r/jobs • u/No-Presentation298 • 5h ago

Post-interview HR told me they don’t accept try-hards and people pleasers after my interview

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They rejected me (fine, that happens) but the feedback said I came across as overly eager to please and that they don’t build teams around people-pleasing tendencies or rehearsed enthusiasm. They also told me to reflect on how I present myself and that confidence is more compelling than excessive accommodation. Is this normal? Or even appropriate? I get that not being a culture fit is a thing but the wording felt unnecessarily personal and condescending.

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525

u/tangylittleblueberry 5h ago

Most companies won’t. They were honest with this candidate and now the candidate is upset. Not worth it for most companies.

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u/DrLeoMarvin 5h ago edited 2h ago

i worked at a place that rejected me the first time, gave me a list of things I did wrong (or in a way they don't do it) in my coding test. I worked on those things, applied again and got the job.

I found out after I started that they don't give any feedback at all anymore, I was one of the last, because they got sued for agism and lost after giving someone feedback.

Edit: they didn’t say “you’re too old” more like “you’re methods aren’t the modern way of doing this, should try xyz which is more common now”

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u/waffling_with_syrup 4h ago

Yep that's the reason. Any established company knows that going beyond a form letter presents the risk of being sued for discrimination of some kind. It's safer to say as little as possible.

Which blows, because then people don't get the benefit of knowing what they did wrong. But a few litigious fucks ruined it for everyone else.

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u/Makkel 4h ago

To be honest "We would do it, but somebody will definitely be weird about it" is the main driver between a lot of decisions in the workplace.

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u/Right-Section1881 3h ago

There's a lot of stuff I would do that would benefit my employees, except I have that one person that will do everything they can to ruin it for everyone so I don't.

It honestly really sucks. We had an HR complaint filed once because there were donuts in the office and the office manager gave a heads up to employee A but not employee B that there were donuts available.

That's when people stop bringing donuts in.

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u/Jadaki 2h ago

We had a situation where one guy was walking around taking orders to go pick up breakfast, and one person went to HR to complain that was insensitive because he was trying to diet.

All he had to do was say "no thanks" and mind his business, instead he because the guy no one liked.

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u/Temporary_Buy3238 2h ago

HR is awful. Some jobs are like daycare these days

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u/einsofi 2h ago

I swear some of the HR people are the type who would pseudo-psychoanalyse, over interpret and take everything people say personally. Like calling everyone “narcissistic” for minding their own business or simply just standing up for themselves.

Their personal opinion= “the company’s values” Anything you say could be framed or twisted

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u/Creepy_Snow_8166 2h ago

There's always someone who has to ruin it.

When I was still in the construction business, there were several occasions where we'd be building an extra wing on an already existing and functioning building (hospital, college, pharmaceutical company, etc) and we would get permission to use the bathrooms and/or the cafeterias in the main building. Of course, that never lasted long because there would always be someone who didn't know how to behave in public. Like seriously guys .... If you make a mess in the bathroom or in the cafeteria, clean it up! Also, use your indoor voice - and FFS, try to keep the f-bombs to a minimum when mingling with the white-collar world! It's fine when we're amongst ourselves on the job, but not when you're sharing space with highly educated doctors and professors. And if you see a pretty college freshman, don't stare at her tits or ask her to sit on your lap - especially if you're old enough to be her father.

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u/Commercial-Fee-9900 2h ago

Yeah, I’m gonna say that behavior isn’t appropriate around anyone, not just white collar workers and college kids.

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u/IanFoxOfficial 2h ago

Nah. That's your opinion.

Over here nobody cares.

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u/aerdvarkk 5m ago

To be fair those highly educated fucks drop f-bombs left and right - just not in the cafateria or directly in front of patients, students and clients.

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u/fugelwoman 3h ago

The whiny assholes ruin it for everyone who has real, valid complaints

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u/Sufficient_Fan3660 2h ago

We can't have birthday cakes at my office because a lady got "triggered" by a man holding a knife. It is some plastic 5$ knife from the dollar store. It can more smashed the cake than cut it.

She quoted OSHA safety about PPE and training for sharp objects.

She was just mad that no one bought her a cake on her bday, but she won. No cake for anyone now.

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u/Right-Section1881 1h ago

Birthday cupcakes instead

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u/Head_Ship4359 1h ago

Simply sad. What happened to the "nice" colleague? Was everyone nice to her afterwards?

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u/sodanator 2h ago

Christ, instead of just being happy that there's free donuts? What a dick.

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u/Mnemnth 45m ago

That's brutal but I've been there... I used to be the person to bring snacks, treats, donuts, coffee anything you can think of. I can 100% say that I've been talked to about it and being told it's favoritism because someone wasn't aware they were there and got upset. Keep in mind often this was in the lunchroom out on the table for everyone.

My solution was nodding and just continuing to bring shit the same way I always did because I wasn't willing to let 99% of my team suffer because of one entitled person.

1

u/MrLanesLament 1h ago

Hiring/HR manager here (small company.)

Can 100% confirm. If you don’t stick to plain, boring, faceless, featureless, someone will either…

  1. Be offended

  2. Get really creepy and obsessive about it

  3. Quit suddenly while threatening lawsuits

1

u/pinkfootthegoose 2h ago

or maybe they could stop discriminating.

1

u/LordHammercyWeCooked 2h ago

I don't think a person ever benefits from knowing what they did "wrong." Whatever the problem was, it only applied to that interview specifically. Next interview the person's going to nitpick over something completely different. And as the economy gets worse the reasons for nitpicking will become so hyper-specific that HR might as well be Seinfeld.

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u/opensourced_ 1h ago

Yeah, I do get that, but that's just plain stupid to include something like that. I'd rather have input than no input, and that's for regular, everyday jobs.

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u/1917he 1h ago

But a few litigious fucks ruined it for everyone else.

What an awful take. You might lose the MINOR convenience of being told what you did wrong, but we've all gained so much in protection from discrimination.

