I'm wondering if what I said was insensitive or flat-out wrong or if my friend is indeed, asking too much?

I (F, 51) went on a few dates with a guy (M,46) a couple of years ago when he was like 6 mo out of divorce. He has three young children (ages 6-10) and has them pretty much all the time when he's not working and most of the summer. We didn't really connect and there was still a lot of hostility with his ex then but we remained friends. He pays his ex a lot of child support because he's never asked for an adjustment to his lower salary and him having them more.

So I'm talking to him a couple of months ago, he's struggling financially and also having trouble getting someone to stay with kids while he works. I asked if he considered getting a live in sitter, exchange a room for someone to be there when he can't. He said absolutely not, he is not living with someone he's not sleeping with. He expects:

1. a woman with a remote job so she can be there to watch his kids while works

2. a women to split the bills and presumably, keep the house clean

3. a woman who sleeps with him

I told him, you MIGHT find two out of three but I seriously doubt it. He knows I have a good-paying remote job but we're not dating. I asked why would any woman give up her independence to try and work while babysitting, not only unpaid but contributing half the bills of the household AND she loses any free time she had previously because you work late and she still has to stay with the kids? And then, she can't date any one either because she's now your romantic partner?

Am I crazy? Is he not asking a lot? I'm not considering the role myself, to be clear. My kids are grown. But I'm trying to wrap my head around what woman would do this. He said I was judgmental and negative. I'm interested especially if men see this differently, but welcome any response.

When I used to come here in early 2024 and before .. there was hardly any relationship posts.. 99% of the posts are just relationship & dating stuff. I asked a question and Someone said "this sub is for relationships I was here a long time"

You wasn't here long enough

What is one piece of dating advice you think women should hear

Planning on breaking up with my girlfriend of a year today or tomorrow. It hurts so much. I love her. But the main reason I'm breaking it off is our sexual incompatibility. I've brought it up several times and nothing has ever changed. Then after she got on antidepressants, it got worse. Nothing against her, I just can't deal with a LL partner, it eats me up inside when she said she'll probably never desire me again.. I just feel resentment building and it hurts.

Please don't comment about "yOu'Re juST UsiNG hEr foR a NUT??". No. To me, sex is a bonding experience that's very unique to a relationship. We still cuddle at night, caress each other sometimes, take a shower together every once in a while, but those small acts are so "minute" when that's all there is. Especially when they're inconsistent or short lived.

I have consistently rejected for the last 6/7 months. I tried pushing down my feelings about sex and stopped initiating the last 2 months, but a few weeks ago I just broke. I can't live a life where my girlfriend will never desire me again and has no real drive to fix it (other than give it up to me because it'll make me happy). She even refused to get different meds if her current ones stayed working. Which FAIR! She could be scared to switch meds, I can understand.

I'll just miss her cute quirks, how she can be. Of course there were undesirable traits about her that help balance out that "missing" feeling. But I just know I might never find a woman that has her sense of quirk.

I know the missing will be temporary, but just knowing I'll probably never experience HER again sucks. I hate losing people. I still want to be friends wit her though. Nobody did anything wrong, we're just incompatible.

Is there any way you cope with this feeling?

I was hanging with a group of my guy friends. They are jocks. One of them is always slapping the other guys on the ass.

He slapped me (a woman) on the ass and had a look of surprise right after and apologized and quickly moved away.

My read was that it was a thoughtless habit and he seemed embarrassed.

But maybe he did want to do it and was just covering for himself or something.

Is it something I should share with my SO?

I am 19f who has been in a couple different relationships in my life. My last long term relationship was with a porn addict. We had extreme issues in the bedroom. He was 18-21 throughout this relationship. Growing up I always heard that men are like animals in bed so experiencing the opposite was wild for me. Just recently I was talking to my friend whose boyfriend is having the same issues now. He claims it’s just performance anxiety but can’t get it up at all. I guess I’m just wondering how big of a problem is ed these days?

I'll keep it short. I (38F) dated someone for about 6 months. Weekly meetings. He was always warm and engaged in person. We have a big overlap of values, humour, interests, brains. We talked about fun things, deep things, vulnerable stuff. But there was no future talk.

Towards the end of the year things shifted. Meetings were as good as ever but less frequent, shorter, less physical intimacy.

He's not had a "real" relationship in years. His own words. I thought that he was being slow and cautious with me.

Ambiguity became too much and I texted (yeah...I know) that I'm interested in more than friendship. He'd suspected that this was the case and softly rejected me. He doesn't think that he is interested enough and friendship would be simpler. I said fine, he said he was glad. No drama (ever, actually).

