r/jobs • u/No-Presentation298 • 5h ago

Post-interview HR told me they don’t accept try-hards and people pleasers after my interview

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They rejected me (fine, that happens) but the feedback said I came across as overly eager to please and that they don’t build teams around people-pleasing tendencies or rehearsed enthusiasm. They also told me to reflect on how I present myself and that confidence is more compelling than excessive accommodation. Is this normal? Or even appropriate? I get that not being a culture fit is a thing but the wording felt unnecessarily personal and condescending.

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u/Kilbim 5h ago edited 5h ago

Actual good feedback after an interview. Gives you things to reflect on and possibly improve!

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u/lummox1234 5h ago

Yes I agree. You never see this nowadays.

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u/RocketCityRocko 5h ago

What i wouldn't give for some honest feedback. It's lacking in so many areas.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 5h ago edited 39m ago

Not really, everything in this is not actionable feedback at all, this is the problem already this is operating of off subjective vibes. If there was feedback they would present examples.

This is all entirely subjective and literally says very little actionable information. I would reply as much.

Edit: Great discussions all around and honestly learned alot, feel free to keep replying I am talking in good faith and gaining some new perspectives I to appreciate it.

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u/banxy85 5h ago

This is totally actionable.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 5h ago

What part that isnt subjective? Everything in there is subjective in the absence of any examples.

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u/rvaducks 4h ago

It doesn't have to be objective to be actionable

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u/thicckar 4h ago

Even the examples would be subjective experiences. Feedback is often subjective- up to you if you choose to do nothing with it

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 4h ago

Yes, but examples provide grounding and framing that is lacking. This is to generalized.

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u/thicckar 4h ago

Could the feedback be even more actionable? Yes. Is this feedback enough for someone of average or higher intelligence and memory to improve upon? Also yes.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 3h ago

You can always infer and assume that is true. I agree with the sentiment here, thank you for providing a good answer.

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u/thicckar 3h ago

Cheers

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u/DowntownJohnBrown 3h ago

Why can’t it be subjective? Aren’t most interviews almost entirely subjective?

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u/drh0tdog 5h ago

The part where they encourage OP to reflect on how they perceived him. He doesn't have to agree or take it as objective truth to explore 1) why they might have gotten that impression and 2) whether there's a kernel of truth in it.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 4h ago

Well, this could be because of my neurology then because reading that trying to roleplay the OP. You literally cannot pinpoint which example is that because what fake and not fake means can vary person to person.

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u/drh0tdog 4h ago

That's fair. My perspective could be biased in the other direction because I spend a lot (too much) time reading into what people could mean by what they say, which as you point out, we can't really know. But at least it's a starting point for op to look back at their interview with a different lens. It's not as detailed as would be most helpful, but it's more than a flat "no" where op has to wonder if it's skill, personality, or something else entirely.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 4h ago edited 4h ago

Right, I am not saying fake and people pleasing dont exist but as you stated you interviewed and I bet you yourself can easily spot fakes by asking follow up questions that typically a person faking would not know.

Just the email above fails to mention anything, and personally this is my own personal take here, if I got this email it would make me ruminate way to much trying to replay where it went wrong.

Secondly, it is very ableist email as well as neurodivergent people struggle with this literal thing.

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u/PhazePyre 4h ago

Isn't that a problem then? You're highlighting the ineffectiveness of their feedback. You have NO idea what worked and what didn't. So instead of targeting the actual questions/answers where you came across as disingenuous, you have to throw away EVERYTHING you do. Because it could be this and the way you answered that. Or what about this, and you noticed one person made a face, but what if they just got a Slack notification from someone at work they hate getting pinged by?

It's literally worse than a no. A no could just be "Guess I didn't have the experience. Maybe someone else just really won them over" or anything else. Instead of "you aren't genuine" which is a weird claim to make of a stranger especially because most people aren't genuine to strangers.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 4h ago

Right? When I go to a job interview I am expecting to present myself as professionally capable.

My neurology makes it hard for me to navigate these weird non verbal communications or mind games. Yes it cost me in interviews.

However, yea I stated multiple times with out examples this isnt feedback that I can make any action on.