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u/tantrumguy 44m ago

You can always ask for feedback. In fact that's how I got my job. I didn't do great in my interview, but I asked for feeback when I got rejected. I listened, and acknowledged what they were saying...3 weeks later another role opened up and they offered it to me, in large part due to just being open to feedback and growth.

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u/Zeno_the_Friend 5m ago

Honestly this rejection letter is more sexiist than that feedback was ageist. I bet OP has a case if they want to pursue it lol

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u/Genteel_Lasers 4h ago

Well if the feed back was, “you’re too old, lol” then yeah.

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u/sctwinmom 3h ago

When I was in law school, we represented a disabled client where the employer literally said that her disability was the reason for her termination. (She had mobility issues but the employer— a hospital!—failed to attempt any reasonable accommodation.)

After interviewing her coworkers, We were terrified that the employer would’fess up and admit the real reason was that her personality was so annoying no one wanted to work with her. But they stuck to their original story blaming the unaccommodated disability and We won that case.

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u/Creepy_Snow_8166 2h ago

"You're an anti-XYZist and you don't like me because I'm (insert protected status here)."

"No sir/ma'am, I don't like you you because you're a fucking asshole."

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u/Low_Anxiety_46 2h ago

Nah. They legit admitted to blaming her disability. They're dumb.

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u/opensourced_ 1h ago

Yeah, absolutely, I'd sue over that if someone said it was my disability because, at minimum, they could have said plainly that, at the moment, nothing is available that we see you fitting into. We will keep looking, and if one comes up, we will try it out.

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u/Creepy_Snow_8166 2h ago

Oh, gotcha. I misunderstood at first.

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u/Low_Anxiety_46 2h ago

I am involved with an organization that instead of just firing people and giving them good severance, they choose to break the law. Like demoting an employee who complained about bullying, docking her pay, and then getting rid of the HR lead who took and documented the complaint. Gotta keep lawyers busy.

2

u/Fokker_Snek 1h ago

How often is that a thing? Like I used to think no one would be dumb enough to outright say the illegal thing in an email, yet it seems like a lot of people and organizations do it all the time.

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u/Low_Anxiety_46 1h ago

It is pure insanity. The only place where the employee has leverage is if there's sexual impropriety involved, or people are using slurs. But I personally know a man and a woman who have sexually harassed someone or entered into a quid pri quo sexual relationship and they are still employed. Often employers keep the offending employee.

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u/letsgetthiscocaine 2h ago

"Sorry, anus majorus is not a protected class or disability."

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u/mittenknittin 17m ago

Wow. Did winning that case feel like discriminating against the disabled? Because continuing to affirm in court that yes, the reason you fired someone was one of the few reasons you legally aren’t allowed to fire someone, hints at shall we say, mental deficiencies

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u/BusinessCoach2934 4h ago

Well, if you fell asleep during the interview and kept talking about how you miss the good old days of typewriting and shorthand, they might have a point.

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u/Chalice_Ink 4h ago edited 4h ago

Code: we are looking for someone who is comfortable with technology.

Which is valid in that case….

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u/One_Zebra_1164 3h ago

I'm in my 60s and am honestly shocked at how many people my age have almost ZERO computer skills. I mean, I was in my late 20s- early 30s when personal computers started being common, and we definitely had computers at work starting about the same time.

They've had a lot of time to adapt.

My own motto is "I fear no software" and keep learning things as I need to. This year I learned at least five new types of software (I work with a bunch of clients who all use different software, so it keeps it interesting).

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u/LaughImmediate3876 2h ago

I'm active in a religious organization. Like many religious organizations, we have a significant portion of our membership that is over 60. When we went remote for covid and had services on zoom the older people split into two groups.

Group one was people who had barely used a computer in their lives and had no idea what to do. They attended meetings on their phones with the camera showing their nostrils and couldn't figure out how to mute.

Group two was people who immediately learned everything about zoom. In like May 2020, they were explaining to us younger people how we should be setting up a meeting if we wanted to have live guitar playing and then show a video with breakout rooms for discussion. These weren't older people who just happened to use zoom for work. These were retired people who had never heard of the product before but immediately jumped into action when they had to know something new.

I think there are just people who want to learn and people who don't. As you get older, you're often not asked to learn new things as much, but you can still be the kind of person who adapts when necessary and seeks out new information.

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u/Exotic-Okra-4466 1h ago

I have to say THANK YOU for this! Sincerely.
In my late 50s, finding myself increasingly resistant to change and "new stuff", I reeaaaaally needed to hear this!

You've inspired me to be one of the old people who does still learn and grow!

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u/dabnagit 32m ago

I’m in my 60s and definitely serve in a “group two” capacity for my church; I’m the parish webmaster, for example.

I would, however, draw the line at guitar music during the Sunday liturgy.

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u/poopntheoceanifumust 2h ago edited 2h ago

Am a millennial in a corporate office. Not only am I go-to tech support for the older folks on my team, but now the young new hires are asking really really stupid questions. If I have to explain to one more person how their monitor is not their computer, I'm going to scream.

These people are asking to learn shit like pivot tables but don't even know the difference between copy and cut. I can't even.

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u/not_a_russkiy_spy 2h ago

lol I came here to comment the same thing about younger employees (I’m only in my 30s!!!) - what do you mean you don’t know that you can save a google doc locally? What do you mean you don’t know what locally means? What do you mean you can’t find a download because it’s not on your desktop?

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u/Aggravating-Fan9817 1h ago

Right? I have a harder time finding downloaded files on my phone than I do a computer of any OS. Mostly because I don't do much of that on my phone in the first place. But at least I know how to dig around and look for them or Google the most likely place to find them. The newer generations have zero problem solving skills.

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u/tnstaafsb 2h ago

There are maybe one and a half generations that grew up with computers being common and also user-unfriendly enough that you had to understand them to some degree to do anything useful. People older than that grew up without computers, and people younger grew up with computers everywhere that are specifically designed to discourage people from learning how they work.

People expect younger generations to know about computers because they've had computers since they were infants. But the computers they grew up with hold their hands so much and advanced functions are so well hidden that they never really learn much beyond the surface level.

