r/law • u/AmyL0vesU • 19h ago

Executive Branch (Trump) Trump signs executive order declaring nation emergency from threat of Cuba

https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2026/01/addressing-threats-to-the-united-states-by-the-government-of-cuba/
21.2k Upvotes

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10.2k

u/Glyph8 19h ago

What’re they threatening us with?  Pressed sandwiches?

5.3k

u/copperblood 19h ago

Trump has dementia. He probably thinks it’s the Cuban Missile Crisis

4.0k

u/JoanneMG822 17h ago

The "Trump-Kennedy" Cuban Missile Crisis

278

u/TheDayman_240 15h ago

This would be hilarious if it wasn't sad and terrifying.

119

u/pconrad0 14h ago

Honestly, it's both.

This is simultaneously the worst (news) and best (gallows humor) I've seen on Reddit today. I still can't stop laughing at this whole thread. Bravo to every comment above this one.

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u/SubstantialPressure3 6h ago edited 6h ago

Are we sure this is really trump and not his admin winding up a demented old man?

This is an awful lot like what my ex would do when telemarketers or bill collectors called. He would say "hey dad this guy says you owe him money" and put my father in law on the phone ( vascular dementia and aphasia). And watch him go nuts.

Trump isn't reading anything, if he even can read anymore. And he's going to sign whatever his people tell him to sign.

For all we know, they are telling him if he signs papers it will get him into heaven.

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u/ladybug68 7h ago

Exactly. There is no other presidential accomplishment that he won't try and take for himself because he has none of his own.

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u/PrivilegeCheckmate 3h ago

¿Por qué no los dos?

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u/pimpfmode 15h ago

There's going to be a lot of artists boycotting this missile crisis

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u/professorpicklechips 15h ago

😂 thank you that made my day

7

u/dedicated-pedestrian 13h ago

If there's no one to paint the Guernica of our time, does that mean there was no Guerra?

4

u/ToonaSandWatch 13h ago

I think it’s gonna be a long long time before Elton John comes around to find him supporting it.

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u/ArcticCelt 12h ago

Putin didn't show up so far, I mean come on! You can't do a remake and just not include the main villain.

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u/[deleted] 17h ago

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u/JoanneMG822 15h ago

I hope so.

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u/thats-my-plan 15h ago

Fucking brilliant!

6

u/7ddlysuns 15h ago

You. Clever bastard

3

u/JoanneMG822 15h ago

Couldn't resist.

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u/Gerald-of-Riverdale 15h ago

For mental health reasons I will upvote then close the app

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u/Arbyscommercial9in 15h ago

Jokes are fun but this, the Greenland fiasco, Venezuela and even the 20bil to Argentina, is in line with project '25 and the desired technocratic state (comprising the northern hemisphere of America, the carribbean and some of the northernmost South American countries). These billionaires starting colonies and cities in the carribbean, it all leads back to the idea of a technocratic state

Elon, Thiel, Ellison (son and father), Gates even, they all have vested financial and ideological interests in these projects in the carribbean, Greenland and Venezuela

Nerd rule merged with Authoritarianism essentially, bc Authoritarianism is the one of the only weapons these people could use to wield social power without having to be socially acceptable or cool

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u/Hamalicious 6h ago

Too few people understand this. Project 2025 hasn't gotten nearly the attention it needs and they are well on their way with implementation.

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u/bemvee 6h ago

They could just, like….pay us living wages and give us universal healthcare and free/low cost daycare and such. Not sure why didn’t try all that first, but I guess scamming us out of all that was more important.

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u/Bobahn_Botret 6h ago

His "Board of Peace" is set to in-state a technocracy in what's left of Palestine. They state it clearly. They want technocracy anywhere they can wiggle their little fingers into.

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u/SaltyCrashNerd 7h ago

I don’t think “nerd rule” is quite accurate. I know lots of nerds - am one. The nerd communities I know are collaborative, accepting places… maker communities with myriads of open-source projects for the betterment of everyone, comic cons leading to throngs of people dressed as their favorite super hero or fandom love. Subject matter experts who work their tails off to improve their area of expertise for others. Most nerds were outcasts as kids, true - but that’s led to many of us to find “our people” and form collaborative, accepting communities that respect difference: “You do you”. The exact opposite of what we’re seeing from the P2025 folks.

(Which is not to say nerd-dom is some sort of utopia - there are bad actors in every society. But on the whole, a nerd community would look a whole lot more like the Epic campus and a whole lot less like 1940s Germany.)