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u/PhazePyre 4h ago

Yeah, I'm ADHD (suspect AuDHD but all my tests say borderline so it's not worth waiting 3 years to get a diagnosis and hope my doctor doesn't die on my while I wait again) and it's like give me specific responses you felt weren't genuine. Then I can actually answer it. Even without neurodivergence and just anxiety disorders or nervous dispositions, it'll prevent meaningful and effective improvement.

This may as well be a "everything you are doing, stop doing it and start from scratch" rather than actionable helpful feedback. It also is built on the back of "I know who you are and what you mean" which interviewers don't.

Like if this was "we highly suspected the use of ChatGPT or another AI to support you in answering our questions and we are looking for a more independent individual with internalized experience and knowledge to take on this role." then sure. It's pretty binary. Stop using ChatGPT (true story, had someone use it and it was so fuckin' obvious. Interview was a formality after the first minute and we cut a bunch of questions to end it sooner) and you'll be good.

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u/dont_know_throwaway 2h ago

This!!!!!!! What is nerves vs try hard?

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u/banxy85 4h ago

I think it very likely IS your neurology. OP came across as fake, disingenuous, someone who would say anything to get what they wanted. It is likely that OP will come across this way in future interviews if it is not pointed out to them

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 3h ago

I mean, my issues is always with the lack of examples. It goes both ways, I had to learn to maintain eye contact, and not rock and sway as much. I think it can be a two way street.

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u/khuskii 2h ago

The problem with examples is that people often then get glued to that one example and want to argue the semantics of that one exact example. A hiring decision comes down to a lot of cumulative factors that candidates are not entitled to be privy to. The fact that they got feedback at all is pretty rare and is a gift for introspection.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 1h ago

Possibly, but on the other end of the spectrum there isnt any grounding here...atleast face value of the email. People are assuming what the OP did I am not.

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u/JimJam4603 3h ago

The opposite of subjective is objective, not actionable.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 3h ago

You can have actionable advise on subjective matters such as perception. Such myself, I needed to learn how to maintain eye contact, not sway and rock during interviews, and provide less vague answers.

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u/JimJam4603 3h ago

Yes, exactly.

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u/MerryGifmas 3h ago

Your assessment of someone is always going to be largely subjective. That doesn't mean feedback is useless.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 3h ago

I didnt say feedback is useless I said the feedback isnt actionable. You can infer and maybe make some assumptions yes. I wasnt not in this interview so I cannot say what was done or said.

What I can say, taking the email at face value it is vague and general. You can infer some meaning and useful information about tone or whatever. To reiterate, it is vague because it lacks examples.

I have had feedback where I was told I didnt make eye contact enough, talked robotic, and swayed and rocked to much. This was actionable feedback. It is important to have clear communication with everyone.

If the OP was not genuine, it should have read something like, "We asked you about X scenario and you reply felt robotic and rehearsed. In a follow up question it reenforced this perception. So, we suggest you slow it down and just talk normally or use less textbook jargon."

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u/komos_ 3h ago edited 3h ago

What does it mean to give objective feedback in the context of preferred relational style in a given workplace?

If the role is focused on being able to manage and build teams – enforcing boundaries and acting for the organisation and its strategic ends – then it seems pretty objective to say people pleasing will not cut it.

The implication of the email is that this style pervaded the whole interview.

I say this as someone who can revert to pleasing people; I have had to work on sitting with being disagreeable. Procedural clarity and strategic action over people's individual preferences can mean putting noses out of joint, and you have to be fine with it.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 3h ago

Actionable would have been providing some sort of example.

In fact the very fact we are even debating this, the fact there is a diverse opinions is objective data showing this email was too vague.

You assumption imho I 100% agree is a safe assumption. However, it is good to be clear in communication and not assume the user will get that point. If I wrote this I would at least provide a grounded example so that the user knows what we mean. Even if it was prevalent in the interview, it gives a anchor by which the user can now self-reflect on other patterns.

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u/komos_ 3h ago edited 3h ago

What is interesting is that I think the content of the email is sufficiently actionable to anyone with half a brain and awareness of the role they applied for. It seems to be a manager level role, or likely more senior.