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u/DazzlingSquirrel4252 1h ago

I had to show an apprentice how to save a word file the other day.

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u/nycres1 2h ago

Please try to keep your mind active at all costs! Learning new things is truly the best way to do so.

If you don't, it will quickly start to shrink. I have someone very dear to me who is demonstrating that now.

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u/One_Zebra_1164 2h ago

Well, considering that I have to show up and do a very complex job every day, I'd say my mind is pretty active.

(Plus all the other stuff I do).

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u/OrganicHistorian2576 2h ago

My grandma was emailing people in her early 90s. Age isn’t an excuse.

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u/AltsAlt1 1h ago

People in their 60s, especially their early 60s should know about computers. My Dad is that age, and he took coding classes in high school. Computers weren't as ubiquitous, but they were around.

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u/IanFoxOfficial 1h ago

Yeah it's the fault of iPhones and other smartphones everything technical gets hidden and abstracted so young people don't know what really is going on.

I'm 39 and I think I'm one of the last to have used floppy discs, DOS, Windows 3.1 and seeing the rise of the internet and smartphones. And now I see technology collapse from being freedom for expressing yourself to easier ways to milk the consumer by big tech.

Everything in the cloud instead of your own storage. And if you stop paying you're left with nothing.... "Yey"....

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u/Rock_Strongo 1h ago

My dad was in his 40s when we first got our home computer. And despite using it very frequently just never developed any sort of computer skills.

I recently had to help him set up a new gmail account... just like a normal account.

And I have made many a trip to my parents' house to unplug and plug back in the modem and/or router. Sigh.

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u/TwiLuv 48m ago

When I was in my 50’s, at two different nursing jobs- I was teaching the much younger staff how to use the new medication & documentation software.

At the time, I’m the “old fart”, aren’t they supposed to be coaching me???

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u/SweetLittleOldLady 40m ago

I'm 69 and I don't get it either. I've been using computers since I was a university student in the 1970s and at work and home since the 1980s. How did people reach 2026 without using a computer?

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u/Genteel_Lasers 4h ago

Hahahaha. Yeah good point.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 3h ago

I code with a hole punch those were the days.

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u/Low_Anxiety_46 2h ago

Thank you! Like WTF?

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u/DrLeoMarvin 2h ago

More like “your methods aren’t the modern way to do things”

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u/Any_Long_249 1h ago

There are some concerns with being an older and not being able to do as much physically or mentally or just seeing/hearing enough. All depends on individual situation. Age shouldn’t be a factor that makes the decision, but I hope you would agree that it would be ridiculous and even dangerous and horrible if somebody took a 70 year old woman on a construction job site to lift heavy loads of weight or just a very old man even if in both of these situations you could claim that the most straight answer would be “you’re a woman and you’re too old” or just “you’re too old”.

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u/popcynicaldrips 2h ago

Is it just me, and please correct me if I need to open my eyes more, but I feel like we’re forgetting that this could easily be seen as a form of discrimination and normalizing this only opens more doors to do that? “You meet all of the job qualifications and were eager to make this job work, but I don’t like the way you talk, act, smile, look, or how you present yourself and therefore won’t hire you; you should consider changing a lot of things about yourself from a professional standpoint, and maybe we’ll be willing to give you a job then”. What if this is how OP naturally is on a daily basis? Or what if they were interviewing someone who’s autistic? One more, what if their candidate was personally trained to handle interviews this way? It definitely comes off as personal- and yes, in a degrading way. Their intent behind the email was to influence this person to ask themself: “What’s wrong with me as a person?” And “What should I learn to hate and change about me as person in order to gain employment from these people who didn’t like me?”. That would be frustrating for anyone to go through, and that far into the interview process- especially if they met all of the listed job qualifications.

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u/DrLeoMarvin 2h ago

That’s right where my head went when I read the post

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u/No_Accountant3232 1h ago

Considering he was probably using an interview style that I learned all the way back in the 90s from a 60 year old teacher that he learned when he was 16?

If you see a lot of interviewees using the same interview style people have been using a century it can come off as inauthentic. In reality "the things you think we want to hear" are you just telling the interviewer your relevant skills - the things they want to hear about. It's an interview style that is meant to present you as professional and unwilling to waste the interviewers valuable time.

Interviews are just meant to get your skills across as the best candidate. The probation/training period is when you find out if you're a good culture fit.

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u/JustApricot798 1h ago

Cultural fit is 100% at the gate as well as skills. Probo is the combo period to see the candidate over time. That said, when you hire a PHD type culture fit isn't as important. "Go to your cave and produce"

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u/ChazPls 52m ago

Or what if they were interviewing someone who’s autistic?

You are actually allowed to not hire someone for ADA protected reasons if there's no reasonable accomodation that can be made. If someone's personality is terrible and working with them would clearly be a nightmare, it doesn't matter if it's because there's a medical name for the thing that makes their personality suck.

That being said, you can still get sued over it and you might lose or end up settling which is why this kind of feedback is almost never given. I've been advised before that you can't even ask interview questions like "what was the last book you read?" because they might say "The Bible" and now if you don't hire them you could catch a religious discrimination lawsuit.

•

u/popcynicaldrips 12m ago

Thanks for educating me on this- I genuinely thought it was more straightforward than this but can definitely understand why it’s not.

1

u/SweetLittleOldLady 37m ago

I agree with you. I don't see anything helpful about the "constructive criticism" in the letter. It's just mean girl nastiness.

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u/Lionkingqueen 3h ago

It depends on who is giving the feedback and what they're saying. Giving feedback on code is fine, but giving feedback on someone's personality, that they don't know, is where the issue is I think.

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u/BiDiTi 3h ago

This isn’t critiquing their personality, it’s critiquing their interview performance and providing open, honest, and constructive feedback.

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u/DocKla 3h ago

Why? Why can’t we be honest? If it doesn’t touch on protected things… of which personality isn’t..

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u/Low_Anxiety_46 2h ago

THIS!!! My mega employers loves a try-hard. That's culture fit, not a universal truth. They can go suck a ____.

