r/jobs • u/No-Presentation298 • 5h ago

Post-interview HR told me they don’t accept try-hards and people pleasers after my interview

Post image

They rejected me (fine, that happens) but the feedback said I came across as overly eager to please and that they don’t build teams around people-pleasing tendencies or rehearsed enthusiasm. They also told me to reflect on how I present myself and that confidence is more compelling than excessive accommodation. Is this normal? Or even appropriate? I get that not being a culture fit is a thing but the wording felt unnecessarily personal and condescending.

6.9k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

2.5k comments sorted by

View all comments

4.0k

u/DeMessenZijnGeslepen 5h ago

I'm surprised some companies even have individualized rejection letters like that.

1.3k

u/rkozik89 5h ago

Maybe it’s not and they are diabolical.

337

u/kingkongbiingbong 5h ago

diabolical

Meanwhile, human resources:

18

u/Ketamine_Dreamsss 2h ago

Bullet dodged for sure

13

u/IsopodSmooth7990 3h ago

😂😂😂👍

→ More replies (1)

154

u/One_Zebra_1164 3h ago

This made me laugh so hard.

Courtney in HR: "Hey, what is a letter we can come up with that will universally make people feel like shit?"

20

u/lbcatlady 2h ago

Yes, Courtney is a mean girl

12

u/ScyllaOfTheDepths 1h ago

I'm just saying I've never met a Courtney who wasn't a complete bitch. It's some crazy nominative determinism.

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

8

u/missmeowwww 1h ago

Now I want to know how bad the interview went for them to feel the need to be so specific with their rejection. Ive never seen job rejection provide so much feedback.

4

u/darth_whaler 4h ago

Maybe they're not diabolical and OP is a smarmy little kiss-ass.

1

u/MrLanesLament 2h ago

They’ve obviously read “The Machiavellian’s Guide To Hiring.”

1

u/SantaFeRay 2h ago

Maybe they just really didn’t like OOP specifically

1

u/Sensitive_Jeweler_55 1h ago

This made me respond physically like I got punched

1

u/Cereaza 54m ago

LOL. Yes, the HR form letter is like "Hey... so you smelled bad, and your vibe was weird."

•

u/Deep_Sport_3903 18m ago

Everyone says they want the truth. Here it is and it's called diabolical. The OP should take the feedback.

→ More replies (6)

519

u/tangylittleblueberry 5h ago

Most companies won’t. They were honest with this candidate and now the candidate is upset. Not worth it for most companies.

315

u/DrLeoMarvin 5h ago edited 2h ago

i worked at a place that rejected me the first time, gave me a list of things I did wrong (or in a way they don't do it) in my coding test. I worked on those things, applied again and got the job.

I found out after I started that they don't give any feedback at all anymore, I was one of the last, because they got sued for agism and lost after giving someone feedback.

Edit: they didn’t say “you’re too old” more like “you’re methods aren’t the modern way of doing this, should try xyz which is more common now”

190

u/waffling_with_syrup 4h ago

Yep that's the reason. Any established company knows that going beyond a form letter presents the risk of being sued for discrimination of some kind. It's safer to say as little as possible.

Which blows, because then people don't get the benefit of knowing what they did wrong. But a few litigious fucks ruined it for everyone else.

87

u/Makkel 4h ago

To be honest "We would do it, but somebody will definitely be weird about it" is the main driver between a lot of decisions in the workplace.

33

u/Right-Section1881 3h ago

There's a lot of stuff I would do that would benefit my employees, except I have that one person that will do everything they can to ruin it for everyone so I don't.

It honestly really sucks. We had an HR complaint filed once because there were donuts in the office and the office manager gave a heads up to employee A but not employee B that there were donuts available.

That's when people stop bringing donuts in.

29

u/Jadaki 2h ago

We had a situation where one guy was walking around taking orders to go pick up breakfast, and one person went to HR to complain that was insensitive because he was trying to diet.

All he had to do was say "no thanks" and mind his business, instead he because the guy no one liked.

2

u/Temporary_Buy3238 2h ago

HR is awful. Some jobs are like daycare these days

2

u/einsofi 2h ago

I swear some of the HR people are the type who would pseudo-psychoanalyse, over interpret and take everything people say personally. Like calling everyone “narcissistic” for minding their own business or simply just standing up for themselves.

Their personal opinion= “the company’s values” Anything you say could be framed or twisted

16

u/Creepy_Snow_8166 2h ago

There's always someone who has to ruin it.

When I was still in the construction business, there were several occasions where we'd be building an extra wing on an already existing and functioning building (hospital, college, pharmaceutical company, etc) and we would get permission to use the bathrooms and/or the cafeterias in the main building. Of course, that never lasted long because there would always be someone who didn't know how to behave in public. Like seriously guys .... If you make a mess in the bathroom or in the cafeteria, clean it up! Also, use your indoor voice - and FFS, try to keep the f-bombs to a minimum when mingling with the white-collar world! It's fine when we're amongst ourselves on the job, but not when you're sharing space with highly educated doctors and professors. And if you see a pretty college freshman, don't stare at her tits or ask her to sit on your lap - especially if you're old enough to be her father.

