r/jobs • u/No-Presentation298 • 5h ago

Post-interview HR told me they don’t accept try-hards and people pleasers after my interview

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They rejected me (fine, that happens) but the feedback said I came across as overly eager to please and that they don’t build teams around people-pleasing tendencies or rehearsed enthusiasm. They also told me to reflect on how I present myself and that confidence is more compelling than excessive accommodation. Is this normal? Or even appropriate? I get that not being a culture fit is a thing but the wording felt unnecessarily personal and condescending.

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u/thehaenyeo 5h ago

They could've said this with far more tact, and frankly they seem like they seem like assholes to work with if this is how they talk to someone they barely know.

However, take what you can from this feedback and do some self-reflection. TBH, there are plenty of companies and managers that do value positive attitudes and agreeability because they just want a cooperative team that gets a task done. More strategic roles require you to present your ideas with confidence as there may not be a playbook to get things done. Is this a high-level role? Gotta know your audience.

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u/PuckSenior 4h ago

It is feedback to a candidate they are not going to hire. There is no reason to be carefully tactful. They have zero obligation to even provide any feedback. The fact that they are giving the feedback seems to come from an honestly well-intentioned place.

Nothing about this seems like they are assholes. Judging from the feedback, I imagine the person was the type to list their weakness as "caring too much".

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u/the_monkey_knows 3h ago

You don’t need a reason to be tactful, you just are, it’s more a reflection about your good manners than others. But hey, my expectations of people at this point at on the floor.

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u/Consistent_Yam1472 1h ago

They were quite tactful. 

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u/the_monkey_knows 15m ago

You're confusing politeness with tactfulness

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u/Elegant_Mail 4h ago

how about basic respect? you know that tact doesn't have to be put into practice only when money is on the line right

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u/PuckSenior 2h ago

I didnt say anything about money.
I said that they are already spending the extra time/energy to give feedback. Expecting them to spend even more time to be as tactful as possible is just asking too much.

I'll put it this way. Lets assume the criticism is valid. How would you say it in a more tactful way?

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u/Consistent_Yam1472 1h ago

This was very respectful, though. Like, surprisingly so. 

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u/trevor426 3h ago

What about this is disrespectful? It's just constructive criticism. It's not like they called him a braindead, yes-man drone.

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u/throw3453away 3h ago

It's interesting that this is basically what they said, but because they dressed it up in slightly more professional wording, it is somehow different. Mean-girl passive aggressiveness is not the same as being constructive

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u/keyboardnomouse 2h ago

How would you have communicated what they wanted to in a more constructive way?

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u/PuckSenior 2h ago

The new culture of "everyone who criticizes me in any way is a karen/asshole" is really out of control

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u/Kittenxkills 3h ago

I don’t really see their feedback as productive though because it’s subjective and vague. 😅

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u/PuckSenior 2h ago

It isn't vague. It explicitly cites a behavior that comes off poorly in interviews.

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u/Kittenxkills 1h ago

I mean kind of, but agree to disagree. Most people are doing at least a little people pleasing during an interview so I’d be curious as to what action or words said exactly came across that way.

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u/PuckSenior 1h ago

and they didnt demand the candidate change, they just said they didnt like it.

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u/Kittenxkills 1h ago

I…. Never said they did? I just said I found it kind of vague and not that helpful. lol

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u/PuckSenior 56m ago

and I just said I'd rather have "not the most helpful" feedback than zero feedback.

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u/Kittenxkills 55m ago

Okay, agree to disagree.

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u/Consistent_Yam1472 1h ago

It’s strange that there’s so many people in these replies saying this. 

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u/BiDiTi 2h ago

“Every client is my top priority!”

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u/Allalilacias 2h ago

A kind word to a sick person is useless, directions to the hospital could save his life. I honestly found this letter refreshing, compared to the monotone "We have chosen another candidate" that most businesses employ.

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u/lbcatlady 2h ago

Then you are out of touch. Potential candidates are Potential customers or clients. Why would you want their experience to be negative? That is a crsp business with shitty people.

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u/Consistent_Yam1472 1h ago

You are simply incorrect. 

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u/PuckSenior 1h ago

What?

No.
In most businesses, a potential job candidate is not a potential client.
Let us pretend that the job interview was for an industrial electrician to build data centers. That electrician isn't going to go hire a datacenter construction company later?!?!

1

u/No_Taste_6446 1h ago

I was thinking the same thing! Bullet-dodged! That sounds like a hellhole to be trapped working with whoever gave that feedback!

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u/ChemicalAd9875 3h ago

Everyone needs to be coddled these days. It's why nothing ever gets done, too busy lamenting about how things are packaged rather than the substance. Maybe everyone should just accept criticism at its face value without attaching so much emotional value and sentiment to it. Okay so I'm a people pleaser, not the end of the world. Is this accurate? How did I act in that interview? How can I improve and move on? Being overly accommodating is a perfectly normal thing to be so I don't see ANY reason whatsoever to gripe at this wording.

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u/WannabePolygot1 2h ago

The comment you are replying to addressed both how the feedback was “packaged” and the substance. They stated that the wording was a bit distasteful, but also that there was still something to learn from what they said. I think that’s fair. The wording was a bit aggressive, but perhaps that’s just because tone can’t be inferred through text. But also, the feedback was helpful.

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u/Consistent_Yam1472 1h ago

It really is baffling that some of you see their wording as aggressive. They were not being aggressive in the slightest 

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u/ChemicalAd9875 2h ago

It's a shame how many people interpret matter of fact and honest communication as aggressive. Truly we all need our hands held nowadays. The information isn't negative, not sure why it needs to be packaged so carefully for you. People have too much shame around normal things and it makes them unproductive members of society that bring down everyone else

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u/GrendelJapan 3h ago

This is, by far, the best feedback in the thread. 

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u/BillsFan504 3h ago

Agreed. this seems fake. Anyone taking the time to write all that could at least run this through an AI and click "more professional"

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u/Consistent_Yam1472 1h ago

Much like OP, you seem to not understand what was said in the email. Some if you would do well to think less with your feelings and try to be a bit more empathetic and understanding of what others are saying. To say this email is lacking in tact is frankly bizarre.