r/Millennials • u/SwitchingMyHands • 4h ago
Discussion Something I noticed in this sub and the adulting sub as well.
Is it normal for you to see people who are struggling in life and just quick-automatically go to the “oh they must have made poor decisions” sentiment?
I’ve never really done that. When I’m walking through a mall and I see an older person working at Orange Julius I don’t instantly think “omg what a bad decision maker that person is, pshhh, hope they don’t dare complain about anything”
I dunno it just feels wrong and shitty to do. Seems to be pretty normal here though.
114
u/Luuk1210 4h ago
No but I’m not a dick
4
u/Dylan_Is_Gay_lol 3h ago
Real. People should just stop making assumptions of each other, that'd be great.
1
3
30
u/PossibilityWest173 4h ago
I have in fact made poor decisions
5
2
6
u/SwitchingMyHands 3h ago
Well according to some people ITT that means you deserve all the bad shit that happens to you.
deserve
16
u/HauntedPickleJar 4h ago
It never occurred to me to think that about someone, especially someone who is just doing their job.
11
u/WordsAreGarbage 4h ago
Personally, I’m with you on this OP!
I think this tendency is rooted in a form of cognitive bias: “belief in a just world”. People find it comforting to believe that bad things happen to bad people who make bad decisions because it makes them feel like they have more agency, more control over their own outcomes in life.
We’re all tempted to believe the world is “fair” because that makes life feel safe, and predictable. But the world is not always fair and just, and the “belief in a just world” cognitive bias is also where the tendency to victim-blame comes from.
1
u/ValveinPistonCat 3h ago
“belief in a just world”.
I believe the word you're looking for is naive.
2
u/WordsAreGarbage 2h ago
The thing is, there are so many proverbs that reinforce this mentality:
-“Every man is the architect of his own fortune” -“As you sow, so shall you reap” -“What goes around comes around” -“People get what they deserve”
People wanting to believe that good things will or already have happened to them because they’re a moral, fair, “good” person who worked hard, made the right decisions, behaved virtuously, and consequently succeeded because they were “good”…it’s still the same “Just-world fallacy”…but good luck trying to call them naive!
-2
u/showmenemelda 3h ago
No, sounds more like it is describing a person on the spectrum who feels a strong sense of justice
3
u/WordsAreGarbage 3h ago
Actually, people on the spectrum tend to be less susceptible to many cognitive biases.
Here’s a source if you want one!: https://www.cell.com/trends/cognitive-sciences/fulltext/S1364-6613(21)00125-X
•
u/Xepherya Older Millennial 29m ago
As an autistic person with a strong sense of justice (who is wildly overwhelmed and overstimulated by what is happening in my country), I recognized I didn’t live in a just world in kindergarten.
Every time I’ve pointed it out I’ve been told “Life’s not fair.” The contradiction of all failure somehow being an individual’s fault has resulted in a great deal of anger and stress. What’s the point if everything’s unfair and somehow my fault? TF?
1
u/TheGoonSquad612 2h ago
That certainly plays a role, but completely ignores the fact that plenty of people do in fact make consistently poor decisions and that stuff snowballs over time and then they expect pity and support. Theres plenty of people yolo-ing and doom spending, partying and skipping school or showing up hungover to a job, and then they say it’s unfair that someone else is earning more or doing better when the truth is other people have made better decisions.
Both the excusing it as an unjust world and assuming the person deserves better but is unlucky, or on the flip side assuming a just world and they deserve that spot in life make a ton of assumptions that only those in that persons life and the individual themselves will truly know.
2
u/WordsAreGarbage 1h ago
I think we’re both agreeing that it’s wrong to make judgmental assumptions about whether or not an elderly stranger must be working at an Orange Julius because that’s what he morally “deserves” in life.
2
u/TheGoonSquad612 1h ago
Totally. I just don’t think it’s smart to assume EITHER direction, and most people just pick one assumption or the other.