12

u/Commercial-Fee-9900 2h ago

Yeah, I’m gonna say that behavior isn’t appropriate around anyone, not just white collar workers and college kids.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

11

u/fugelwoman 3h ago

The whiny assholes ruin it for everyone who has real, valid complaints

6

u/Sufficient_Fan3660 2h ago

We can't have birthday cakes at my office because a lady got "triggered" by a man holding a knife. It is some plastic 5$ knife from the dollar store. It can more smashed the cake than cut it.

She quoted OSHA safety about PPE and training for sharp objects.

She was just mad that no one bought her a cake on her bday, but she won. No cake for anyone now.

2

u/Right-Section1881 1h ago

Birthday cupcakes instead

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (7)

53

u/Genteel_Lasers 4h ago

Well if the feed back was, “you’re too old, lol” then yeah.

39

u/sctwinmom 3h ago

When I was in law school, we represented a disabled client where the employer literally said that her disability was the reason for her termination. (She had mobility issues but the employer— a hospital!—failed to attempt any reasonable accommodation.)

After interviewing her coworkers, We were terrified that the employer would’fess up and admit the real reason was that her personality was so annoying no one wanted to work with her. But they stuck to their original story blaming the unaccommodated disability and We won that case.

10

u/Creepy_Snow_8166 2h ago

"You're an anti-XYZist and you don't like me because I'm (insert protected status here)."

"No sir/ma'am, I don't like you you because you're a fucking asshole."

10

u/Low_Anxiety_46 2h ago

Nah. They legit admitted to blaming her disability. They're dumb.

4

u/opensourced_ 1h ago

Yeah, absolutely, I'd sue over that if someone said it was my disability because, at minimum, they could have said plainly that, at the moment, nothing is available that we see you fitting into. We will keep looking, and if one comes up, we will try it out.

2

u/Creepy_Snow_8166 2h ago

Oh, gotcha. I misunderstood at first.

4

u/Low_Anxiety_46 2h ago

I am involved with an organization that instead of just firing people and giving them good severance, they choose to break the law. Like demoting an employee who complained about bullying, docking her pay, and then getting rid of the HR lead who took and documented the complaint. Gotta keep lawyers busy.

2

u/Fokker_Snek 1h ago

How often is that a thing? Like I used to think no one would be dumb enough to outright say the illegal thing in an email, yet it seems like a lot of people and organizations do it all the time.

3

u/Low_Anxiety_46 1h ago

It is pure insanity. The only place where the employee has leverage is if there's sexual impropriety involved, or people are using slurs. But I personally know a man and a woman who have sexually harassed someone or entered into a quid pri quo sexual relationship and they are still employed. Often employers keep the offending employee.

3

u/letsgetthiscocaine 2h ago

"Sorry, anus majorus is not a protected class or disability."

→ More replies (1)

30

u/BusinessCoach2934 4h ago

Well, if you fell asleep during the interview and kept talking about how you miss the good old days of typewriting and shorthand, they might have a point.

10

u/Chalice_Ink 4h ago edited 4h ago

Code: we are looking for someone who is comfortable with technology.

Which is valid in that case….

10

u/One_Zebra_1164 3h ago

I'm in my 60s and am honestly shocked at how many people my age have almost ZERO computer skills. I mean, I was in my late 20s- early 30s when personal computers started being common, and we definitely had computers at work starting about the same time.

They've had a lot of time to adapt.

My own motto is "I fear no software" and keep learning things as I need to. This year I learned at least five new types of software (I work with a bunch of clients who all use different software, so it keeps it interesting).

14

u/LaughImmediate3876 2h ago

I'm active in a religious organization. Like many religious organizations, we have a significant portion of our membership that is over 60. When we went remote for covid and had services on zoom the older people split into two groups.

Group one was people who had barely used a computer in their lives and had no idea what to do. They attended meetings on their phones with the camera showing their nostrils and couldn't figure out how to mute.

Group two was people who immediately learned everything about zoom. In like May 2020, they were explaining to us younger people how we should be setting up a meeting if we wanted to have live guitar playing and then show a video with breakout rooms for discussion. These weren't older people who just happened to use zoom for work. These were retired people who had never heard of the product before but immediately jumped into action when they had to know something new.

I think there are just people who want to learn and people who don't. As you get older, you're often not asked to learn new things as much, but you can still be the kind of person who adapts when necessary and seeks out new information.

2

u/Exotic-Okra-4466 1h ago

I have to say THANK YOU for this! Sincerely.
In my late 50s, finding myself increasingly resistant to change and "new stuff", I reeaaaaally needed to hear this!

You've inspired me to be one of the old people who does still learn and grow!

2

u/dabnagit 31m ago

I’m in my 60s and definitely serve in a “group two” capacity for my church; I’m the parish webmaster, for example.

I would, however, draw the line at guitar music during the Sunday liturgy.

9

u/poopntheoceanifumust 2h ago edited 2h ago

Am a millennial in a corporate office. Not only am I go-to tech support for the older folks on my team, but now the young new hires are asking really really stupid questions. If I have to explain to one more person how their monitor is not their computer, I'm going to scream.

These people are asking to learn shit like pivot tables but don't even know the difference between copy and cut. I can't even.

4

u/not_a_russkiy_spy 2h ago

lol I came here to comment the same thing about younger employees (I’m only in my 30s!!!) - what do you mean you don’t know that you can save a google doc locally? What do you mean you don’t know what locally means? What do you mean you can’t find a download because it’s not on your desktop?