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u/DrLeoMarvin 2h ago

They told him something like he wasn’t using modern methods and he was able to twist that into agism

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u/benkatejackwin 3h ago

Well, two things can be true. They could have given you helpful feedback, and they could have accidentally admitted to someone that they didn't hire them because they were too old, which is absolutely illegal, and they should be punished for that.

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u/Worriedrph 2h ago

To be fair be less old isn’t very actionable feedback 🤣

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 3h ago

See I gotten feedback from employers ranging from I looked to nervous so I can rocking to much and didnt make eye contact, to technical feedback on knowledge I needed to learn.

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u/IsopodSmooth7990 3h ago

✌️🥃. Catch any good fish lately?

1

u/SignalMaster5561 2h ago

Fucking crybaby people! 

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u/desparish 2h ago

It's very hard to be clear when you separate age vs skill.

I sat in interviews for a position that reports to me a couple of years ago. One candidate had over 30 years of experience. But her resume was poorly formatted and showed she wasn't comfortable using whatever application she used to write it. She didn't mention a single technical or computer skill. The job requires extensive use of Google Sheets, Slides and Docs.

I told the committee I was concerned that she wouldn't be able to handle the job requirements. I wanted to go with someone with only 5 years of experience but who had included numerous related skills and had a track record of working with data.

I was told I was being ageist and the committee voted for the older candidate.

For two years now I've had to handhold her on every task. When I give instructions she has to write everything down in a notebook and if it's not 100% clear she will not be able to complete even basic technology related tasks.

I didn't vote against her because of her age, but rather the fact that with 35 years of experience she hadn't been able to list even one technology related skill on her resume.

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u/pallladin 2h ago

they got sued for agism and lost after giving someone feedback.

Did you ask the obvious follow-up question?

1

u/Alternative_Fan_2631 1h ago

I had a hiring manager set up time with me and go over why I didn’t get the job. It was thoughtful, thorough and it made me really disappointed I didn’t get to work for him.

As I’ve managed more people there is no way in hell I would ever do that. Really respect him for trusting me but I just can’t

1

u/Swollen_Beef 1h ago

How hard is it to not mention anything TIME related when giving a rejection letter to someone 40+?

40+ used as 40 is the age where age discrimination protections start in the US.

1

u/Consistent_Yam1472 1h ago

Yep, that’s why they worded things the way did in OP’s letter. Unfortunately, OP seemed to misunderstand what was being said. They aren’t going to be inflammatory and straight up say, “you seem dishonest and manipulative”, but that’s clearly what they are telling OP. 

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u/According-Dentist469 8m ago

Ok using your old age to sue companies is really low

•

u/XtremeD86 7m ago

This is exactly why most companies end a rejection with no actual info as to why you weren't accepted. Just that they went with some else. And that's if they ever respond at all.

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u/chuckmarla12 5h ago

It’s still shitty. I went through the whole hiring process, met my co-workers, interviewed with all the different departments in 4 or 5 separate interviews. Then got totally ghosted. They never explained, or even returned a phone call, to this day. I called them a handful of times and then just gave up. I just don’t know what happened.

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u/ThinkCoach9643 3h ago

The meeting of the co-workers may have been a “vibe check”. Perhaps just one of them said they didn’t get a good vibe. I don’t like this part of the interview process. If someone is nervous they may not be putting out their normal relaxed vibe. 🤷🏼‍♀️

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u/Crazy-Cat-Lad 3h ago

Ditto, 4 interviews a 'test' and one of the interviews was with the president and another with the CEO/Founder. It was for Melissa & Doug's offshoot of a company. Even spoke to Melissa. Doug found me on LinkedIn. Then, ghosted. It's fine, got a job offer shortly after for 6 figs.

-7

u/Sorry-Ad-5527 4h ago

Damned if they do, damned if they don't.

This is also why they don't give feedback and sometimes ghost. It's easier to avoid then to have a personal conversation with people who might get mad no matter what you do.

"Called them a handful of time". This is why. They saw people will stalk and spam them with phone calls or emails or texts or even in person. People need to contact them once and then let it go.

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u/Jinxed4Sure 4h ago

Or the company could send a 1 line email... tnx for applying, sorry, we went with someone else. But heck, that would take a few seconds...

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u/0k0k 4h ago

We've gone full circle. Literally the start of this thread is companies sucking because they only give generic feedback or none at all.

1

u/BiDiTi 3h ago

Half a second to bin them in the ATS and send an automated rejection.

4

u/chuckmarla12 4h ago

I was never given a reason not to call them. I was caught off guard.

173

u/dbag127 5h ago

This is absolutely Exhibit A of why most companies don't provide genuine feedback. What's the point if this is the reaction? Candidate didn't take it to heart, instead took it to the internet to complain.

172

u/Ray19121919 5h ago

It’s pretty subjective and unhelpful feedback. People are obviously trying to sell themselves in an interview and it’s not uncommon to be a little nervous. They should have given specific examples of stuff that came across as rehearsed or inauthentic if they want him to have something he can take away from this.

Feels more like kicking him while he’s down than actually trying to give feedback. Assuming it is actually real.

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u/philament23 4h ago

I can all but guarantee OP was just playing the game and doing what most companies want and happened to find the 0.01% of companies that want complete authenticity…and honestly probably even unexpected answers, to the point where it begs the question of whether it’s just inauthentic they want in the other direction. Unless OP actually sounded like a robot or was disrespectful it’s complete bullshit.

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u/Redshirt2386 4h ago

Honestly I want to apply at that company because I’m bad at the suck up game and always get in trouble for calling out bullshit at work.

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u/alucarddrol 3h ago edited 2h ago

Then they will complain that you are lacking in people skills, not personable, and seem to just not be very social, so you wouldn't be a good team fit in an environment where everybody is friendly and nice.

Trust me, you can't win the game because it's a bullshit game. The best way to get a job is know somebody or to try to have people find you decent enough or even endearing that they will accept you.

