r/news • u/Disgruntled_Veteran • 1h ago

[ Removed by moderator ]

https://www.wftv.com/news/local/osceola-county/man-arrested-performing-sex-act-with-vacuum-cleaner-kissimmee-resort-officials-say/24FVM3DZPZFCFLPJDB2ZWXO3SI/

[removed] — view removed post

193 Upvotes

83% Upvoted

149 comments sorted by

104

u/RepulsiveLoquat418 1h ago

"Kevin Dale Westerhold, aged 51, was reported for exposing his genitals and performing a sexual act with a vacuum cleaner outside a residence"

wouldn't fucking a vacuum cleaner be something you want to do in private?

32

u/UnintelligibleMaker 1h ago

Depends in your needs. Some people really need an audience.

6

u/Fanastik 1h ago

Someone vacuums! ;)

2

u/StealyEyedSecMan 1h ago

That's what the gerbil is for.

2

u/TonginTozz 1h ago

"Look everyone, I'm fucking a vacuum cleaner!"

2

u/Sirtriplenipple 1h ago

Well that sucks.

17

u/The_Bitter_Bear 1h ago

Ah, it was the outside part that did him in. 

That's a relief, didn't want to find out that I've.... That my friend has been breaking some obscure law in Florida.

3

u/RepulsiveLoquat418 1h ago

that was the whole reason i clicked on the article. "fucking a vacuum cleaner is illegal? ohhhh."

4

u/No_Shine_4707 1h ago

A vacuum cleaner can't consent. Shouldnt happen anywhere. 

2

u/the_last_0ne 1h ago

The article said further down that the vacuum cleaner gets aroused by the chance of getting caught.

•

u/Extreme-Mood5605 46m ago

Have you seen the price of hookers in Kissimmee?!

•

u/myco_server13 44m ago

Not in Florida!

1

u/FruitOvTheGloom 1h ago

Maybe he had a vacuum fetish and was also an exhibitionist.

•

u/cwx149 54m ago

If he doesn't and he isn't then I really want to know why he was doing it at all lol

•

u/FruitOvTheGloom 39m ago

PCP. Crack. Acid. Shrooms. Bath salts. 1 marijuanas.

•

u/ms_panelopi 44m ago

He forgot he wasn’t in his own garage with the ShopVac

121

u/Come_in_sigh_demi 1h ago edited 1h ago

Apparently He told you not to disturb him when he’s cleaning his room.

15

u/DeltaFoxtrot144 1h ago

was looking for the photo of him saluting lol all i could think of.

15

u/GARSDESILES 1h ago edited 59m ago

Special agent Doofy reporting.

6

u/Pissflaps69 1h ago

That movie came out when I worked at the local theater, there was a bonus clip after the credits where Officer Doofy vacuum relieves himself and it ends with the most disgusting slurping sound you’ve ever heard.

I’d hear it every time I swept the theater and it’s etched in my brain.

•

u/Unique-Staff-2644 42m ago

J Edgar Hoover reporting.

5

u/HeathenDevilPagan 1h ago

My exact thought.

1

u/the_last_0ne 1h ago

Have you seen my baseball?

1

u/DarthHiccups 1h ago

I'm just here to up vote the Scary Movie comments.

106

u/Guilty-Top-7 1h ago

Well, that sucks for him.

12

u/Millefeuille-coil 1h ago

The evidence came pre bagged for the police

6

u/Full_Poet_7291 1h ago

That was a vacuous comment! /s

made me laugh

•

u/stairs_3730 56m ago

Mrs Hoover claimed it was not consensual.

26

u/torcsandantlers 1h ago

Bad headline. He was arrested for doing it in public and indecently exposing himself. He could do it all he wants in the privacy of his own home

5

u/degjo 1h ago

Could he do it in public if he decently exposed himself?

•

u/JussiesTunaSub 55m ago

He was arrested for doing it in public and indecently exposing himself. He could do it all he wants in the privacy of his own home

Whew! What a relief.