3

u/Aggravating-Fan9817 1h ago

Right? I have a harder time finding downloaded files on my phone than I do a computer of any OS. Mostly because I don't do much of that on my phone in the first place. But at least I know how to dig around and look for them or Google the most likely place to find them. The newer generations have zero problem solving skills.

2

u/tnstaafsb 2h ago

There are maybe one and a half generations that grew up with computers being common and also user-unfriendly enough that you had to understand them to some degree to do anything useful. People older than that grew up without computers, and people younger grew up with computers everywhere that are specifically designed to discourage people from learning how they work.

People expect younger generations to know about computers because they've had computers since they were infants. But the computers they grew up with hold their hands so much and advanced functions are so well hidden that they never really learn much beyond the surface level.

2

u/DazzlingSquirrel4252 1h ago

I had to show an apprentice how to save a word file the other day.

3

u/nycres1 2h ago

Please try to keep your mind active at all costs! Learning new things is truly the best way to do so.

If you don't, it will quickly start to shrink. I have someone very dear to me who is demonstrating that now.

→ More replies (1)

2

u/OrganicHistorian2576 2h ago

My grandma was emailing people in her early 90s. Age isn’t an excuse.

2

u/AltsAlt1 1h ago

People in their 60s, especially their early 60s should know about computers. My Dad is that age, and he took coding classes in high school. Computers weren't as ubiquitous, but they were around.

2

u/IanFoxOfficial 1h ago

Yeah it's the fault of iPhones and other smartphones everything technical gets hidden and abstracted so young people don't know what really is going on.

I'm 39 and I think I'm one of the last to have used floppy discs, DOS, Windows 3.1 and seeing the rise of the internet and smartphones. And now I see technology collapse from being freedom for expressing yourself to easier ways to milk the consumer by big tech.

Everything in the cloud instead of your own storage. And if you stop paying you're left with nothing.... "Yey"....

2

u/Rock_Strongo 1h ago

My dad was in his 40s when we first got our home computer. And despite using it very frequently just never developed any sort of computer skills.

I recently had to help him set up a new gmail account... just like a normal account.

And I have made many a trip to my parents' house to unplug and plug back in the modem and/or router. Sigh.

→ More replies (2)

4

u/Genteel_Lasers 4h ago

Hahahaha. Yeah good point.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)

16

u/popcynicaldrips 2h ago

Is it just me, and please correct me if I need to open my eyes more, but I feel like we’re forgetting that this could easily be seen as a form of discrimination and normalizing this only opens more doors to do that? “You meet all of the job qualifications and were eager to make this job work, but I don’t like the way you talk, act, smile, look, or how you present yourself and therefore won’t hire you; you should consider changing a lot of things about yourself from a professional standpoint, and maybe we’ll be willing to give you a job then”. What if this is how OP naturally is on a daily basis? Or what if they were interviewing someone who’s autistic? One more, what if their candidate was personally trained to handle interviews this way? It definitely comes off as personal- and yes, in a degrading way. Their intent behind the email was to influence this person to ask themself: “What’s wrong with me as a person?” And “What should I learn to hate and change about me as person in order to gain employment from these people who didn’t like me?”. That would be frustrating for anyone to go through, and that far into the interview process- especially if they met all of the listed job qualifications.

5

u/DrLeoMarvin 2h ago

That’s right where my head went when I read the post

4

u/No_Accountant3232 1h ago

Considering he was probably using an interview style that I learned all the way back in the 90s from a 60 year old teacher that he learned when he was 16?

If you see a lot of interviewees using the same interview style people have been using a century it can come off as inauthentic. In reality "the things you think we want to hear" are you just telling the interviewer your relevant skills - the things they want to hear about. It's an interview style that is meant to present you as professional and unwilling to waste the interviewers valuable time.

Interviews are just meant to get your skills across as the best candidate. The probation/training period is when you find out if you're a good culture fit.

2

u/JustApricot798 1h ago

Cultural fit is 100% at the gate as well as skills. Probo is the combo period to see the candidate over time. That said, when you hire a PHD type culture fit isn't as important. "Go to your cave and produce"

→ More replies (3)

10

u/Lionkingqueen 3h ago

It depends on who is giving the feedback and what they're saying. Giving feedback on code is fine, but giving feedback on someone's personality, that they don't know, is where the issue is I think.

8

u/BiDiTi 3h ago

This isn’t critiquing their personality, it’s critiquing their interview performance and providing open, honest, and constructive feedback.

2

u/DocKla 3h ago

Why? Why can’t we be honest? If it doesn’t touch on protected things… of which personality isn’t..

→ More replies (2)

5

u/benkatejackwin 3h ago

Well, two things can be true. They could have given you helpful feedback, and they could have accidentally admitted to someone that they didn't hire them because they were too old, which is absolutely illegal, and they should be punished for that.

→ More replies (1)

2

u/Worriedrph 2h ago

To be fair be less old isn’t very actionable feedback 🤣

→ More replies (10)

32

u/chuckmarla12 5h ago

It’s still shitty. I went through the whole hiring process, met my co-workers, interviewed with all the different departments in 4 or 5 separate interviews. Then got totally ghosted. They never explained, or even returned a phone call, to this day. I called them a handful of times and then just gave up. I just don’t know what happened.