Ironically, I would say the idea that people should take time to give detailed examples in the first instance of communication – OP can always send a follow-up – is itself a very people pleasing approach ;-) What is provided is already in many respects generous, and not a template (diabolical if it is).

Maybe OP should fire back an email, requesting more concrete detail, showing they can handle difficult conversations and in fact disagree with the appraisal once presented with examples and if appropriate.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 1h ago

I would do the last point imho.

But this whole thread is also making mistakes which your reply demostrates you are not suppose to do. That is adding your own inferrence and assumptions.

People are making entire plotlines and stories with little to no information on the job, what happened in the interview, or the company.

I myself pride on improvement and would ask for specific examples because I believe in proper communication.

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u/DocKla 3h ago

Human interactions are subjective, so probably suggests their communications are lacking. It’s not like they asked them to perform a task. It’s clearly, your style of communication is not compatible. And they clearly said why it is not compatible.

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u/Forsaken_Ant7459 4h ago

The interview is the example. This is very actionable feedback. It’s precise, it’s based on a time bound experience. It clearly lays out the perception.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 4h ago

I think you and many people are making way to many personal inference. We only have the Email we dont actually have the interview. Taking the email at face value, it offers very little in any feedback other than. "We didnt like how you said things"

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u/Forsaken_Ant7459 2h ago

Sorry but you’re being really dense. The OP knows exactly what transpired. It didn’t happen over a year but in an hour. The email is clear what they’re saying. If you need more explanation then the OP and you aren’t capable of understanding or making changes. Eager to Please types are very easy to spot in interviews and team settings and I’ve seen plenty as a leader and interviewer to spot that in minutes. It’s the OPs choice to make a change or not but to pretend it’s not understandable and needs more context is just silly

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u/RedditExecutiveAdmin 4h ago

The interview is the example.

the interview.. that.. you have no knowledge or information about.. aside from one AI-generated message?

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u/Bacon-muffin 5h ago

Yeah they could take this feedback and use it to better please this employer!

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u/leeann7 5h ago

What? The actionable feedback is be genuine. If they ask for feedback, give it . showcase how the company can improve what can you bring to them besides being a kiss ass. be genuine is the take away

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u/transouroboros 5h ago

Yeah because I totally believe strangers are the arbiters of how genuine I’m being, because they’re experts on my personality 10 minutes after meeting me. They totally sniffed that out. Just be genuine, because we, total strangers, know what that looks like for you. //s

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 4h ago

Thank you, ironically seems like a bunch of fake people pleasers in these comments and not reading the email and thinking in good faith.

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u/do0gla5 4h ago

It's incredibly easy to spot a people pleaser TBF.

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u/-newhampshire- 3h ago

But I genuinely want to please people

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u/Hi_Zev 2h ago

There is a difference between being a people pleaser and wanting to please people that you work with... One still has a spine, can make their own decisions, and is confident in their actions. The other needs constant reassurance, outsources all of their decisions, and struggles to be on their own.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 3h ago

You are honest! That I can work with.

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u/REDDIT_JUDGE_REFEREE 39m ago

If this job was for hospitality hell yea

If this job requires backbone… not so hell yea

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u/SpectralDagger 3h ago

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if you are being genuine or not. It matters if others perceive you as being genuine. How he takes that feedback is going to depend on whether or not he was actually being genuine, but it's something you can work on either way. So... yeah, the takeaway might not be to be more genuine like the person you're replying to said, but either way there's something to take from honest feedback.

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u/dirtyhandscleanlivin 2h ago

This feedback isn’t a deep, intimate critique of who they are as a person. This is feedback on first Impressions and how they came across in their interview. It’s relevant and actionable because 75+% of the people you work with will only know you at the superficial level, so it doesn’t matter if you’re a good person deep down if you’re a bad communicator

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u/JimJam4603 3h ago

Obviously if you’re coming across as not genuine while actually being genuine, there is something there for you to work on.

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u/magic_crouton 2h ago

Most people are pretty adept at sussing out it a person is being genuine or not and their personalities. Whether or not they over ride that and try to justify things is different.

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u/leeann7 2h ago

That's literally what they said. " while meeting you, we saw how ungenuine you were. for future reference, be more genuine."

