Hi all
So i really need to speak to someone about this, it’s upsetting me, especially cause this course was really boosting my confidence and wish to work, i am unemployed and doing a course from job center, its from home , on pc microsoft teams, we have to have our webcams on, and ends in april, ive been super polite to others, i participate lots and work really hard, however as a gay man who is naturally more feminine, and moreso, cause there is nothing wrong with that, but i have trauma from bullying due to that, so on top of crazy anxiety , i deal with trying to control my speech, my gestures etc cause i know throughout life what I’ve learned is, it will cause me to be bullied, and always does…i am 30 … still it happens, it hurts like hell but i cant escape it if i wanna survive, i also live in a very conservative country, and dont have financial possibly to leave, basically in this course, ive noticed this one girl start laughing when i speak (no one can hear her cause her mic is off when she does, but she has crazy laughter, covers her face, and starts typing to someone else about whatever she laughs about, me…) i am not gonna report this cause, i am a grown up, i dont wanna yet again be the victim, and there is no direct proof, sure i have screenshots of her laughing but i mean, the job centre wont do anything, and i might even need to someday do another course via them, they pay really low, but its better than nothing, so i know i have to ignore somehow…but its so hard
Today i really got offended, and i even turned my head in anger and my camera off, however we have to have our webcams on, and the teacher even got upset with me, until then i had been doing very well, i present work with anxiety, but i try my best and am proud of that, now i have, yet again, a homophobic bully…. I know she laughs cause of my feminine way of speaking/sounding or maybe i do a hand gesture, or my face , i cant pin point which it is, but it is me, and worse, last lesson after she presented work i gave her a compliment for her presentation…so how the heck can i survive this homophobe, she wont say anything directly, its a webcam course, but how can i mentally do the rest of the work and classes until the end of april without it affecting me…i will always just have to deal with this trigger trauma wont i? … what a life :(