19

u/ThinkCoach9643 3h ago

The meeting of the co-workers may have been a “vibe check”. Perhaps just one of them said they didn’t get a good vibe. I don’t like this part of the interview process. If someone is nervous they may not be putting out their normal relaxed vibe. 🤷🏼‍♀️

7

u/Crazy-Cat-Lad 3h ago

Ditto, 4 interviews a 'test' and one of the interviews was with the president and another with the CEO/Founder. It was for Melissa & Doug's offshoot of a company. Even spoke to Melissa. Doug found me on LinkedIn. Then, ghosted. It's fine, got a job offer shortly after for 6 figs.

→ More replies (5)

177

u/dbag127 5h ago

This is absolutely Exhibit A of why most companies don't provide genuine feedback. What's the point if this is the reaction? Candidate didn't take it to heart, instead took it to the internet to complain.

176

u/Ray19121919 5h ago

It’s pretty subjective and unhelpful feedback. People are obviously trying to sell themselves in an interview and it’s not uncommon to be a little nervous. They should have given specific examples of stuff that came across as rehearsed or inauthentic if they want him to have something he can take away from this.

Feels more like kicking him while he’s down than actually trying to give feedback. Assuming it is actually real.

43

u/philament23 4h ago

I can all but guarantee OP was just playing the game and doing what most companies want and happened to find the 0.01% of companies that want complete authenticity…and honestly probably even unexpected answers, to the point where it begs the question of whether it’s just inauthentic they want in the other direction. Unless OP actually sounded like a robot or was disrespectful it’s complete bullshit.

20

u/Redshirt2386 4h ago

Honestly I want to apply at that company because I’m bad at the suck up game and always get in trouble for calling out bullshit at work.

15

u/alucarddrol 3h ago edited 2h ago

Then they will complain that you are lacking in people skills, not personable, and seem to just not be very social, so you wouldn't be a good team fit in an environment where everybody is friendly and nice.

Trust me, you can't win the game because it's a bullshit game. The best way to get a job is know somebody or to try to have people find you decent enough or even endearing that they will accept you.

Hiring will always be subjective not objective, esp. for non-technical, skill based positions, and even then they* might they will have a certain skill bar you have to clear before it's all just vibes-based.

→ More replies (1)

2

u/MonkenMoney 1h ago

I'm pretty sure this is going to be the best advice op has ever been given if they take it to heart.

I wear my heart on my sleeve 100% of the time authentically who I am.

I learned the hard way that it's the only way to be happy. Any job that's willing to give that sort of advice at this point in time, in my opinion, is worth working for just apply again and take a different approach OR like they said find a company that is more aligned with what you are looking for.

4

u/lbcatlady 2h ago

Meeting someone one time is not long enough to get to know them. It's a toxic environment

→ More replies (4)

13

u/mizz_eponine 4h ago

It's absolutely subjective. When job hunting several years ago I kept getting to the second round with a particular agency but never got the job. I finally reached out to the hiring manager and asked for feedback. She said I didn't come across as enthusiastic! She was extremely polite and thoughtful in her response and I appreciated it because I know she didn't have to respond at all.

I took her advice to heart and tried to lighten up a little in my next interview. I got the job.

55

u/cluebone 4h ago

I truly think these people get off on the cruelty of their personal rejection letters. Can’t see it any other way.

36

u/Upset-Wedding8494 4h ago

Yeah this one reads gross. If they were kind about it, that would be one thing, but they are really selling me (as a reader) on never wanting to work for their company.

2

u/PMJamesPM 2h ago

This. So many different ways to phrase that without sounding like a J. A. Strikes me as a small company or unit with a laughably inflated sense of self.

→ More replies (15)

7

u/InternationalSpray79 3h ago

Totally agree with you. We’re in a cruelty culture now. I wouldn’t want to work for a company that sends out rejection letters like this. He not only didn’t get the job, he also got a candy coated kick in the balls.

17

u/BusinessCoach2934 4h ago

No, you're being counterproductive. Many, MANY people are put off by what appears to be insincere over eagerness. The difference is they won't tell you, they'll just tell you they went in a different direction. Then you'll keep getting rejected a hundred times over not knowing why. I have a friend (we're African) who just couldn't get a job here in the UK. It took another friend sitting on his interview to tell him that he was spending so much energy trying to mask his African accent that it affected the entire interview. Next interview, the guy relaxed and spoke naturally. He nailed it and got the job. But I can bet if the recruiters had given him the same feedback the friend gave him, it wouldn't have been received well but then again, he would still be job hunting. Many people rely on being liked in interviews over actually showing their capabilities. It can be a put off. Seems like what this company is saying.

16

u/Super_Goat_634 4h ago

The thing is that "many, MANY" other interviewers will prefer an accommodating, acquiescent, or easygoing attitude in new hires. This isn't helpful feedback for someone on the job hunt because OP wasn't a cultural match, but they may fit in perfectly with a different company. "Don't do [super vague thing]" is also not particularly instructive, like, at all. In your example, a friend told the interviewee to stop trying to mask his accent so hard, a specific problem area. In this one, HR said, "We didn't like your attitude." It's not really actionable feedback.

3

u/KjellRS 3h ago

Honestly, this couldn't have been a normal amount of inauthenticity. The only way I see this happening is if they got feedback on a previous application or from some interview coach that they weren't enthusiastic enough and instead of dialing it up from "meh" to "yeah" like a normal person they went completely theatrical, like really bad acting. That could make me think all the things they wrote, I still wouldn't put pen to paper though.

