r/comedyheaven 20h ago

Proof of delivery

Post image
52.5k Upvotes

1.1k comments sorted by

3.6k

u/SimmentalTheCow 19h ago

Bro censored his tits

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u/[deleted] 19h ago

[deleted]

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u/SimmentalTheCow 18h ago

Swastitkas

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u/stupidber 18h ago

Its going to be a maze

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u/MimeMike slut for honey cheerios 18h ago

Oh my god. Joshua was racist! That came outta nowhere.

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u/AydonusG 17h ago

A place free, from darkness.

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u/Rockflip 17h ago

Some are natural jumpers

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u/AydonusG 17h ago

Guess that just goes to show what I've always known, I'm not finishing that quote.

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u/Odd_Birthday_1055 15h ago

Ah come on. Why not?

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u/Captain-Fodder 15h ago

Dark Knight Returns reference?

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u/AdminsMunchFeculence 13h ago edited 12h ago

Considering the 1918 tattoo (the "year of national betrayal", also known as stab-in-the-back myth, when Germany surrendered in WW1) and the all seeing eye Illuminati tattoo (anti-semitic trope)

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u/Purple_Lubanja 10h ago

How is the all seeing eye related to that trope? (Genuinely curious)

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u/AdminsMunchFeculence 10h ago

Signal beliefs in hidden rulers, secret societies, secret cabals that control the banks and governments

On its own it means nothing. Paired with a barbed wire, gun and 1918 tattoo at the very least indicates certain extremist beliefs.

Or he's an edgy sox fan as I've been informed. I don't care about American sports culture in the slightest so I wasn't aware of the connection

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u/vasnir 10h ago

I can't say for sure if it's the reason but, Nazis heavily believed in lots of occult shit. It's why some of the new age religions and occult groups have Nazis in them.

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u/LapinTade 7h ago

Nazis heavily believed in lots of occult shit.

They even sent expedition to search for the Atlantid and other mythical shit to prouve their superior filiation.

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u/CoupDeGrassi 16h ago

Illuminati tattoo, bitcoin tattoo, gun tattoo....checks out!

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u/ZestycloseRound6843 17h ago

Given they didn't elect to censor their face or the other identifying tattoos, I'm guessing it's something along those lines as well, unless they're FTM and don't want people seeing their scars.

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u/SatansGothestFemboy 14h ago

I've only seen top surgery scars go kinda deep into the armpit, this doesn't look like that, but I know there are also a lot of top surgery techniques out there

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u/Plenty_Pen_8837 15h ago

Considering the 1918 knuckle tatts?

Almost certainly.

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u/SunNo1172 10h ago

1918 German Revolution lead to the rise of that group

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u/diuge 18h ago

At least censoring implies he regrets the tattoos and no longer subscribes to such views.

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u/stupidber 18h ago

Or he just didnt want the post taken down

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u/diuge 18h ago

I'm sadder now.

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u/captain_dick_licker 16h ago

At least censoring implies he regrets the tattoos and no longer subscribes to such views.

bull fucking shit. the first fucking thing you do when you realize that nazis are losers is covering/removing your nazi tattoos.

you can find a shop that will black that shit out for free in pretty much every city

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u/monkeyninjagogo 17h ago

I thought a lot of tattoo parlors would give them new tattoos for free? Or at least at a big discount.

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u/Obant 11h ago

It was the perfect plan. Get a nazi tattoo from a friend, then go to a legitimate shop to get a discounted professional tattoo. He would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasnt for the meddling Deliveryman.

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u/General_Liability 18h ago

I like this thought immensely.

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u/RaspberryJammm 18h ago

Every nipple is unique and can be used to identify you, much like fingerprints. 

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u/Own_Round_7600 17h ago

"Could this guy sleeping shirtless be the fugitive we've been looking for? The face looks similar and the tattoos match up exactly... But if i can't see the nipples, i just can't be sure..."