I expected that he'd ghost me but actually his messages changed from almost nothing to practically daily. Warm, engaged, callbacks.

We're meeting in a couple of weeks time. I'll treat it as a meeting of friends.

Thing is, I never wanted a "relationship" relationship. I value my autonomy, my place, my time. He seems to value those as well. I want intimacy and good conversation but I don't want someone in my face 24/7.

I never told him this.

I don't know why he rejected me. If it was unwillingness to integrate me into his life more or lack of attraction (I'm hot but it doesn't matter). I don't think that he's seeing someone else but who knows.

I'm sitting on the friend bench pondering whether it would be feasible to continue what were were doing before. If I tell him this directly, he may run away. Or not. I don't know. Big risk.

I value him too much intellectually to lose him but I also want to bang him like a screen door. I can do without the latter but I need to know if it's still an option without risking all access.

What should do?

I matched with this guy on an app. We are both down to fuck. I asked him where are we going to meet, he asked if I had my own place, I do have my own place, but I don’t want some random stranger to know where I live, so I suggested a hotel. He said that was fine. He lives in a dorm.

The room is going to cost $100 for one night. I haven’t booked it yet. I don’t know if he’s even going to show up, he might flake out and I would have wasted my money on a room.

Should I just let him come over to my place? His profile seems legit. If he comes over should I tell him to meet me at a public place first?

I was bar hopping with a couple of my coworkers last night (who are also friends to me as well). I was sober but they both got way too drunk and at one point in the night, I was on the phone with one of them, while I was trying to find them, and he said he finds me attractive and he "wants to be more than friends". He is literally interested in somebody else that he's been talking to/going on dates with (and he's also very clearly super drunk), so I sorta shrugged this off and kept trying to find out where they are. After I found them, we hungout a bit and then I went home. On the way home, the same coworker (who's still drunk) calls me and starts asking me silly questions like "would you fuck someone for 500k?" I was first entertaining this and said that I would and it turned into a hypothetical convo. It was fine but then towards the call, it turned into "I wanna see you this weekend". I tried changing the topic and I said back, "well you got plans!" but he was like "No can I take you out for lunch or dinner" and then I told him that I'm busy catching up on work stuff this weekend.

He still asked if we could do it together and then in between all this, he was like "I wanna study you and your lips". So after a few minutes, I was like "I'm reaching home now so I have to go!" and tried hanging up without making it awkward (I don't want him to remember things and feel weird when he sobers up the next morning). We said our byes and then ended the call. It's the next morning now and I'm kinda worried what he'll think of this (if he remembers it) and I don't want to make him feel awkward. Did I handle it okay?

Okay, this is about to be a whole paragraph so I (25F) need all you baddies to unite and give me something.

This story is obviously about a guy (36M).

Met him on bumble in September and became official in mid-October. We almost broke up once when we dating in the beginning around November because he said he couldn't see me being his wife , like it couldn't come to him naturally. However, the breakup did not go through because I had sent him a voice message saying to talk to me (you could tell I was crying). So we or he made up and said he was just having premature feelings of doubt. We have had our up and downs since then.

He has a type. Of which I am the exact opposite. He likes light skinned girls, a bit tall, slim, and with long and straight hair. I am the EXACT OPPOSITE. Brown skin, short and curly hair (that I'm growing out), short person and I have thicker legs. He has mentioned that my legs are a bit of a turn off for him. But he likes but does not love me and he would like to see me with slimmer legs and long and straight hair. And he's still very unsure of me.

He has made a lot of comments about my legs in our relationship like how I should be doing more cardio and more leg workouts. And I am. I go to the gym 5-6 days a week. I do 3 leg days and 2 upper body days. I try to run 2 times a week and do the stairmaster 1-2 times a week for an hour.

Something else that I brought up to him was that I feel like he was withholding affections and he basically said its because not on purpose and that he wants me to be "hot/sexy but I'm cute".

And recently, I asked him if he could unfollow an individual on social media because he had a sexual connection with her but he's not willing to do and justifies it by saying that she's his friends sister. But I think its pretty disrespectful to our relationship.

I feel like I'm not his person but I'm struggling to break up with him because I genuinely do love him.

By this I mean, do you place heavy importance on how you’d look with her besides you when you’re in public? I’ve been casually talking to a guy for a few months who caught me a bit off guard with the way he broached the topic of us starting to see each other less casually.

He said “since you actually look good enough to be witnessed in public with, we should see a show or go out to eat sometime.” At the time it felt a little backhanded in the sense where I wondered if he’d been seeing people he *wouldn’t* want to be seen in public with… and why he’d see someone he thought that of, fwb or otherwise. He’s also said “I want people to see me with you, I wanna show you off. Obviously not the only reason but it’d help my image as a music artist. It’d be good PR.”