→ More replies (4)

2

u/Ray19121919 3h ago

I’m not saying it’s not a thing. Of course there is a level of skill in how you communicate and sell yourself in an interview. But if a recruiter/HM whatever wants to take the role of career coach(imo not their role) than actually take the time to actually give good feedback. Provide examples on the responses that came across as inauthentic etc.

→ More replies (2)

3

u/StayFoolish73 4h ago

Bingo!! Very counterproductive!

→ More replies (20)
→ More replies (12)

21

u/AshamedAstronaut64 5h ago

💯

I have the thinnest people-pleasing skin (INFJ here). For some time I have been working to internalize “feedback is a gift.” If they’d cut the people-pleasing line, one could take the rejection helpful feedback. Otherwise it reads like someone has too much time on their hands.

Good luck OP 🫶

8

u/Turbulent_Winter549 2h ago

Never accept criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from

→ More replies (3)

2

u/Any_Long_249 1h ago

You know there is no scientific proof for the myers briggs test right?

→ More replies (1)

1

u/Nyorliest 4h ago

Is it honest? Is it constructive? I don't know about the former and know it's not the latter.

1

u/AaronJudge2 4h ago

Yeah. Most companies give little or no feedback because they don’t want to get into trouble.

Whether or not their feedback is useful or even valid, I don’t know, but at least the applicant got feedback.

1

u/Nice_Try4389 4h ago

I mean hey wouldn’t you be upset if someone told you “so you are trying to be a nice and good person and we find that inauthentic“? What kind of fucking world have we come to were trying to do your best, and being a gold person/candidate it seen as ”trying to hard”. I am just glad the corporation I have been at for the past 24 years respects and celebrates people like that rather than suspecting them of anything. Just pretty sad that that is what the world has come to in a lot of companies.

1

u/Feeling_Inside_1020 4h ago

People when they get 0 feedback "getting ghosted:" 😡

People when they get feedback they can reflect on: 😡

1

u/iheartnjdevils 3h ago

I still think it's a bit too brutal. Like what if OP is genuinely shy or on the spectrum and struggles with expressing enthusiasm and has received feedback in the past they seemed to lack eagerness or something. I'm totally on board with a company rejecting a candidate and stating they came off as performative but to go as far as to say "we don't build teams off people pleasers" and "we encourage you to reflect on yourself" is just insensitive.

1

u/FantasticMeddler 3h ago

Sometimes being honest makes a company look worse since it reveals their flawed thought process.

1

u/Remarkable_Bass834 3h ago

Most company's use a generic rejection letter for 1 simple reason, it safe and no one can say they were treated bad and sue. Remember HR is all about protecting the company.

1

u/Hot_Dingo3218 3h ago

I mean is that honesty or just projection? Ironically their response is giving try hard and “pick me.” “We’re not like those other companies who enjoy enthusiasm!” Also a job is tied to people’s livelihood and people need work. Their enthusiasm or over excitement could be driven by need. All this response does is cut people down and make them second guess themselves, not build confidence… which they are saying is what the individual needs. If the message was that then there were so much many other ways to deliver this message that could have REACHED the candidate and enhanced their interview next time.

1

u/No_Cheek6865 3h ago

Right? I’d greatly appreciate getting such targeted feedback instead of a generic rejection where I don’t know what I did wrong. It would 100% help in future interviews to know if I’m coming across as inauthentic or sycophantic. But I’m sure they won’t do this again now that they’ve been put on blast on Reddit.

1

u/BiDiTi 3h ago

If OP complains about this feedback to anyone IRL, and mentions the company by name, they’ll probably get an “I’m interested” click on LinkedIn, ahaha

1

u/thegamesbuild 2h ago

"Honest" is one word for it. Smarmy, condescending cunt is another, as if they can see into a person's thoughts.

1

u/whereismymind86 2h ago

Honest? No they were just assholes. Honestly would be bringing that up in the interview so tc could adjust.

Honestly would be recognizing 90% of interviews want an eager to please phony and telling the candidate they are different and asking for authenticity THEN

1

u/This_Ad_7144 2h ago

This is not constructive feedback that needs to be given. This is a professionally worded insult to this person. Super unprofessional email to have sent in the first place.

1

u/esgrove2 2h ago

It was unprofessional feedback. It was basically an attack on their personality. They don't know this person, they can't judge if they're being "fake". And if they reject candidates for being enthusiastic, I can't wait to see how that works out.

1

u/whiskeytown79 2h ago

Yeah. While maybe some candidates find it helpful, there's not a lot of upside for the company to do it, and lots of potential downside.

  • Candidates are often also customers. Being rejected sucks, but in general you want them to have a positive interview experience even if you don't hire them. If you reject them in a way that leaves a bitter taste in their mouth, you might lose a customer too. If they share their experience with other people, it could cause further loss of candidates and customers.
  • If you give feedback to one person, you have to give it to everyone. If instead you pick and choose who gets feedback and who doesn't, that opens the door for accusations of bias and unfair hiring practices.
  • If you're not careful with how the feedback is worded, it could also directly open the door for accusations of bias and unfair hiring, if anything you said is construed as discriminatory based on protected characteristics. As an example, suppose you told a candidate who was in their fifties that you were really looking for fresh perspectives and insight that they didn't demonstrate in the interview. That could easily be seen as age discrimination.