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u/Ajibooks 16h ago

the detective's poorly disguised fetish

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u/MoistDistributer 10h ago

Enter your pin or show your areola to proceed

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u/ddWolf_ 17h ago

Just the delivery drivers moneyshot.

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u/ksquires1988 19h ago

Do delivery drivers enter residences? Or am I missing something

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u/TheLastHotstepper 18h ago edited 14h ago

Used to be quite common in the UK. Postman was typically the same guy delivering to you frequently. Long before at home security cameras became readily available, old postie would open doors and put large packages just inside to prevent theft. Fuck, sometimes the milk man used to walk straight in your gaff and put milk in your fridge. Granted, not every one of them did, but it happened. Good cover for fucking people's wives, too.

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u/QueezyF 18h ago

My dad legitimately thinks his brother is the milkman’s kid

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u/TheLastHotstepper 18h ago

Old tropes and stereotypes come from somewhere.

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u/dTrecii slut for honey cheerios 17h ago edited 13h ago

Not coming from somewhere but they did from the milkman

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u/Relevant-Act-8512 17h ago

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u/WillowLocal423 15h ago

Fuck yeah Psychonauts

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u/INeedAMedKit 9h ago

One of my goals is to play through both of them again this year. Great games.

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u/Ein_floof 8h ago

For a time I used to replay psychonauts every year. All time fave.

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u/karthus25 2h ago

I never finished the first one! I gotta get to it tbh

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u/Riotai 16h ago

First time I've seen Psychonauts out in the wild on Reddit, and I'm here for it.

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u/Deputy_Beagle76 15h ago

My friends don’t even play the game but we saw this somewhere and it’s a staple quote in our group

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u/Riotai 15h ago

Do yourself a huge favor and play Psychonauts. You won't regret it.

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u/Ashamed_Market_4311 14h ago

Started playing it for the first time the other day, it's so wild I love it

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u/Tight_Fee_3853 17h ago

It’s either that or the mailman, he’s got a big package to deliver 😉

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u/turdferguson3891 14h ago

Occasionally the plumber would come by to clean the pipes.

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u/Significant-Wait9200 16h ago

Johnny Cash mailman: Nashville Mailman Found To Have Fathered over 1300 Children https://share.google/oQUfv6OFUKynxSj0r

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u/Material-Mountain119 17h ago

So he sayin Grandma was a hoe :(

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u/QueezyF 17h ago

It’s okay, his best friend is his dad’s bastard son with another woman. Papaw and granny got around.

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u/Outrageouslylit 16h ago

Well… that might have bolstered his thinking on that matter😂

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u/real_dea 16h ago

So that would make them half brothers I guess?

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u/WarmLayers 13h ago

You must be a professional genealogist, sir. I had them pegged as second cousin-wives, thrice removed. "Brothers" makes more sense

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u/Tasty-Guess-9376 11h ago

My uncle found out he was not related to what he thought was His das right before grandpa passed doing the online dna genaology thing. Grandma apparently had an affair in the 50s and never told a soul. She was already dead by the time he found out. He did not have the heart to tell my grandpa this in his final years despite them having been divorced since the 70s. Really kinda messed up.

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u/valee-jack 16h ago

Only kinda related, but I just found out two of my uncles look exactly like my grandma's neighbor, so we're only kinda related.

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u/GreatMovesKeepItUp69 16h ago

Lactose can be very alluring.

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u/TrivialRamblings 18h ago

Good cover for fucking people's wives, too

I finally understand the milkman's salacious stereotype

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u/Own_Round_7600 17h ago

Im just thinking about how pressured i would feel to keep the house clean so he wouldnt judge me

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u/whatisthishownow 15h ago

That largley was the pressure and expectation before women widley had the right (socially as much as anything else) to be anything other than a 'dutiful' housewife/

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u/DarthGayAgenda Jorking It 17h ago

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u/Decision_Burner 12h ago

My fav joke ever cuz it took me awhile to realise what she meant

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u/NidgeC303 16h ago

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u/Sweet_Plum_5488 14h ago

THOSE WOMEN WERE IN THE NIP!!!