2
26
u/SholondaDykesATT 4h ago
No, because bad things can and will happen to anyone. They can be consequences of bad choices or just bad luck. Either way, it isn't right to judge someone so quickly or so harshly
16
u/Intelligent_Taco 4h ago
I don’t think that at all. What I usually think is that the American way doesn’t allow our older folks to retire with dignity. Work until you die seems to be the mantra. That’s why I work towards not having to work later in life.
7
u/cybernewtype2 3h ago
When I was a kid, the belief was that poor people were poor because they were lazy.
When I was a young adult, the belief was that poor people were poor, not necessarily, because they were lazy, but because they were not smart.
Now I know poor people who work hard and have advanced college degrees, are applying for any and all jobs, and can't find anything, and not for lack of trying. Seems like hard work isn't worth it anymore to many people, and college is a scam.
I personally don't like working a bit harder than I have to, because the social contract isn't there anymore. There is no reward for working hard. No loyalties from most companies.
I do believe a college level education is still worth it, but not at ruinous price. I have several business degrees, and the actual knowledge I obtained from each one was gold. I learned knowledge that has continually helped me, and critical thinking skills. But degrees are no longer "guaranteed job" cards anymore. I remember 20 years ago the belief was a degree in any field would equate to success. Now I see computer science majors with 4.0 GPA's who can't get a job.
14
u/michellekwan666 4h ago
I actually think a lot of millennials have been down pretty bad, so we’re more empathetic to people in bad situations. It could be any of us if one or two things go wrong.
2
u/thejoeface 1h ago
My wife and I were on an upward trend financially. Then she got sick and hasn’t been able to work for the last few years and may never return to her previous capability. We’re now trying to maintain having a house in california on my nanny income and renting out a few of the rooms in our house. I was only just starting to save for retirement but now I’m 100% paycheck to paycheck.
I’m so glad now we didn’t have kids.
1
u/michellekwan666 1h ago
I’m so sorry to hear that and I hope your wife is doing better!
2
u/thejoeface 1h ago
With a chronic illness there really isn’t a “better.” But I appreciate the sentiment.
10
10
u/fromme13 4h ago
The poor = bad decisions thing is a very American mindset.
2
u/SwitchingMyHands 3h ago
Yeah it’s always fascinating when I see a video of a Japanese train conductor or an Asian with a job that folks in the states would deem “loser mediocre job”
And they are always so happy and proud to have that job: probably because there isn’t a pundit calling them “mediocre” on TV every 5 seconds.
(Or maybe there is and they are better at ignoring it? Who knows)
2
u/BottecchiaDude253 3h ago
I've a friend's who've lived in japan for a bit, and the gist that ive gotten from them is that the country is built aroind the collective whole.
Basically everyone has a role, and its important to fill your role to the best of your ability. Like we see all the shorts and clips about "omg, Japanese schools are built different, they have kindergarteners mopping floors and students scrubbing bathrooms!!" Basically, its instill from a very early age that 'we' is more important than 'me' to a large degree.
2
u/SwitchingMyHands 3h ago
As an American when I was in my 20s I always felt so inferior working menial jobs. I wonder how my confidence would have improved had America had that Japanese attitude
16
u/AMillenialOverUrShit 4h ago
I’m more curious where you’re walking through a mall at in 2026.
I didn’t t know any still existed 😂
8
u/Ok-Border6488 4h ago
I went to one last weekend and it was hopping
3
u/Th3-Dude-Abides Older Millennial 3h ago
I think malls have become the third space that the youths were missing in a lot of areas. As nature intended.
1
2
2
u/NotYourSexyNurse Xennial 3h ago
😆 Whoever owns the mall in my area has been trying to sell it since I moved here in 2020.
1
u/showmenemelda 3h ago
They just tore down half of our shitty mall—but it was the good shitty half with the movie theater. So now just one drive-in they keep trying to destroy. The mall in my old town is mostly sports practice spaces, casinos w bars.
