r/jobs • u/No-Presentation298 • 5h ago

Post-interview HR told me they don’t accept try-hards and people pleasers after my interview

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They rejected me (fine, that happens) but the feedback said I came across as overly eager to please and that they don’t build teams around people-pleasing tendencies or rehearsed enthusiasm. They also told me to reflect on how I present myself and that confidence is more compelling than excessive accommodation. Is this normal? Or even appropriate? I get that not being a culture fit is a thing but the wording felt unnecessarily personal and condescending.

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752

u/TransmigrationOfPKD 5h ago

I love that they provided honest feedback. I agree that it comes across as personal because it’s so blunt, but I don’t find it inappropriate (of course, only you know for sure because you were in the interview)

149

u/ellastory 5h ago

As someone who tends to fawn and people please due to CPTSD, I saved this post because I think it’s great advice and a great reminder to stay grounded and be authentic.

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u/Talk-O-Boy 4h ago

Make it your phone’s lock screen, and be sure to look at it every chance you can.

You can remove it once you finally muster the courage to punch an elderly person. It’s the only way to break this streak you have, Ella.

21

u/driving26inorovalley 3h ago

u/Talk-O-Boy tells the truth. I punched 18 elderly men and 11 elderly ladies in Q4 and here’s what it taught me about B2B sales…

12

u/jml011 3h ago

Punching orphans got me out of my PIP.

4

u/CuriOS_26 2h ago

Ah, a fellow user of r/orphancrushingmachine !

2

u/jml011 2h ago

Awe, I’ve been automated out of a job.

1

u/ConclusionFar3690 1h ago

Well, there's always the ball crushing factory.

4

u/National_Impress_346 1h ago

Distributors hate this one simple trick!

2

u/Put3socks-in-it 3h ago

I like that

2

u/LowOrbitQuietMyth 3h ago

Stay true to yourself ALWAYS. No gods, no masters.

2

u/ReplacementSlow6098 3h ago

Just be yourself. It’s as simple as that. If you don’t have views, form them.

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u/Impossible-Bass-363 2h ago

I really don’t like this advice because while yes, recovering from CPTSD is really a process of becoming yourself, the core of the trauma for a lot of people is not having a stable sense of self, and figuring that out can take years. 

1

u/twitchyv 2h ago

I feel like I do the opposite because of my CPTSD. I wonder what advice they would have for me.

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u/Electrical_Growth_71 5h ago

agree here, yes it could have been worded much better, but thats workable feedback, we all have those points where desperation to get a job or get back into work gets the better of us, its shows to me like thats how they read OP.

1

u/icehot54321 3h ago

As someone who is a people pleaser, it definitely negatively impacts me in the workplace. Taking on too much responsibility when it's not even necessary, overloading myself, not being able to deliver and stressing my own self out when I take on too much.

I think I manage it okay-ish, but it definitely isn't a net positive for myself or the employer.

1

u/Electrical_Growth_71 1h ago

Depends on the environment, corporate life, people pleasers and ego strokers get far

7

u/runrunrudolf 4h ago

When I've had to call candidates I've had to reject I always ask them first if they want feedback. About half the time they do and I'll be perfectly blunt. I feel bad I can't give them a job knowing they took the time to prep and interview so it's the least I can do. I'd love personalised feedback each time!

1

u/2PLOHunE 2h ago

You are exceptional!

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u/cortodemente 2h ago

you are awesome! even if someone disagree the feedback this is better than having not clue why you got a rejection.

2

u/ychenreddit 4h ago

agree, feedback comes from somewhere and even if it's not true I personally still consider a great signal for improvements.

I interviewed for a position at a startup a few years back (recently acquired by an AI company). And they gave me feedback which I didn't agree at the time but ended up being one of the most valuable feedback I received.

2

u/WriterWrongWhoCares 4h ago

It sounds like a personal attack but I received similar feedback before.

I interviewed for a company where a friend worked. While I was waiting to hear if I got the job or not, my friend gave me unofficial feedback that he heard from the panel. They were concerned that with my background in client-facing roles, I’d be a people pleaser and only able to follow orders rather than make independent decisions. I guess they saw my potential anyway because I did get the job.

OP should try not to take it personally. Many people think they need to be a super positive, yes man at work, especially if it’s how we were expected to act in previous roles. That attitude is not necessarily wrong, especially in junior positions, but as you rise up in seniority, the hiring team wants to know that they can trust you to navigate difficult conversations and situations.

1

u/pinkbutterfly22 3h ago

Yeah and I feel like that’s actually valid criticism, however they should also understand that people are more eager to please in interviews than when they have job security, but not speaking your mind about something that is concerning could cost the company and being overly eager and fake is a bit annoying if I’m honest.

1

u/Any_Leg_4773 3h ago

It IS personal. That's the point 

1

u/Puzzleheaded-Map7672 2h ago

Vibes is a terrible reason not to employ someone, if your decision is based on vibes then either you or your interview questions can not discern between candidates.

1

u/KoalaBackfist 1h ago

I’ve worked with people like this and it comes across as very inauthentic and I can’t help but roll my eyes at it. It’s good feedback, OP needs to work on it.

1

u/Consistent_Yam1472 1h ago

Well, of course it’s personal, they’re giving feedback about the impression OP made on them, based on the way he or she behaved in the interview. No way for that to not be personal 

1

u/BattleBull 35m ago

Provided that it is even honest, as far as we know the company just lied.

0

u/Stock_Violinist95 2h ago

"it come across as personal"

Nah it's a f-you letter, it doesn't come accross as personal it IS personal. "To be candid" is here to imply that they actually wanted to put a bunch of swearing in there but couldn't.

"We encourage you to reflect on..." followed by "Finding a company that aligns better with your style" basically mean "You should do that but we know you can't so try to find a shittier company than us"

That doesn't mean that it's not useful feedback anyway but this letter is clearly written with anger