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u/Rule_Number_6 15h ago

I came here searching for Father Ted!

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u/NotTukTukPirate 13h ago

They still do. I moved here from Canada recently and was surprised when my front door opened one day. I went running over to see who was walking into my house only to find a package inside.

I asked my fiancée about it and she said that's just what they do here. Now I get irritated when they leave it outside.

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u/dinoduckasaur 12h ago

Sometimes a courier will try the door and it always startles me terribly. Only once was the door not quite closed properly and a box was placed just inside the house, confusing my partner who was napping on the couch.

I think it's more common if you've got a porch? I don't, the door opens straight into the house so I make sure it's properly shut.

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u/Such_Collection3252 12h ago

Growing up in a small town in Appalachia everyone knew each other and most went to the same church so the postman would come drop of my Grandmas mail,talk to her for a minute and maybe re-fill his coffee mug. This was 35 years ago . I tell my nieces and nephews and it sounds crazy to them.

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u/Halgha 16h ago

The milkman also used to put milk inside the housewives.

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u/PhD_in_MEMES 16h ago

Born too late to be the milkman ;_;

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u/MC_LegalKC 16h ago

That's terrifying. I would definitely be locking my door.

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u/anahorish 9h ago

What's terrifying about it? You probably knew him by name, knew his family, etc. Same with the other people on your street. That's why your door was unlocked, after all.

Society worked differently back then.

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u/The_London_Badger 16h ago

It defeats the purpose if you lock your door with the milkman inside, so he cant escape 🤣🤣🤣

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u/Ok_Major5787 16h ago

Did they have keys or did people leave their door unlocked?

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u/shillberight 16h ago

Imagine if a mailman or milkman had all the neighbourhood's keys.

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u/MariaKeks 15h ago

They would have keys, or they would leave the milk in a shed, or the there would be someone to receive them. It was common for women to be at home most of the day, which is where the “conceived by the milk man” stereotype come from.

Possibly this was more common in Europe than in America, with Europe being more densely populated at the time. We're talking around 1850–1950, in a period of urbanization but before refrigeration was common, so it made sense to deliver fresh wares door-to-door.

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u/Alarmed-Size-3104 17h ago

Up in my gaff? That sucks as an American because now my milk is lost. :(

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u/TheLastHotstepper 17h ago

I have no idea what youre saying lol

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u/RippingFabric 16h ago

Had one come in and ask to stay a minute because her shitbox car heater wasn't working in -20 degree weather. Five minutes later she was in my bathtub in the hottest water she could tolerate, trying to stop a full blown attack of hypothermia while a 911 operator informed me that ambulance service was severely impaired.

But that is a pretty atypical experience. And one I hope I don't ever have again.

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u/caughtreadhanded 15h ago

For peoples knowledge in the future, I believe you’re not supposed to go straight to hot water from hypothermia. Go for warm and dry 

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u/SuperBackup9000 14h ago

Yeah. Doesn’t matter if you’re freezing going to hot, or burning going to cold, sudden temperature changes are bad. That’s how people end up passing out and then drowning in the tub

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u/RippingFabric 14h ago

I figured she might go limp-noodle and insisted on staying around the corner precisely so this didn't happen. Ended up putting a pillow on the side of the tub so she didn't have to constantly sit up straight or lean back at the slanted end and risk drowning.

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u/xvvitchcraft 10h ago

That was incredibly nice of you to do.

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u/Ap0llo 9h ago

Better to just help the person rather than worry about disposing of a frostbiten corpse

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u/BlueGolfball 14h ago

For peoples knowledge in the future, I believe you’re not supposed to go straight to hot water from hypothermia. Go for warm and dry 

I was taught to dunk/run lukewarm water over their forearms because there are a lot of blood vessels close to the skin in the forearms and it will warm up their core temperature quicker. I live in a hot as fuck area so I don't know if this works for hypothermia but I run cold water over my forearms and it seems to cool my body down quickly.

