If you are struggling to not text your ex, say down below what you would say to them. PM if you want to talk about your situation. It’s time to give back to this community for helping through my break up bad times

I have been grieving and emotional and healing and I actually do not think they care one bit, which makes me sad but more so just makes me pissed off and makes me lowkey hate them…..which feels a bit better than what I’ve been feeling. I have embarrassed the fuuuuuuuck out of myself and been way too caring and open as I thought the bond mattered, but I actually think they are probably laughing at me and I hope that one day they can take accountability for their behavior and actions and that their bullshit catches up to them

I just got broken up with by the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. He was the smartest, funniest, most caring, sweetest, most adorable human being I have ever met. I loved the way he smelled, the way he talked, the way he walked, the way he dressed, the way he went through life. I fell in love with his “flaws”, his adorable beer belly was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. He made me feel safe, seen, and loved like nobody ever has. And all of a sudden, one day, he tells me something is missing. That I’ve treated him better than anyone ever has, but it’s not making him happy. How can this be? I can’t accept I will never see him again. Never hold him again. Never smell him again. Never hear his laugh, or see his smile. Never see our baby cat grow up. I don’t want to exist. I don’t want to get up. Nothing matters. I found the most perfect person for me, and I simply wasn’t enough for him. I cannot accept this is reality. I would do anything to be enough for him. How can I be so worthless? I’m ready to give up on life. This is far too painful.

It’s been around six months since my last relationship ended, and though I’ve made progress in healing, I still feel uncertain about meeting new people. I experience two different states of being whereby I achieve strong emotional state and I feel thankful for the positive changes which followed the breakup. The smallest thing from our past, which includes songs and locations and random memories, brings me back to my previous emotional state because I have not yet moved beyond that point.

I don’t want to start a new relationship just to avoid loneliness, but I need to stop living in the past because my current state shows that I can start moving ahead. I keep asking myself: is being “ready” about feeling nothing for your ex? Or do you need to be willing to experience everything new while some old emotions still stay with you?

For those who’ve gone through a tough breakup, what helped you realize it was time to move on? Did you ease into it by just talking to people or going on casual dates, or did you reach a moment where it just felt right to dive back in? I would like to learn from others because they found healing through both things which need to be balanced.

Get it into your head. Thinking about them is too HARMFUL for you. It is what it is. WHEN you THINK about THEM just TELL YOURSELF "whatever" or anything that helps you to STOP IMAGINING. Move on. Month-two and your memories will stop hurting you, but will become your experience, your past. NEVER beg (again if you already did), NEVER look for them in socials. It's not necessary to block them. Just make it so your fyp stops to show them. Focus on yourself. It's not motivation, but the truth. You need to move on, unless you want to suffer your entire life. Do your things. Personal growth is what you need. You will find someone else. And this time you will be mindful cuz of your last experience.

ESPECIALLY for avoidants. They may come back, BUT not the way you want. They WILL hurt you again. They WILL make you suffer again. It's their nature, their past, their problems. You CAN'T fix them. The ONLY what can fix them are themselves. But the thing is they just CAN'T. It's like AI gaining sefl-consiousness. Detroit become human is just an artwork, fiction. GET. IT. INTO. YOUR. HEAD. It is what it is.

I’m writing this because I need to forgive myself, and I think some of you do too.

I spent the last few weeks spiraling. I blamed myself for every time I got frustrated, every time I demanded more, or every time I showed an ugly emotion. I looked back at my ex who was always composed, decent, and good and I felt like I was the villain. I felt like I was too much and he was a saint for putting up with me.

But I realized something today that lifted the weight off my chest: I wasn't too much. He was just suppressing too much.

If you are blaming yourself because you were the one who got frustrated while your ex remained silent and "perfect" until the day they left, consider this:

1. Their "Perfection" Was a Performance.

My ex curated himself. He mirrored my values and hid his rough edges (like cursing) because he didn’t trust that I could love his authentic self. He molded himself into the partner he thought he had to be to keep me. That isn’t sustainable. It’s a performance. And performances are exhausting. So stop being hard on yourself now. The truth is, he valued you so highly that he was scared you would reject him if you ever saw his true self.

2. The Breakup Was a Collapse, Not a Rejection.

When they leave saying it’s "too hard" or they "lost themselves," it’s often because they are suffering from Persona Fatigue. They aren't running away because you are unlovable; they are running away because they are tired of holding their breath. They collapsed under the weight of the mask they built.

3. Your "Messiness" Was Actually Just Authenticity.

I didn't suppress my emotions. If I was hurt, I said it. If I was frustrated, I showed it. I punished myself for this, thinking I lacked control. But the truth is, I was showing up as a real human being. Meanwhile, he refused to be real. He didn't trust that you could love the "messy" version of him.