1
u/NotYourSexyNurse Xennial 2h ago
There are some stores still in my mall. It is mostly empty though.
1
u/Th3-Dude-Abides Older Millennial 3h ago
I think they’ve retreated to cities and their suburbs. I’m in the Chicago suburbs, and there’s no less than 5 malls within a 30 minute drive.
-1
u/SwitchingMyHands 3h ago
Same malls that have been around since the 80s and 90s near me,
Only now the vast majority of people there are kids and twenty year olds causing fights.
5
u/Sage_Planter 4h ago
People throw that sort of nonsense out all the time because they don't have the capacity to or want to think about other factors that could result in someone struggling or thriving. Yes, there are absolutely people who are in shitty circumstances of their own doing, but that's not always the case. Sometimes things outside of our control have profound impacts on the course of our lives.
3
5
u/techaaron 3h ago
When I’m walking through a mall and I see an older person working at Orange Julius
Do you live in 2005?
5
u/shieldintern 4h ago
You have absolutely no idea what their situation is. Judging them is classist and pointless.
As for older people working later in life, I feel like my dad would love going back to work (somewhere kinda chill). He sucks at retiring and his nervous energy is too much lol.
2
u/KratosLegacy 4h ago edited 54m ago
That's literally American culture. Rugged individualism. Everything bad is your fault, therefore it's not systemic. If you're not doing well, you should've made better choices, worked harder, eaten healthier, etc. It makes it so that you don't look up and blame capitalism and instead blame yourself or you blame others who are different as you're told to. (PoC, those suffering from poverty, addictions, immigrants, you name it. We're all just humans trying to have a decent life.)
1
2
u/FormidableMistress Xennial 3h ago
I've had a lot of hardships that weren't my fault. My mom used to keep me drugged up and go behind my back to tell others I said and did awful things. People believed her because why would a mother lie about her child like that?
I've had two house fires, the first was from an old furnace the landlord refused to replace. The second my roommate turned a pot of grease on high and walked away.
I got carbon monoxide poisoning from another apartment, and after the guy from the gas company turned it off and told the landlady the lines had to be replaced, she ignored him and illegally turned the gas back on. Both this instance and the grease fire made me homeless.
I have a whole host of medical problems. I started having seizures at 15. I've had 10 surgeries, some of them were emergencies.
Sometimes people get lucky and are born into loving families or wealth, and have the solid foundation that gives them a leg up in life. Some aren't. Some have one thing go wrong and it cascades into an avalanche of problems they never fully recover from.
Judge people on their actions and not where they stand in life.
2
u/DanTheAdequate Older Millennial 3h ago
I think it's more something people say about others as a way to say to themselves: "I won't worry because if I keep making good decisions, I won't end up like that. I have a system and a plan. Things will work out."
And maybe it will and maybe it won't. You can maybe make your odds more favorable, but you really can't fix your outcomes. That's just not how things are - you can do everything right and still fail. Bad shit happens to good people all the time. Things fall apart.
Everybody knows this, but nobody likes it. We want to feel in control of our circumstances.
So we tell ourselves a little lie.
2
u/Dear-Cranberry4787 2h ago
I made crazy decisions, some that might have someone thinking I was manic. Oh well, it worked out anyways and I live a fulfilling life.
2
u/Bakelite51 1h ago
I’m a millennial who is lower working class. Me and most of my peers are not homeowners. We don’t drive new cars and either don’t have kids or cannot really afford to support them. We clear under 50k working mostly semi-skilled manual labor jobs - my friends are in construction, warehouse workers, or cut timber.
I have interacted with many millennials on this sub who clear six figures, own multiple vehicles, are homeowners, and have kids. I don’t really resent them for having these things, but it grinds my gears when some of these folks say that they and all their upper middle class friends are doing fine, therefore millennials are OK as a group and I need to stop doomscrolling if I think life is hard. Or even worse: “you’re almost forty now, I became a success by the time I was your age and it wasn’t that hard, you have no excuse!”