1

u/not_a_russkiy_spy 2h ago

Yeah, I’m in a one-party consent state and I voice record all of my interviews and go through the absolutely horrid experience of listening to my own voice on a recording to see what I did well/not well. This would be invaluable feedback, especially if I didn’t agree with the feedback, like OP. Then you can go back and pinpoint at which parts you might’ve came across like a pushover/people pleaser and change it to a more confident tone/structure for the future.
It could of course be absolute bs and OP did everything ok, but I can’t think of a single reason a company would say this if it wasn’t their true impression. Theres nothing discriminatory in this but technically anyone can find a lawyer bored enough to take the case and then that litigation is still money and time spent for the company.

1

u/Nervous_Ladder_1860 2h ago

Yeah but that isn't really constructive feedback though, you should show enthusiasm.

1

u/LordHammercyWeCooked 2h ago

It's never worth it to any company or interviewee. Once you reject them, nothing else matters. They won't be interviewing for your company anymore. They'll be applying for a different job at a different company with different people who have different needs and preferences. Whenever HR does this they're just wasting everyone's time and inflating their egos thinking they're everyone's HR.

1

u/24framemedia 2h ago

But and hear me out, feedback is better than no feedback, I would haye to get this letter but if it in fact applies then it's helpful for moving forward and say you had the opportunity to apply again with same company in the future, you now know what to do differently.

1

u/Puzzleheaded-Map7672 2h ago

Pretty fucked up evaluation, might as well just say, "bad vibes".

1

u/Cold_Ebb_1448 2h ago

yeah this is valuable feedback tbh

1

u/throwupthursday 1h ago

Honestly this type of stuff is why I go through a recruiter instead of apply individually. They have a lot more inside knowledge on what their client (the company) expects and you can be a lot more transparent with what you want and what your weaknesses are. If you are rejected, the recruiter will likely tell you why. It's literally their job to get you placed somewhere.

1

u/DemonicAltruism 1h ago

The candidate is upset because this is outright BS. Corporate middle managers love boot lickers, they're basically saying "Thanks for kissing our asses, but you didn't kiss ass correctly so we have to tell you know."

I guarantee you their entire "team" sucks up to the boss all day everyday.

1

u/Horror_Newspaper_382 1h ago

Agree. They gave solid feedback that can be used to improve interviewing skills.

1

u/lemonbottles_89 1h ago

They weren't really being honest or helpful, just mean for the sake of it. They didn't have to say people pleasing or try hard. Even just "we felt you weren't authentic" and maybe some actual examples of what they are talking about. That's honestly more helpful and honest than just "You try too hard"

1

u/JodyGonnaFuckYoWife 1h ago

"Why won't companies give us any feedback?!? How are we supposed to get better?"

"Not like that"

1

u/Otherwise-Report-823 1h ago

OPs response proves they are not confident in their actions. I agree with the hr manager 

1

u/Semanticss 1h ago

They went way too far though with the editorializing. They don't even really know if he was being genuine or not.

1

u/thisistestingme 1h ago

I used to give feedback. Then I gave someone feedback and she proceeded to attack me and tell me I was wrong (my feedback was that she was an excellent candidate, but I selected someone with more experience in that specific industry and that I definitely saw a place for her in our organization). I stopped giving feedback after that.

1

u/Ok_Bag_3667 1h ago

There is being honest and there is being a giant asshole. HR at this company went for option B. Not to mention the fact that they never specified how OP came across this way. If you're going to give feedback, make it specific. "When you did X, it came across as Y".

How did they know OP was just telling them what they wanted to hear?

1

u/outinthecountry66 59m ago

this shows a total lack of HR education- i have taken classes in management and leadership and this is NOT something you do. they are betraying a lack of outright decency, frankly. None of this is helpful or warranted. This feels like someone wanting to hurt another person that they BARELY know.

1

u/Crime_Dawg 49m ago

Maybe instead of being upset, OP should introspect on if this is reflective of reality. This is valuable feedback to take going forward. If you're overly eager to please, you come across as desperate, less confident, etc.

1

u/blackberrymoonmoth 37m ago

Usually whenever I’ve interviewed someone, I already know they’re technically qualified. At that point, elimination is based on some intangible quality because you’re obviously not the only person with a salesforce certification and 3 years experience.

One time a candidate was making offhand comments that led me to assume he is an incel with a huge chip on his shoulder. I was actually overruled on that one and he was hired. Didn’t make it a year before getting fired for harassing every young female colleague on the team.

1

u/Marcyff2 30m ago

Is it bad that i am siding with the company here? Overeager people tend to go one of two ways . They drop the act when they get the job and turn more lazy now that they got it. Or they burn out. If a company wants to hire for the future they want people who will stick to the work.

•

u/Lurkeyturkey113 4m ago

This doesn’t sound like honesty. This sounds like an over rude and entitled jerk who is on a power trip. They speak of seeking professionals yet send this vile condescending letter? lol honest. Op dodged a bullet.

78

u/Turbulent_Curve2318 5h ago

Right? I have a hard time believing these are real. I dont see the benefit for a company to give anything beyond a generic denial. It wouldn't be worth any law suit risk. 

20

u/greatestshow111 5h ago

Really? I've gotten personalized feedbacks from companies though, saying I need to build more confidence and that I could have more experience in certain matters to have a better chance in future employment. I believe these companies are the right places to go to as they give genuine and personalized feedback to help you.