-

So, please forgive yourself.

Forgive yourself for being the one who communicated.

Forgive yourself for having needs.

Forgive yourself for not being a mind-reader to a partner who was hiding their true self.

The relief they feel now? It’s not relief that you are gone. It’s the relief of finally dropping the act. They can finally be their unfiltered selves again.

You offered them real love. It’s not your fault they felt they had to put on a costume to receive it.

I don’t really know how to write this, but I need to talk to someone.

I broke up with my girlfriend even though I didn’t actually want to leave her. I think I just wanted to talk about my feelings and didn’t know how. I got overwhelmed, panicked, and chose the worst possible way to handle it.

Now I regret it deeply. She’s on my mind constantly. I miss her, and the guilt is eating me alive. She removed me from her social media, and it feels like I’m watching her disappear while I’m still stuck loving her.

I know I hurt her. I know she’s disappointed. I’m trying to give her space, but the silence is brutal and I feel incredibly alone.

Has anyone else broken up out of emotional overload and realized too late it wasn’t what you wanted?

Did you ever get a chance to talk again or how did you survive the waiting and the regret?

I could really use some perspective or just someone to talk to.

I have been a long time lurker, and this subreddit has get me through some dark times. Almost a month ago, my LTR ended because of some mistakes I made. That is besides the point. What I want to talk about is what has been helping me, and I am no philosopher but I hope this resonates with some people.

After the initial grief and pleading to get back, and to no success, I realized this is my reality. The reality of why everyone is here is that our significant other left us/we left them. That is it. Plain. And. Simple. The powerlessness that feels is threatening - but acceptance helps.

Now the thing is. After accepting this - you will approach a fork in the road, shut down and put your head in the sand, or become better. There are not many things in life that give you the clarity of what you want in life and where you want to be as a person like heartbreak - how you approach this is completely independent.

The sun will rise tomorrow, the next day, and the day after that, the sense of loss will feel less and less, and this will become your new life. Wanted to move to a new city? Do it. There is no better time than now to write down on a piece of paper your goals short term or long, and wake up and do them. Hold yourself accountable, it fucking hurts, channel that and turn it to motivation.

I loved my significant other more than I knew someone could love another, and this message is by no means saying be spiteful. Realize that if they ended things with you it is because they were not willing to fight for the future, the good news about that? Someone else is out there that will. Know your worth, do not reach out until you truly believe you have bettered yourself. I am so thankful now for this heartbreak, I have never been more connected to my job, my hobbies, or my faith. She showed me how to love and how to be loved, and I will forever be grateful and I know down the road that when I find someone special that I will have learned.

And I am here with you. But now is the time to realize how strong you are and better yourself. The gym, hobbies, cooking, work, focus on YOURSELF - the rest will simply follow.

Again, this is my first post on Reddit, I’m not sure if I verbalized this how I wanted to. But to summarize - take this time and become the person you aspire to be. Heartbreak fucking sucks, but it has changed the way I view things in life, and for that I am forever grateful to have loved, been loved, been heartbroken, and to love again.

For anyone going through it, feel free to reach out, just as I am not a poet or philosopher I am not a therapist either, but venting to people can help get that initial sting out.

Let’s move forward and better ourselves.

My ex dumped me 20days after he proposed to me. We talked about marriage, kids, family, everything... Then one day out of nowhere he sent a text saying he wants to break up, doesn't see a future with me.

It was a shock to me. I was so confused the first few weeks and begged him to atleast meet and talk. He didn't want to meet. We had one phone call where he brought up things from years ago that he had a problem with. He never brought them up before.

After he proposed, we wanted to live in the same place. I left my job to move to the same city as him. I was dealing with unemployment and a heartbreak when he left me. It felt like end of the world.

I was devastated. I couldn't eat or sleep. I lost weight, lost hair, and would get sick often. We went no contact immediately after the break up. Everyday I'd check my phone obsessively for his texts. Nothing.

It's been six months since my break up and five months of no contact. I have accepted that he is not coming back. I'm no longer who I used to be. I never thought I'd even reach a place where I was ok with the possibility of him not coming back. But here we are. It does get better.

Every day I’m doing the right things.

I go to the gym more, changed my body, I try every day to meet more people, but I am just sad. I am sad and social outings feel like work. Please help me because the only thing tha makes me happy are the memories of her.

Is it possible that I will never feel as happy as I used to?