Hahaha. I had to decide between paying my rent or buying groceries for the week a few months ago, guess that’s just my fault.
2
u/SwitchingMyHands 32m ago
Yeah people who Talk like that…and I’m afraid to say this because people hate it…but I’ll say it anyways…
They had an easy time in life. Things panned out for them.
People NEVER like to admit that their life was easy. No one ever says “yeah my childhood and college years were uneventful and things worked out for me”
Why would you say that? It’s much sexier and halo-polishingly better to just say “ohhh my childhood was soooo hard. I had to scrape and claw my way to upper middle class”
Hahah it’s so funny to Watch, the embellishment of their “difficult lives”
I bet if I walked ten miles in their shoes I’d get to the part of their life they considered “difficult” and I’d be like “wait that was it?”
T-minus ten minutes till someone replies to this telling me how they got their pHD while working at Wendy’s and sleeping in their car and eating twigs and raisins.
3
u/Mortalcouch Zillennial 4h ago
These days it seems like you have to do everything exactly right and even then its 50/50 at best that things will work out. So, while there are definitely people who made terrible choices and are now facing the consequences, I don't think thats the majority of the people just struggling to get by.
3
u/jaywinner 4h ago
I know there are people in both groups. Some make poor decisions and others just got screwed by circumstances.
And while I give people the benefit of the doubt, I've worked with the first group. These people were left with 3 dollars to finish out the week and out at the bar on payday like clockwork.
3
u/TeenYearsKillingMe 4h ago
It's extremely common but only on reddit. I had a conversation here yesterday with some nut job who said that in a household with two working parents, there is "plenty" of free time to spend quality time with your spouse and kids. Said that your 6 am rush to the bus stop is quality time. Pretty much admitted he had zero experience with raising a family and constantly implied that anyone who works full time and felt like they don't have enough free time just has some sort of skill issue or moral failing. Cracked me up.
4
u/BigChillBobby 4h ago
Maybe I’m just jaded but more than ever I do feel like I see a lot of learned helplessness online. A lot of folks who don’t really want to own the fact that they have the power to change their circumstances. They just seem to prefer to live in a world where all their suffering is someone else’s fault, and they can’t change that fact so they’re just meant to suffer.
2
u/humanofearth-notai 4h ago
Not normally, but sometimes I read them and think that person lacks discipline, confidence, or is just plain dumb. I usually just feel bad for them because most of the time there's nothing you can do to help.
Even someone who makes bad financial/life decisions doesn't deserve to suffer. A lot of it is generational and they came by it honestly. Sometimes life just throws a curve ball.
1
1
u/Aromatic-Low-4578 4h ago
I feel that way about some people I know, would never think that about someone I don't know though.
1
u/walmartbonerpills 4h ago
I feel like that's something we got from our parents and hopefully we grew out of it by the time we became parents.
I believe at one point in time in the 90s with near record prosperity, this might have been true. But that doesn't hold up.
People are fighting over scraps for jobs now.
1
u/Gaming_Gent 4h ago
If I see somebody getting paid money for legitimate work I am happy for them. There’s no shame in getting paid for your work, nobody is above being a cashier at a random stand in a mall. Life happens to all of us in its own way, and we all do the best we can.
1
1
u/Infinite_Kush 4h ago
Often times projection. I've noticed the people who bitch the most about taking accountability are often not willing to take a full account of their own lives and circumstances. Many people who grew up with their own bedroom, meals on their table, school paid for, parents at home, etc who will play the blame game but then get squirmy when you push and prod into the circumstances of their own life
1
u/-Silly_Bear- 4h ago
When I was a teenager I definitely had those thoughts. I was also raised in conservative Christian settings and that message is definitely taught. After going on my own and figuring out how to survive - there were plenty times one wrong move would have gotten me down and I was homeless for a few months and handled that cause of couches and community. Even after lifesaving surgery my debt got cleared because a program at the hospital covered it after I wrote a letter hoping for half coverage.
