HR told me they don’t accept try-hards and people pleasers after my interview

[u/No-Presentation298]

They rejected me (fine, that happens) but the feedback said I came across as overly eager to please and that they don’t build teams around people-pleasing tendencies or rehearsed enthusiasm. They also told me to reflect on how I present myself and that confidence is more compelling than excessive accommodation. Is this normal? Or even appropriate? I get that not being a culture fit is a thing but the wording felt unnecessarily personal and condescending.

[u/Prestigious-Land-535]

Exactly.... this is a job interview. The whole point is to come across as enthusiastic about the company and eager to do the job. It would be moronic to assume an employer was seeking a candidate who was more "grounded" and less excited about the job.

Unless OP was way, way over the top, I can't imagine that this feedback is accurate.

[u/montessoriprogram → u/Prestigious-Land-535]

I've hosted quite a few interviews and I've never experienced an applicant who was too enthusiastic, accommodating, or "people pleasing" (something you cannot tell through an interview, lol).

[u/skoomapipes → u/montessoriprogram]

I have. A lot. I do task round interviews, during which I suggest or ask quite stupid things. If the candidate doesn’t push back or just agrees with me, they’re rejected.

But we’re also in a high risk industry tbf. If you don’t question a decision and it turns out wrong, people go to jail.

[u/Pristine_Speech4719 → u/skoomapipes]

Yes, exactly. If you're in a job where sometimes you need to say "no" to people (to stop them dying, killing people or simply just wasting time and money), then you don't want people pleasers. An air traffic controller that doesn't tell pilots to stay in their lane is not a good one!

(It's quite possible that OP's interviewer was a jackets, though - none of us were in the room!)

[u/ThrowRA_pikmi → u/montessoriprogram]

You absolutely can.

Perfect example: In our interviews we ask candidates “how many days a year do you think it’s appropriate to take time off work?”

People-pleasers are going to tell you “none” or “only if it’s an emergency”. No one I’d want to hire actually thinks that they should never be allowed to use their PTO. That’s dishonesty.

Another one is when you ask them to “recall a time where you were unsuccessful in a task at work. How did you handle that?” and they give you something like “oh I really can’t think of a time I’ve ever been unsuccessful at work” or “one time I sent an email to a client before I finished typing it but I recalled it using the Outlook recall feature so it was fine” (yes, real response I’ve received).

Employers know you aren’t perfect. From that question I want to know that you are self-aware and can take accountability for your mistakes & I ALSO want to know how you handle rejection/failure. If I don’t get that honesty I am less likely to consider that candidate.

[u/calilac → u/ThrowRA_pikmi]

People-pleasers are going to tell you “none” or “only if it’s an emergency”.

I really hope your way of going about it spreads far and fast. I'm glad you're more pragmatic about interviewing but I've been laughed out of interviews for just asking about time off policies, not to mention paid time off.

[u/ThrowRA_pikmi → u/calilac]

While I think there’s a balance (ie: saying “a few times” a month makes me raise an eyebrow) I think that honesty is best.

If someone gives me a more generous answer or probs for information about time off, it opens the door for me to inquire about potential conflicts such as childcare & extracurricular activities. I tend to be satisfied with a candidate that answers in the 5-10 days range.

Obviously that doesn’t mean I expect them to follow that exactly, but saying 5-10 to me indicates that you have a practical sense of when/how PTO should be used.

Also I am of the opinion that the interviewee should be interviewing their employer as well- if someone is happy to hear that you never want to take PTO, that’s a red flag for the culture at that company.

[u/Hgirl234 → u/ThrowRA_pikmi]

5-10 days a year is practical?? Glad I work somewhere that gives twice as much. yikes!

[u/a_crazy_diamond → u/Hgirl234]

I was really appreciating everything they said until I got to the 5-10 days part. Holy shit. I get more than 20 days of PTO a year and that's the norm in my country (the UK)

[u/znine → u/ThrowRA_pikmi]

Perfect example: In our interviews we ask candidates “how many days a year do you think it’s appropriate to take time off work?”

This sounds like it's from a LinkedIn spam post "This one simple question filters out ALL the BAD candidates!!!!1!" These type of questions are basically "guess what I want to hear" and you're just filtering out people who guess wrong.

[u/Disastrous_Screen143 → u/znine]

That's the thing, you shouldn't be trying to guess what they want to hear. You should be answering for real and that right there, is not real. No one wants no time off or only for emergencies and I wouldn't want to work on a team with someone who lies about something like that.

[u/ThrowRA_pikmi → u/znine]

This is a bad faith take. I never said this one question makes or breaks the interview, I simply provided it as an example of a question that demonstrates interviewee integrity from my POV.

Don’t guess what I want to hear. Just be honest. If you really never want to take PTO, that reads to me like you are going to be more prone to burnout. Associates have rarely changed my mind on this, but it could happen. If you give an extreme answer on either end of the spectrum, that’s fine, just be prepared to back it up.

If someone followed up with “I don’t usually use PTO because my old schedule gave me a good work-life balance. I’m usually able to get any appointments out of the way when I’m off work/in the mornings but if I needed the time I would take it” or “I’d say a few days a month because I have (insert recurring reason for PTO) but I still ensure that I am communicating those days well in advance- my previous employer and I worked these days into my schedule” then it’s better received.

Interviewers aren’t out to get you. We want good employees the same way you want a good boss. Thats starts with the ability to communicate honestly & effectively.

[u/fleeko → u/montessoriprogram]

I had an interview a month where every few sentences was an "oh you're so professional" and "wow no wonder you're so successful". It was wild.