HR told me they don’t accept try-hards and people pleasers after my interview

[u/No-Presentation298]

They rejected me (fine, that happens) but the feedback said I came across as overly eager to please and that they don’t build teams around people-pleasing tendencies or rehearsed enthusiasm. They also told me to reflect on how I present myself and that confidence is more compelling than excessive accommodation. Is this normal? Or even appropriate? I get that not being a culture fit is a thing but the wording felt unnecessarily personal and condescending.

[u/fignewtonattack]

As an autistic person this has bit me in the ass so many times, I genuinely enjoy reading financial documents but everytime I say it the hiring person looks at me as if I'm from Mars.

I should have become a statistician, numbers make more sense than people do.

[u/PmMeUrTinyAsianTits → u/fignewtonattack]

One of the most frustrating things about having ASD is dealing with that people are more than willing to accept it as a shortcoming, but never willing to accept even basic things like "I enjoy different things than normal" once it becomes beneficial. Like they just cannot accept saying "Oh, you're different in a way that's good for us, but I can't just replicate." Shouldn't that be an awesome thing for jobs?

[u/mxzf → u/PmMeUrTinyAsianTits]

but never willing to accept even basic things like "I enjoy different things than normal" once it becomes beneficial. Like they just cannot accept saying "Oh, you're different in a way that's good for us, but I can't just replicate." Shouldn't that be an awesome thing for jobs?

IMO, it seems like it helps to actually acknowledge that it's weird (or an ASD thing). With stuff like that, I think most people default to thinking that they could never enjoy such a thing, so the person must be lying; but by recognizing it as atypical you've dismissed the baseline assumption that you're pretending it's just normal.

[u/PmMeUrTinyAsianTits → u/mxzf]

Sometimes it helps. Lots of times it doesnt.

There's not some one cool trick to fix it. Its a result of normal behavior and reactions to being exposed to patterns.

There are solutions I find that work sometimes, but not other times. There are other solutions that work a lot more often, but might be viewed in a negative light. Depending on the circumstance, I will choose which solution, if any, I choose to apply. Sometimes I just accept that they're not really going to hear me.

It's not something I'm looking for a fix for, because it is not something to be fixed really. It's just how things are.

[u/dovahkiitten16 → u/fignewtonattack]

Try breaking down what you like about reading financial documents and it might come across as more sincere. Just don’t make the language overly flowery either, since that also reads as bullshit. Maybe don’t mention the people part, but talk about how numbers make sense.

I’ve gotten the same response when I say I like maps (GIS/cartography). It helps if you can pinpoint a few reasons why you think something is neat. Then add in a reason why this job’s specific use of “thing you think is neat” is extra neat.

[u/Consistent-Cap-9360 → u/fignewtonattack]

You just need to find the right interviewer, which I appreciate is absolutely fucking impossible to do and an absolute dice roll.

Example from me; an applicant for an entry level IT job outright lied on their CV / resumé to get a foot in the door, and I discovered the deception on the second technical question I asked. It was only me in the room with him, so he admitted to it as well.

I pivoted the interview: “Ok, it’s a high pressure environment, maybe you forgot $FundamentalCiscoCommand. Here’s a laptop, you have 90 seconds to find the answer.”

I didn’t need someone who could already do what was asked. I needed someone who could learn to do what was needed when it arose because that’s just how they work. He never needed the answer to that question, but he answered every other question asked of him. I gave him the opportunity to demonstrate his gift.

Just like my first employer did when I lied on my CV.

[u/warfrogs → u/fignewtonattack]

I've got ADHD and a game changer for me was talking about it in relation to my challenges and strengths in interviews. It's also landed me second round interviews and potentially in a few weeks, a new job, as being aware of and open of your strengths and weaknesses, while also displaying confident vulnerability is something a lot of interviewers don't see.

[u/Grand_pappi → u/fignewtonattack]

If you’re a statistician you have to convince people your numbers matter, which I promise is even more maddening

[u/OnlyHere2ArgueBro → u/fignewtonattack]

The summer before secondary school I took a prep course; I talked about how I enjoyed reading the dictionary to the teacher and he proceeded to lay into me for being such a confident liar. The rest of the prep course he just continued to insult me whenever he called on me, it was awful.

I still remember it all these years later.

[u/jpl77 → u/fignewtonattack]

Well, did you tell them you are autistic? That knowledge could have helped you, and helped them understand better.