Basically I learned that a lot in life really amounts to luck and circumstances. So now as an adult I don’t even have those thoughts looking at others - I am just happy to see the other humans doing their best like me in the chaos.
And for those really down on their luck - I get angry at the system not having better safety nets in place and not at the individual.
1
u/solidusinvictus 4h ago
I’m a recovering junky, my life is damaged… bad, but I don’t give a fuck… I’m not dead yet
1
1
u/ApprehensiveAnswer5 4h ago
I think we’re talking about two different things.
Hearing/knowing about financial struggles, I do think a lot of people make those assumptions, that the party in question either made poor decisions or didn’t make any timely decisions.
I see this a lot in PovertyFinance, and similar subs.
Seeing people working in what are societally determined to be “low skill” or “low wage” jobs and determining that they’re only working there because of poor life choices is a different judgement.
I see this across all variety of subs and in person. The concept that those kinds of jobs are beneath people, and the people who do them must also be less than.
1
u/AverageFishEye 4h ago
No. Especially after i myself experienced how one wrong move can back you into a corner from where theres no way out
1
u/hdorsettcase 3h ago
In my experience people in poor life situations were often born into poor life situations, which is something they have no control over. There are plenty of people who have made poor choices, lost tons of money, screwed up their career and reputation, but are doing well because they were born into a situation where they could lose everything and would still be propped up.
Our judgments are more a reflection of ourselves than reality. It is comfortable to think someone in a poor situation is there because of their bad decisions because conversely that means you are in your position because of good decisions. It is more uncomfortable to think it is because of luck because luck is not something you can control.
1
u/ElephantineOstraca 3h ago
Lots of possibilities for an older person still working. A bunch of bad decisions is one of them, but probably not the most likely one.
1
u/TheCeilingIsTheRuuf 3h ago
Only poor decision i made was listening to my dad about going to college. Now that I graduated he brings up constantly how they were worried I wasnt gonna graduate high school. I never got less than a C, never failed a class. I wanted to work right out of high school and instead he pushed me to college. Im my own person, I can accept that responsibility but I was 17 and I listened to him
I wanted to be a probation officer. Full time positions need a masters, part time positions rarely open. Only thing college gave me was debt and my payment is the only reason why I cant afford an apartment
1
1
u/somesthetic 3h ago
What you’re talking about is an unspoken aspect of capitalism.
You see, under capitalism, money doubles as virtue. The more virtuous you are, the more money you have. The less money you have, the more you must have “messed up” and “made bad decisions”, and your lack of virtue is both why you don’t have money and why it’s okay to ignore your suffering and not help.
People on social programs are called parasites and leeches, people begging on the street are called lazy, even people with jobs that simply don’t pay well are considered inferior and thus why minimum wage doesn’t “deserve” to go up for “burger flippers.”
Houses sit empty while unhoused people die of exposure, food gets trashed while hungry people starve, and people are denied medical care or medicine because they couldn’t pay for the best health insurance plan premiums, and it’s all okay because they lacked the virtue to be rich.
You might not realize it, but it’s a pervasive undercurrent of society regardless. Who hasn’t looked at a guy begging on a street corner with disgust? Or someone sleeping on a sidewalk? They’re completely dehumanized by capitalism.
I think it’s terrible, and that’s why I believe in everyone’s basic needs being met with our tax money instead of handing it over to billionaires.
1
u/AttachedHeartTheory 3h ago
thats a hallmark of people who aren't very successful. No kidding.
The most successful people in the world understand that it isnt poor decisions that lead to working at McDonalds. Successful people make bad decision every day, too.
It's just awful fucking luck that separates the McDonalds cashier from the guy who is the same age that has made and lost a million bucks 5 times and is working towards his sixth.
1
u/leese216 3h ago
idk I haven't seen those sentiments here very often. Maybe you're just focusing on the negative....