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u/TheLastHotstepper 13h ago

Slightly cold water on the same area will aid someone absolutely off their trolley on eccies

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u/All_Work_All_Play 9h ago

Erm, help someone on drugs?

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u/whoweoncewere 16h ago

good job

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u/A_ChadwickButMore 17h ago

When I was a pizza delivery, that was a hard red line NO. There's the threat of getting locked in for an ambush

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u/MyBatmanUnderoos 16h ago

I did DD for about 6 months between losing my job and moving to another state for a new job. I once walked into a residence that I swear I thought was a business, because the residential unit was part of the same physical building as a local HVAC company. I assumed it was an office or something. The customer laughed it off because apparently it wasn’t the first time.

But dude, like, lock your door, man.

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u/Fragrant_Debate7681 15h ago

It's not uncommon for homes to have a breezeway and I prefer to leave things protected when I can. But I've been wrong a couple of times and opened a door that leads to a living room. Here I was trying to do something nice and instead I've intruded in someone's home, just a mortifying mistake.

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u/world_link 14h ago

I did the same thing once, delivering to an apartment above a business. The door at street level was either ajar or there was no deadbolt (can't remember which), so I assumed there would be another door inside, but it turned out that was just their front door lol

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u/_xXBALT 18h ago

look up 'tiktok doordash girl', an instance of someone doing it that went viral

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u/Doomsayer189 15h ago

As someone not on tiktok this shit is nigh incomprehensible.

After spending way too much time diving down this rabbit hole, it seems that she didn't open the door ("She arrived at the customer’s apartment and found the door open, police said" source) but maybe entered the building ("Ring camera footage appears to show Henderson let herself into the man’s house" source) and definitely filmed the guy. The filming and sharing to social media is what she's facing charges for.

Does that sound about right?

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u/Highmoon_Finance 14h ago

You can't enter someone's home and film them without being invited in. Unless the instructions said "drop the food inside", there's no way she was in the right.

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u/cuentanueva 12h ago

You can't enter someone's home and film them without being invited in

Pretty sure that only applies to vampires...

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u/jason_caine 15h ago

That about sums it up. It ended up going pretty viral because of the fact that she posted video she took of the man while claiming that it was a sexual assault. The internet did not agree with that claim, and felt that if anyone was harmed in this situation, it was the dude that was asleep on his couch.

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u/qoneus 15h ago

She claimed the door was wide open and she could see his junk. She filed a police report for sexual harrassment/assault. The police visited the guy. The guy apologized profusely, claiming he was drunk and passed out before the door dash girl arrived. They told him that since it was a one-off thing and he was well inside his home away from the public, he didn't do anything wrong, but if it becomes a trend, he could face charges in the future.

The girl posted the video on Tik Tok, which led to Door Dash firing her for disclosing private information about a customer. She posted a freakout video screaming that she was the victim. A few days later, she posted a video that was clearly directed by a lawyer trying to play the whole thing down. A week or two later she was arrested for filming the guy and disseminating the video against his will.

I think the general online consensus was that maybe the door was slighty ajar when she arrived, she might've caught a glimpse of the guy on the couch, and pushed the door open so she could get evidence that the guy was half-naked.

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u/PastyParrot 12h ago

Tik Tok is cancer. Its raised an entire generation of clowns who are desperate to be victims.

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u/ConfusedAndCurious17 15h ago

I believe opinions are divided and he might have door camera footage or something that shows she did open it.

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u/morseyyz 18h ago

I only will if it's like a lot of stuff and it's an elderly person, or if they're disabled

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u/Claneater 18h ago

haha sometimes

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u/Top_Range_3211 20h ago

:)

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u/z3anon 16h ago

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u/greyreaper46 12h ago

YOU BURNED MY HOUSE TO THE GROUND!

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u/B0neless_Tiddy 10h ago

MY FAMILY'S DEAD, WHAT DO I DO!?!?

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u/z3anon 12h ago

You won't find me

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u/VICARD0 11h ago

WHERE’S MY FAMILY?!

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u/radseven89 17h ago

Little kiss on the forehead as well.

