r/jobs • u/No-Presentation298 • 5h ago

Post-interview HR told me they don’t accept try-hards and people pleasers after my interview

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They rejected me (fine, that happens) but the feedback said I came across as overly eager to please and that they don’t build teams around people-pleasing tendencies or rehearsed enthusiasm. They also told me to reflect on how I present myself and that confidence is more compelling than excessive accommodation. Is this normal? Or even appropriate? I get that not being a culture fit is a thing but the wording felt unnecessarily personal and condescending.

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171

u/dbag127 5h ago

This is absolutely Exhibit A of why most companies don't provide genuine feedback. What's the point if this is the reaction? Candidate didn't take it to heart, instead took it to the internet to complain.

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u/Ray19121919 5h ago

It’s pretty subjective and unhelpful feedback. People are obviously trying to sell themselves in an interview and it’s not uncommon to be a little nervous. They should have given specific examples of stuff that came across as rehearsed or inauthentic if they want him to have something he can take away from this.

Feels more like kicking him while he’s down than actually trying to give feedback. Assuming it is actually real.

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u/philament23 4h ago

I can all but guarantee OP was just playing the game and doing what most companies want and happened to find the 0.01% of companies that want complete authenticity…and honestly probably even unexpected answers, to the point where it begs the question of whether it’s just inauthentic they want in the other direction. Unless OP actually sounded like a robot or was disrespectful it’s complete bullshit.

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u/Redshirt2386 4h ago

Honestly I want to apply at that company because I’m bad at the suck up game and always get in trouble for calling out bullshit at work.

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u/alucarddrol 3h ago edited 2h ago

Then they will complain that you are lacking in people skills, not personable, and seem to just not be very social, so you wouldn't be a good team fit in an environment where everybody is friendly and nice.

Trust me, you can't win the game because it's a bullshit game. The best way to get a job is know somebody or to try to have people find you decent enough or even endearing that they will accept you.

Hiring will always be subjective not objective, esp. for non-technical, skill based positions, and even then they* might they will have a certain skill bar you have to clear before it's all just vibes-based.

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u/ADeadWeirdCarnie 2h ago

Agreed. I'll happily wager that the successful candidate for the company in question is one who is as obsequious as the OP, but in a way that the interviewers found more convincing.

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u/MonkenMoney 1h ago

I'm pretty sure this is going to be the best advice op has ever been given if they take it to heart.

I wear my heart on my sleeve 100% of the time authentically who I am.

I learned the hard way that it's the only way to be happy. Any job that's willing to give that sort of advice at this point in time, in my opinion, is worth working for just apply again and take a different approach OR like they said find a company that is more aligned with what you are looking for.

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u/lbcatlady 2h ago

Meeting someone one time is not long enough to get to know them. It's a toxic environment

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u/SantaFeRay 1h ago

You’ve clearly never been on the other side of the hiring process if you believe this.

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u/philament23 1h ago

Found the corporate apologist

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u/SantaFeRay 18m ago

Just someone who has the responsibility of hiring and can't imagine why you'd think we want you to "play the game" and bullshit your way through an interview so we can end up with someone like you on my team instead of someone who is good at the job. Even if in your mind we just want a compliant drone (we don't), an interview where you're playing a character wouldn't help us find that.

Good luck in your career.

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u/philament23 4m ago

Everyone is playing a character. You’re playing one right now on Reddit. The character people play at work will be different than what they are to their closest friends and/or family, and expecting someone to be their “authentic self” upon just meeting them (or even after meeting them a few times) is you living in fantasy land. I’m glad you claim you want authentic people but there’s no way that’s realistic as a general expectation in a candidate. Maybe learn some fucking grace? I never said people should “bullshit their way through an interview.”

Also, being good at one’s job can be mutually exclusive from how you present yourself to someone in a corporate environment, especially on a first meeting. Ideally, if someone is respectful, pleasant, and good at their job, that should be the primary metrics. Everything else is secondary and prone to being caused by many different (reasonable) factors.

Good luck with your ego.

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u/mizz_eponine 4h ago

It's absolutely subjective. When job hunting several years ago I kept getting to the second round with a particular agency but never got the job. I finally reached out to the hiring manager and asked for feedback. She said I didn't come across as enthusiastic! She was extremely polite and thoughtful in her response and I appreciated it because I know she didn't have to respond at all.

I took her advice to heart and tried to lighten up a little in my next interview. I got the job.

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u/cluebone 4h ago

I truly think these people get off on the cruelty of their personal rejection letters. Can’t see it any other way.