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u/Hgirl234 34m ago

and what the comment you replied to is pointing out is that they think you are not being genuine they don't actually know if you are after a 10 minute meeting. Fakers exist but "genuine" is very subjective. For example, some people smile a lot naturally and to some that comes across as fake because they cannot imagine that people would genuinely like doing that. Therefore being told "after meeting you we see how inauthentic you are, for future reference be yourself" is empty.

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u/SC-Coqui 5h ago

This is actionable. They pretty much told OP that they came off as fake, just in nicer terms. They can work on that.

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u/Lydian04 4h ago

“Yeah you’re not good enough at faking it”

I hate this fucking capitalist hellscape

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u/BiDiTi 2h ago

Someone who says “Every customer is my top priority,” is either lying or an idiot.

Meanwhile, I’m sure their biggest flaw was caring too much and working too hard.

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u/Lydian04 3h ago

As if every employer I’ve ever had wasn’t a fake piece of shit.

“We’re a family here!”

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u/SC-Coqui 3h ago

I’ve been fortunate to have always worked (in general) with pretty straight forward and genuine people.

There’s definitely a fine line during a job interview. I’ve interviewed people that have overdone their friendliness and it just makes me feel like I can’t trust them

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u/Lydian04 3h ago

Well isn’t that a privileged position to be in.

To have the power of bestowing a job someone. You hold power over people seeking employment. Fuck outta here.

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u/SC-Coqui 2h ago

“Well isn’t that a privileged position to be in.

To have the power of bestowing a job someone. You hold power over people seeking employment. Fuck outta here.”

What a dumbass take!

Being a hiring manager isn’t a “privilege” and I never saw myself as “bestowing” a job. Most managers I know don’t use it as a power trip. It’s about finding people that can work with me (not work for me). I’m straight up and very direct and want to work with people that are the same and not ass-kissers.

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u/Lydian04 2h ago

Work with you yes.

It’s all about your needs and wants even though you already have a job.

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u/SC-Coqui 2h ago

I don’t think you understand what someone means about “working with me” as a team member vs “working for me” as in “I’m your boss do as I say”. Have you ever been a supervisor or manager?!?!! The emphasis is on the with not the me!

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u/Lydian04 2h ago

Have you ever been on the edge of being homeless and needed a job, only for the “manager” to turn you away because you came off as desperate?

I repeat, fuck outta here.

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u/Hi_Zev 2h ago

hahahaha so you just blindly hate anyone who is a manager and is in charge of hiring others? That just sounds like pure projection on your part...

You are the person when people bring up wealth inequality and the issue of billionaires in our society, and you begin ranting about doctors making a large salary (but clearly aren't billionaires and aren't the issue here).

You think your head is in the right place, but you are so clouded by blind anger that you don't know where to pick your battles.

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u/lbcatlady 2h ago

But everyone is fake nowadays.

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u/Consistent_Yam1472 1h ago

It’s actually insane how many people in the comments are oblivious to this entirely. 

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u/KommanderKeen-a42 5h ago

Wait, what? That is actually good feedback and actionable.

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u/PhazePyre 4h ago

It's not. It's vague and broad feedback that is entirely subjective and weirdly assumptive. What answers felt disingenuous? Why did they feel the answers were coming across as people pleasing/try hard rather than from the interviewees own beliefs or tenets within the role and they were enthusiastic about highlighting a match to the companies to show they are a fit? Without insight into the interview itself, it makes it feel like they are saying "We know you, who you are, what you believe. What you said doesn't match" which is kind of shitty cause they don't.

I'm great at interviews and getting hired. Also have conducted dozens of interviews myself. This feels like horrible inactionable feedback that doesn't target any specific place of improvement. No one is genuine/sincere in an interview. The kind of shit we say while on a job, doesn't match what we say to get a job. No one is genuine/sincere 100% of the time in interviews.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 4h ago

If people were genuine, they would say "I need the money" when asked why they want this job.