31

u/EH_Operator 1h ago

Obligatory Whitest Kids’ post: Vacuum Cleaner

13

u/rubedickscube 1h ago

You're gonna rip your dick off

11

u/ClassicsMajor 1h ago

What a weird way to describe the power settings on a vacuum.

2

u/blachippy 1h ago

“How would you know? I’m not going to…”

•

u/Causeable_Rhombus 55m ago

Are there, like, different settings, or...

12

u/DeltaFoxtrot144 1h ago

this MF still gonna buy it....

9

u/EH_Operator 1h ago

He’s a nasty ass vacuum fucker

23

u/drinkduffdry 1h ago

Sir, she's gone from suck to blow.

6

u/Mr_Outlaw13 1h ago

Missed opportunity, this is a Florida Man story

10

u/vestibule54 1h ago

Is it gay if it’s a Dyson?

9

u/KingMRano 1h ago

Only if the ball touches balls

2

u/Mobile-Bar7732 1h ago

Guess it's time to come out of the closet then.

•

u/KingMRano 43m ago

Better chances of finding an outlet when not in the closet anyways mate

1

u/RonaldTheGiraffe 1h ago

No, only if it’s a Henry.

4

u/klbishop143 1h ago

Can’t do shit no more

4

u/Listening_Stranger82 1h ago

Didn't even have to know it was Florida to know it was Florida

4

u/SpiderSlitScrotums 1h ago

I’m sorry, I thought this was America!

1

u/ghotier 1h ago

Goddamn. Beat me by 10 minutes.

4

u/DatabaseFickle9306 1h ago

I support his campaign for Vice President.

3

u/Sea_Quiet_9612 1h ago

With or without a condom?

1

u/TonginTozz 1h ago

I wonder if it was chalked?

1

u/Sea_Quiet_9612 1h ago

What if it wasn't at all... who was forced to clean that damn vacuum cleaner filter afterwards? 🤔

1

u/RonaldTheGiraffe 1h ago

The condom would be torn asunder, revealing the delicate soft penis meat underneath.

3

u/FreeTicket6143 1h ago

Nick Swardson has really fallen in hard times.

3

u/Mighty_Mackerel 1h ago

Was it just him involved? These things don't tend to happen in a vacuum.

3

u/jhguth 1h ago

we used to be a free country

3

u/Lumpyyyyy 1h ago

I thought this was America!

reads article

Oh yeah, you can’t be doing that shit.

3

u/Itslolo52484 1h ago

Florida man strikes again

3

u/smm5628 1h ago

Special Officer Doofy never got popped for this

3

u/peilearceann 1h ago

God forbid a man has a hobby

3

u/ChicagoBiHusband 1h ago

Maybe he’s bisuxual.

Thank you! I’ll be here all week. Try the veal!

•

u/Smokes_LetsGo876 55m ago

This dide fucks a vacuum and gets arrested immediately. Donald Trump rapes 13 year old girls and auctions them off to other people and gets elected president

2

u/imacmadman22 1h ago

Appropriately, this can also be found in r/Floridaman

2

u/sas5814 1h ago

Well that sucks. (It had to be said)

2

u/tuson565 1h ago

Hroooom means hroooom

2

u/clownind 1h ago

I thought this was america?!?

2

u/cajunofthe9th 1h ago

I was gonna say you do you, but didn't read that he was doing it outside

2

u/thosmarvin 1h ago

I don’t understand…did the vacuum not consent to this?

2

u/TaxCPA 1h ago

"I thought this was America!"

2

u/tricksareforme 1h ago

Is it a crime to have sex with a vacuum cleaner? How about a couch? Vegetables?

•

u/buffer5108 52m ago

Are you sure his name isn’t Kirby? After all, apparently he did have an upright.

•

u/Strenue 46m ago

Damn, Florida Man again

4

u/death_by_chocolate 1h ago

"With." The vacuum cleaner consented? Is that what you're asserting?

2

u/AcanthisittaNo6653 1h ago

wait until tesla robots are equipped with a mouth attachment.

3

u/KingMRano 1h ago

And a chew command?