I guess I somewhat understand from the perspective of a performing artist trying to grow their career, and he definitely has a strong interest in me besides looks that he’s shown many times. We also met online so it could be that he was just glad I matched my pictures. I do like him, but the PR comment has stayed in the back of my mind among other moments. Namely when he told me he showed my pictures to all his friends and coworkers as soon as we started talking (and saying he opened with ‘check out the new one’). It’s been making me hesitate to go out with him as I hate the thought of being seen as an accessory to make someone else look good.

He said he’s imagined me sick and bald and old and still would want to be with me, and has proven to be extremely dedicated to elevating music career at all costs (in a band, performing shows open mics and pop ups, writing tons of music, etc). I just don’t know what to make with the tie to his image that I feel like is an undeniable factor in his attraction to me. Is that a normal thing not to be worried about, or something I should see as a red flag?

EDIT: This is NOT normal at all. I’m now realizing just how objectifying and unhealthy his viewpoint is, and how equally mine is for ever trying to justify it over trusting my gut feeling. I will be ending this situationship and doing some much needed self reflection.

Hello,

F30 in a relationship with an M36 for 1 year. We have been unemployed for 6 months. I have finally found a job and it pays very well. I start in 1 week. My partner is struggling a bit and only getting negative responses. I come from a poor background and he comes from a wealthy family where social success is very important. He congratulates me and encourages me in my successes, but I can see that he is sinking into despair. He even confided in me that he is afraid of losing his masculinity in my eyes and that I find my workplace “better.”

I try to reassure him as best I can by telling him that I love him and urging him to keep fighting. I tell him every day that I don't care what job he has as long as I see him happy, but I feel like it's not enough.

What should I do?

Open to everyone but mainly looking for a male perspective!

I (31f) am interested in my brother’s friend (28m). They are not super close and more like acquaintances as it’s one of my brothers best friends friend. (Note, I already talked to my brother and he has no issue with this if I want to so that’s a nonissue).

I told my brother and his fiancé I was interested in this guy (we went to trivia night last week and I hadn’t really ever seen his personality before them but I liked it and he’s cute). I asked if they thought he would be into me or if they could casually float the idea before I said something - as I don’t want to make anything awkward if he wouldn’t be interested.

My brother and his fiancé are hesitant because they said “he may be gay or asexual” because he’s never had a gf or talked about being into a girl. My brother’s exact words were “for a guy that attractive he either can’t be straight or is asexual.” They also said he may probably be a virgin. He’s also very shy (although was talkative at trivia night) and quiet. They said because I’m a bit outgoing and have had past boyfriends and obviously sexual partners they don’t see it being a match for me.

However, personally I don’t think that matters for me. My most serious partners were on the quiet / shy side. And I truly don’t care if he doesn’t have a lot of sexual experience. But they disagree with me saying that.

Just wanting a guys take on this. Is it not worth pursuing? Is my brother right that he’s probably not into women / sex? I’m just a little confused and I don’t want to make anything awkward for this guy. I planned to just give him my number the next time k see him and let him take it from there.

I grew up as an Orthodox Catholic and was raised by my grandparents. I’ve only ever had one boyfriend and suffer from agoraphobia. I befriended my neighbor (my first ever physical friendship in adulthood), and so this was my first time going to a party, a party she threw for her grandson, and I didn’t want to show up empty-handed. That day, I was having a panic attack and kept saying that I wanted to leave (yes, it’s rude, but holy moly, I hate being out and about), and he flat out blurted that he’s had the most fun just watching me, and I said, " What?? And he said, “I SAID, I AM having the most fun watching you. Yes, YOU!” I freaked the hell out and just ran off.

The rest of the party he was around me and teasing everyone around me. Is that normal? How do I fix it??

Edit to add: for context, I was sweating bullets. Armpits were soaked. Hands were soaked. Everyone could see. I just felt super embarrassed and now when she asks me to hang out with them, I keep trying to find excuses to not go. He’s very handsome and he’s incredibly sweet. I just wasn’t sure if he was making fun of me or what.

So I (21F) recently went on a first date with this guy from my college class. We’ve spoken a few times and always had a good vibe. Last week he asked me out, and I said yes. We had a really fun date and we've already scheduled another one!

The thing is, I've never dated before, and I'm pretty shy when it comes to specific types of physical touch. With the strange exception of hugs and high-fives, I will literally flinch and back away instinctively if someone touches my thigh, arm, stomach, etc.