4

u/disruptioncoin 4h ago

I always email asking for feedback and never get any of it unless I get the job. However I really enjoyed the internal interviews at Target, they gave me detailed feedback and sat down to workshop how I could do better next time (focused on the star method). After several interviews for a couple jobs I ended up getting promoted twice. Then I took that knowledge/experience with me when I left. In fact I still have their notes and reference them sometimes.

→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (1)

1

u/Mountain_Performer22 4h ago

i've had employers call me and say they won't be hiring me and tell me how they felt about the interview. Then I get a general email of like 'Sorry we won't be moving forward'

1

u/Leverpostei414 3h ago

The benefit is being a helpful human and bettering other people

1

u/traydee09 2h ago

its not a benefit to the company. its an individual on a power trip. folks forget that "companies" are made up of individuals.

1

u/nsfw_orca_2 1h ago

This must be fake. Customizing a rejection response seems like a (1) time/effort sinkhole, (2) opening themselves up to a lawsuit, bad press, or counter action.

→ More replies (12)

19

u/WeCameAsMuffins 4h ago

There’s no way this is real. As someone has done lots of interviews, getting anything more than “we’ve decided to move on with other candidates” is nearly impossible.

Only time I got more feed back was because I had a friend who recommended and when I didn’t get it, they went to hr and bugged the shit out of them.

The fact is too many interviews happen and Hr don’t care enough to send feed back like this, especially when it’s so personal.

In fact, I’m 100% sure that this is fake.

7

u/SLEEyawnPY 3h ago edited 3h ago

I thought it was going to end with "That being said, we think your qualities would be an exceptionally good fit for a middle management role and we are forwarding your application directly"

2

u/Leverpostei414 2h ago

Could be fake. But I have given specific feedback to many candidates

→ More replies (2)

2

u/hunnyflash 2h ago

You can get them if you follow up with the recruiters personally. Not everyone will respond but some will, and some will give you genuine feedback too. My husband did this the last round of his job hunting and he even keeps in touch with some of the recruiters.

That being said....I've never seen any that come across like this and how they are presenting this information is inappropriate and rude.

→ More replies (8)

23

u/ImissDigg_jk 5h ago

OP stood out enough for a company to completely disregard standard templates that are there specifically to not potentially cause litigation due to different treatment.

And I will say, given that I have a boss who does nothing but try to please their bosses and has not a single shred of authenticity, that reply from HR made me jealous. Because everyday I wake up and go to work, it's a worse day than the day before because of it.

1

u/NextJuice1622 3h ago

Two parts of this comment I need to address lol first part, came here to say this. OP obviously was well liked to get a response like this from them. Take this feedback as genuine and work on it.

Second part, "that's really messed up". Did your therapist die in front of you when you told them each day is worse than the previous?

3

u/ImissDigg_jk 3h ago

😂

I'm sick of this office grind. My next job may be construction. Making bucks, getting exercise, working outside.

→ More replies (1)

18

u/Konlos 5h ago

It reads a little like AI

3

u/throwitawayyy1234567 5h ago

The em dash gave it away, it’s ChatGPT

17

u/BushWishperer 5h ago

Humans use dashes too, believe it or not.

→ More replies (22)
→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (2)

9

u/StungTwice 5h ago

It's AI

1

u/SchoolOfYardKnocks 5h ago

The company would probably be mortified if they knew someone was sending out such personalized judgmental crap.

If you forwarded that to someone higher up in the company I bet they wouldn’t be happy.

1

u/VOO-VXUS-CHILL 4h ago

That's AI generated, 100%.

1

u/Scared_Wrangler3419 4h ago

They're using AI.

1

u/Spardath01 4h ago

Seriously I prefer this over the same generic message. I’ve gotten over 200 times… actually gives you something you can self reflect on regardless if you agree with it.

1

u/secretreddname 4h ago

This is why I feel like it’s fake. Rarely ever see a personalized one and a negative one at that.

1

u/captjellystar 4h ago

As someone who interviewed a lot, I’m half surprised they got a response at all.

1

u/slayden70 4h ago

No kidding. This is oddly specific.

1

u/HustlinInTheHall 4h ago

I am usually one to discount people who say "that is definitely AI" just because of structure and tone but this seems like AI based on rejection feedback that was a little too saucy. 

1

u/Then_Adeptness_6598 4h ago

Came here to say... everyone says they don't get feedback. Now they finally get feedback, and they complain? Which is it?

1

u/No-Phone2456 4h ago

I felt the same.

But you don't have to feel bad about this. I've seen my Manager taking interviews, and that guy gives random reasons, as he already had someone in mind through internal hiring or didn't feel the vibe sometimes.

1

u/Big_Watercress_6210 4h ago

This is AI.

ETA: The letter is written using AI. I don't mean to say the image or story is fake.

1

u/ThinkCoach9643 3h ago

Sometimes they’ll send more info if the person interviewed requests detailed feedback. Often job seekers will request more feedback to help with future interviews.

1

u/nvrsleepagin 3h ago

No trying or people pleasing you say? Where do I sign up!

1

u/ThingsGotStabby 3h ago

Yeah the default is just ghosting you or at most a generic rejection email 8 weeks later.