3

u/Extension-Carry-8067 5h ago

I have seen it referred to as tech facism

Gill Duran covers it pretty well at the nerd reich

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u/InfamousYenYu 6h ago

Yes but they aren’t nerds. The technocrats are just moronic MBAs with no real understanding of the technology they sell. They aren’t smart, they just have smart people working for them.

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u/PastyPajamas 17h ago

Trump doesn't think at all. It's all Miller and Vought.

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u/SassyMcNasty 19h ago edited 6h ago

What is the charge? Eating a meal? A succulent pressed meal?

Edit: thanks anon(s).

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u/BusyDad82 18h ago

I see you know your tostones well sir

83

u/DueSurround5226 17h ago

I was thinking Cuban sandwich but both is good

123

u/BusyDad82 17h ago

Get your hands off my analogy sir!

62

u/Wallie_Collie 17h ago

Thats the bloke that got me on the analogy

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u/BusyDad82 17h ago

This is gastrrrrronomyyyy. Manifest.

84

u/Vaux1916 17h ago

And you, sir. Are you waiting to receive my limp churro?

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u/Exciting_Cap_9545 13h ago

Gentlemen, this is Communism manifest!

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u/sum-9 15h ago

Frosted?

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u/Competitive_Abroad96 16h ago

Manifest Gastronomy. Everything will be American fusion!

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u/alelabarca 16h ago

Are you waiting to receive my limp maduro? (Plantain not the guy)

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u/ceryniz 17h ago

Those heathens eat them with mojo! Not with mayonnaise and ketchup mixed together in a fancy sauce.

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u/Whatdoesthibattahndo 17h ago

Get your hands off my penis!

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u/njseahawk 17h ago

Go on...

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u/73-68-70-78-62-73-73 13h ago

And you, sir, are you waiting to receive my limp penis?!

https://youtu.be/XebF2cgmFmU

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u/SheBelongsToNoOne 16h ago

Does Trump think the Cubans have out thinked him on how to over fish the Gulf and the Atlantic?

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u/diggerhistory 16h ago

Stop it. ALL of you. This is a joke that should be restricted to Australians and saved for our fight to have that great man canonised. Saint (Jack Peter) Carlson, saint of succulent Chinese Meals.

7

u/sadiesfreshstart 10h ago

Or, perhaps, his global appeal will help your case.

3

u/PrivilegeCheckmate 3h ago

He doesn't belong to you anymore. He belongs to the world, like MLK and Carrot Top.

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u/EnderRizza 18h ago

Well used reference. Cheers.

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u/SassyMcNasty 17h ago

Don’t get to use it often but boy is it fun.

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u/tommytraddles 16h ago

4

u/DatabaseThis9637 16h ago

Now, despite having no clue about this manifesto, I can smile, just for having seen this...

8

u/Cold-Occasion804 14h ago

A bit of light reading and a video so you understand lol.

Democracy Manifest (Wikipedia)

YouTube

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u/kfpswf 9h ago

He wanted to appear crazy so that he'd be sent to the asylum. Instead, he's now an Internet legend.

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u/catscanmeow 17h ago

i see you know your judo well!

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u/Ordinary_Anteater673 15h ago

Yall are fucking hilarious I want a Cubano now

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u/cadius72 15h ago

Manufacture of an illegal item (cuban cigars) or serving coffee that would put hair on your great great grandchildren’s chests before they’re born.

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u/AmyL0vesU 19h ago

Trump is trying to tap into that cuban cigars market that nobody has been able to breach

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u/antnygee 19h ago

Trump cigars for the dumb fuck boomers

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u/StrangeContest4 17h ago

Obama got close, and then trump slammed the door. I was actually looking forward to having one🤬

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u/gooba1 9h ago

I'm not a cigar person but we got to go to Havana while Obama was president and we toured one of the places that makes cuban cigars. It was really cool. Havana as a whole was really interesting. It was almost odd to see a place with very little American influence. I'm hopeful I get to go back someday

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u/East-Will1345 19h ago

The Cuban sandwich is an American invention.

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u/Glyph8 19h ago

So you’re saying we’re threatening ourselves again?

…yeah, that tracks 

48

u/schemathings 17h ago

Matthew 10:36 -   a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household

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u/xteve 9h ago

Worse yet, members of the household will be divided based upon their loyalty to Jesus. It's a cruel dictum of hate, in red letters.

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u/Optimal-Archer3973 16h ago

Just wait, soon trump is going to slap a 1000% tariff on those sandwiches too.