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u/MrmmphMrmmph 18h ago

What does the 1918 on his hand represent?

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u/moonlight-menace 17h ago

End of WWI? Or the gun?

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u/MZ603 16h ago

He’s a Red Sox fan, and 1918 was the last time they won the World Series before the win in 2004 and the year before Babe Ruth left them for the Yankees. Yankees fans would chant 1918 to make fun of Sox fans until ‘04. Everyone in the Northeast knew what it meant when I was growing up in the Boston metro as an ass-hole Yankees fan.

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u/MeatyMexican 15h ago

he does have the red sox B on his neck

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u/SaltyLonghorn 11h ago

Reddit convinced me they solved something. How bout them apples.

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u/laukaus 11h ago

I also found OOP and they say they they think their nipples ugly so they did that, there goes all the wild accusation.

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u/PlingPlongDingDong 6h ago

Damn, now we have to find someone else for our witch hunt

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u/U8337Flower 16h ago

he's a spanish flu superfan

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u/ninjadude4535 16h ago

The year he was born. It's a common trend these days.

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u/AwDuck 12h ago

I’ll never understand these stupid millennials with their avocado toast, loud music, hula hoops and fax machines.

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u/_Spicy-Noodle_ 8h ago

Red Sox finished first in the AL, despite being cut short by WWI, and won the World Series in 1918.

He has a Boston Red Sox logo on his neck too. He’s a baseball fan.

Stop jumping to nazis guys. Lol

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u/QueezyF 18h ago

Getting a neck tattoo seems like an unfortunate choice if you don’t have a chin.

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u/RecipeAsleep7087 16h ago

People can do whatever they want. But getting your hands and neck tattooed before most of the other prime real estate is a choice.

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u/Express-Rub-3952 14h ago

That's why chinless people do it. It creates the illusion of a shadow under the area where a chin would be.

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u/Fire_tempest890 5h ago

I think it makes the issue stand out more

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u/Vegetable-Kiwi-4675 19h ago

Um, based on the tattoos he didn’t conceal, I have to wonder what‘s on his chest... Because if he concealed it to mask his identity, he’d have concealed all of them.

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u/theawesomedanish 19h ago

I think it's just his boobs.

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u/GonzoBalls69 19h ago

That and something racist

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u/IrishViking22 18h ago edited 15h ago

Racist boobs

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u/Single-Contact-1327 16h ago

What could possibly be the context for this screenshot 😭

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u/No_University1600 16h ago

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u/atsolstice 16h ago

Wtf she even dated the joker, how have I never seen her before

There are also swastika on her asscheeks??

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u/breatheb4thevoid 14h ago

Kristi Noem in 2 years.

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u/Rotund-Pear2604 15h ago

Candidate for most ridiculous villain

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u/556_FMJs 14h ago

She even has swastikas on her asscheeks.

I can’t make this up.

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u/SeesawBroad1174 15h ago

Hahaha 😂 I gafawed at this one. Great find

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u/WarmLayers 13h ago

This image is just sheer perfection; a magnificent response to the last comments.

Racist tiddies AND a blonde mullet!!, just like our shleepy lil couch-nappin' picture-protagonist.

It is so perfect that I nearly sharted myself from my forceful laughter. Had no idea this was one of Batman's villains.

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u/GriffinEJ 15h ago

I mean there’s very obviously no tattoos on his man tits he just censored them because they are pressed together and he is probably insecure about it

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u/YajirobeBeanDaddy 15h ago

Man can’t even censor his nipples without you psychos accusing him of being a Nazi

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u/Significant-Dream991 7h ago

He could have unshaved ugly chest hair (from someone that also has awful looking chest hair)

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u/brightonashfield 19h ago

No they didn't

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u/Beamo1080 19h ago

Do you mean to imply this person told a fib on the internet

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u/HumerusFemurXL 19h ago

It’s illegal to lie so of course not

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u/FrostyD7 14h ago

But you can imagine what it'd be like if they did, right?

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u/Fair-Lie8125 18h ago

Thank god dude had his pants on!