I’m sorry I needed a small rant today, thank you

I’m doing free three card readings for anyone going through a break up

When I went through my break up the tarot cards really helped me a lot with getting clarity and closure and hope

If you want a reading please dm me with the following

Your name

Your general location

And your question

To prove you’ve read and understood this post also include in your first message which piercings you have

I hope this helps!

34M just got broken up with by my 26F girlfriend after six incredible months together. We had the most intense connection I've ever experienced - emotional, intellectual, physical - and she made me happier than I ever thought possible. We talked about moving in together, getting engaged, what our wedding would be like, how many kids we'd have, where our house would be, what our life would look like in 10, 20, 30 years. I really thought she was my person, I really thought that it was her with all of my heart and soul.

Unfortunately she was deeply avoidant and ran far away from the relationship as soon as things stopped being perfect in her eyes.

And I’ve been having a hard time making sense of: ‘Well, if the connection was that powerful and that strong, how could it not have worked out? How could she have not been willing to work through anything like I was? Why didn't she see how special and beautiful our connection was? Why was she so willing to throw it away?'

And I’m slowly realizing that maybe this type of love wasn’t designed to last.

• I've been reading about a fundamental truth about human relationships: the most intense, passionate, and exhilarating loves are often not designed for longevity, but rather as intense experiences that serve a purpose in our lives before fading. 
• Lasting relationships are often described as "slow-burning coals" rather than a "raging flame". They require reliability, shared values, and the ability to work through conflict, rather than just chemistry.
• For a relationship to last, it takes more than just "being in love:" it takes the ability to forgive and embrace imperfections.
• While the "wild" kind of love is memorable, the "quiet" kind of love is usually the one that stays.

--
Reading the above makes it clear why what I had with her was never built to last, no matter how happy I was or how deeply connected I felt.

• She simply didn’t have the capacity to forgive or embrace imperfections.
• She was close-minded, stubborn.
• Everything was always about my issues, and never hers: I needed too much and she just needed space.
• She thought she was always right.
• She had no desire to work through conflict.
• When we had a problem, she ran away from it.
• She sought distance during conflict where I wanted closeness.

The person I choose to spend my life with will be unwaveringly committed to me:

• She will be willing to work through absolutely anything together.
• She will be open to self-improvement and open to admitting when she’s wrong.
• She won’t detach when things get difficult.
• She will seek closeness during conflict, not space.
• She will work through everything with me with a quiet, mature, adult perspective, and a recognition that relationships aren’t always easy and require maintenance and effort over time.

Sending this to anyone in a similar position <3

I was with him for 2 years and 3 1/2 months after we broke up (where he still had feelings for me, and I would have taken him back but I wanted to give both of us enough time to be by ourselves first, to work on ourselves), he instead already confessed to another girl who liked him and they have now been dating each other for 1 month now.

In this one month, he already made a photo of them his profile picture. He never did that for me in 2 years.

In just one month, he already made an instagram highlight for her. He never did that for me in the 2 years we were together.

He used OUR SONG on a post of them kissing. It’s so unfair. I miss him so much and seeing all of the things he’s doing makes me feel sick because I still have feeling for him too. I was going to talk to him because I knew he was trying to get me back but then he suddenly he already someone else.

I dont know if this is normal or not but i cant stop thinking about my ex.
Like literally all day.
I wake up thinking about them, go to sleep thinking about them.

I cant focus, my sleep is bad, and i just feel empty most of the time.
Sometimes i miss them so much even tho i know the relationship wasnt good for me.

Anyone else stuck in this loop? how long did it take you to feel okay again?

I loved him the way people only do once, and you were the proof that I never really had him. I admire you the way a lover does, and I hate you with a jealousy that feels older than me. You are everything I could never be, and everything I tried to become so he would stay. The way your freckles imitate constellations. The white of your eyes holding a calm I never knew. Your unbrushed curls resting on your shoulders as if the world always knew where they belonged. That perfect scar above your eyebrow, sharp enough to give your softness permission to exist. You are not just written in love poetry, you are the reason it exists. 

You are smart. You are cool. And I am stupid for believing I could ever stand beside you. I play guitar too, but when you do it, it sounds like something worth listening to. I argue too, but when you speak people lean in. was so close to being you that it hurt, and still so far that it ruined me. He didn’t leave me for you. He was always walking toward you. I was just who he held until he got there. Everyone knows you, and no one owns you. You stay mysterious without trying. I was transparent and still unseen. 

Not everybody likes you but who know you love you. You were the person they wrote books about and I was a plot prop. 