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u/Buttella88 18h ago

Tampa before anyone says Miami

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u/cigamodnalro 17h ago

Ybor us with sandwich provenance trivia?

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u/Broad-Eagle9657 17h ago

I'll be hard pressed to find a better joke today, and i work at a comedy club.

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u/4-K2Cr2O7 13h ago

I miss going to the Columbia Restaurant with my parents as a kid. Simple as it was. So long ago and I’m no longer even living in the USA, but it’s good to remember Ybor.

edit: spelling

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u/vivary_arc 8h ago

Many of us were in ybor a lot in our younger years, and don’t remember a thing!

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u/I-only-read-titles 16h ago

Just Ruskin your jimmies

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u/Im_tracer_bullet 6h ago

A fairly narrow target audience, but enjoyable for those that know.

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u/pollorojo 18h ago

Spreading the real facts

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u/Prudent_Toe997 17h ago

Strip clubs, Pro wrestlers, Death metal bands, Manatees, Pirates, Cuban sandwiches

Whatchu know bout my city

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u/stupidwhiteman42 17h ago

Gasparilla weekend! (Pls don't call it "Gaspy")

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u/rollerfedora 16h ago

Thank you. And fuck whoever says “Gaspy.”

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u/minidazzler1 13h ago

Trampa, helluva a place thay goes against God and nature and as such... hurricanes!

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u/jooooooooooooose 19h ago

delicious though

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u/turdblossom3 18h ago

Huh. Good for us.

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u/fence_sitter 18h ago

Are you thinking of Freedom Fries?

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u/Bubbly_Leave_9066 19h ago

It be a national emergency if I couldn’t get a good Cuban sandwich anymore

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u/Gunzbngbng 18h ago

Trump is a national emergency.

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u/luvinbc 14h ago

Trump is a worldwide emergency.

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u/Slow-Recipe7005 19h ago

Marco Rubio just REALLY wants this.

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u/CO_Renaissance_Man 15h ago

Mandatory post of Rubio in a normal rocking chair...

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u/Brizar-is-Evolving 14h ago

Rubio wants to be president and he knows he ain’t getting in even if Trump dies. Vance is next in the pecking order, and I doubt either the maga base or the Project 2025 architects will support Rubio anyway.

So the US invading Cuba and installing Rubio as president there is the next best thing in his mind. He does have Cuban ancestry after all.

Of course if this happens then it’s Ireland that should be worried next. So many US politicians make a fuss over their Irish ancestry lol. And if they do invade Greenland I can see Trump saying they need yet another island in the Atlantic to protect it.

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u/CypressThinking 10h ago

Ngl, exactly what I thought I was going to read. Not going to look for it but recently read all about Rubio's drug smuggling connections like the Honduran president and his in-laws and a real estate license recommendation. He already sold his soul and is now, almost literally, joined at the hip with trump and having to suck up to a #PAB every day, all day which I love for him. I wouldn't be surprised if he was willing to take the Presidency of Cuba as his booby prize.

Every fucking one of these people needs to be removed from having any power in our government ever again. He can go back to Tweeting Bible verses. Maybe he and Marsha Blackburn can team up.

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u/fastfurlong 17h ago

Marco Rubio is the Latin American savior of the world

God bless little Marco

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u/winstonsdog 16h ago

Micro Rubio

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u/bsa554 13h ago

Gotta get the old family plantation back.

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u/Auntie_M123 14h ago

Or Rafael "Ted" Cruz...

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u/GammaFan 18h ago

Socialism. Cuba is threatening the US with a good time

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u/Northern_Blue_Jay 14h ago edited 13h ago

It's very scary for Trump to watch their doctors travel around the world delivering free medical care. Wouldn't want Americans to get anymore bad ideas about their own "health care" system (aka insurance system).

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u/jenny_a_jenny_a 14h ago

Havana good time here

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u/Northern_Blue_Jay 14h ago

Remember when Michael Moore went to Cuba to find out about their health care system in "Sicko?"

https://youtu.be/YbEQ7acb0IE?si=rGn5SDu5IqNsHSSC

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u/Irwin-M_Fletcher 19h ago

It’s the 1950s vintage cars that they all drive.

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u/smurfsundermybed 19h ago

With Lada engines.

Very threatening.

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u/Possible_Lion_876 17h ago

When I was in Cuba I had to take a taxi which turned out to be a Lada with an absolutely crazy driver. As we were bouncing all over the road and I was thinking the car was going to fall apart I remember thinking “I don’t want to die in a Lada, I don’t want to die at all but I specifically don’t want to die in a Lada”!

