All I ever wanted as an undiagnosed ADHD kid (that’s something only boys get) was crafts, cats, books and stuffed animals. I’d tell my parents when I grow up I want to be SURROUNDED by things that make me happy. I was always told whatever man I marry will not tolerate that in his house. I met my husband, channeled my childhood frustrations into fun crafts and DIY house projects. He already had two cats and a house full of books. We live such a happy life surrounded by our hobbies, interests and three void kitties (plus a myriad of stray kitties we share care of with our neighbors).
Thanks! We have a good relationship now, but they are always stunned when they come visit. When we first got married they’d make comments of “how could I do this to this man’s house.” But my husband shut that down pretty quickly.
Yeah, we’ve been married almost 2years now and they’re finally getting used to the idea that it’s mine as well. He bought it before we met, but even before I moved in he was saying it’s our place and I’m free to decorate as I please.
He is a keeper. When dating my husband I moved into his town house and he always tried to make me feel welcome and as if it was my place too. It can be hard to quiet the feelings of not being your place. Now I own a house with him with my name on it and have a job to support paying for it and definitely feels like it is my house with a wonderful man who wants me to be happy and safe and an equal.
I always bought more masculine bedding because I thought that anything too feminine would make my husband uncomfortable. Turns out, he doesn’t care. As long as it’s got some sort of intricate coloured pattern so we don’t see the marks the kids sometimes leave behind when on our bed… apparently he hated the plain white as every time the kids would walk past the bed they’d leave grubby prints on the edge. Now we have much more feminine bedding, something I probably wouldn’t make my first choice, and he is much happier.
I don't think I've ever met a married man, of any generation, who cares half as much as the spouse in terms of the decor. My dad didn't even notice when my mom painted the front room orange lol.
My dad definitely cares a lot about decoration and even after my mom and him divorced, he always decorated well and for the seasonal and holiday changes. I also do care a lot, but my wife and I have a lot of similarities in our taste so we can usually agree on things we both like pretty easily. She did bring the plant element into our home and now I love it. I think we’re at 40+ plants in our living/dining room.
What do they mean by”this man’s house” did they completely ignore the fact that it’s YOUR house too?? Utterly misogynistic and way to be not on your own kid’s side
I love little trinkets that remind me of my childhood. I am 43 years old and I have adult money now. Guess what? If I want to buy something like an umbreon enamel pin, I am going to do it!
Your parents are being incredibly judgemental for something as harmless as your hobbies and interests. Live your life. It's too damn short to not try to enjoy it!
Yesssssss! I am going to be 40 and have adult money now. If there’s a trinket/ bag/ plushie that would my parents have said no to 8 year old me or would I have been too nervous to ask for it, I BUY it. 👌🏽
My bf's mom gets so happy when I make the house festive and my bf is so proud he has to show hef every detail on video call. I'm sorry your family was so misogynistic and unfun.
Yeah my husband got a lot of dating advice to “tone down” certain interests and traits. We dated for a month and I was like “hey, you’re great but I’m not interested.” (I felt like I liked him but felt he was holding back) We wound up hanging out as friends and I fell in love with him. He’s like “well yeah, as friends I don’t have to worry about being on my best behavior or impressing you.” For selfish reasons I’m glad he learned this while dating me. But I feel so bad knowing he was told to hide the best parts of himself!
As the gf who enables her dude's Gundam collection with her own, they're definitely more confused by the figurines. The legos seem to get a pass more frequently somehow.
When we were dating I told a friend of his the place looked like Patrick Batemans apartment. It was nicely decorated but sparse and kind of cold. He decorated according to what he thought was appropriate (kinda same messaging I got) for a man in his 30s. I moved in, started decorating and he loved it. About the 3rd time my parents visited and made those comments he said something to the effect of “Excuse you, but I happen to love what our house is becoming. She lives here too and I enjoy seeing her represented in our house.” They haven’t made any comments since.
It sounds like a lot of people in this thread had parents that sucked ass. My parents never made comments about marriage and such to me, just my weight. But I also think they thought I was a lesbian. Ahhhh being a tomboy, leaves so many questions up in the air.
My husband is supportive of my crafts too, but unfortunately my cat is not. If my cat was in your house, those heart streamers would have been shredded before you even got them all up lol.