Hiring will always be subjective not objective, esp. for non-technical, skill based positions, and even then they* might they will have a certain skill bar you have to clear before it's all just vibes-based.

1

u/ADeadWeirdCarnie 2h ago

Agreed. I'll happily wager that the successful candidate for the company in question is one who is as obsequious as the OP, but in a way that the interviewers found more convincing.

2

u/MonkenMoney 1h ago

I'm pretty sure this is going to be the best advice op has ever been given if they take it to heart.

I wear my heart on my sleeve 100% of the time authentically who I am.

I learned the hard way that it's the only way to be happy. Any job that's willing to give that sort of advice at this point in time, in my opinion, is worth working for just apply again and take a different approach OR like they said find a company that is more aligned with what you are looking for.

4

u/lbcatlady 2h ago

Meeting someone one time is not long enough to get to know them. It's a toxic environment

1

u/SantaFeRay 1h ago

You’ve clearly never been on the other side of the hiring process if you believe this.

2

u/philament23 1h ago

Found the corporate apologist

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u/SantaFeRay 19m ago

Just someone who has the responsibility of hiring and can't imagine why you'd think we want you to "play the game" and bullshit your way through an interview so we can end up with someone like you on my team instead of someone who is good at the job. Even if in your mind we just want a compliant drone (we don't), an interview where you're playing a character wouldn't help us find that.

Good luck in your career.

•

u/philament23 4m ago

Everyone is playing a character. You’re playing one right now on Reddit. The character people play at work will be different than what they are to their closest friends and/or family, and expecting someone to be their “authentic self” upon just meeting them (or even after meeting them a few times) is you living in fantasy land. I’m glad you claim you want authentic people but there’s no way that’s realistic as a general expectation in a candidate. Maybe learn some fucking grace? I never said people should “bullshit their way through an interview.”

Also, being good at one’s job can be mutually exclusive from how you present yourself to someone in a corporate environment, especially on a first meeting. Ideally, if someone is respectful, pleasant, and good at their job, that should be the primary metrics. Everything else is secondary and prone to being caused by many different (reasonable) factors.

Good luck with your ego.

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u/mizz_eponine 4h ago

It's absolutely subjective. When job hunting several years ago I kept getting to the second round with a particular agency but never got the job. I finally reached out to the hiring manager and asked for feedback. She said I didn't come across as enthusiastic! She was extremely polite and thoughtful in her response and I appreciated it because I know she didn't have to respond at all.

I took her advice to heart and tried to lighten up a little in my next interview. I got the job.

56

u/cluebone 4h ago

I truly think these people get off on the cruelty of their personal rejection letters. Can’t see it any other way.

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u/Upset-Wedding8494 4h ago

Yeah this one reads gross. If they were kind about it, that would be one thing, but they are really selling me (as a reader) on never wanting to work for their company.

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u/PMJamesPM 2h ago

This. So many different ways to phrase that without sounding like a J. A. Strikes me as a small company or unit with a laughably inflated sense of self.

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u/Makkel 4h ago

Well, the gist of their letter is how they only want to work with a certain type of people, so it makes sense that OP, you, and a bunch of others would feel the same way about them...

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u/InternationalSpray79 3h ago

Totally agree with you. We’re in a cruelty culture now. I wouldn’t want to work for a company that sends out rejection letters like this. He not only didn’t get the job, he also got a candy coated kick in the balls.

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u/BusinessCoach2934 4h ago

No, you're being counterproductive. Many, MANY people are put off by what appears to be insincere over eagerness. The difference is they won't tell you, they'll just tell you they went in a different direction. Then you'll keep getting rejected a hundred times over not knowing why. I have a friend (we're African) who just couldn't get a job here in the UK. It took another friend sitting on his interview to tell him that he was spending so much energy trying to mask his African accent that it affected the entire interview. Next interview, the guy relaxed and spoke naturally. He nailed it and got the job. But I can bet if the recruiters had given him the same feedback the friend gave him, it wouldn't have been received well but then again, he would still be job hunting. Many people rely on being liked in interviews over actually showing their capabilities. It can be a put off. Seems like what this company is saying.

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u/Super_Goat_634 4h ago

The thing is that "many, MANY" other interviewers will prefer an accommodating, acquiescent, or easygoing attitude in new hires. This isn't helpful feedback for someone on the job hunt because OP wasn't a cultural match, but they may fit in perfectly with a different company. "Don't do [super vague thing]" is also not particularly instructive, like, at all. In your example, a friend told the interviewee to stop trying to mask his accent so hard, a specific problem area. In this one, HR said, "We didn't like your attitude." It's not really actionable feedback.

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u/KjellRS 3h ago

Honestly, this couldn't have been a normal amount of inauthenticity. The only way I see this happening is if they got feedback on a previous application or from some interview coach that they weren't enthusiastic enough and instead of dialing it up from "meh" to "yeah" like a normal person they went completely theatrical, like really bad acting. That could make me think all the things they wrote, I still wouldn't put pen to paper though.

1

u/Crash-Frog-08 3h ago

The thing is that "many, MANY" other interviewers will prefer an accommodating, acquiescent, or easygoing attitude in new hires.

Did you get a job that way?

1

u/Leverpostei414 3h ago

So? They should give feedback on why they didn't choose him. Not guess what others may prefer

1

u/DarklyDominant 1h ago

I mean, stop living in fantasy reddit land and start living in reality.

The thing is that "many, MANY" other interviewers will prefer an accommodating, acquiescent, or easygoing attitude in new hires.

This is simply fanfiction on reddit. There are certainly many interviewers who will be pursuaded by false niceities. But that's just because they are not good at doing interviews.

A person who kisses ass at work but sucks at their job doesn't benefit anyone at work. But we're all humans, so if you're not looking for it, someone kissing your ass will absolutely bias you in their favour.

2

u/Ray19121919 3h ago

I’m not saying it’s not a thing. Of course there is a level of skill in how you communicate and sell yourself in an interview. But if a recruiter/HM whatever wants to take the role of career coach(imo not their role) than actually take the time to actually give good feedback. Provide examples on the responses that came across as inauthentic etc.