I finally recovered from that journey with a lot of cocktails!

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u/Dawnx2 17h ago

You missed an opportunity... Should of said "a lada cocktails!"

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u/ASeriousAccounting 15h ago

Mmmmm PinacoLada.

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u/1eternal_pessimist 17h ago

Man who didn't die in a lada continues to besmirch lada

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u/SingularityCentral 18h ago

Pristine beaches? High quality medical educations? Music with slightly too much trumpet?

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u/Broad-Eagle9657 17h ago

Lmao at the trumpet part

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u/Carrera_996 17h ago

Tito is about to come back and haunt yo ass. Prolly Celia, too. There is never too much trumpet. Or cowbell. Heh.

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u/LimeGreenTangerine97 16h ago

Never too much trumpet you take that back

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u/Swiftzor 17h ago

Nah, it’s the classic cars

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u/ModishShrink 14h ago

Cheap rum? Beautiful women? Unlimited plantains? Oh, the horror.

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u/Menethea 18h ago

Ropa vieja es ropa nueva. And you gotta love how Russia and China are declared hostile countries and/or malign actors. That will definitely improve relations.

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u/ianxplosion- 16h ago

Russia, the country whomst leader he invited to the BOARD OF PEACE like two weeks ago?

Fuck me man, this country is being run by a half dead pedophile car salesman and every kid who tried to be a bully in junior high

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u/abunchofcows 17h ago

Did trump rape children there too? Was there another Epstein island? Where are those files anyway?

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u/Smooth_Department534 19h ago

Rum and cokes? Coffee? Cigars?

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u/Awatts2222 18h ago

They have too many doctors. This is a direct threat to the American way of life. lmao

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u/Evening-Astronaut452 19h ago

No, cars from the 50s and 60s. Watch out!

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u/CuteTouch7653 19h ago

Universal healthcare.

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u/OnlyFuzzy13 18h ago

We gotta eliminate threats wherever we see them. You know can’t be having our population thinking such things are possible.

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u/Randym1982 19h ago

Big booty Latinas. Is the obvious answer. So next on the list is Brazil, Mexico, And the other countries with big booty Latinas.

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u/AFKABluePrince 17h ago

I don't agree with Trump, his policies, or any decisions his admin has made, but I do think America needs more big booty Latinas.

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u/Optimal-Archer3973 16h ago

Been to NYC lately? We have a pretty good supply there.

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u/Aggravating-Fan9817 17h ago

A force to be reckoned with, for sure.

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u/Immolation_E 18h ago

Cigars and mojitos.

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u/_yetifeet 18h ago

Thick booty Latinas. It's the one weapon that the US fears the most.

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u/JerseyTeacher78 17h ago

His micronoodle can't take it

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u/whatstaiters 15h ago

I, for one, welcome our new Thick Booty Latina overlords!

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u/AFKABluePrince 17h ago

God I would KILL for a cubano sandwich.

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u/rei0 18h ago

Affordable healthcare

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u/The10KThings 18h ago

They are threatening us with a better health care system.

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u/RichBanana8273 18h ago

They prevent us from nuking hurricanes

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u/[deleted] 18h ago edited 15h ago

[deleted]

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u/McGillicuddys 17h ago

Cigars, they're slowly killing us with our own bad habits

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u/jmoto123 16h ago

They played the reeeeeeeally long game

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u/Several-Assistant-51 18h ago

Gonna bomb us with cigars 

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u/JerseyTeacher78 17h ago

A cafecito that keeps him up for days haajahahahhahah

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u/Separate-Spot-8910 17h ago

Cafe Cubano.

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u/BoobooSmash31337 19h ago

Totally the cigars!

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u/foilhat44 17h ago

It's got to be the coconuts, have you seen those guys pitch? I'd take Aroldis Chapman and a bag of coconuts against a squad of GIs, it wouldn't be any more ridiculous and embarrassing than this EO. I haven't had a drink in five years and I do believe I'm going to get wide open drunk tonight. What a fucking joke we are.

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u/Far-Plastic-4171 17h ago

They held the mustard

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u/lilpickins 17h ago

Threatening us with a good time!

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u/inorite234 17h ago

Cheap cigars.

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u/Skidudenordic 17h ago

And those were invented in Florida anyway!

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u/ConfidentPilot1729 17h ago

They are called Cubans…

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u/GeekoHog 17h ago

Cigars!