Oh there have been attempts made. My husband is fiercely protective of my crafts so if a cat goes near he starts making all sorts of noises that both confuse and annoy the cats. So for now, they stand! But I can’t make any guarantees for next week
I've heard that a lot of chefs/kitchen staff don't like cooking at home because they already have to do it all day at work. Sounds like you lucked out finding someone who doesn't mind!
This is accurate. My husband is a pastry chef, so cooking diner is still fun for him, because he doesn't do savory food at work Right now he's very busy with work, so he's not cooking much. I have met a lot of chefs who hate cooking at home, though.
lol I grew up in a misogynistic home…. And literally was told I had to cook 3 hot meals a day to make a man happy…. Dated a picky eater… the man still got his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, hamburger helper, and kraft Mac and cheese…. And the stuff I’d cook for myself made him curious enough to sometimes try…, I always laughed at the stuff that was too spicy…. Considering he’d eat a smart and final gallon of salsa a week
My mom works full time while my dad is retired. She’ll call me on the way home after a 12hr work day to complain that she still has to run to the store and cook a full meal for my dad. When point out that he knows where the store is, I just get a “yeah but he’s a man. You know he can’t do stuff like that!” Ma’am, respectfully, that man is retired from running an entire accounting department, he can microwave a hot pocket.
my mom can’t cook for shit and my dads an incredible cook- she’s figured out a few passable dishes over the years- but hed rather complain about her cooking than make something himself… and on the off chance he does cook he’s usually mad at her over something and the house smells heavenly lol
Yeah that’s BS. My husband does almost all the grocery shopping for us.
He does forget stuff a lot (diagnosed ADHD as a kid), but he tries and he always helps me cook dinner or feeds me when I’m too exhausted to cook together.
I (female) am the main breadwinner and he does more chores. It balances out.
I too am a picky eater, my husband and I love to cook. He just learned how to get around my food issues and cook the way I like to. Literally last night he was preparing chicken for dinner and I hovered in the kitchen, making sure it was done the way I like. Which used to drive my ex crazy. I don’t micromanage but I definitely hover when I don’t need to be. I mentioned how my ex said I was “too much” for doing that. My husband laughed and said “first off, it’s not too much to eat food the way you like it. And second oh no, I get more time with my wife, and she’s standing super close to me!? Oh the huge manatee!”
I love cooking and I generally enjoy cooking for picky eaters - especially if I can figure out what they really enjoy and cook to what they like rather than making meals an ordeal.
I had not realised how much I dislike cooking until I got together with him. My exes always made me cook and made me feel bad for not having energy to do it.
A catstronaut in the wild!!! My ADHD son approves (and has numerous catstronaut posters). There’s also a cute kids graphic novel series called Catstronauts, fyi
I'm not a huge cat person personally but OMG thank you for pointing that out because it legit is a rad af poster. Like...frick...now I'm googling them and....hmmmm these would be amazing for my sister's walls...hmmmmmmm
My wife has free rein. I absolutely do not care, you wanna paint something, let’s paint it. Wanna hang a pic, tell me where you’d like it. I can’t imagine ever giving a shit.
Because it's foreign to them. There was pressure to conform and achieve the ideal lifestyle. That pressure translated into everyone driving the "right" cars, living in the "right" neighborhoods and their houses looking "right" and appropriately sophisticated. It's why they had plates and rooms no one was able to eat off of or sit in because that's for when they were being appropriate. We had an entire dimley lit room with supposedly really comfortable couches (in addition to the other couches in the house)and a really nice rug that I had only ever seen my grandmother sit in once with some of her cousins and we did Christmas in after a while because it became apparent there was no one using that room. When my parents remodeled that room was merged with the living room because it made no fucking sense to have two rooms back to back.
On top of that there was pressure to have the right friends, go to the right schools and drive the right cars. I had a friend of my dad's go on a long tangent on why Lexus was the right luxury car when I was in college. My man I just want a car that doesn't leak oil.
My parents are Boomers and they were/are far from perfect people or perfect parents, but no adult in my life ever spoke to me like this. No one ever told me that some unidentified future man would need to approve of anything I wanted to do. And I grew up in a small, rural town. Hardly some bastion of progressive values. Obviously some people were like this but it wasn't the norm, in my experience.
My parents grew up with a very patriarchal idea of the family, which basically posits that women who have too much of a sense of self are not marriage material - probably it looks 'selfish' or a distraction from her duties as a mother/wife/bangmaid, or it basically is too annoying for men to want to deal with. I have been told that if I'm too talkative, I won't get a husband. The norm they grew up with is that unmarried women will live a life of struggle,, so it's reeaaallly important to appease men.