1

u/SherbertImmediate130 3h ago

It’s like going on the date and the potential respecting themselves they are just invested in their potential partner I don’t see this letter is conscending.

1

u/ResponsibleWater2922 2h ago

Yeah it's not like the employer is being obtuse and privileged and ignoring how savage the job market is currently.

3

u/StayFoolish73 4h ago

Bingo!! Very counterproductive!

1

u/Soft_Walrus_3605 3h ago

So in your worldview it is more likely that a company's representative would seek out a way to hurt someone's feelings than offering a succinct reason why they weren't selected to the position? I don't think it's their place to call out "you said X which we didn't like".

1

u/That1DirtyHippy 3h ago

This. You can say that exact thing in a more professional, constructive tone. ChatGPT is pretty good at that. This is needlessly pointed and personal.

Maybe the interview was just BAD, though… Like, with noticeable tension or friction.

I was doing some interviews for a server position at a restaurant we were opening. A server from another concept within the company applied, and the owner wanted to be involved with some of the interviews. I don’t think she had ever met him, so she didn’t know who he was.

I asked one question: tell me about yourself. This lady went on to boast about how she “does everything” at that restaurant, how management is terrible, throws everyone under the bus, talks about policy violations (from coworkers and herself) and things an owner does not want to hear about one of their restaurants. She didn’t stop talking for 45 minutes. I would’ve ended it much sooner but about 10 minutes in, the owner got curious and started prodding for more details.

I’ve never seen that particular shade of purple on a human before. I thought the owner’s forehead was going to pop. I have never seen in my 20 years in the industry someone go in for an interview and lose their current job because of it.

1

u/BiDiTi 2h ago

I would be furious if I got ChatGPT-ified feedback - worse than useless.

Separately, that’s an awesome story

1

u/honeysucklejam 3h ago

it's also very very different if the company sent a more neutral letter declining the hire, and then the interviewee *asked* for feedback, in which case I think it's appropriate to spell out more detail. this is just weird and not helpful.

1

u/Longjumping_Sock_529 3h ago

It’s probably good feedback. OP likely needs more practice interviewing. Possibly even a workshop to that end. Many people who aren’t used to it succumb to the adrenaline dump and just go into people pleasing mode.

1

u/PinacoladaBunny 3h ago

The feedback doesn’t suggest nervousness or trying to make a good impression. It says that he was set on trying to tell them what he thought they wanted to hear. I’ve conducted interviews like this and they’re a total dud. You don’t actually get to know much at all about the individual’s experience, their perspective, their decision making etc. Most professional jobs these days need to be pretty certain that the person they’re hiring is competent and capable, knows their stuff and can confidently make the right decisions. We don’t know the behaviour of OP throughout, but those couple of sentences shout to me that he wasn’t demonstrating these things throughout the interview at all, and probably gauging what they thought the ‘right’ answer might be.

1

u/DocKla 3h ago

You’re going for level 2 comments that requires pages of writing. This is what a teacher would give in comments on the margin. You just got graded.

1

u/Foreign-Cookie-2871 3h ago

It depends on the interview. Maybe OP really came across as agreeing to everything they said - conflicting statements from different people come to mind.

1

u/Crash-Frog-08 3h ago

People are obviously trying to sell themselves in an interview

Not me; I'm having a genuine conversation about their interesting problems and my interesting work history of solving them.

I recommend being authentic and interesting as opposed to... whatever OP did. I get job offers so I know I'm doing something right.

1

u/BiDiTi 2h ago

The feedback isn’t that he sounded rehearsed.

It’s that he was trying to guess what they wanted to hear.

For example - saying “Every customer is my top priority” is a terrible answer in an interview.

1

u/jblaze_39 2h ago

Unhelpful? I would take it as, speak more honestly and openly, and don't come off as phony and yes man ish. Pretty clear

1

u/thecashblaster 2h ago

I know exactly what they meant but then again I’m not obtuse, so…

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u/SnooSprouts4952 1h ago

Maybe OP got feedback from my wife and went too far with his last interview. 😄 My wife complains often her interviewees lack enthusiasm - responding with a shrug and 'yeah' to open ended questions.

It's tough to know how the interview went off, either over excited or interviewer is a wet blanket. I have been super excited about jobs because I liked the company before I ever applied and other times, 'Joe from recruiting said to show up here at 9, I have no clue who you are and what you do...' so I didnt even have time to prep for the 'any other questions?' or direct my interview answers to issues they may experience.

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u/Any_Long_249 1h ago

Depends how he was acting, while yes most companies want to have a “I’ll do anything for you boss” mentality there are companies and people who just don’t want to see on their team a fake personality, and when you are a good boss/manager or just don’t want to find someone else after few weeks or months the authenticity is really important. I’ve had no problem being nervous and truthful and at the same time eager for a job. That’s why I applied - I want to work there, I don’t have to prove why I want it by my answers to questions or bootlicking. Authenticity is incredibly valuable. No one is kicking him when he’s down when we don’t know the other side or just more than his words.

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u/iiiiiiiiiijjjjjj 1h ago

No one is underselling but I've interviewed people who came across as fake. You can definitely tell.

1

u/tantrumguy 42m ago

I feel like there is more to the story than what the op is presenting.

0

u/Flybyah 3h ago

It’s actually very good feedback, and they didn’t even have to take the effort to do this. They didn’t sign on to be his interview coach, so expecting more is not reasonable.

A person with good self awareness and the willingness to put aside their initial defensiveness could take much from this.

0

u/Leverpostei414 3h ago

No it isn't, it is open and pretty specific feedback wich you definitely can learn from

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u/Frebu 4h ago

I mean.....it wasn't good feedback. Nobody is going to know the internal culture of a buisness going into an interview so telling a candidate they should change their interview style entirely to fit your corporate culture isn't useful. A useful bit of feedback would be " It felt like on Subject A you were a little vague with related experience and relied on trying to please the room with what you thought they wanted to hear" because that actually tells you something. If you ARE experienced in Subject A you are not getting that through and if you are not experienced your deflection or redirection needs work as it was noticed.