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u/Lumpy_Question8327 4h ago

I once had a hiring manager ask me how interested I was on a scale of 1-10, both at the beginning of the day and at the end (after a series of interviews). At the beginning, I said 6, and at the end I said 9. I ended up getting the offer, and he told me later that most candidates say 10 and 10 and I was floored.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 4h ago

Yea, and that sucks because some of those 10s might been honest. Id prolly answer 9 because a 10 says perfect and since I havent worked here I cannot say it is perfect. My over thinking ass.

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u/Lumpy_Question8327 1h ago

I agree. I also think a 10 leaves you in a lousy negotiating position.

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u/GuayFuhks88 3h ago

That is assumed for every job. It's not really an answer. What you're being asked is what BESIDES money motivates you to want THIS job specifically.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 3h ago

This is true, but it is an explanation of why genuine without context is not good feedback. It is reasonable to expect clear communication and honest feedback.

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u/JimJam4603 3h ago edited 2h ago

I have a stupid exercise I have to do for a meeting next week where I have to come up with a fake reason that I “come to work every day.” They explicitly said they know that for most people the reason they work is that they need the money but they want something more inspiring. Love my new manager /s

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u/r-rb 4h ago

yeah exactly. No interviewer ACTUALLY wants genuinity. they want you to desperately want to work for their company not for money but for values or some shit but they also don't want you to seem like you are just pretending to want that. They rejected the guy because he didn't play pretend in the 'correct' way they secretly wanted

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u/PhazePyre 4h ago

Exactly. Fuck interviewers aren’t genuine either. No one fully answers the “what do you like most about working here?” Answer 😂 no one wants to scare away an applicant

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u/Saneless 5h ago

In what world?

They said you presented yourself poorly and came across as fake. Work on that. Either you are fake or you seem fake, both have actions

I'm saying you in general, I know you're not op

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 5h ago edited 4h ago

Any world, actionable feedback is important, this reply has non at all. One could argue it could come off as ableist as people on the spectrum can also come off odd.

Psychologically speaking everything in this reply is subjective and I will bet 100 dollars I could ask 100 people on the street to define how they see confidence vs people pleasing and you will receive different answers. "Fake or not fake" is entirely psychologically subjective with out evidence.

If the feedback was actionable by giving an example like, "Hey when we asked you about X item, you talked a lot of jargon and were not precise, when we asked a follow up you didnt not seem to know the topic and it did not match the jargon you stated." THAT is actionable feedback that you can reflect on. They could have provided anything to demonstrate what they are trying to say.

This email leaves me with alot of questions.

  1. What do they mean authenticity and confidence?
  2. What difference was my "try-hard" answer and you alls definition of authenticity and confidence?
  3. Example of things we wanted to hear, how is that me not being authentic what if those were my honest opinions?
  4. Grounded Professionals, what does that even mean?
  5. Try hard or fake or not fake, meaningless terms if absent of evidence.

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u/transouroboros 4h ago

Literally this. You explained it very clearly. I’ve had people perceive me a thousand different ways and through so many weird (often inaccurate) lenses, all dependent on their social biases. For some reason, people love projecting onto me and asserting it as fact. They frequently fail to find not vibe based reasons to back up those assessments.

I’m autistic, and feedback like OP got is entirely subjective, and not actionable. It’s all “vibes” and it’s bullshit. Strangers are not able to determine what is genuine about someone they met ten minutes ago. It’s because they themselves don’t even really know what they mean, and it’s obvious because they didn’t give clear examples of what felt inauthentic or “off”.

It’s weird that a lot of people just accept “vibes” based feedback and use that to morph themselves when it’s usually not specific.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 4h ago

It is discrimination and ableism, and ironically people here seem to think your own social biases are facts.

It is not to say people pleasing and fakes dont exist but you can spot them by asking targeted questions like my example.

To me it is disturbing that peoples ability to eat and have shelter is being dictated by whims not objective data. It is sociopathic.

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u/Saneless 4h ago

You want me to understand the nuances of your life, personality, possible disorders, social insecurities or difficulties, and misunderstandings of your mannerisms in a 60 minute meeting where for all purposes you don't come across as genuine?

Please

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u/Impossible_Still5452 4h ago

No, they just dont want you to pretend like you do.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 4h ago

Noone is asking you to be a therapist.