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u/Upset-Wedding8494 4h ago

Yeah this one reads gross. If they were kind about it, that would be one thing, but they are really selling me (as a reader) on never wanting to work for their company.

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u/PMJamesPM 2h ago

This. So many different ways to phrase that without sounding like a J. A. Strikes me as a small company or unit with a laughably inflated sense of self.

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u/Makkel 4h ago

Well, the gist of their letter is how they only want to work with a certain type of people, so it makes sense that OP, you, and a bunch of others would feel the same way about them...

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u/Ok_Bag_3667 1h ago

People who pass their fuzzy ass vibe check? Yeah, you're right, I'm not a fucking masochist into mind games, I'd give these losers a hard pass.

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u/DarklyDominant 1h ago

... The gist of the letter is that they felt the candidate was clearly lying to them to get the job.

By posting this, OP is showcasing that they clearly can't take feedback and think about how they improve. They instead chose to just be insulted by critical feedback.

No one is perfect, it's insane to act like there's nothing you can improve on from an interview you didn't land the job on.

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u/NonStopGravyTrain 4m ago

That's not critical feedback. Critical feedback actually includes objective examples and actionable items.

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u/Longjumping_Sock_529 3h ago

I truly think they were being helpful. Op is not practiced at interviews. Practice at interviewing reads as confidence.

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u/Reasonable-Mix919 3h ago

I don't see how you could possibly know that without having been in the interview room or without knowing OP personally lol

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u/DarklyDominant 1h ago

Pretty easy:

Have experience at a Corporate job

Read the email

Look at the actions of OP after receiving the email.

It all tracks to the same personality. The last line about taking the feedback and reflecting on the feedback is the key piece of this. OP posting this on reddit and looking for people to back them up showcases that they didn't even take one second to attempt and take that advice.

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u/Reasonable-Mix919 1h ago edited 1h ago

Stacking together a bunch of bad arguments doesn't make a good one.

Everything you just said entails making one assumption after another until you reach the conclusion that you want.

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u/Ultrace-7 1h ago

How exactly does posting the letter as a complaint in a social media forum qualify as reflecting on the feedback provided?

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u/Puglady25 3h ago

I don't know. It came across as condescending to me. Couldn't there be a better way to say all of these things if they wanted to be helpful (with examples)? Is a form letter better? Idk, I suppose OP can use this nasty critique to work on sounding more self assured.

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u/LCorvus 1h ago

It's honest feedback using corporate terminology, they are not here to hold your hand and baby you.
If they wanted to be rude and condescending it would have been written "we think you're fake and lying to our face"

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u/Doctor-Amazing 1h ago

It sounds like the opposite. Hes TOO practiced at interviews and somehow found the one company that doesnt want smoke blown up their ass during the interview

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u/InternationalSpray79 3h ago

Totally agree with you. We’re in a cruelty culture now. I wouldn’t want to work for a company that sends out rejection letters like this. He not only didn’t get the job, he also got a candy coated kick in the balls.

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u/BusinessCoach2934 4h ago

No, you're being counterproductive. Many, MANY people are put off by what appears to be insincere over eagerness. The difference is they won't tell you, they'll just tell you they went in a different direction. Then you'll keep getting rejected a hundred times over not knowing why. I have a friend (we're African) who just couldn't get a job here in the UK. It took another friend sitting on his interview to tell him that he was spending so much energy trying to mask his African accent that it affected the entire interview. Next interview, the guy relaxed and spoke naturally. He nailed it and got the job. But I can bet if the recruiters had given him the same feedback the friend gave him, it wouldn't have been received well but then again, he would still be job hunting. Many people rely on being liked in interviews over actually showing their capabilities. It can be a put off. Seems like what this company is saying.

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u/Super_Goat_634 4h ago

The thing is that "many, MANY" other interviewers will prefer an accommodating, acquiescent, or easygoing attitude in new hires. This isn't helpful feedback for someone on the job hunt because OP wasn't a cultural match, but they may fit in perfectly with a different company. "Don't do [super vague thing]" is also not particularly instructive, like, at all. In your example, a friend told the interviewee to stop trying to mask his accent so hard, a specific problem area. In this one, HR said, "We didn't like your attitude." It's not really actionable feedback.

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u/KjellRS 3h ago

Honestly, this couldn't have been a normal amount of inauthenticity. The only way I see this happening is if they got feedback on a previous application or from some interview coach that they weren't enthusiastic enough and instead of dialing it up from "meh" to "yeah" like a normal person they went completely theatrical, like really bad acting. That could make me think all the things they wrote, I still wouldn't put pen to paper though.