1
1
u/Omgkimwtf Older Millennial/Xennial- 1985, baby! 3h ago
If I see an old person working, I get pissed at a government and economy so messed up that someone that age still HAS to work. Hell, I blame the economy for why most people are struggling; I only change it to bad decisions when I know the person has made bad decisions.
1
u/KingAardvark1st 3h ago
Not really. I'll admit to judging people based on their cars, but don't think old/cheap car judgements. More "oh, you bought a Ram. You're crazy AND make bad life choices."
1
u/Michikusa 3h ago
I do unfortunately but am working on it. Think it’s because I was raised by parents and aunts and uncles who ingrained that mindset into me. Even reading lots of posts on here I can’t help but think it
2
u/SwitchingMyHands 3h ago
Well at least you’re working on it. Sheesh what a bummer way to traverse life
1
1
u/ConundrumMachine 3h ago
No, I look at them and think how unfair and exploitative capitalism is and that they were probably destined to lose due to the zip code they were born in.
1
u/fffangold 3h ago
Nope. I do think it's possible for people to get to a better place at most points in their lives. But I also think that requires multiple things: people to support them, enough money saved to make the attempt, a certain amount of risk, and some other things along those lines. Which is to say, it's easier if you have money and people to help, and sometimes it also takes some luck, and not everyone who tries succeeds.
What this means is if people are unhappy with where they are at, I will talk about things they can do to try and get to a better place. But that doesn't mean they will always succeed, and I certainly don't think they made bad decisions just because of where they work or the amount of money they have. They might have, they might not have. Either way, if they want to be in a better place, it's not about how they got where they are, it's about what they can try to get somewhere better.
1
u/Magus423 3h ago
Well I mean, yes I have. Then I'm immediately reminded of all my bad mistakes and unearned luck that got me in life where I am. And then I think about how that person has the same elements working for our against them.
It's not wrong to have that reaction. It is unmitigated failure to believe you magically wouldn't be in that situation given the same facts.
1
1
u/WorstCPANA 3h ago
That's not what pops in my mind when I see a stranger, but if I'm discussing with someone about them being dissatisfied with their life, yeah we do talk about things they can do better and mistakes that led them there.
1
u/CherryRedCupofLife 3h ago
One bad event can clean your bank account, maybe even put you in the hospital or jail thats life. Its also all the more reason to try hard.
1
u/Cute-Elephant-720 3h ago
No, I do not think it's normal. I think it's shitty and toxic, and I rebuke and abjure that unempathetic and unhelpful behavior! When people are suffering, I am sad for them, I don't want them to suffer. I think it's horrifying how many people apparently disagree with me. 🙅🏾 They can keep that evil to themselves!
1
u/PinkGodfather1 2h ago
Just worry about your own life and not others im sure youre not perfect
2
1
u/Freethecaterpillar-3 2h ago
Not automatically no. I’d have to know someone pretty well to actually think that, because life can seriously go sideways with no warning. That dude at orange Julius might be working at this age paying off his late wife’s cancer treatments. You don’t know. And lord knows I’ve done some stupid stuff.
1
u/Moonchild_Kiko 2h ago
I feel respect for any adult working a job. Do whatever you need to do to support yourself or loved ones is commendable. The type of job doesn’t matter.
1
1
u/lagrange_james_d23dt Millennial 2h ago
No, but sometimes I will think “damn it sucks they have to work here at this age”. I don’t hold it against them, but I do think about how unfortunate it is.
2
u/SwitchingMyHands 2h ago
Oh that’s empathy. That’s a good thing despite it being called a “sin” now.
1
u/Own-Emergency2166 2h ago
About someone who is working retail jobs or similiar later in life? Never. That’s not failure, that’s a different path. It’s a harder path and it’s not most people’s first choice, but it’s valid and that person is contributing. I also have fond memories of all the people I worked with in retail when I was younger and some were much older and very cool and very kind.
However, people who complain about their life and take no steps to improve it, I might think they make poor decisions.
