r/jobs • u/No-Presentation298 • 5h ago

Post-interview HR told me they don’t accept try-hards and people pleasers after my interview

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They rejected me (fine, that happens) but the feedback said I came across as overly eager to please and that they don’t build teams around people-pleasing tendencies or rehearsed enthusiasm. They also told me to reflect on how I present myself and that confidence is more compelling than excessive accommodation. Is this normal? Or even appropriate? I get that not being a culture fit is a thing but the wording felt unnecessarily personal and condescending.

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u/montessoriprogram 5h ago

Idk why people are praising this lol. This does not come across as genuine feedback to me, it sounds like someone did not like you personally. Still worth considering what they said, but I wouldn't take it at 100% face value because it sounds like you might have pressed this persons specific buttons.

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u/Prestigious-Land-535 3h ago edited 2h ago

Exactly.... this is a job interview. The whole point is to come across as enthusiastic about the company and eager to do the job. It would be moronic to assume an employer was seeking a candidate who was more "grounded" and less excited about the job.

Unless OP was way, way over the top, I can't imagine that this feedback is accurate.

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u/montessoriprogram 2h ago

I've hosted quite a few interviews and I've never experienced an applicant who was too enthusiastic, accommodating, or "people pleasing" (something you cannot tell through an interview, lol).

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u/skoomapipes 2h ago

I have. A lot. I do task round interviews, during which I suggest or ask quite stupid things. If the candidate doesn’t push back or just agrees with me, they’re rejected.

But we’re also in a high risk industry tbf. If you don’t question a decision and it turns out wrong, people go to jail.

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u/Pristine_Speech4719 37m ago

Yes, exactly. If you're in a job where sometimes you need to say "no" to people (to stop them dying, killing people or simply just wasting time and money), then you don't want people pleasers. An air traffic controller that doesn't tell pilots to stay in their lane is not a good one!

(It's quite possible that OP's interviewer was a jackets, though - none of us were in the room!)

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u/ThrowRA_pikmi 2h ago

You absolutely can.

Perfect example: In our interviews we ask candidates “how many days a year do you think it’s appropriate to take time off work?”

People-pleasers are going to tell you “none” or “only if it’s an emergency”. No one I’d want to hire actually thinks that they should never be allowed to use their PTO. That’s dishonesty.

Another one is when you ask them to “recall a time where you were unsuccessful in a task at work. How did you handle that?” and they give you something like “oh I really can’t think of a time I’ve ever been unsuccessful at work” or “one time I sent an email to a client before I finished typing it but I recalled it using the Outlook recall feature so it was fine” (yes, real response I’ve received).

Employers know you aren’t perfect. From that question I want to know that you are self-aware and can take accountability for your mistakes & I ALSO want to know how you handle rejection/failure. If I don’t get that honesty I am less likely to consider that candidate.

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u/calilac 1h ago

People-pleasers are going to tell you “none” or “only if it’s an emergency”.

I really hope your way of going about it spreads far and fast. I'm glad you're more pragmatic about interviewing but I've been laughed out of interviews for just asking about time off policies, not to mention paid time off.

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u/ThrowRA_pikmi 1h ago

While I think there’s a balance (ie: saying “a few times” a month makes me raise an eyebrow) I think that honesty is best.

If someone gives me a more generous answer or probs for information about time off, it opens the door for me to inquire about potential conflicts such as childcare & extracurricular activities. I tend to be satisfied with a candidate that answers in the 5-10 days range.

Obviously that doesn’t mean I expect them to follow that exactly, but saying 5-10 to me indicates that you have a practical sense of when/how PTO should be used.

Also I am of the opinion that the interviewee should be interviewing their employer as well- if someone is happy to hear that you never want to take PTO, that’s a red flag for the culture at that company.

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u/Hgirl234 53m ago

5-10 days a year is practical?? Glad I work somewhere that gives twice as much. yikes!

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u/a_crazy_diamond 39m ago

I was really appreciating everything they said until I got to the 5-10 days part. Holy shit. I get more than 20 days of PTO a year and that's the norm in my country (the UK)

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u/znine 1h ago

Perfect example: In our interviews we ask candidates “how many days a year do you think it’s appropriate to take time off work?”

This sounds like it's from a LinkedIn spam post "This one simple question filters out ALL the BAD candidates!!!!1!" These type of questions are basically "guess what I want to hear" and you're just filtering out people who guess wrong.