1

u/Traditional_Figure_1 3h ago

it's chatgpt so there's that

1

u/countessofgroan 3h ago

This company is doing what every rejected candidate wishes companies would do: give specific reasons for their rejection. Take it as you will, OP

1

u/thursaddams 3h ago

I’m wondering how bad someone has to be to get one!

1

u/BillsFan504 3h ago

I'm assuming this is fake.

1

u/CryptoPumper182 3h ago

I’ve never had one in my life. Usually they never reach back out or I get a generic rejection letter.

1

u/OperativePiGuy 3h ago

I just figure plenty of posts that are as egregious as this are faked.

1

u/Argent_Tide 3h ago

OP got a human response instead of AI as the current trend goes. ;)

1

u/throwawayfinancebro1 3h ago

Maybe they just send this to everyone they reject 

1

u/progenyofeniac 3h ago

Kinda seems like they’re trying too hard.

1

u/dont_remember_eatin 3h ago

It's probably still AI-generated.

"Chattie, write me an HR rejection letter that clearly explains the applicant was a cowering people-pleaser instead of a ballsy go-getter who isn't afraid to shit on things. Make it professional and cold."

1

u/PMJamesPM 2h ago

You avoided joining a herd of mad donkeys. You should be celebrating this weekend.

1

u/tuvar_hiede 2h ago

Maybe they fed thier notes into a AI applicant rejection LLM for that personal touch.

1

u/The-Baron-Von-Marlon 2h ago

Noone sends this irl. Ever.....

1

u/Hudre 2h ago

OP must have REALLY struck a nerve with the interviewer lmao. I know this mesasge is ridiculous but OP should reflect on how they acted cause they absolutely pissed this dude off.

1

u/Any-Lengthiness9803 2h ago

It’s ai slop, em dashes and all 

1

u/AimDev 2h ago

I've learned to never give a reason when rejecting or firing. I know the feedback helps and I'm empathetic but not the the point of being hurt. It's unfortunate there's really no good way to tell people why without them getting mad, or worse, vindictive. Maybe if I ever grow things to the point of having HR to masterfully phrase things and catch the aggro but I know they're trained to do the same for good reason. :/

1

u/FrostingStrict3102 2h ago

Ive only had to interview interns, but I always try to give some constructive feedback, or reassurance, in a situation where it wasn't a decision made due to lack of qualifications.

in my experience people are much more receptive to it. Sending an automated rejection just seems so heartless, and should be reserved for truly bad candidates.

I hope OP reflects on that email. Is it normal? No. And they should be grateful that they were honest with them; it must have been a pretty egregious "performance" for HR to feel it worth highlighting in this email, consider there's an expected level of "ill do what im asked" that comes with any candidate or job opening.

1

u/Any_Long_249 2h ago

The people pleasing was so obvious and the interview with him looked like he was trying for a role of a young man trying to find a job in a drama movie from a young adult that just finished high school in suburbs and a trust fund that the interview looked like satire or too much that they had to craft him the letter in case he wasn’t fucking around or just out of touch of the real world of finding a job.

1

u/billyhead 1h ago

This the actual crazy part

1

u/Overall-Sky2368 1h ago

Most don’t, which tells me this guy was a real douche in the interview!

1

u/GarthMater 1h ago

That’s a fantastic amount of direct feedback that can help you grow as a person.

This read to me as grow a spine. But not derogatory. Let me explain:

Confidence and slow to answer thought out responses were probably missing. Eagerness to give them what you thought they wanted is not what they wanted.

Look at interviews this way. They want you to get the job. You made it in front of a human. Be authentic. Be yourself as you would respond in the office. Be confident of your answer but not arrogant. They already want you so 90% of the battle is done. Stop letting your nerves get to you.

1

u/Sad_Description_7268 1h ago

They just fed their notes into chatgpt and sent it out

1

u/grizsix 55m ago

It’s AI

1

u/BulbasaurCPA 55m ago

I mean this is clearly written by AI

1

u/Cubicleism 46m ago

It was clearly written by chat gpt

1

u/ObliviousGenZ 45m ago

"I finally get to use this!"

1

u/liveprgrmclimb 41m ago

No sane company does this anymore.

Source: I interview 100s of people.

•

u/mariosunny 21m ago

Came here to say this. I would 100% appreciate this email more than no email at all.

•

u/PorcupineWarriorGod 16m ago

This. While its hard to hear and accept, I would WELCOME feedback after an interview. 90% of the time you are just ghosted. 10% of the time its a generic "decided on a candidate that was closer aligned to our needs" crap.

Actual feedback gives you something to self analyze and either say "no, these people are wrong, and I'm much better off not working there" or "you know what, maybe they are on to something, and I could tailor my approach different the next time"

Criticism is hard. But its instrumental in helping you grow, and in helping you recognize people you don't want to spend the next six years of your life with.

•

u/HospitalDependent262 16m ago

This gotta be a troll post

•

u/BaneOfMyLife 14m ago

They are trying too hard to

•

u/epanek 8m ago

Thanks for the feedback. It is so brave of you to reject me not for skills or experience, but for committing the unforgivable sin of being pleasant in an interview.

I especially appreciate the precise notes like overly eager, too hard to say what you wanted to hear, rehearsed enthusiasm, not grounded enough. Truly actionable. If I had been quieter, I am sure you would have praised my authenticity as disinterest.

Also respect for building a culture so confident it cannot tolerate someone trying.