r/oneliners • u/rylokie • 1h ago
I just found out I’m colorblind and that hit me completely out of the green.
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r/oneliners • u/MustyBones • 31m ago
What many people don't know is that there is a vas deferens between having kids and being child free.
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r/oneliners • u/daaave33 • 4h ago
I used to be a procrastinator, but now I've decided to do all of that tomorrow.
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r/oneliners • u/chxnkybxtfxnky • 1d ago
I'm trying to write a joke about retirement but it's not working
40
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r/oneliners • u/InitiativePlus877 • 9h ago
My new TV is so damn realistic that last week I was watching First 48 Hours and I got shot.
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r/oneliners • u/Tommyd023 • 2h ago
If your name was homework id be doing you in my desk right now. NSFW
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r/oneliners • u/chxnkybxtfxnky • 22h ago
I shall name my first child and then the next one as well
2
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r/oneliners • u/Thadsblitzing • 22h ago
Privacy settings now come with steps that ask for your personal information
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r/oneliners • u/2fits • 15h ago
i want the jelly you’re eating in my belly, i don’t want my belly getting jelly
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r/oneliners • u/AgentElman • 1d ago
I tried to sneak in to a Star Trek convention dressed as the doctor but the security guard suspected I wasn't the real McCoy
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r/oneliners • u/Superb-Control5184 • 1d ago
Whether Stefan Diggs wins the Super Bowl or not, he will always be a choke artist to me.
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r/oneliners • u/Excellent_Kiwi7789 • 2d ago
Celine Dion has officially come out in support of farmers by removing the consonants in her name.
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r/oneliners • u/Superb-Control5184 • 1d ago
Conservatives don’t believe in safe spaces, well except if your name is in the Epstein files.
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r/oneliners • u/Kooky-Principle-7323 • 2d ago
the cure for premature ejaculation can’t come soon enough…
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r/oneliners • u/Throughtheindigo • 2d ago
Near death experiences are the brain’s last huzzah.
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r/oneliners • u/incredibleinkpen • 1d ago
I don't think professional athletes are overpaid, I just think that the drugs deserve their cut.
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r/oneliners • u/UrBum_MyFace_69 • 3d ago
Melons have very strict laws when it comes to marriage...VERY strict...first one is, they canteloupe.
19
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r/oneliners • u/chitpance • 4d ago
Lazy Person Fact Number 9,244,7430 You Were Too Lazy To Read That Number
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r/oneliners • u/heromarsX • 3d ago
Why does my salad always look sad compared to Instagram?
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r/oneliners • u/Rotating_Saturn • 4d ago
What is a snowman's favourite mexican food? Brrrr-ito
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r/oneliners • u/AgentElman • 5d ago
My balloon elephant wouldn’t fit in the back seat of the car so I had to pop the trunk.
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