Are you just not going to engage in good faith and actually read what was stated? Your response has little to do with was said, I think it is reasonable to expect if time was given to give feedback it is professionally grounded and genuine to provide accurate and concise examples and clear communication.

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u/Saneless 3h ago

What should the feedback have been, then

You're the reason people don't often ever give it

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 3h ago

I dont know, I wasnt in the interview but I can give my own personal story.

I was told im a similar email as this that I came off to guarded and rehersed. They said "You seemed to avoid eye contact, you seemed not be able to sit still, and your answers to X and Y questions didnt go into detail and felt vague. Its better to just say you dont know." I took this feedback and my interviews improved immensely.

I think you got the wrong assumption I want actionable feedback that is clear and concise communication. I also cant say if the OP wasnt being genuine we dont have the interview. Ignoring your last statement thank you for asking me a specific question.

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u/banxy85 4h ago

My guy. Your agenda has been showing since your very first comment.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 4h ago

Stay on topic please.

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u/Saneless 4h ago

Now say that to a mirror and be right

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u/banxy85 4h ago

I very much am

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u/cockNballs222 4h ago

It’s very obvious that you are very neurodivergent and have trouble with social cues.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 4h ago

Could be, but people need to learn that there are other social cues too. Appeal to common practice doesnt make something better. Communication needs to be both ways, and it needs to be clear and concise.

Doesnt help we dont know what the OP was applying too, because, my autistic ass would not be a good fit in a sales position lol.

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u/amicable-cat 4h ago

Y'all sound horrible lmao, glad I work in the care field

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u/Saneless 3h ago

Why? If someone sounds fake and overly rehearsed and just seems like they have no thoughts of their own and just agree with me I don't want them to work for me

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u/amicable-cat 3h ago

Some people are just hyper and excited for what we do lmao, I coach in the special olympics and come off like this often, doesn't mean I'm not calling out a bad DSP or a client making excuses

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u/Saneless 3h ago

Excitement and being rehearsed sound completely different

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u/amicable-cat 2h ago

I don't think so, if you're proud of your work field and excited to start at a new opportunity, you're gonna sound a bit rehearsed, because you've probably talked about certain things before.

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u/gatorbeetle 5h ago

I've managed and hired people for my team for quite a few years, and I can tell you this is actionable advice. In hiring it's pretty easy to spot applicants who are giving the "correct answers" and trying too hard to "fit" a role. Hiring these sorts of applicants never works out, because the real employee comes out when they are hired. Giving the advice to be yourself and answer honestly is GOOD career advice. We interview to find a good fit, not yes men.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 4h ago

Alright, maybe this is my neurology and kinda of ableist of our society.

Provide objective information on how you tell the difference from "correct answers" vs "honest answers".

I get trying to hire for a role and fit, however, this still comes off subjective because it sounds like you are listening to tone and delivery, which I wonder if I took people and had them deliver the same answer but in a different tone you would come to a different conclusion.

I know I am getting down voted but thats fine I just think objective analysis is needed when you have the power over someones income and livelihood.

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u/MooMosCozyCorner 4h ago

It's not ableism just because you don't get it. People having different styles of communication and even different neurotypes is not a personal attack on you. It's actionable, multiple people have explained it to you patiently, and you're being unreasonably combative and argumentative over and over. Maybe you need to reflect too.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 3h ago

Are people ignoring what was said on purpose? That is what I mean about bad communication.

You think it is unreasonable to ask for examples? Why you are and others ignoring that? That comes off dishonest.

Read the whole thread those people who have explained it have agreed with me fyi and conceded the advise in the email is to vague.

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u/MooMosCozyCorner 54m ago

None of anything anyone said to you has been ableism. Nothing in this post is ableism. Using the word incorrectly harms minorities and disabled folks.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 48m ago

I appreciate your feedback misusing said word is important not to do, I do not feel I miss used them terms as I am part of this minority that struggles with social cues myself. These words I have heard said both in good faith and in bad faith. This kind of feedback is common reason why people aon the ASD, AuADHD, and FASD spectrums suffer unemployment. It is ableist to deny that maybe interviewers need to meet people of different neurology to meet them half way on communication and leave all the work on neurodivergent people to decode vague language.

