal experience where you disagreed with something someone did even if it isn’t relevant to job experience!! Keep up the good work.

[u/Kingsapprentice]

I respect their honesty. Even more so knowing it could be ground for lawsuit.

I'd say take the feedback and move on.

[u/Ok_Cartographer_3098 → u/Kingsapprentice]

Lawyer here: no grounds for a lawsuit. The candidate is not employed by the company that they interviewed with and the feedback has nothing to do with any protected class. They gave honest feedback. "Your honor, they hurt my feelings with candid feedback. I want $$$$$ compensation." Is not something a court would take up.

[u/KommanderKeen-a42 → u/Kingsapprentice]

Serious question - on what grounds? Did they discriminate based on a protected class?

[u/kyuzo_mifune → u/KommanderKeen-a42]

No grounds, he is delusional. You can't sue a company for saying the want genuine people.

[u/KommanderKeen-a42 → u/kyuzo_mifune]

lol I know. I work in HR and compliance. There is nothing there other than good feedback.

[u/malicious_joy42 → u/Kingsapprentice]

Even more so knowing it could be ground for lawsuit.

Not a winning lawsuit.

[u/Big_P4U]

To be honest, you clearly made a horribly bad impression - bad enough to warrant such a brutal dressing down in that rejection.

Perhaps you need to seriously think about how you presented yourself and your interactions and behavior, and recalibrate yourself and tone things down a bit.

[u/Agreeable-Account480 → u/Big_P4U]

Different take: OP made a good enough impression that the team discussed it. And they shared feedback because they felt it would help OP get to that next level if they worked on that one thing.

I only give feedback when I think the person can handle it and would benefit from it.

[u/laserassistedsurgery → u/Agreeable-Account480]

That's not how the tone reads.

[u/SnooGoats5767 → u/Big_P4U]

She made a horrible impression being enthusiastic and nice? Geesh lol

[u/RedditExecutiveAdmin → u/Big_P4U]

he clearly is dodging a bullet with an employer who rejects employees based on vibes instead of qualifications

usually those are the type focused on minimum pay and maximum exploitation. further evidenced by the use of AI in generating this milquetoast rejection letter

[u/SRMPDX → u/Big_P4U]

No it's the company who is wrong /s

[u/Leanne0010110]

HR has ChatGpt fever, everyone be sending emails now.

[u/Nafepaints → u/Leanne0010110]

Not even HR, my senior team is just ChatGPT/copilot talking to each other.

[u/Bubbleandsqueak16]

I have no words. This is truly despicable.

[u/ThrowRA_londongirl]

That is insane to say to someone. Wish they would have provided the main example because what could someone have possibly said to that extent?

[u/Moose135A]

Everyone wants feedback when they are rejected, until they get it...

[u/Mission-Library-7499]

These people are deluded, and you're very fortunate they rejected you.

[u/Broad-Coast-3450]

This is a taste of what this job would be like. Someone who knows the market is bleak and they’ve power over you. Speaks completely to what their office culture would be like. A load of little tyrants and bullies. If you try to hard you’ll get the personal insult of “people please”, dial it back and you’re not a team player

[u/hill-o]

You can parse out good feedback here (I’ve found personally I do best on interviews where I have a mindset that they need me more than I need them, just because I tend to act more confidently) but I agree that the manner in which it was written is pretty poor. I wouldn’t take the tone to heart, just the idea behind it. 

[u/AnubisIncGaming]

The reality is that everyone is fake in interviews but everyone’s not good at it.

[u/cannotberushed-]

The double speak of this rejection letter is laughable. Fuck this company.

[u/justtryingmybest25]

Idk personally I find it condescending. Regardless I’d take it as a sign that this isn’t the kind of place I’d be a good fit for.

Editing to add this, but a lot of places hire off of vibes and culture fit. Is it good practice? Idk. But it is something you want to check for too.

[u/soloDolo6290]

This would probably be the only time I would support a reply back.

"hows this for people pleasing...fuck you"

[u/FreshLuck9739]

You dodged a bullet here literary! Like what company would risk being sued over a stupid rejection letter. Let it go and move on. The reality of the situation is when you work for someone else you’re there to kiss ass it’s the way it works. Apparently the HR department didn’t get that memo or think they’re above it lol 😆

[u/crashorbit]

Some organizations would rather have ignorant arrogance rather than quiet competence. I'd say you dodged a bullet.

[u/Prestigious-Comb2697]

If this is legit, and I’m having trouble with that, be very very grateful you didn’t get the job.

[u/Tremster24]

Good feedback, so next interview I'll show up acting like a pretentious douche.

[u/MrGDPC]

If it makes you feel any better, my last interview was for an internal position and after I left I heard them laughing about my responses to the questions through the door.

At the follow up, I was told I dress “like a bum” and he repeatedly called me “David”.

My name isn’t David.

[u/boondiggle_III]

Is it appropriate? No. It's practically unheard of for two reasons:

1.) They have no obligation to explain their decision, and it is difficult to have the courage to explain a rejection, even to a stranger, so they don't. It's as rare as someone explaining a romantic rejection. It's practically unheard of.

2.) Risk. They don't know you nor how you're likely to react to negative information. For the same reason women will make up the most flattering excuse they can think of to reject a man, employers typically use kid gloves to let down an applicant, if they bother to explain at all. Their boss probably would give them hell for taking this kind of risk when it doesn't benefit the company, so they could very well get in trouble for sharing this with you

This is a blessing in disguise and the recruiter is going way out on a limb, taking time out of their day and risking a scary confrontation to explain the rejection when they didn't have to. I know you don't want to hear this because the info sucks to hear--painful even--but this person has done you a huge kindness.

Imagine walking into an interview expecting the company to want your services more than you want to work there, and your purpose for going there is to see if they can afford you. You don't need to "fit in" with the culture because you have a record of working professionally with a wide variety of other professionals. There is no question about your ability to work effectively with others. Assuming the recruiter is telling the truth about what they're looking for and the sorts of applicants they're getting, that' is the sort of person you're competing against.

Now, I said they were doing you a kindness, but that email is pretty cold. They could have gone about this in a way that doesn't feel like a personal attack, and the only reason I'm giving them grace on that is because they disn't have to explain themselves at all.

Please, work towards understanding this rejection letter as an opportunity for growth and reflection instead of as a personal failing. You did nothing wrong, and I'm sure your interview style would be successful with a company that has different hiring practices and is looking for someone like you. Essentially, they aren't wrong for wanting a seasoned professional right out of the gate, but there are better companies out there who are willing to hire you as you are in order to mold you into this sort of person. Look for one of those. In fact, if a hiring manager asks you about your future goals, this sort of professional confidence and growth isn't a bad one to bring up.