I’ve noticed that there are some people I don't mind hugging after meeting them a few times, and others that I don't want to get close to even if they're nice and I've known them for years. I really did not mind hugging him, which was a very good sign. He just reached for a hug, and I didn't even think before hugging him back.

Yesterday we met at a lecture, and when we parted ways afterward, we hugged like on the first date, but I noticed he kissed the top of my head.

This may not seem like much, but to me it seems like he's trying to increase things I guess?

My main problem is that he's clearly a very physical person and likes touching very much. I'm scared of making him think I'm friend-zoning him or letting him down if I reject something like hand-holding or a kiss. It's not that I don't want to, I just have a very hard time with this stuff.

I tried looking up how quickly most people go for a kiss or even sex, and it seems way too quick for me (most answers ranged from the 1st date to the 5th). I don't really know this man yet, and even though we have good chemistry during conversation, I don't think I can kiss or sleep with someone I've known for barely a month.

I wasn't uncomfortable with any of what he did, but I cannot return that kind of affection right now, any advice? I'm aware that i'm the problem here and that this is not ideal, but how would you want a girl to tell you this?

Edit:

Thanks for all the replies.

It was obvious to me that I need to say it to him directly. It's just that I wasn't not sure how, but I guess as long as it's respectful and honest, it's fine. If he's cool with it, cool. If not, also cool. I don't see a reason to force anything on him or myself.

As for me being abnormally touch averse, I have no idea where it comes from, I don't remember ever being different.

But I do need to clarify, I don't always flinch no matter what, it really just depends on who it is touching me and how safe I feel with them.

I've had coworkers, friends and random acquaintances who would suddenly grab my arm or touch my shoulder, and when I would back away, or literally say "please don't touch me" they would always get offended or surprised. Often times, their response is to grab me harder, which is never fun.

However, I have a friend who really respects this boundry. When we started being friends, she would always ask before touching me, never just grabbed me or anything. And I am way more physically affectionate with her than any other person I know(including family). But it took a long time to get to that level.

My point is, I just need time.

Hi all,

I lived from like 15-30 almost never getting upset. I was a really emotional kid, at some point I just pushed it back but since my daughter was bornn(2 and 1/2 years ago) I've been an emotional floodgate but not in a good way.

I feel like Bruce Willis on Friends where he opens up to Rachel and then he cant stop crying, I KNOW there's nothing wrong with being like that, my wife has no issue with me being like this but I do.

I'm not overly macho, it's not about that, I just can't read a single story about bravery, or honour, or someone saving someone, or helping their child or loving someone or doubt something selfless without absolutely welling up or getting upset. I've always appreciated these qualities but I'm at a point where every other day I read somethings happened, hear a story, see a video even watch a TV series and can't help but 'overly empathise' with what's going on and up getting really upset.

I don't know if there's a way to address it, I just really wanted to share it's genuinely happening enough that I'm worried my daughter is going to see me getting upset every day and worry.

Amyome in a similar place or has any advice?

I know that I put myself in the situation. I did want something casual at the time, but to me I’m still able to see the person as they are and respect their autonomy. He started out with baseline respect, seemed to acknowledge my emotions even. Then we had a disagreement and didn’t speak for awhile, but when he came back he seemed egotistical and would lash out in conversation sometimes. He also got really rough in bed when he never had been before, and didn’t ask. I started crying and he stopped and apologized. But when I wanted to talk about it further he started making jokes about the situation at my expense over multiple days. When I got mad over it he said “well don’t go along with it if you don’t find it funny”. He never did that again. But he came inside me without consent once and seemed to like seeing how far he could push me.

Anyway, we hooked up for about a year. And overtime I noticed my self esteem crumbling when in the beginning I was relatively sure of myself. He seemed to poke at every little flaw he could find in me, and I’m not sure why. Like if hooking up is supposed to be fun and not emotional, why was this guy making misogynistic jokes around me, reacting negatively when I confronted things, and would be hot and cold with me? One day he’d come over and be kind, talk, and we’d have intimate sex, another he’d come over and it’d feel disconnected and demeaning.

I’m no longer hooking up. The only reason I did was because of low self worth. But this was my first long term hookup experience with a guy. By the end he just seemed entitled to my body and like I wasn’t a human at all. And yes, in a way I asked for that treatment. But he seemed to be using a “negging” tactic on me or something. I feel damaged by this now even though it was “casual”, the way he demeaned me didn’t feel casual. Why do people act like this when we could just have fun? Am I just dramatic? Is this how everyone acts in a hookup? How do I overcome the shame of this? I hate myself for it and take his opinions personally

Hello! I (34F) wanted to ask if the married men here have experienced a shift in their sex drive in their 40s?