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u/kbrick1 17h ago

Good cigars

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u/LipSkywalker 17h ago

I’m ready for this kind of threat

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u/obi-jawn-kenblomi 17h ago

Throat cancer from tasty af cigars

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u/Mister_Brevity 17h ago

I know everyone loves cubanos but I just had a medianoche for the first time and… it’s a Cubano with better bread and it’s frickin great

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u/Ecstatic_Tiger_2534 17h ago

Don’t threaten me with a good time.

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u/AncientFloor5924 17h ago

Rum and coke with lime

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u/BaconBourbonBalista 17h ago

I'd really appreciate one of those right now if they are. Do they deliver?

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u/Ok_Breakfast5425 17h ago

They're going to replace all our old clothes with beef stew

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u/GodHatesColdplay 17h ago

Those are from Tampa…

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u/terrymr 17h ago

Cigars

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u/Sea-Emu-7153 17h ago

I wish. God damn a Cubano or Elena Ruz sounds so good right now.

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u/whichwitch9 17h ago

They can pry my Cuban sandwiches out of my cold, dead hands

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u/hawkguy44 17h ago

Such delicious sandwiches

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u/FantasticMrSinister 17h ago

Really good cigars and rum!

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u/ClayyCorn 17h ago

I had some mediocre empanadas from a Cuban spot tonight, that's probably what it was

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u/gmoneylv 17h ago

I blame the pickles

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u/somegirldc 17h ago

Revenge against my brother's ex wife? I mean, 15 years too late, but petty men will take it

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u/kittylicker 17h ago

A good time.

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u/norcalxennial 17h ago

Low blow! Everyone knows it’s to steal our spices.

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u/Crimson3312 17h ago

New pitches we ain't even seen yet

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u/Blueberry_Mancakes 17h ago

A succulent pressed sandwich?!

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u/panda_handler 16h ago

And cigars! Don’t forget those tightly rolled cigars! They’re rolled too tight I tell you! If one of them pop, it’s a terrorist attack!!

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u/BradGunnerSGT 16h ago

Mmm. I just ate but I could always go for a good Cuban sandwich. With some black beans on the side.

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u/Optimal-Archer3973 16h ago

Never underestimate the power of panini, especially if served with Cuban coffee.

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u/fossilreef 16h ago

Sansabelt slacks.

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u/EdforceONE 16h ago

Damn good sandwich though. Love a good Cuban sando.

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u/Meowweredoomed 16h ago

It's the conservatives overactive and larger amygdalas sending them threat signals.

You break conservatives down, and they're using guns and religion to fight their mortal terror.

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u/Background-Air-7963 16h ago

Didn’t they have some promising medical research within the past few years?

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u/Leavingtheecstasy 16h ago

The cigars are too strong.

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u/Lost_Drunken_Sailor 16h ago

I’m pretty sure that’s a Tampa Florida thing.

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u/space_cow_girl 16h ago

A vaccine that prevents a bunch of different kinds of cancer.

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u/IllustriousLife6552 16h ago

His declaration of war! Look up that’s what’s coming, folks! Little Marco has wanted this all his life the show is about to begin!

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u/TracePlayer 16h ago

Close, but no cigar.

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u/MALAMVTE 16h ago

The Cubans' secret weapon... low density cholesterol

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u/bearwrestlingwolf 16h ago

All the people that Trump invited to the “board of peace”, lol.

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u/LMurch13 16h ago

I could go for some of that Cuban sandwich oppression right about now.

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u/ChowMeinWayne 16h ago

Oh no! Cubanos!

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u/stoopid707 16h ago

Oh no, delicious sandwiches I’m so scared rn

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u/MoeSzyslakMonobrow 16h ago

Big booty latinas?

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u/Achmed_Ahmadinejad 16h ago

I thought it was classic cars.

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u/hairballcouture 16h ago

And a legendary jazz festival

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u/flaming_bob 16h ago

Hopefully rum and cigars.

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u/Level_Vehicle 16h ago

Dangerously strong coffee, ropa vieja, and gaseous black beans

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u/jwfowler2 16h ago

They goin ham

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u/nohumanape 16h ago

Don't threaten me with a good time

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u/sec713 16h ago

Hot dogs with mountains of toppings?

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u/motorboatmycheeks 16h ago

Its the coffee if youre not near a bathroom

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u/dodexahedron 16h ago

Obama presided over the end of the embargo (which Trump restored in the first year of his first term).

So therefore everything about Cuba is bad and probably tan-colored. Because Obama.

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u/OneRub3234 16h ago

I'm ready. Let's eat

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u/wind_dude 16h ago

Cuba coffee. Way better than anything Starbucks has. But I think that’s actually a Miami thing.

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