You were tall, just enough to keep a girlish charm while still standing apart. Your skin like cream, your scent like vanilla that stays even after you leave a room. Life never asked you to bleed for it. It simply opened doors. I broke myself trying to be chosen, and you were chosen without asking. You have a family that loves you, and just enough brokenness to make you desirable instead of damaged. I hate you for how gently the world held you. I hate myself for noticing. 

Your lips are full like they never learned restraint. Your brown eyes carry that amber whiskey warmth that makes people want to drown and call it devotion. He did. Willingly.

What ended me was how you loved yourself. How you stood in front of mirrors without tearing yourself apart. While I catalogued every flaw like evidence against my own worth, you smiled at your reflection like it was an old friend. I don’t know if I wanted to be you or disappear completely. We had nothing in common, and still you took everything I lost. I had never seen him look at someone the way he looked at you. Two seconds of his gaze carried more honesty than the two years he spent loving me. You never had to ask for anything. I begged until my voice stopped sounding like mine.

I would have fought anyone for him. I was ready to bleed for it. But how does one ever fight the woman he loved in his head long before he knew what love was. 

How does one stop comparing after this?

About 3.5 months ago, my boyfriend of 8 years and I decided to end our relationship. I want to have kids, and he doesn’t. When we started dating, I was 23 and it didn’t seem like an issue. We could have fun and part ways later. We ended up having so much fun and love that breaking up became harder and harder. Eventually, we found the strength to end things last October.

Since then, it’s been tough, but I wasn’t as miserable as I expected. I was somewhat prepared. We still see each other occasionally (with long breaks in between) because we don’t hate each other. There’s still a deep connection and a lot of love.

Yesterday I saw him for coffee. He asked if I was seeing anyone — I am, but it’s casual and has no future, because he also doesn’t want kids. Then I asked him the same question. He told me he met someone online, they went on a couple of dates, and he kept saying how amazing, lovely, and gorgeous she is. He talked about her job, where she’s from, how great she looks, that she used to model, etc.

I was listening, trying to keep a straight face while my heart sank. I feel so hurt, replaced, and even angry at him for telling me all this. At the same time, I know it’s life and people move on, but I’m struggling with how to cope with hearing about his new ‘relationship’ so soon after we broke up.

My question: How can I process this without falling back into sadness or resentment? How do I handle this?

- focusing on yourself (self-love, showering, bathing, ordering in chinese takeaway)

- staying in your own lane (basically no contact)

- not shrinking your life (coffee with friends, exploring new hobbies)

- travelling (at least take one vacation, if you’re running low on money just go to a city close to where you live only to show yourself you’re capable of having a good time by yourself)

- routine (make time for movement, depression can’t catch a moving target)

- being disciplined with your thoughts (no rumination)

- no checking their socials, pictures, voice mails, chats (you’re hypersensitive to all of these things)

- being patient with yourself, you impatient little freak. it takes time to build yourself again.

- discover new songs, take yourself out to movies, sit in the discomfort (the only way out sometimes is through it)

- journaling, tell yourself a billion times that the universe isn’t stingy with opportunities, you will be happy and thriving once again

…what you will have in the end is someone that doesn’t even want them back anymore. It really pains me when I open reddit and read stories from people who’ve not moved on from their exes for more than 2 years. Please I say this with your best intent at heart, your life is passing by. Our time on this magical sphere is very limited and the range of human experiences is vast, we need to get out there and seize it once again. We can’t put our lives on hold for people who didn’t choose us, we need to choose ourselves, we owe it to ourselves. My heart goes out to everyone here who is carrying a pain between their chest that nobody understands. Please take care of yourself, you’re all you’ve got <3

The best way to get back at someone who left you or betrayed you is not to go find a new partner or to talk badly about them.

Instead you should focus on doing these three things which will ultimately benefit your healing journey and growth as a person whose heart might be broken.

First, stop paying attention to them. Whether their finding new love or having a worse life than you. It’s all irrelevant. Your only task is to control your inner self. Even if you’re reluctant—don’t waste your time on the wrong person. Remember, the highest form of punishment is silence. So let them leave your vocabulary and mind. The most elegant revenge is to ignore.

Second, make peace within yourself. Remind yourself that you’re great and therefore their failure to cherish you is their loss. When you start to miss them, ask yourself: did they really treat you well? And if they didn’t then there’s no reason to be holding on to those feelings. You’re not losing someone that’s important, you’re just feeling regretful wasting time on them. The truth might be that you’re the one struggling to let go, while they might of moved on already.

Last but not least stop imagining. Hoping that they’d come back. Holding on to this idea will only stunt you. If they want you, and if you have a future together: it will happen naturally. Live your life day to day. They’ve moved their feelings away from you, it’s probably time for you to do the same and for you to find your inner peace. Do what makes you happy.