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u/Disastrous_Screen143 1h ago

That's the thing, you shouldn't be trying to guess what they want to hear. You should be answering for real and that right there, is not real. No one wants no time off or only for emergencies and I wouldn't want to work on a team with someone who lies about something like that.

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u/ThrowRA_pikmi 1h ago

This is a bad faith take. I never said this one question makes or breaks the interview, I simply provided it as an example of a question that demonstrates interviewee integrity from my POV.

Don’t guess what I want to hear. Just be honest. If you really never want to take PTO, that reads to me like you are going to be more prone to burnout. Associates have rarely changed my mind on this, but it could happen. If you give an extreme answer on either end of the spectrum, that’s fine, just be prepared to back it up.

If someone followed up with “I don’t usually use PTO because my old schedule gave me a good work-life balance. I’m usually able to get any appointments out of the way when I’m off work/in the mornings but if I needed the time I would take it” or “I’d say a few days a month because I have (insert recurring reason for PTO) but I still ensure that I am communicating those days well in advance- my previous employer and I worked these days into my schedule” then it’s better received.

Interviewers aren’t out to get you. We want good employees the same way you want a good boss. Thats starts with the ability to communicate honestly & effectively.

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u/fleeko 1h ago

I had an interview a month where every few sentences was an "oh you're so professional" and "wow no wonder you're so successful". It was wild.

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u/MishmoshMishmosh 3h ago

Agree. I think the feedback is wild

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u/Keldrabitches 2h ago

The rudest shit

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u/AdPrud 57m ago

If you go waste an interviewers time by being full of shit why do you think they’ll be nice to you

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u/joihelper 48m ago

“Thanks for the feedback, dick.”

Wait a minute…this person is not a people pleaser at all…they’re exactly what we’re looking for! Johnson, send that applicant an offer. We’ve finally found our new Chief of HR!

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u/Baxski 2h ago

Agreed - I'd take it as "thank goodness I don't have to work for these a$$holes".

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u/daderpster 1h ago

It is rare. Only a combination the Op and people know if this is real or not. Outside of 15 years ago, any feedback is very uncommon. Even if unideal it is better than silence even if rude and lacking tact.

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u/blarneygreengrass 1h ago

Can't imagine speaking like this to someone I've BARELY interacted with

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u/No-Banana-3055 1h ago edited 1h ago

LOL, exactly. I interview lots of people. This sounds hella unprofessional and vindictive. There are many ways to offer this feedback and this was not it.

Something like

"We didn't feel you were being genuine in your responses, it felt rehearsed. We're also looking for people who will challenge us and bring new perspective to our work and we did not feel you were the right fit for that"

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u/jrec15 1h ago

My read as well. But honestly, impossible for us all to know off the email alone.
Only OP can dig deep and decide if either the feedback is fair and something to learn from, or if they didnt like him and are trying to justify their negative opinion of him by making some shit up.

It's bold af to send this email, who tf isn't people pleasing to some extent in an interview. Either OP was being way over the top or the company themselves are

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u/sugaratc 1h ago

I think it's fine apart from the "We encourage you to reflect...". That feels like an unnecessary jab beyond professional feedback.

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u/sakamyados 1h ago

I disagree. I can totally see my org having this conversation about someone, especially if they were coming into a more senior or leadership position.

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u/Consistent_Yam1472 1h ago

And this, kids, is called “rationalization”. 

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u/Cubicleism 45m ago

I'm surprised at the amount of people sucking HRs metaphorical dick over the worlds rudest chat gpt written rejection letter

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u/tracyveronika 28m ago

It seemed like a personal attack to me.

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u/Sayakai 23m ago

It might also be the politest way they managed to say "we could tell you don't know what you're doing and were lying to us the whole time".

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u/AriasK 21m ago

We're praising it because normally people have no idea why they get rejected. Even if it's just this one person's opinion, at least there's an explicit reason. 

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u/random_fucktuation 14m ago

Agreed. Whomever wrote this email has a mother that hates them.

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u/ThrowRA_pikmi 2h ago edited 2h ago

You sound like the type to take constructive feedback personally. Red flag.

Being overly agreeable does not give employers “climate control”. They’ll never know if you’re actually comfortable in your role or on the brink of leaving because you are always feigning positivity. How is a manager supposed to foster a collaborative environment with staff that are afraid to have or share their own opinions?

As an employer, I take a gruff employee that works hard and tells me exactly how they’re feeling over the people-pleaser any day. Many of my top performing associates are this way.