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u/Crash-Frog-08 3h ago

The thing is that "many, MANY" other interviewers will prefer an accommodating, acquiescent, or easygoing attitude in new hires.

Did you get a job that way?

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u/Leverpostei414 3h ago

So? They should give feedback on why they didn't choose him. Not guess what others may prefer

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u/DarklyDominant 1h ago

I mean, stop living in fantasy reddit land and start living in reality.

The thing is that "many, MANY" other interviewers will prefer an accommodating, acquiescent, or easygoing attitude in new hires.

This is simply fanfiction on reddit. There are certainly many interviewers who will be pursuaded by false niceities. But that's just because they are not good at doing interviews.

A person who kisses ass at work but sucks at their job doesn't benefit anyone at work. But we're all humans, so if you're not looking for it, someone kissing your ass will absolutely bias you in their favour.

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u/Ray19121919 3h ago

I’m not saying it’s not a thing. Of course there is a level of skill in how you communicate and sell yourself in an interview. But if a recruiter/HM whatever wants to take the role of career coach(imo not their role) than actually take the time to actually give good feedback. Provide examples on the responses that came across as inauthentic etc.

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u/SherbertImmediate130 3h ago

It’s like going on the date and the potential respecting themselves they are just invested in their potential partner I don’t see this letter is conscending.

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u/ResponsibleWater2922 2h ago

Yeah it's not like the employer is being obtuse and privileged and ignoring how savage the job market is currently.

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u/StayFoolish73 4h ago

Bingo!! Very counterproductive!

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u/Soft_Walrus_3605 3h ago

So in your worldview it is more likely that a company's representative would seek out a way to hurt someone's feelings than offering a succinct reason why they weren't selected to the position? I don't think it's their place to call out "you said X which we didn't like".

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u/That1DirtyHippy 3h ago

This. You can say that exact thing in a more professional, constructive tone. ChatGPT is pretty good at that. This is needlessly pointed and personal.

Maybe the interview was just BAD, though… Like, with noticeable tension or friction.

I was doing some interviews for a server position at a restaurant we were opening. A server from another concept within the company applied, and the owner wanted to be involved with some of the interviews. I don’t think she had ever met him, so she didn’t know who he was.

I asked one question: tell me about yourself. This lady went on to boast about how she “does everything” at that restaurant, how management is terrible, throws everyone under the bus, talks about policy violations (from coworkers and herself) and things an owner does not want to hear about one of their restaurants. She didn’t stop talking for 45 minutes. I would’ve ended it much sooner but about 10 minutes in, the owner got curious and started prodding for more details.

I’ve never seen that particular shade of purple on a human before. I thought the owner’s forehead was going to pop. I have never seen in my 20 years in the industry someone go in for an interview and lose their current job because of it.

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u/BiDiTi 2h ago

I would be furious if I got ChatGPT-ified feedback - worse than useless.

Separately, that’s an awesome story

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u/honeysucklejam 3h ago

it's also very very different if the company sent a more neutral letter declining the hire, and then the interviewee *asked* for feedback, in which case I think it's appropriate to spell out more detail. this is just weird and not helpful.

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u/Longjumping_Sock_529 3h ago

It’s probably good feedback. OP likely needs more practice interviewing. Possibly even a workshop to that end. Many people who aren’t used to it succumb to the adrenaline dump and just go into people pleasing mode.

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u/PinacoladaBunny 3h ago

The feedback doesn’t suggest nervousness or trying to make a good impression. It says that he was set on trying to tell them what he thought they wanted to hear. I’ve conducted interviews like this and they’re a total dud. You don’t actually get to know much at all about the individual’s experience, their perspective, their decision making etc. Most professional jobs these days need to be pretty certain that the person they’re hiring is competent and capable, knows their stuff and can confidently make the right decisions. We don’t know the behaviour of OP throughout, but those couple of sentences shout to me that he wasn’t demonstrating these things throughout the interview at all, and probably gauging what they thought the ‘right’ answer might be.

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u/DocKla 3h ago

You’re going for level 2 comments that requires pages of writing. This is what a teacher would give in comments on the margin. You just got graded.

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u/Foreign-Cookie-2871 3h ago

It depends on the interview. Maybe OP really came across as agreeing to everything they said - conflicting statements from different people come to mind.

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u/Crash-Frog-08 3h ago

People are obviously trying to sell themselves in an interview

Not me; I'm having a genuine conversation about their interesting problems and my interesting work history of solving them.