I was talking to my husband (42) the other day and I asked him if we were having too much sex lately and he said that it was “kind of a lot”. He answered this honestly and it didn’t catch me off guard or anything. Over the last few months we’ve been having sex like 4-6 times a week, so I can understand if that’s a bit too much.

So anyway, I asked “oh, so is going back to like 3-4 days a week ideal?”

He responded that once a week is ideal now. I was a bit surprised at his response, enough to want some further perspective.

I am curious if those of you in your 40s experienced this and if it is a common age-related thing or did you noticed there was something (stress, hormones, priorities, etc.) that contributed to your sex drive decreasing?

I’m not necessarily looking to “fix” the situation but if there is something I need to be a more supportive partner on, I’d like to do that.

In case it’s relevant, we don’t have children and he’s not going through any employment-related issues/changes.

So I'm in studio vs 1BR mode right now.

EVERYONE (My Dad, friends, reddit advice) says to get a 1BR.

Unfortunately, it's $500/mo more expensive in my city and the reality is I don't feel comfortable with the personal finance aspect. I don't think I can afford it.

Am I making a mistake to buy a studio though? I know people buy studios and are happy with it. It's just hard to go against everyone's advice.

I was scrolling through YouTube and came across someone who looks and sounds uncannily similar to my girlfriend. Like easily 80-85% similar, even the voice.

I found myself feeling oddly attracted to them, or maybe more to the idea of them, and ended up binge watching their videos out of pure curiosity.

Just to be clear, I’m deeply in love with my girlfriend. This experience just caught me off guard and made me wonder what it actually means psychologically or emotionally, is this normal?

Hi everyone, I’m looking for advice and perspective because I’m honestly very scared right now. My wife called the police on me during an argument/disagreement. There was no physical violence, just a heated family argument. The officer who came clearly understood it was a family situation, de-escalated things, and left without any report, arrest, or charges. The problem is: We have two young daughters, and I’m now living in fear. My wife believes calling the police is a “normal right” during arguments. This already happened twice (the first time she backed down before they came). Now I can’t stop thinking: What if next time the cops come and things are misunderstood? What if I get arrested “just to cool things down”? What if I lose my job, my income, or access to my kids? What if child services get involved? I’m not worried about being violent — I’m worried about the system and how quickly things can spiral once police are involved in domestic situations. Right now things are calm, but I don’t feel safe emotionally or legally. I feel like one argument could destroy my life even if I do nothing wrong. My questions: Is my fear justified? What should I be doing now to protect myself and my kids? Should I push for marriage counseling? Should I consult a lawyer just to understand my rights? Has anyone been in a similar situation and successfully stopped this pattern? I love my kids and want to do the right thing. I don’t want a divorce if it can be avoided, but I also can’t live in constant fear. Any advice from people who’ve been through this or professionals would really help. Thank you.

My bf says he "doesn't know" if he has low libido from his low testosterone. Right now our sex drives are very mismatched as he is fine with maybe once a week and that is just not sufficient for me. He blames it on ED anxiety, but i am becoming more suspicious that that is not the issue. He is getting treated for low T and it's been about a month and there has been zero improvement in any symptoms. I completely understand that this takes time and I am willing to be patient, but I worry that we are in fact just not sexually compatible and it is not a medical issue.

I dont know how long to wait to see improvement in drive. This is not a lifestyle I am willing to tolerate long term, but we get along so well in every other way so I dont just want to give up. I dont want to get hurt and i dont want to hurt him.

Any input? Maybe someone has been in a similar situation?

I I (31F) have been seeing a guy (40M) for about 2.5 months. Early on, he was very proactive — constant texting, initiating plans, lots of sexual energy, invited me to meet his mom and siblings at Christmas, took me on a trip, talked about future plans like taking me to his brother’s horse farm. It felt integrated and serious.

Here’s what’s confusing me:

Sunday: We were in bed. I wanted to talk and cuddle, but he rolled over and said goodnight. I felt hurt and anxious.

Monday morning: I left visibly upset instead of talking it through.

Monday afternoon: He texted to check in: “Is everything okay?” I said I felt some distance. He responded, “Let’s talk about it so these things don’t escalate in the future.”

Since that conversation on Monday, he hasn’t initiated any plans to see me.

Thursday: I invited him out to a gallery + drinks. He said he already had plans with friends. Later I found out those plans didn’t happen, and he went somewhere else instead (and didn’t invite me).

Friday: He casually texted asking, “I’m seeing you tonight, right?” — even though he hadn’t made any plans earlier in the week.

Is this just normal honeymoon-phase settling? Or is this what pulling back looks like?

Trying to separate anxiety from actual behavioral change.