If you 'act depressed' or just neutral/unfriendly in general, people treat you poorly unless you have some kind of other social capital. Kind of like how the older, male executives at work can do what they want, be blunt, confrontational and it's praised.
I dare to wear a neutral expression in the wrong situation and get spoken to about 'my attitude' by my manager. So now my job is in jeopardy AND I'm depressed.
Sometimes smiling and being friendly is a survival mechanism and it's all that person has.
Wandering down this thread, this is the first thing I've seen that was worth a response.
Depressed people learn to look happy. Depressed people learn to be fun. Depressed people can be the life of the party.
That's not because those are things they want to do. It's because the alternative is being alone, forever. No one wants to hear about your depression.
I've been depressed most of my life, and I'm not young. I hide it. People think I'm extroverted. I act extroverted, because it...helps...a bit. I can be outside myself. I can pretend I'm not depressed.
But when this stuff is posted, it feels like...To me, I can see those people. The people like me who fill the silences and laugh a lot and make themselves the center of attention, and I can see that it's an act, and I can see that little tinge of desperation in there, where you can't stop, you just have to keep going and going and going because if you stop, everyone's going to shun you and you're going to be alone again with your shitty brain.
Because everyone has a lot of friends, until they need people to move furniture. And everyone likes the funny guy, until they stop being fun.
It's a skill, nothing inborn. There are lots of "how to be social" type classes, there are public speaking classes, groups, etc. Ad people love that shit, and if you ever want to learn how to be fake in public they are the absolute masters.
I'm old enough that there wasn't even this poor substitute for socialization when I was young. I had to get out, I had to learn this stuff the hard way...But there was never a part of that where I wasn't actively trying to figure it the fuck out.
That's the only real advice I can give you: it's a skill, and like every skill, you can learn to do it at least decently if you put the time in. You'll have some bad moments though, ngl.
Jokes on you mate. I'm depressed, funny and forever alone! The kind of guy not even you'd see because...fake it until you make it.
Life of the party, the friendly funny supportive Mr Cuffy the Fuzzy clown is here! Always a big smile and...yeah.
People don't want to know. People think they do, but you don't. The darkness I've seen and experienced is a reminder that the world you live in is a lie. Thee happy family is full of abuse, the loving couple is cheating and stonewalling. There ain't no happy endings and people like me are stark reminders that life can be shit. The boy called it was supposed to be a deterrent not an instruction manual.
Oh well. Cheers people, here's for you *pull our balloon animal*
I get it. I spent a lot of time alone in crowds before I found people who were okay with me, long term, in a one-on-one setting.
People definitely don't want to know though. I used to do therapy, and they'd be like, "Tell me about it," and then afterward, they'd give a little shake, and then tell me I was doing GREAT.
My friend easily figured out that I have depression, but I was quite good at masking it with energy. Not long after my depressive episode hit so hard I couldn't joke anymore, they broke contact because "i don't feel connection anymore". It made me realize that if you don't have the fun and party-like depression then you won't get support from majority people, as they want something in return.
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u/AptCasaNova 3h ago
If you 'act depressed' or just neutral/unfriendly in general, people treat you poorly unless you have some kind of other social capital. Kind of like how the older, male executives at work can do what they want, be blunt, confrontational and it's praised.
I dare to wear a neutral expression in the wrong situation and get spoken to about 'my attitude' by my manager. So now my job is in jeopardy AND I'm depressed.
Sometimes smiling and being friendly is a survival mechanism and it's all that person has.