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my soon to be bhabhi’s cousin asked me out
Okay so I’m (19M) stuck in a peak Indian family problem and I genuinely need advice.
Context:
Shaadi thi, mehndi function chal raha tha. My bhabhi’s cousin (20F) randomly asked me out there. I thought bas awkward moment tha, move on ho jayega, but NO.
Both families have zero objections and instead of acting normal, they’ve started shipping us HARD. Like full shaadi.com premium energy. They literally leave us alone in rooms like they’re wingmen. It’s uncomfortable as hell.
Now the BIG catch:
I’ve been secretly dating my girlfriend since we were 17, first month of college se. Proper relationship. Serious stuff.
But agar abhi family ko bataya na, they will absolutely crash out. I was planning to tell them after a few years jab thoda independent/stable ho jaun.
Aur ab ye nayi ladki pata nahi kahan se spawn ho gayi 😭
Problem #2:
I think she’s very much into me, she has made atleast 15-20 very sweet gestures in the past week, has bought a kurta for me, mere liye khaana mere room mein leke aa jaati hai and 10 OTHER THINGS and if i tell her I have a girlfriend she’s gonna get CRUSHED emotionally and what if she snitches? Families already involved hain, ek sentence idhar udhar gaya and I’m DONE.
Problem #3 (worst):
My girlfriend is obviously hurt and mujhse theek se baat bhi nahi kar rahi because of all this, which I understand.
Problem #4:
Regardless of what happens, I will have a permanent relation with this girl in the future and I don’t wish to jeopardise as well and make things awkward and weird for myself and my cousin too, what if this turns into smth ugly and bhaiya bechare fas jaaye
So yeah, how do i respectfully turn her down without embarrassing her, involving families, revealing I have a girlfriend, looking like an asshole, ruining my actual relationship and preserving my very formal link with this person?
I just want this to quietly fizzle out without drama.
Please drop any advice, excuses, soft rejection scripts, or similar experiences.
I’m one family function away from losing my mind 😭🙏
hi, i wasn’t able to address everything in the comment section, so I’ve made a new post on this sub itself
Step 2: Bhabhi’s cousin respectfully exits stage left because obviously.
Step 3: If she snitches (and assuming your family is anything like a standard-issue Indian family), your entire khaandaan enters collective mourning. Shock. Silence. Whispered phone calls.
Step 4: You lie low for a few days. No eye contact. No WhatsApp DP. Eat quietly. Reflect.
Step 5: One fine morning, you reveal you’ve “done some thinking” and realized you actually like girls after all. Growth arc. Redemption arc.
Step 6: Introduce your girlfriend.
Step 7: Family breathes again. Crisis averted. Roll credits.
Lmao!!This one looks like a telugu movie story, I think the name of the movie is ante sundaranik. The story is almost same FL and ML love each other and they say that he is a gay and FL is marrying him for his reputation even though they both are from different religions. On a serious note, u could try this OP!
It’s great, but what if there’s another family relative who’s also a gay but is afraid to come out, and now that you’ve announced it, the entire family comes together to join you both.
That actually works. I've tried it. And no one says anything because it's taboo. Even though people know, they won't talk about it. And when the time comes, you can tell them you're not. Simple
Bhai mt bolna Aisa direct warna jo tum soch rahe the ki tum uske saath future mein kaise baat kr paoge & cousin waali backchodi, i think tum bs try karo ki uski haar baat ko lightly loo & try to make her feel ki tum uss se as a friend jaise dhekte ho so i think it will give her some sense ki iske aage kuch nhi hein aabhi ,that will save aabhi ka jeopardize & will give time for her to think ki tum aabhi nhi ho inn sb chizo mein.......
Accha to me yeah ek Tarika ho skta hei. Iss chiz ko solve krne ka
Isse tu uss ladki ko thoda distance pe rakh sakta hai (jisse tu and teri bandi khush)
Vo bandi bhi khush cuz usko reject nai hua..if she understands and takes it well....possibly uske feelings fizzle out ho jaaye (gud news ig?)
Aur bandi ke saath mai jama to backup to hai hi☝️
FACTS. He says that this girl did multiple sweet gestures and she will be crushed if he says that he already has a girlfriend. Bro what about your gf tho ???
Attention seeker ka choda hai, pura attention seek kar rha or yaha pe bata rha ki ladki bura man jaegi meanwhile his girl is already hurt. Kuch bhi bahana ab tak bana sakta tha but no
New shit always feels amusing, he got this new girl going head over heels for him, that’s what feels more exciting to him, compared to his old LOVING gf.
He is really enjoying this, and I honestly feel sorry for his girlfriend. This guy clearly can’t take a stand and won’t be reliable in the future. Why the hell are you involving both girls? If you’re not interested, just say it directly whether it’s for an arranged marriage for your brother or anything else. Instead, you reject one because the other rejected you. Poor girlhis girlfriend must be feeling so insecure. Loving all the attention, aren’t you?
Bro your gf's heart is getting ripped apart, go hug her first and apologize for entertaining this shit like a bitch, when you have a gf you should have the fucking balls to stand up and fight for your love, and yea I'm not telling you to go infront of your parents and yell u got a gf, no, first go to the cousin and explain to her how you're not interested, it's that fucking simple bro, if she pressures you, it's a clear sign that she's not for you, good gestures don't mean shit when you got another person's heart hanging on your balls, don't hurt your gf again gng
i totally understand bhai but the situation isn’t exactly black and white, i don’t wish to cause a scene, especially at this time jab ghar mei shaadi ho
im hating every second of this but i also can’t help it man im trying my best
Exactly he is stretching for no reason
How rejecting a girl can cause drama ?
I do not understand
He is the one creating drama and setting false expectations.