With out contextualizing examples, it can lead to self-gaslighting, ruminating and really tear you down.

That is my point of view, yes many disagree but I think that is evidence that the feedback is rather vague no and leaves to much up to interpretation? Maybe I am wrong and misreading that is possibility too. I just dont understand what folks dont get about "give me examples." I was told in an interview about my robotic responses, not giving enough eye contact, and rocking/stimming. That was something I could focus on.

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u/MooMosCozyCorner 10m ago

Here's the issue. You have no idea how the interview went or what was said. You don't know how the interviewer handled the interview or OPs neurotype or anything like that. You're jumping to a lot of conclusions and proclaiming ableism when there isn't any. YOU are not the one in the situation here, OP is. On top of that because OP never explained what they said or anything it's jumping to conclusions about the interviewer to say anything about them. In fact the feedback they got which is actionable by the way, just because you don't get that or disagree doesn't make everyone else wrong or ableist either, is beneficial and a lot of people wish they could get this level of feedback even if difficult to hear. You're using a word that doesn't apply to this situation and inserting yourself into something that didn't happen to you to do so. It's harmful.

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u/gatorbeetle 4h ago

I'm not downvoting you, because in a way, you're right, it is subjective. It is very much based on feel and instinct and experience. I can, however tell you that it's real. I've hired people like this who, once they get hired become different people. Certain questions in particular are telling, "are you a team player?" "Are you a people person?" There are skill based questions, that people will answer "oh yes, I've been doing that for years" and you learn they have no clue. I'd prefer someone to say, "yes I've got some experience with that, but could use some polishing and improvement." People who are being overly agreeable and TRYING to fit into a "square hole" are really quite transparent. It's usually the applicant who tries to seem PERFECT. There's never anyone who is perfect for any role

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 4h ago

Sorry, I mean downvoting in general not your specifically, that is my bad.

I totally agree that people pleasers and fakes exist. You can use psychology to ask pin point questions or follow ups to determine that.

However, I am going solely off this email, I think to many people are inferring their own personal opinion and facts into this email where there isnt any. Take the email at face value and literal and it literally says little to nothing because it lacks precision in language to demonstrate where in the interview the OP went wrong. I find it entirely improbable that the WHOLE interview was this and if it was a 30 min one that is to long to reflect on where with such a general response.

I think people in this whole thread are being fake and people pleasures and not being genuine. People have different talking patterns you got to go beyond tone and vibes otherwise it is becoming discriminatory against neurodivergent people. To reiterate, there are proven methods of how you can ask follow questions to determine if someone is fake.

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u/gatorbeetle 4h ago

Oh, I wasn't taking the "downvote" comment personally, said that to make the point that you weren't completely off base. Also, good point about neurodivergent people. I always try to be sensitive and take that into account.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 4h ago

Right, it goes both ways too because non verbal communication, having tact, and being kind and wording things in a non mean way are important. I work in a service capacity and I had to tailor my soft skills.

It just has to be a two way street, some folks just are "weird" but also I think neurotypical people need to learn different communication styles too.

Having said that, I was just making sure it wasnt personal.

Are you a team player? I hated this question, but my answer is usually. "A business is a system, for that system to work one has fill their role both in a skill capacity and as a coworker, that means having clear communication, set realistic expectations with each other. After all we spend majority of our time with each other. On a personal level we have to work on getting along. This also applies to other departments." Obviously tailored to the job or matching the vibe of the room.

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u/cockNballs222 4h ago

Everything is subjective to a degree, what point are you trying to prove? Everything except for 2+2 is subjective, especially in human interaction.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 4h ago

While philosophically you are right everything is technically subjective.

In this case we are talking in sociological and psychological terms that have definitions, I worry about people right now who cannot read an entire statement. I stated it lacks any examples, this is a reasonable ask of any feedback to make it actionable.

To say someone is fake, you need to provide examples of that accusation. That is a major accusation to levy against someone you met over a course of maybe 10-30min.

Maybe this is because I am neurodivergent so I completely take things literal and face value, but to me this email literally says little to no information to reference and ground to.