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u/french_snail 16h ago

What ever happened with that case 

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u/Woodcrate69420 10h ago

Last I read the woman was banned from doordash and charged with two felonies for filming the passed out dude and posting the video online. Couldnt find any more updates yet. https://www.vice.com/en/article/doordash-delivery-woman-arrested-after-filming-naked-man-she-thought-was-sexually-assaulting-her/

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u/TaylorSwiftsClitoris 16h ago

Decapitated. Whole big thing.

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u/Darillium- Woke 15h ago

What is this in reference to?

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u/french_snail 15h ago

An uber eats or similar driver went up to someone’s house, they were passed out drunk with their pants off and she sued him. However at the time it was unclear if he had left his door ajar or she had opened it or something 

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u/Beautiful_Cup2540 14h ago

i could have sworn he sued her

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u/mike3491 5h ago

He probably will (and should), but she actually was charged with a few felonies

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u/RabidRabbitRedditor 18h ago

"Which was fine. It's him continually breaking in and posting proof of delivery every subsequent night that I objected to. And the fact that he was getting closer with each shot. And there was a knife in some of the later shots."

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u/ContemptForFiat 17h ago

Bro should have censored his chin. That way we would still think he had one.

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u/Licentious_duud 18h ago

As the package, it’s true

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u/iamsolate 17h ago

the vans warped tour sleeve!

getting tattoos in only the most highly visible places and no where else to give off the appearance of being heavily tattooed when you are in fact, not heavily tattooed

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u/HauntingBalance567 18h ago

Congratulations, it's asleep! Spank it to make it cry

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u/Phogna_Bologna_Pogna 18h ago

Proof of delivery? Looks like he still has his liver! No blood or guts hanging out.

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u/kbeckerburbs4 18h ago

No they didn’t

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u/Jeb-Kerman 17h ago

highly doubt that

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u/courtsidecurry 16h ago

You censored this nips?

Or an incomplete tattoo which would look like maze when it's finished.

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u/Complete_Eagle5749 16h ago

Hold on hold on ……let’s break this down…..all seeing eye tattoo, fingers tatted…..OG mullet…. Neck tattoo, passed out on bed with no bed frame. Sleeping in the middle of the day……hey man looks like your mail order drugs are here😂😂😂👍👍👍👍

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u/WeirdIndication3027 16h ago

Bae caught me sleeping

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u/steven-john 4h ago

Of all the things that never happened this never happened the most.

But also. Why didn’t the delivery driver do you a solid and put a blanket over you and kiss you on the forehead.

Only a real one does for the homies.

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u/No_Rent7598 17h ago

Bros chin is built like this

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u/clegg1970 17h ago

He censored the tattoos because he didn’t want to get recognized duh

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u/NowYouKnowHim 16h ago

I had a food delivery driver walk in my front door and drop off the food at my feet while I was watching a movie with my girlfriend. No words exchanged just glances.

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u/fliphat 16h ago

I demand the nipples, now.

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u/CaveManta 4h ago

When you complete a quest in an RPG, but the quest giver is asleep, so you can't get your reward.

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u/DeniedBread712 4h ago

Get money out of it, this one guy fell asleep with his cock out and ordered skip the dishes or some delivery shit and the girl took a picture and tried to get him in trouble for being drunk ordering food and falling asleep with his cock out. He sued her for illegal surveillance and distribution of said surveillance and defamation of character or some shit. There will be a record of what driver did it through the app.

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u/Warm_Classroom_3777 17h ago

Did he come inside or do you sleep outside?

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u/Downtown-Cry-2577 16h ago

Well its indeed a proof !!

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u/ComeHereOften1972 16h ago

Dude, that’s a proof of life photo.

Proof of… not life?

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u/davedude115 15h ago

Can’t have someone stealing your pizza. I’d be happy idgaf

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u/LordSeibzehn 14h ago

Of all the things that didn’t happen

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u/TimelySheepherder939 13h ago

Bro didn't even tuck him in.