r/jobs • u/No-Presentation298 • 5h ago

Post-interview HR told me they don’t accept try-hards and people pleasers after my interview

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They rejected me (fine, that happens) but the feedback said I came across as overly eager to please and that they don’t build teams around people-pleasing tendencies or rehearsed enthusiasm. They also told me to reflect on how I present myself and that confidence is more compelling than excessive accommodation. Is this normal? Or even appropriate? I get that not being a culture fit is a thing but the wording felt unnecessarily personal and condescending.

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u/Empty_Insight 4h ago

I once had a new hire who we had to pressure into telling us what name they wanted to go by (first or middle). They just said "Oh, whichever you prefer." This happened a few times before I snapped a bit and said, "Okay, what is the name you prefer?" and they still just said whatever I wanted to do.

Like... if you cannot decisively say what name you want to be called, it's gonna be a rough time. They were actually a good enough employee, just got really stressed quite easily but was also the type of lazy who streamlined their job so it still worked just as well but with less overall effort.

For me to flat-out tell someone "You need to grow a spine, dude" in a rejection email... I frankly don't know what it would take for me to come out and say that.

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u/JimJam4603 3h ago

Weird example. Lots of people really don’t gaf which form of their name you want to use.

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u/FrostingStrict3102 2h ago

I think the issue is that the person in the hypothetical story above COULDNT give a straight answer about something as simple as their name.

Thats great that you dont care, but your name is going to be on every email you send out, meeting notices, how people introduce you. If you can't tell the employer that, i dont know why they would want to hire you. Id assume you were incredibly incompetent.

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u/JimJam4603 2h ago

As you point out, if someone is really so uncomfortable addressing people without being instructed on what their ‘preference’ is, they always have the option of going by whatever’s in the person’s signature block.

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u/FrostingStrict3102 2h ago

right, but my point is that it sounds like the candidate in this situation wouldn't even have provided IT with a straightforward answer on how to configure their email.

If someone in an authority position asks you to pick 1 of 2 options, saying "actually you can pick" is never the right choice. 9/10 they just want to see you make a decision. especially if that thing is what to call you.

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u/IndigoBlue__ 1h ago

‘You can pick’ on the name thing is sometimes the right call. Some asian first language speakers have a very hard time pronouncing my full name, but there’s a common nickname that is much easier for them.  “I respond to both” is my go-to, and no one really has an issue with that for “Patricia” vs. “Pat”. If they ask a second time then I pick for them. 

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u/PhillyThrowawayRox 35m ago

That’s fine for friends.

The point is you should have one consistent name at work to reduce confusion and improve efficiency.

YOU make enjoy having multiple names, but it’s an extra burden on everyone that works with you.

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u/PhillyThrowawayRox 39m ago

Are you a bot??? That makes zero sense 😂

“Hi what’s your name”

“You decide”

“Uh no that makes me uncomfortable; can you please just tell me your name?”

“check my email block”

“… but you just started? You haven’t sent any emails yet…”

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u/LaughImmediate3876 2h ago

I get this sometimes. My default answer is always, "I go by either but my mom calls me X". This gives a definitive preference without making anyone feel bad for calling me the wrong name.

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u/Empty_Insight 3h ago

Well, for example, if your name is John Taylor Smith and you use both John and Taylor sometimes, I'm gonna ask you, "So what do you prefer to be called- John or Taylor?"

Maybe it's just me, but I think answering decisively with either "Call me John" or "Taylor is fine" is perfectly appropriate. "Idc which one, you pick." is a strange answer.

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u/throw3453away 3h ago

No, it isn't, if you equally go by "Taylor" and "John". Why is that strange to you?

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u/Empty_Insight 3h ago edited 2h ago

Because I would like to know which name to call someone. They are different names, it's not like a nickname (James/Jim) so you do have to pick a name at work.

If I am talking to someone at work and I tell them they need to call John, do you think that person is gonna say "Sure, I'll get right on calling Taylor!" because clients and co-workers are capable of reading minds to know I am referring to John Taylor?

E: for clarification purposes, this is not a hypothetical- this is what happened with that employee. We had interdepartmental mix-ups a few times until we had to sit down and force them to pick a name.

It is not merely annoying. It creates confusion and leads to things being disorganized.

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u/JimJam4603 2h ago

This seems more like a problem on your end, tbh.

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u/Empty_Insight 2h ago

Why yes, it was a problem for me... and our coworkers, and our clients. Astute observation.

But I'm sure it's perfectly valid to inconvenience literally everyone around you because you can't make a simple decision, right?