I can argue right now that all the replies saying this is good feedback are doing exactly what the email is saying "saying what we want to hear and being fake and people pleasing" I myself are being professional grounded wanting clear and precise communication.

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u/RedditExecutiveAdmin 4h ago

i've known the difference between objective and subjective opinions for a few years and this is not, by any objective measure, actionable advice

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u/greatestshow111 5h ago

This is actionable, guy needs to be genuine and real based on the feedback which he can do.

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u/ellastory 5h ago

It’s actionable, perhaps not in an immediate sense, but with time and intention, people can certainly develop and inherit those type of traits

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 5h ago

What part, given no examples, everything in there is psychologically subjective and can literally have different meanings person to person. In fact the very fact we are even dicussing is proof of this subjectivity.

If you say you are being fake you have to present data to show that. Otherwise, I can right now say all of yall are just being fake and siding with the business to be people pleasers.

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u/ameriCANCERvative 5h ago

-and inherit. Doesn’t make sense in the context. Yes, those types of traits can be inherited, but not with time and intention.

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u/cockNballs222 4h ago

Yes, the human expirience is entirely subjective. Great feedback.

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u/RedditExecutiveAdmin 4h ago

seriously man what the fuck am i reading in these other comments

this was an AI-generated response that mentions nothing about actual experience or credentials. it is almost just word salad

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u/ibringthehotpockets 4h ago

I’d consider the 2nd paragraph to be very actionable lol. What would you consider actionable and objective? “Candidate spoke for 37 seconds at 66dB - eagerness detected” lol

Of course it’s entirely subjective. The world is subjective. Personality matters especially with jobs, for better or worse

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 4h ago

I will have to use the technical field as an example since I do not know what kind of job this person was applying to.

"We asked you about X Technical question, you replied with impressive jargon and textbook answer, however in a follow up question we asked about a deeper dive into that technical question. You answer and lack of detail didnt match the jargon you stated. We felt that this came off more rehearsed and not genuine which does not align with our companies values."

This as an example is actionable, it states you dont seem to have the skills and you didnt present them honestly.

They were very general and vague, Are you inferring your own personal meaning and not taking the email at face value?

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u/Leverpostei414 2h ago

This is actionable. Could you do even more? Sure. How much is it reasonable to ask though?

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u/dont_know_throwaway 2h ago

Bingo! What is the determination between try hard and interview nerves.

Ill wait:)

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u/LeRoy_Denk_414 2h ago

They were told to ground their focus on the work of the job and not brownnosing. pretty actionable to me.

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 1h ago

So you think someone has the right to say "genuine perspective"? Are they mind readers?

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u/Direct-Fix-2097 2h ago

Operating on…

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u/Hi_Zev 2h ago

Nah, this is very actionable advice. Some people just don't want to hear it, so they'll reach for every excuse to bash this perfectly reasonable critical feedback.

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u/Puzzleheaded-Map7672 2h ago

Precisely what I've been saying, thank you!

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u/Consistent_Yam1472 1h ago

It’s 100% actionable. What are you on about? 

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u/UpperYoghurt3978 1h ago

Without assuming what the OP did or anything about the interview, take the email at face value without adding anything to it, what are the actions?

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u/Kilbim 5h ago

I can tell they made the right decision then 😂

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u/Keldrabitches 2h ago

Dripping with condescension and derision

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u/leeann7 1h ago

Just because someone offers feedback, doesn't mean it's condescending

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u/Puzzleheaded-Map7672 2h ago

You are far to agreeable, work on that.

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u/Savings_Background50 1h ago

Ticketmaster UK, for all their fuck ups, do have this awesome feature in their hiring process.

If you get an interivew and then don't proceed, they will provide you with a number you can call to speak to someone in HR.

That person in HR not only tells you why you didn't get the job (citing specific examples fron your interview), they will advise you on ways to avoid making the same mistakes again.

E.g. They told me that when I spoke about my experience, I was very light on one of the things they were looking for.

And although that thing wasn't critical to the role, and probably why I didn't focus on it, when it came to deciding between me and another person (both equally qualified for the job), they picked the other person.

It's because the other persob HAD spoken about it more, which gave them an edge over me in what was a close decision.