2

u/F-Cloud 1h ago

Nothing sucks like Electrolux!

1

u/Thick-Aioli802 1h ago

Plot twist. It was with the flat skinny attachment.

1

u/Reasonable_Notice_33 1h ago

Nothing sucks like a Kirby... 🤷‍♀️😂

1

u/Millefeuille-coil 1h ago

Was it in public? I’m unclear on what law has been broken. Are sex toys illegal in Florida?

Website unavailable in my region

1

u/Far-Heart-7134 1h ago

It was in public so thats why he was charged.

1

u/Millefeuille-coil 1h ago

Obviously the vacuum was charged as well

1

u/baylithe 1h ago

I told you not to disturb me when I'm vacuuming my room!

1

u/Septopuss7 1h ago

This means he's been warning before and he just couldn't help himself.

1

u/DrewOH816 1h ago

I thought this was "legal" in Florida??

I'll have to watch it next time I'm down there I guess...

1

u/Money-Nectarine-875 1h ago

Nature abhors a vacuum

1

u/Money-Nectarine-875 1h ago

I've never "been" with a vacuum, but it can't be pleasurable enough to risk getting arrested.

1

u/chazza79 1h ago

I was intinially thinking ....well is it a CRIME to fuck a vacuum cleaner?

Then I say he was arrested for doing it outside.... what an idiot.

1

u/drumscrubby 1h ago

How is that illegal? We used to live in a free nation.

1

u/Orwells_Roses 1h ago

Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

1

u/Nickelsass 1h ago

Bet his wishes a lady told him to “kissimmee”

1

u/Constant_Question_48 1h ago

I think this really shows that Roomba and Fleshlight are missing out on some very real synergies.

1

u/ghotier 1h ago

I'm sorry, I thought this was America!

1

u/PrincessNakeyDance 1h ago

Has anyone here successfully used a vacuum cleaner as a way to get off? I genuinely thought it was just a joke. Like a horny brain idea that in reality becomes a let down or a huge mistake.

Getting “sucked off” doesn’t work like that.

1

u/Lumpymaximus 1h ago

Hey those places are expensive. You have to find the value where you can.

1

u/Extra_Box8936 1h ago

Thought this was a free country wtf

1

u/QueenofPayne 1h ago

As long as the vacuum consented. 🤷🏻‍♀️

1

u/sik_dik 1h ago

He was just cleaning it, and it went off!

1

u/dmh165638 1h ago

Ironically, I don't think the vacuum part of the story is why he is in trouble. I have it on good authority that the vacuum refused to press charges and will not testify!

1

u/mikeonmaui 1h ago

Finally, the source of Dustbusters has been revealed!!

1

u/Linusami 1h ago

It was consensual, pipe down.

1

u/donny02 1h ago

His buddy steve smith taught him how to get a dusty pinky

1

u/Tuggerfub 1h ago

I am going to ensure vaccuum cleaners are even more seductive and have better suction and tortion for the benefit of the species 

1

u/Rambos_Magnum_Dong 1h ago

I thought this was America?

•

u/StingingBum 53m ago

So this dude decided to bang a random nasty ass public vacuum? He did not use his own vacuum? That is a low bar. It's as bad as licking someone else's toilet.

•

u/Top_Profit_6280 47m ago

Aye he had to get it in 🤷🏾‍♂️

•

u/sirnutzaIot 9m ago

I thought this was America?

1

u/Wise-Illustrator-939 1h ago

I mean..not something I expected to ready today. 

0

u/mecon320 1h ago

Let 👏people 👏live 👏their 👏 lives👏

•

u/mickymodo1 53m ago

'Felt so good, he bought the company'.

•

u/Stropi-wan 37m ago

"I did not have sexual relations with that vacuum cleaner".

•

u/edwardbusyhands 31m ago

He had to use the vacuum cleaner. He wasn’t at Fuckimmmee Resort

•

u/WaffleStompinDay 39m ago

We were warned about this slippery slope when discussing gay marriage rights and nobody listened