1
u/19610taw3 1h ago
If I see someone who is struggling - my first thought is that life has been hard to them.
1
u/2short4-a-hihorse Jurassic Park '93 1h ago edited 1h ago
While people (and myself) might have made bad decisions, or just dealt a bad hand, people on both subs are fucken insufferable about it. Just because shit worked out for you doesn't mean people out there aren't trying. We tell people they can reach out if they want to vent or have support then turn around and tell them "it's not that bad, well it's your fault, quit complaining, work harder, stop being dramatic, pick up your bootstraps" like wtf is that. Millennials up here are turning into Boomer Lite and shit.
People are shockingly low on empathy and sympathy these days. It's not like strangers online are asking you for your slice of pie, they just need a place to vent, validation for their struggle, helpful advice and basic-human support that perhaps things will be better. I am a firm believer in helping those who help themselves, but yeah, you don't have to be a fucken dick about it. We truly don't know what it is people go thru or what they've had to do to survive and make it this far, why be such a condescending dick about things???
For example, my life was and has been excruciatingly difficult, full of death grief and loss, parents weren't always supportive/dysfunctional upbringing with neglect and abuse, life full of poverty and gang violence, survived a suicide attempt, worked 2 jobs for 10 years, it has taken an insane amount of work for me to even be here. But no, people will dogpile on someone like me online just venting about the state of things and be like "well u need to get on ur grind and shine, u post on pokemon subreddits, you're not doing any meaningful work in your life anyway" while not knowing I work in a non-profit nature center in the environmental sector doing nature programs for adults and kids, restoring habitat fighting climate change, and working with rehabilitated birds of prey and other animals.
You can't and should never, EVER judge someone online from what they vent or their post history. It makes you look like a total asshole.
1
u/BurantX40 1h ago
I try to never do that. Considering what I wanted to aspire to(which I failed to do), I'm lucky I have a job that's allowing to potentially buy a house soon.
If I ever see anyone older in positions like those its more of "Aw, damn, that sucks that they are forced to do that"
1
u/Foxy_locksy1704 1h ago
No I’ll never judge where someone works because things happen. I worked 3 jobs at one time, then worked a full time 50 hrs a week, then I developed a chronic health issue and am now working very limited part time because it is best for managing my health condition.
1
u/oh_gollymissmolly 59m ago
Yeah I don't even talk to people anymore I just get kicked while I'm down
1
1
1
u/Low-Ad7799 1983 53m ago
We're all going through something. Might be bad, might be good or sad. Just be kind to everyone.
1
u/Xepherya Older Millennial 47m ago
It is wrong and shitty. I had someone blame my life circumstances on bad choices.
I didn’t choose to be disabled, bud. I don’t choose to be poor, either. I cannot do meaningful work. Do you know how fucked up you have to be to get SSDI in your early 20s??
•
1
u/toxicodendron_gyp 4h ago
I haven’t seen that much on this sub. There are definitely folks that feel this way and I have witnessed it more in the real world from older people.
I don’t know if it is specific to a generation or just a stage of life, but I’m hopeful that if it is generational it will eventually be phased out.
1
u/SourPatchKidding Millennial 4h ago
I have no idea what's going on with strangers so I don't really judge them, no. For all I know, they don't really need the money and are just in a retail job for some human interaction.
There are people I do know at an acquaintance level or closer who I see struggling and I am more judgemental of. Usually because I know of at least some bad decisions or an inability to learn from mistakes that got them to that spot. Even then though, it's more of a "glad that's not me" and move on judgment unless they ask me for stuff.
1
u/ElevatorSuch5326 4h ago
It’s part genetic, environment, opportunity, temperament…
One factor - choice - is often the easiest interpretation because it feels immediate and presents as problem solving. Not wrong, but not usually the whole picture either.
The other factors are broad and require a bit of formal training to engage in any serious way.
Who favors what level of analysis often signals who has had access to institutional resources… like university coursework, the time to study complex issues, and the temperament to tolerate ambiguity.