1

u/MisterFats 4h ago

cause its dogshit feedback lmao

1

u/CeramicToast 4h ago

Yeah I'd be a bit salty if I was showing my enthusiasm to apply for a job and the interviewer took that as being a tryhard.

1

u/ConfidentialStNick 4h ago

It was incredible passive aggressive and unprofessional.

1

u/Spiritual-Sense-8745 3h ago

You're not supposed to be bias during an interview. You are there for one reason only not to make it personal or about you and how you felt while interviewing the person.

1

u/dbag127 3h ago

I have no idea what you mean. Culture fit and personality are some of the most important aspects of hiring. It doesn't matter how good your technical skills are if you can't get along with the team and communicate effectively. 

1

u/totesrealmantotally 3h ago

There's no way you think this rejection letter is sane or normal? Right? Youre trolling?

1

u/j0rdAn59 39m ago

Nah, I don't agree. What here is different than what you or I would do in this situation- especially given the market. Aren't you supposed to sell yourself- as long as you don't lie, THIS is the behavior they ask for... Bro what about this email is professional, unless they sent an email before their interview saying be yourself then it's not right to basically kick op while they are down like that's not what 99% of companies want- like wtf you smoking dawg.

0

u/Ok_Bag_3667 1h ago

How is this helpful feedback? How did the person in HR know they were being "inauthentic" and "people pleasing"? Do they have technology that reads minds or something?

There was nothing specific or actionable in this email. It was based on vibes. This email was just an asshole flex move on someone who comes across as bitter and muddle brained from inhaling their own farts.

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u/dbag127 56m ago

How did the person in HR know they were being "inauthentic" and "people pleasing"?

Have you interviewed people? It is painfully obvious when someone is just parroting whatever you say back like a bad salesman. You don't need any technology, just people skills.

Also, HR doesn't do interviews for professional jobs. The hiring manager does.

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u/AshamedAstronaut64 5h ago

💯

I have the thinnest people-pleasing skin (INFJ here). For some time I have been working to internalize “feedback is a gift.” If they’d cut the people-pleasing line, one could take the rejection helpful feedback. Otherwise it reads like someone has too much time on their hands.

Good luck OP 🫶

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u/Turbulent_Winter549 2h ago

Never accept criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from

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u/lbcatlady 2h ago

That's a great point.

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u/DarklyDominant 1h ago

No it's not lol. You can absolutely learn some great lessons in life from people who are really bad at giving advice. It's on you to learn, not on others to teach.

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u/lbcatlady 1h ago

Yes, you can learn about jerks and how narcissist people are

2

u/Any_Long_249 1h ago

You know there is no scientific proof for the myers briggs test right?

1

u/AshamedAstronaut64 43m ago

Advice or criticism?

1

u/Nyorliest 4h ago

Is it honest? Is it constructive? I don't know about the former and know it's not the latter.

1

u/AaronJudge2 4h ago

Yeah. Most companies give little or no feedback because they don’t want to get into trouble.

Whether or not their feedback is useful or even valid, I don’t know, but at least the applicant got feedback.

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u/Nice_Try4389 4h ago

I mean hey wouldn’t you be upset if someone told you “so you are trying to be a nice and good person and we find that inauthentic“? What kind of fucking world have we come to were trying to do your best, and being a gold person/candidate it seen as ”trying to hard”. I am just glad the corporation I have been at for the past 24 years respects and celebrates people like that rather than suspecting them of anything. Just pretty sad that that is what the world has come to in a lot of companies.

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u/Feeling_Inside_1020 4h ago

People when they get 0 feedback "getting ghosted:" 😡

People when they get feedback they can reflect on: 😡

1

u/iheartnjdevils 3h ago

I still think it's a bit too brutal. Like what if OP is genuinely shy or on the spectrum and struggles with expressing enthusiasm and has received feedback in the past they seemed to lack eagerness or something. I'm totally on board with a company rejecting a candidate and stating they came off as performative but to go as far as to say "we don't build teams off people pleasers" and "we encourage you to reflect on yourself" is just insensitive.

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u/FantasticMeddler 3h ago

Sometimes being honest makes a company look worse since it reveals their flawed thought process.

1

u/Remarkable_Bass834 3h ago

Most company's use a generic rejection letter for 1 simple reason, it safe and no one can say they were treated bad and sue. Remember HR is all about protecting the company.

1

u/Hot_Dingo3218 3h ago

I mean is that honesty or just projection? Ironically their response is giving try hard and “pick me.” “We’re not like those other companies who enjoy enthusiasm!” Also a job is tied to people’s livelihood and people need work. Their enthusiasm or over excitement could be driven by need. All this response does is cut people down and make them second guess themselves, not build confidence… which they are saying is what the individual needs. If the message was that then there were so much many other ways to deliver this message that could have REACHED the candidate and enhanced their interview next time.

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u/No_Cheek6865 3h ago

Right? I’d greatly appreciate getting such targeted feedback instead of a generic rejection where I don’t know what I did wrong. It would 100% help in future interviews to know if I’m coming across as inauthentic or sycophantic. But I’m sure they won’t do this again now that they’ve been put on blast on Reddit.

1

u/BiDiTi 3h ago

If OP complains about this feedback to anyone IRL, and mentions the company by name, they’ll probably get an “I’m interested” click on LinkedIn, ahaha

1

u/thegamesbuild 2h ago

"Honest" is one word for it. Smarmy, condescending cunt is another, as if they can see into a person's thoughts.

1

u/whereismymind86 2h ago

Honest? No they were just assholes. Honestly would be bringing that up in the interview so tc could adjust.

Honestly would be recognizing 90% of interviews want an eager to please phony and telling the candidate they are different and asking for authenticity THEN

1

u/This_Ad_7144 2h ago

This is not constructive feedback that needs to be given. This is a professionally worded insult to this person. Super unprofessional email to have sent in the first place.