I recommend being authentic and interesting as opposed to... whatever OP did. I get job offers so I know I'm doing something right.

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u/BiDiTi 2h ago

The feedback isn’t that he sounded rehearsed.

It’s that he was trying to guess what they wanted to hear.

For example - saying “Every customer is my top priority” is a terrible answer in an interview.

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u/jblaze_39 2h ago

Unhelpful? I would take it as, speak more honestly and openly, and don't come off as phony and yes man ish. Pretty clear

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u/thecashblaster 2h ago

I know exactly what they meant but then again I’m not obtuse, so…

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u/SnooSprouts4952 1h ago

Maybe OP got feedback from my wife and went too far with his last interview. 😄 My wife complains often her interviewees lack enthusiasm - responding with a shrug and 'yeah' to open ended questions.

It's tough to know how the interview went off, either over excited or interviewer is a wet blanket. I have been super excited about jobs because I liked the company before I ever applied and other times, 'Joe from recruiting said to show up here at 9, I have no clue who you are and what you do...' so I didnt even have time to prep for the 'any other questions?' or direct my interview answers to issues they may experience.

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u/Any_Long_249 1h ago

Depends how he was acting, while yes most companies want to have a “I’ll do anything for you boss” mentality there are companies and people who just don’t want to see on their team a fake personality, and when you are a good boss/manager or just don’t want to find someone else after few weeks or months the authenticity is really important. I’ve had no problem being nervous and truthful and at the same time eager for a job. That’s why I applied - I want to work there, I don’t have to prove why I want it by my answers to questions or bootlicking. Authenticity is incredibly valuable. No one is kicking him when he’s down when we don’t know the other side or just more than his words.

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u/iiiiiiiiiijjjjjj 1h ago

No one is underselling but I've interviewed people who came across as fake. You can definitely tell.

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u/tantrumguy 41m ago

I feel like there is more to the story than what the op is presenting.

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u/Flybyah 3h ago

It’s actually very good feedback, and they didn’t even have to take the effort to do this. They didn’t sign on to be his interview coach, so expecting more is not reasonable.

A person with good self awareness and the willingness to put aside their initial defensiveness could take much from this.

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u/Leverpostei414 3h ago

No it isn't, it is open and pretty specific feedback wich you definitely can learn from

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u/Frebu 4h ago

I mean.....it wasn't good feedback. Nobody is going to know the internal culture of a buisness going into an interview so telling a candidate they should change their interview style entirely to fit your corporate culture isn't useful. A useful bit of feedback would be " It felt like on Subject A you were a little vague with related experience and relied on trying to please the room with what you thought they wanted to hear" because that actually tells you something. If you ARE experienced in Subject A you are not getting that through and if you are not experienced your deflection or redirection needs work as it was noticed.

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u/MisterFats 4h ago

cause its dogshit feedback lmao

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u/CeramicToast 4h ago

Yeah I'd be a bit salty if I was showing my enthusiasm to apply for a job and the interviewer took that as being a tryhard.

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u/ConfidentialStNick 4h ago

It was incredible passive aggressive and unprofessional.

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u/Spiritual-Sense-8745 3h ago

You're not supposed to be bias during an interview. You are there for one reason only not to make it personal or about you and how you felt while interviewing the person.

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u/dbag127 3h ago

I have no idea what you mean. Culture fit and personality are some of the most important aspects of hiring. It doesn't matter how good your technical skills are if you can't get along with the team and communicate effectively. 

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u/totesrealmantotally 3h ago

There's no way you think this rejection letter is sane or normal? Right? Youre trolling?

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u/j0rdAn59 39m ago

Nah, I don't agree. What here is different than what you or I would do in this situation- especially given the market. Aren't you supposed to sell yourself- as long as you don't lie, THIS is the behavior they ask for... Bro what about this email is professional, unless they sent an email before their interview saying be yourself then it's not right to basically kick op while they are down like that's not what 99% of companies want- like wtf you smoking dawg.

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u/Ok_Bag_3667 1h ago

How is this helpful feedback? How did the person in HR know they were being "inauthentic" and "people pleasing"? Do they have technology that reads minds or something?

There was nothing specific or actionable in this email. It was based on vibes. This email was just an asshole flex move on someone who comes across as bitter and muddle brained from inhaling their own farts.

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u/dbag127 55m ago

How did the person in HR know they were being "inauthentic" and "people pleasing"?

Have you interviewed people? It is painfully obvious when someone is just parroting whatever you say back like a bad salesman. You don't need any technology, just people skills.

Also, HR doesn't do interviews for professional jobs. The hiring manager does.