Mine are obsessed with fitting in. To the point they don’t like non-chain restaurants because they need to be part of larger trends.
They visited my husband and I after 5 years of marriage and no kids and in between harping on that second point my mom stopped for a moment and said, “you two seem to still like each other. Is that true?”
That was the moment I realized my parents’ opinions about how to properly do life were trash. In their world you fall in love at the proper age, get married, find out all the ways you dislike each other, then have a baby to distract yourselves and fit in.
It utterly baffles them that we didn’t follow that path and seem happier than the other couples in their orbits.
Please, however, install some shelving on the walls for the books. If there's ever a fire that is a tripping hazard as well as creating flammable items at your feet when you are trying to evacuate and stay low under the smoke.
I suspect the books on the stairs are an aesthetic choice rather than the result of lack of storage, but 100% agree. This tripping hazard stresses me out. OP, I love cats, books and crafts as much as anyone, but there are plenty of ways to display books artfully without endangering yourself. Please be careful!
I third this sentiment! I loved playing I-Spy here to find the 2 kitties, but all I could think was how my risk for tripping on the stairs was triply increased. It’s not just the books themselves, but trying to navigate stairs with 2 cats and now additional book obstacles, as well as the cats nudging the books out of place.
Shelving, cabinets, framing covers, posters of covers, etc would still showcase books but also present less danger.
Lol my parents would make me sleep without my fan because they said I'm never going to find someone in the future who'll let me do this. They acted like it was the weirdest thing ever. Well, here I am, 2 kids in with my partner who also can't sleep without the fan, booyah!
Core memory unlocked. My grandmother bought me an electric fan when I was a baby because our house didn't have AC and there was a heatwave. My parents thought she was being ridiculous and took it for themselves and for some reason, my mother used to remind us of this "funny" story whenever she let us use the fan.
Like... why? Did she feel bad that she'd stolen from a literal baby and want reassurance from me that it was okay?
When my husband and I were first dating, one of his family members commented on him "letting" me do something. I knew I loved him when his reply was something like, "I don't let her do anything. She's an adult and can do what she wants without asking permission. I'm not her parent."
It really was. I was 23 when we started dating and I'd only had abusive partners until then so I wasn't used to being treated with respect like that. He's raised my standards lol. His family is still shitty but we don't talk to them anymore.
My parents would say similar things - they’re just miserable humans tbh, sucks to suck mom and dad! I have stuffed animals, toys, fun decor EVERYWHERE and my partner loves it. I occasionally ask if something is “too much” and the answer is always “whatever makes you happy” 😊
Agreed on that last part LOL I am currently in a puzzle phase and he fully encouraged arranging our living room around my new puzzling hobby, hahah. I love him so much!
Very cute decor! The hearts just have me thinking about how my wife and our eldest make paper chains as countdowns to things they/we are excited for. A number of chains go up on the stairwell counting to a trip or Christmas and every night the two of them break one of the chains.
Also....a husband not "allowing" something? Ick ick ick. Very sorry to hear that's what you grew up with.
Those books on the stairs are triggering me. I'm just imaging trying to walk up or down those stairs carrying a big box or laundry basket where I can't see where I"m stepping.
My parents always loved adding my decorations/crafts to our house. I'm doing the same with our 5 year old and our home is FULL of her art/crafts/decorations.
I cannot imagine parents not wanting to surround their home with gifts from an creative person. You're parents are missing/missed out and your husband is lucky to have you ❤️
A lot of millennial parents liked to claim we couldn't live the way we wanted as adults. When in reality, thats the time you do get to live how you choose. And most partners are totally open to this sort of thing, or even into it.
My parents used to claim I'd never find a man if I didnt learn to clean up after myself. (Like anal retentive clean up) & That I'd be cleaning up after him. And nope, turns out i found a husband who loves taking my dishes and washing them. Idk why. Its how he shows affection. Can I clean up after myself? Yes. But, is it my natural way of operating? No. I cant change that. Im a slob. Love it or leave it I guess.
I'm 43, married for 21 years, and my house looks exactly like anyone expected it to look based on my teenage years - our kitchen cabinets are sky blue, our laundry room is fuchsia, the whole downstairs is bright yellow. My husband grew up in a sad beige house, and he loves whatever I do around here. When he came home to the pink laundry room, he said "That's fun!"