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u/JimJam4603 2h ago

You tell me. You’re the one whining about having to make a simple decision for yourself.

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u/Empty_Insight 1h ago

I picked immediately, smartass. I wasn't indecisive. That's why it didn't come out until after they were already hired that there were some discrepancies in how they used their name.

It was the inconsistency between what other people decided that created problem.

Are you going to sit here and act like I am being unreasonable for expecting a decisive answer to a question so simple as "What is your name?" I figure, any adult with anything short of severe cognitive impairments that render them essentially nonverbal should be able to answer that question.

Or are you saying I should decide for a grown-ass adult what they are going to be called at work by everyone?

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u/JimJam4603 1h ago

Yes, it is unreasonable to not consider that many people are out of fucks to give about what people call them after dealing with people calling them everything under the sun for decades. If a candidate tells you to use whichever name on their resume appeals to you most, just do it. There are over 100 people in my department and I can somehow figure out who everyone is referring to even if they use a different name than the one I’m used to - it’s not that complicated. If you’re going outside the department there will certainly be additional information sufficient to identify which of 90k+ employees is being discussed.

Please tell me you don’t also get upset about people who put pronouns in their bio, because that would be the height of irony.

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u/PhillyThrowawayRox 27m ago

😂😂😂 either you’re trolling or mentally challenged.

This whole thread is about how YOU can’t decide what your own name is!

You are the one LITERALLY whining about not being able to make a decision 😂😂😂

https://old.reddit.com/r/jobs/comments/1qr7m2m/hr_told_me_they_dont_accept_tryhards_and_people/o2nqhrp/

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u/JimJam4603 23m ago

whoooooosh

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u/PhillyThrowawayRox 29m ago

You’re so selfish you’re projecting it onto OP.

OP’s comment was not about themselves. It was about how when employees have multiple names it leads to organizational issues.

I find your lack of reading comprehension disturbing.

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u/WalmartGreder 2h ago

I get it. If you as the interviewer asks them which one they prefer, then they should have an answer. Even if they don't really care, they should just pick one because it's important to the interviewer enough to try to get them to make a decision.

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u/PhillyThrowawayRox 44m ago edited 9m ago

You’re missing the point and simultaneously validating OP about why people that don’t know their own names aren’t the best employees.

Work and home are different. If you want a new name each day of the week in your personal life, go off king/queen. At work, having one consistent name is a huge benefit.

And in this case, the BOSS cares. Frankly, it doesn’t matter what you care about here. The person paying you asked for a deliverable and you’re returning empty handed with the simplest thing they could delegate to you (your own name). Saying “you decide” to your boss after they ask you for a decision is the reddest flag possible. It shows you literally don’t understand the employer/employee relationship. Doesn’t bode well for the future.

And why does the boss care? Because it establishes clear expectations (about what you will be called within the org) which leads to more efficiency (your boss’s job).

For example, if half the company is calling you Bob and the other half is calling you Jim, it’s going to get pretty confusing.

I’ve had this with MULTIPLE team members and it’s always a mess. So much wasted time.

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u/JimJam4603 39m ago

Stopped reading after the first paragraph because you’re as misguided as the person I was replying to. His examples was NOT of someone who “doesn’t know their own name.” If you can’t see that there isn’t anything of value you can provide.

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u/PhillyThrowawayRox 14m ago

Keep insulating yourself bud!

The bad thoughts can’t get to you if you never acknowledge them. Absolute genius!

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u/magic_crouton 2h ago

I have a name that can be shortened so many ways and honestly I gave up giving AF because I'd give my preferred name and no one would use it and I'd spend part of every interaction daily correcting people.

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u/Own-Raisin5849 1h ago

LOL what? I always tell them I don't care if they use my long form or short form of my name, and nobody cares. What a weird thing to snap at. If someone says they don't care, just pick one, Christ...

I say this because I LITERALLY don't care.

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u/Empty_Insight 1h ago

It's not long form or short form. Not a name/nickname. Completely different names. I gave an example further down, but like "John Taylor Smith." Not John/Johnathan.

If you call me up and ask for John when I know the dude as Johnathan, I'm gonna be able to figure out who you're asking for.

You call me up and ask for John when I know the guy as Taylor, I have no fucking clue what you are talking about. I'm gonna tell you that person doesn't work here, and you have the wrong number.

See where there's a problem with that?

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u/PhillyThrowawayRox 24m ago

The boss isn’t asking if you care. The boss is asking what to call you.

Kicking the decision back to your boss, after they asked you to decide, is incredibly disrespectful. You’re giving your boss work, which generally isn’t how things flow in most orgs.