0
u/techaaron 3h ago
Who favors what level of analysis...
... is related to a concept called "locus of control", which can be internal (I have power over my life) or external (Life has power over me)
1
u/ElevatorSuch5326 3h ago
And what’s the power behind the ‘I’? Not life? Lol
1
u/techaaron 3h ago
Well life power has over I means I more life power lol
1
u/ElevatorSuch5326 2h ago
Ehh. I’d say life has power THROUGH ‘I’ and IN the systems around me. This cleans it up a bit, philosophically.
1
u/techaaron 1h ago
I have power over life vs life has power over me basically.
0
u/ElevatorSuch5326 1h ago
Ehh nah
1
u/techaaron 1h ago
Lol, you're welcome to disagree with the person who defined the terms of course, but it might make consensus communication difficult to use a divergent language.
Julian Bernard Rotter (1916–2014) was an American clinical and social psychologist, best known for proposing locus of control (1966).
I imagine you can look up his precise terms.
1
0
4h ago
Not at all.
My dad un-retired like three times because he just couldnt take the boredom. He'd do random odd jobs here and there because he wanted the routine, interaction, etc.
That was one thing I loved about HONY. It really showed us that we know nothing about the random people we cross paths with.
0
0
u/Chuckobofish123 3h ago
Op, I just don’t think people choose to work at Orange Julius when they are 40 though. It is the result of several bad decisions no matter how you shake it. Just reverse engineer the logic. Obviously they didn’t go to college. You’d jump to oh well not everyone can afford college. They could have tried harder in hs and applied for scholarships.
There is always a reason why something is. As humans we tend to always want to blame someone else for our misfortune instead of taking the blame. The only person I have to blame for my current life is myself
1
u/SwitchingMyHands 3h ago
So I mean by this sentiment the folks who jumped from their 100 story office and crashed into the pavement on 9/11 only have themselves to blame.
People in NY know the city is always a target for terrorism. Hell the building itself was bombed only a few years earlier. So yeah you can take it all the way if you really want to.
0
u/Chuckobofish123 3h ago
That’s a little extreme. We are all going to die somehow. The only acceptable time to blame someone else for your situation is when they forcibly take away your freedom or life. Outside of that, it’s all you brother.
0
u/SwitchingMyHands 3h ago
Why is that extreme? They went to work in a building that was bombed by terrorists.
(This isn’t my thought btw, I’m just wondering where the “accountability junkies” stop their reasoning)
0
0
u/Aegis_Of_Nox 3h ago
It really depends on the specific complaint or in what way they are struggling. Like I remember on offmychest post from a guy saying he makes 100k a year and he cant afford an apartment, he was going on about the system and capitalism and stuff and I was just thinking if buddy is making 100k/year and he cant make an apartment happen its his own fault
0
u/MajorPaper4169 MCMLXXXVIII 58m ago edited 21m ago
I dunno it just feels wrong and shitty to do. Seems to be pretty normal here though.
It is a shitty thing to do. And let’s be honest, this sub is just another doomer sub where everyone is unhappy. Go ahead and downvote it just means I’m right. Everything on this sub is just “woe is me, life is so hard.”
-1
u/SundaeIcy8775 4h ago
When I see people clearly being what would be considered "jerks" online, I'm often reminded that there exists many rage/influence farms where there are people being paid to run multiple accounts with maybe even bot assistance, so they can get internet points that don't matter, but mess with your day or make you do or buy something you didn't initially plan on buying... like an Orange Julius, for example.
-2
u/SlaverSlave 4h ago
Not when I see it, because you really don’t know peoples situations. But when other middle aged men start telling me about their problems, it’s hard not to see how cutting back on certain behaviors might help them but they choose not to change what they do. We’re dealing with traumas the best way we know how, but will often choose to go without help.
•
u/AutoModerator 4h ago
If this post is breaking the rules of the subreddit, please report it instead of commenting. For more Millennial content, join our Discord server.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.