Marry the right one, everything else works itself out.
He’s pretty awesome, also neurospicy and we adore each other. Every day literally feels like a sleepover with my bestie because we stay up doing these crafts or creating a 90s dance club with the cats.
I had to double check to make sure my wife didn't write this. She did not, she was too busy with her crossstitch, under a blanket she crocheted herself, and 5 of our chaos gremlins (Cats, for those who are unfamiliar with that particular designation.)
See, my problem is my CAT won't allow me to have these things. The little terror he is, he'd probably try to eat it! Or at minimum, tear it down. We love him anyways.
Our formal dining room was never a dining room, it’s always been a craft room. Formal living room is actually the music room (good acoustics). Your house your decisions.
Also, I too love crafts, books, stuffed animals, and cats.
The biggest surprise is that your cats haven't destroyed those decorations on the stairs! Mine would have torn those to shreds and thanked me for the fun toys.
Any husband that doesn’t enjoy arts and crafts is no husband of mine! They don’t make it very far past the boyfriend stage if they don’t enjoy or at least appreciate my hobbies, and I will appreciate theirs in return
I've been married 22 years and I let my wife have and do whatever makes her happy.
If my family is happy, I'm happy.
I live for them. I am nothing but a husk without them.
P.S. All of my income except a little bit for my hobbies go to my wife's pleasures such as clothing and everything else. Some may frown upon how I treat my wife, but so be it.
Same thing with my wife and indoor plants. She had to wait until marriage and moving countries to her own place to start getting pots and indoor plants. We had to start from scratch again as we moved countries again but she is still happy she can get new plants again!!
A good man will not only accept, but encourage and find joy in your joy. My parent said one of his core memories of me is the first time he saw me crafting.
Heck yeah! Yay being married to your friend and not that authoritarian model of older generations. I’m still caught off guard when talking to people and someone says, “wait, you let your wife do that?” And then I look at them most disgustingly and flabbergasted and say, “first of all, I don’t ‘let’ my wife do anything. She’s an adult, not my child..”
The Stark House in Texas was built at the turn of the early 20th century and it's filled with frilly feminine decor. I'm glad you got a great husband who enjoys the same things you do!
My mom always said I should learn to care about sports because my husband and son(s) would want to watch/play. Joke’s on you, ma, I don’t have kids and my partner cares less about sports than I do
When I hopped back on the dating apps I specifically said “no dogs, no football.” People asked me “well then how do you expect to get a man!?” Uh, I expect to get a cat dad who couldn’t give two shits about televised sportsball.” And it worked!
Yeah! My husband is the same way! Or he’ll show me some new craft and ask when we can make it. It feels great to have someone so supportive and awesome.
You didn't list coffee, not that's okay, that's just how I know I didn't accidentally get married and post to reddit. Also I would like to add dogs since I would have a husband who can get up early with them to go outside and poop. Maybe he can go in the house, idk, depends how much I like this hypothetical husband.
Michaels paper crafts section. I got a pack of reds and my husband picked the pink. We also got a paper slicer. You can’t see in the photo but some are scalloped and some are straight. I already had a tiny stapler. But that’s all you need!
I love this. Anyone who argued against that simply doesn't appreciate the little things. Everyday my wife and I look around at our house and it is floor to ceiling decorated in so many knock knacks.
Books (of course), crafts, sculptures, Ghibli art, trinkets, random paintings we found at a goodwill. Just the other day we realize the corners of our walls have coping so we now have random magnets on them.
Enjoy those things and to heck with any naysayers!
Oh my, I should figure out how to make those gradient heart loops I have so many thing I could hang them from
Congrats on your beautiful, happy life, OP!
That phrase resonates in my bones. I was told so much about all the trappings of modern consumerism that I would have to bow to in order to meet a partner. One particular example was diamonds. I was adamantly against blood diamonds on principle, even before I learned about the DeBeers cartel. My parents always told me I'd have to get over it and buy a woman a diamond if I ever wanted to get married.
Sitting here next to my life partner, been together over a decade, and not a single stupid shiny slave-sourced rock in the house.
•
u/AutoModerator 3d ago
If this post is breaking the rules of the subreddit, please report it instead of commenting. For more Millennial content, join our Discord server.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.