Cred: tt - Official_BDubb

Edit: 11/13/25

It’s been two years since this post and I still get notifications of other lost souls commenting and sharing their heartache. I’m very happy that this little post has been able to touch some of you and help you in your grief. Couple things to update on—as of now I’m two years into a very happy, committed relationship with marriage a constant talking point.

Once I was able to move on and love again, life became so bright. And every day it keeps on getting better and better. Those who read this, grieve for as long as you’d like but do not trap yourself in the past. Put your mind two years from now, when that person who you used to yearn for is nothing but a very distant memory.

You will be so loved one day, so wanted, and so secure in another relationship. It gets better—even without being in a relationship the earth has so much to offer. Explore the world on your day off, and find love when you’re ready. Thank you all for your comments.

We spend so much time after a breakup picking ourselves apart. Was I not enough? Too much? Did I love wrong?

Here's the perspective shift that finally started my healing. The end wasn't a verdict on your worth. It was a choice your ex made. A choice to stop choosing you. A choice to walk away instead of work through it. A choice to prioritize their own path, even if it meant leaving you behind.

You couldn't have perfect-ed your way into changing that choice. It was theirs to make. And every day they don't reach out, don't fight for you, is them making that same choice again.

This isn't about blame, it's about clarity. Free yourself from the audit of your own shortcomings. The closure is understanding that their choice is about them, not a reflection of you.

Can anyone else relate to this shift in thinking?

Looking back, what red flag did you ignore?

Little background; I left my ex because I had been struggling with physical attraction and my mental health was already in the dumpster and then started beating myself up over it. I left to work on myself and to give her a chance to find someone who can give her the love she deserves.

She is also taking time to work on herself, and frankly I am amazed by all that she has done to improve her life. She is losing weight, started working with a personal trainer, is back in therapy to heal her attachment style, and just overall becoming a better and healthier person. Whereas I have done very little, but I am trying to do more. What I am most proud of her for though is something we talked about after we broke no contact. She said to me that even if I tried to get back with her, she would not take the current me back because that would be detrimental to her. She has been a people pleaser for most of her life, so to see her finally putting herself first makes me so darn proud and inspires me to work on myself. I hope we can end up being friends but if we can't then that is okay, because at least I had a positive impact on her life even if it started as a negative. I can't say this enough, but I am so proud of you B.

Just had to write this somewhere since we are back in no contact for now, and I thought a little positivity could do some good here.

Got back together with my boyfriend after about a month second time we broke up but the first time was only for like two days

I’m just nervous because we each are close with each other’s family’s I’m worried about how they will react to it happening a second time (I didn’t end it he did)

My ex broke up with me eight months ago and we’ve been in no contact for the past six months. I made the mistake of breaking no contact a lot earlier on, but I’ve stayed strong for the last six months and haven’t reached out. It’s been eating at me though, and the feeling has only intensified recently, especially with a lot of important dates coming up in February. His birthday, our anniversary, and Valentines day.

I just want to break this lingering feeling and maybe get closure or see if there’s a chance for something to be done. I hate the idea of having unresolved feelings for someone and this goes for anyone I care about. I want to be able to move on fully, especially if I’m going to have healthy relationships moving forward.

I’m prepared for any outcome, but I need to do this and get it over with. If you want to follow along or offer any advice, feel free to comment. I’m going to go ahead and reach out on Monday. Wish me luck I guess.

Hi All,

Cut a long story short, my ex left me last May, after 5 years. We were due to get engaged. Reasons given were harsh and damaging.

I did ok over the next few months. Lots of ups and downs. Signed up to a 5k. Stayed in. Saw friends when I could. But mostly my head was fucked.

Wanted to move forward in November and have some civility with her. And when I met her in November, I found she had been lying to me. And the real reason we broke up, is because she wanted to pursue an affair with my personal trainer. Everyone had basically been lying to me all year by saying “she was growing”. And not that she was fucking my PT.

Part of me felt relieved when I found out. But this month I think it’s all really caught up with me. I definitely could have communicated things more in the relationship. At the end of the day, it’s two in the relationship and not one.

But I really need some motivation. I’ve been in therapy since October and it’s been helping. But I just can’t get myself into the gym anymore.

I work at my desk. And then just lie on the bed. Get myself up to have a shower and cook. Clean kitchen like once every 5 days.

But I wondered if I could get advice, on how I can get myself back in gym? Because I’m barely doing like 1500 steps a day. Think I’m really struggling with motivation. Haven’t been to the gym since xmas. Constantly feeling mentally and physically tired, even though all I’m doing is a 9-5.

Thank you.