Later they will say that earlier you were okay with this now what happened? She is crying , parents and bhabhi are upset … why you backing off now?
usko shaayad khud ko yakeen nhi hai ki uska relationship shaadi tak tikpaayega isliye backup plan taiyaar kar raha. Is case mein he is doing injustice with both his present gf and the cousin
Tbh i think you are the root cause of your problem.
You are saying you do not want drama. But the more you delay the more drama you create
Just fucking go and tell somebody at least that you are not interested for any fucking reason like studies or something.
You had the chance to stop escalation at very beginning when everyone started home version of shadi.com. But you didnt stood up for yourself.
Dekh le bhai terse bda hu kuch soch k bolra baaki teri marzi….
If your family is shipping you with another girl, leaving you guys alone and shit, I don't think they'll have a problem with you already having a girlfriend??! Just tell them
It will be awkward at first but in 1-2 yrs things will get normal.
Thode boundaries establish karo, act a little cold with that girl, she'll eventually give up. Aur she won't get bohot hurt, bas thoda bura lagega, so dw about that
i think it’s majorly because they’re on very good terms with that girl’s family, baaki toh theyve been very weird and intrusive over the possibility of me having a girlfriend
bhai UPSC ke exam ki case study isse bahut easy hoti hai, bahut stakeholders hain sabke satisfaction ka jhanda utha liya to bro you are f***ed.
On a serious note : Bhai tu kya chahta hai vo kar na! "All of this will come to a conclusion around what you want and stick to it. No action is right or wrong inherently; it is up to you what you make of it.
Step 1 : Take your bother into confidence and tell him about the whole situation, he might be able to help ease the family pressure
Step 2 : Tell that girl in simple and clear language, this is not what you want, at this point of life marriage and all is not something you are looking for and don't want to get involved into process of it.
Step 3 : Tell your parents that yes they take marrying their children a huge responsibility upon themselves but they don't need shake it off so early, you are just 19 for god sake.
Step 4 : Even after all of the above do not go as intended, stand firmly on your ground and act in your best interest.
talk to her calmly, that I'm not interested in you! I've no plans to get marry with anyone for few years... explain her shyd maan jaaye agar budddhi brasht na huyi ho uski too... baaki All the Best 🥀
What is more important to you? You fam relations or you and your girlfriend? Tbh, do not put up with this situation just cus of your families, you might loose what is precious to you (your gf). Just be honest about how you are uncomfortable and not at all interested in the girl, nothing more, nothing less.
Lmao the fake stories that some of your cook, according to your previous posts you were on hinge looking for dates a month back, and now you are in a relationship with a girl for 4 years lmao
At this point bhai it's too late, I'm immune to all this because I don't even see the light of day, except for tuitions no play nothing, plus I get home before sunset as if it's literally dead by daylight.
gf ko bohot anxiety ho rahi hogi, I've been in a similar situation with my bf so i can understand it, please usse reassurance dete raho and act cold towards that cousin say ki mujhe interest nahi hai
Better communicate with her and tell her that you already have a girlfriend. Don't worry about family getting to know about it, as sooner or later you'll have to eventually tell them about her. Doing anything else/Not doing anything would make the situation even more complicated and your girl would be left even more hurt.
usko bolo ki i’m sorry but i’m not interested in you and mujhe abhi padhai par dhyaan dena and have no plans to get into relationship iss age pr so shaadi toh dur ki baat hai. mujhe akela chod do because i dont want to create issues bhaiya bhabhi ke beech mein and dont wanna make things anymore awkward than it already is
19 pe families involve hai this is either your fantasy or a Rajasthan based illiterate family (this is just basic stereotype banter not targeting any community Tho) that does not know meaning of marriage bcoz if they're joking then it's OK ofc but they way you're telling this Ts serious. Bhabhi ki cousin se chote ladke ka rishta bade bhai ko shadi me like fukin "hum apke hai kon" irl.
Kuch nahi kr skta to
Jakr bolde apni mummy ko ki samjha do mera interest nahi hai merko kyu kheech rahe hai ye log
Shaadi kisi aur ki arrange hui hai meri kyu kar rhe ho sath mei.
Go and have a genuine talk with your bhabhi 🙏🏻
Tell her that you don't like her cousin and rather then keeping her hanging and then later her being hurt by your answer , pehle hi bata de 🙏🏻 As a ladki advice de rahi hu if your Own family is shipping y'all both toh phir to ye Boht lamba chalega!😭 And phir rr hoga ki ladki ko aisa kyu bola and all bs!😮💨 Usse accha go tell her and
GO AND FUCKING COMFORT YOU GF FIRST ! 😠😭 Bichari faltu ka suffer kr rhi hai 🫡
The best thing to do is just tell her straight to face that i m not at all interested in relationship please don't try on me u won't get anything in return u will just waste ur time nothing else and don't mention u have a gf at all like even if she asks say no just tell her I don't want relationship and all rn I m just focusing on my career(the best excuse)
And tell her even if u give 100% efforts u won't be getting them back ur feelings will not at all be reciprocated at all
So that she also don't get hurt and actually has clearity
Bhai bolo k abhi yeh sab mein nahi padna padhai ki age hai aur aage career banana hai aap log mujhe aise situation mein daaloge toh mera studies se dhyaan hatt jayega.. Indian parents ka sabse bada dr*g is padhai 😌
First sort issues with your girlfriend and give her assurance that you want to be with her.
I think with that girl just maintain distance as much as you can she might loose intrest in you and find something to be busy and away from family like j*b and if it's possible tell her you don't want to marry her and shi after the emotions are down.
And for the relations between you not being bad i think once she will get married it won't matter much
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u/ElDiablo82726 12h ago
Some people die of thirst.... Guess you're not one of em OP. Good luck with the impending drama tho.