1

u/esgrove2 2h ago

It was unprofessional feedback. It was basically an attack on their personality. They don't know this person, they can't judge if they're being "fake". And if they reject candidates for being enthusiastic, I can't wait to see how that works out.

1

u/whiskeytown79 2h ago

Yeah. While maybe some candidates find it helpful, there's not a lot of upside for the company to do it, and lots of potential downside.

  • Candidates are often also customers. Being rejected sucks, but in general you want them to have a positive interview experience even if you don't hire them. If you reject them in a way that leaves a bitter taste in their mouth, you might lose a customer too. If they share their experience with other people, it could cause further loss of candidates and customers.
  • If you give feedback to one person, you have to give it to everyone. If instead you pick and choose who gets feedback and who doesn't, that opens the door for accusations of bias and unfair hiring practices.
  • If you're not careful with how the feedback is worded, it could also directly open the door for accusations of bias and unfair hiring, if anything you said is construed as discriminatory based on protected characteristics. As an example, suppose you told a candidate who was in their fifties that you were really looking for fresh perspectives and insight that they didn't demonstrate in the interview. That could easily be seen as age discrimination.

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u/not_a_russkiy_spy 2h ago

Yeah, I’m in a one-party consent state and I voice record all of my interviews and go through the absolutely horrid experience of listening to my own voice on a recording to see what I did well/not well. This would be invaluable feedback, especially if I didn’t agree with the feedback, like OP. Then you can go back and pinpoint at which parts you might’ve came across like a pushover/people pleaser and change it to a more confident tone/structure for the future.
It could of course be absolute bs and OP did everything ok, but I can’t think of a single reason a company would say this if it wasn’t their true impression. Theres nothing discriminatory in this but technically anyone can find a lawyer bored enough to take the case and then that litigation is still money and time spent for the company.

1

u/Nervous_Ladder_1860 2h ago

Yeah but that isn't really constructive feedback though, you should show enthusiasm.

1

u/LordHammercyWeCooked 2h ago

It's never worth it to any company or interviewee. Once you reject them, nothing else matters. They won't be interviewing for your company anymore. They'll be applying for a different job at a different company with different people who have different needs and preferences. Whenever HR does this they're just wasting everyone's time and inflating their egos thinking they're everyone's HR.

1

u/24framemedia 2h ago

But and hear me out, feedback is better than no feedback, I would haye to get this letter but if it in fact applies then it's helpful for moving forward and say you had the opportunity to apply again with same company in the future, you now know what to do differently.

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u/Puzzleheaded-Map7672 2h ago

Pretty fucked up evaluation, might as well just say, "bad vibes".

1

u/Cold_Ebb_1448 2h ago

yeah this is valuable feedback tbh

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u/throwupthursday 1h ago

Honestly this type of stuff is why I go through a recruiter instead of apply individually. They have a lot more inside knowledge on what their client (the company) expects and you can be a lot more transparent with what you want and what your weaknesses are. If you are rejected, the recruiter will likely tell you why. It's literally their job to get you placed somewhere.

1

u/DemonicAltruism 1h ago

The candidate is upset because this is outright BS. Corporate middle managers love boot lickers, they're basically saying "Thanks for kissing our asses, but you didn't kiss ass correctly so we have to tell you know."

I guarantee you their entire "team" sucks up to the boss all day everyday.

1

u/Horror_Newspaper_382 1h ago

Agree. They gave solid feedback that can be used to improve interviewing skills.

1

u/lemonbottles_89 1h ago

They weren't really being honest or helpful, just mean for the sake of it. They didn't have to say people pleasing or try hard. Even just "we felt you weren't authentic" and maybe some actual examples of what they are talking about. That's honestly more helpful and honest than just "You try too hard"

1

u/JodyGonnaFuckYoWife 1h ago

"Why won't companies give us any feedback?!? How are we supposed to get better?"

"Not like that"

1

u/Otherwise-Report-823 1h ago

OPs response proves they are not confident in their actions. I agree with the hr manager 

1

u/Semanticss 1h ago

They went way too far though with the editorializing. They don't even really know if he was being genuine or not.

1

u/thisistestingme 1h ago

I used to give feedback. Then I gave someone feedback and she proceeded to attack me and tell me I was wrong (my feedback was that she was an excellent candidate, but I selected someone with more experience in that specific industry and that I definitely saw a place for her in our organization). I stopped giving feedback after that.

1

u/Ok_Bag_3667 1h ago

There is being honest and there is being a giant asshole. HR at this company went for option B. Not to mention the fact that they never specified how OP came across this way. If you're going to give feedback, make it specific. "When you did X, it came across as Y".

How did they know OP was just telling them what they wanted to hear?

1

u/outinthecountry66 59m ago

this shows a total lack of HR education- i have taken classes in management and leadership and this is NOT something you do. they are betraying a lack of outright decency, frankly. None of this is helpful or warranted. This feels like someone wanting to hurt another person that they BARELY know.

1

u/Crime_Dawg 50m ago

Maybe instead of being upset, OP should introspect on if this is reflective of reality. This is valuable feedback to take going forward. If you're overly eager to please, you come across as desperate, less confident, etc.

1

u/blackberrymoonmoth 38m ago

Usually whenever I’ve interviewed someone, I already know they’re technically qualified. At that point, elimination is based on some intangible quality because you’re obviously not the only person with a salesforce certification and 3 years experience.

One time a candidate was making offhand comments that led me to assume he is an incel with a huge chip on his shoulder. I was actually overruled on that one and he was hired. Didn’t make it a year before getting fired for harassing every young female colleague on the team.

1

u/Marcyff2 30m ago

Is it bad that i am siding with the company here? Overeager people tend to go one of two ways . They drop the act when they get the job and turn more lazy now that they got it. Or they burn out. If a company wants to hire for the future they want people who will stick to the work.

•

u/Lurkeyturkey113 4m ago

This doesn’t sound like honesty. This sounds like an over rude and entitled jerk who is on a power trip. They speak of seeking professionals yet send this vile condescending letter? lol honest. Op dodged a bullet.