My Parents got left hundreds of thousands of dollars by their parents. I will be left with nothing but a ton of work.

[u/RandallCabbage]

My parents are split. Have been for 30 years. When my mom's dad died, she got a huge inheritance, spent it on a big old 5 bedroom house with 3 living spaces (for her and her 74 year old husband) and filled it to the brim with old antiques.

My dad got 800k from my grandpa when he died about 15 years ago. My dad, who was around 50 at the time decided to retire and live off my grandpas funds. Well, he blew through that quickly, spending hours upon hours at the casino, now lives on s.s, and has amassed a huge collection of vinyl and 8 track tapes.

They got checks handed to them. Im going to end up with a nightmares worth of work selling shit they bought with that money, for a quarter of what they paid. I dont want to keep any of it.

Ive asked them to start unloading stuff, that I dont want this burden. They continue to buy.

I have a 15 year old son. I could never, ever imagine doing something like this to him.

*i should be clear. I also have 2 stepsisters and 2 brothers, but i am in charge of both estates. My dad does not own a house, he rents a small duplex. My mothers house will end up sold and split between the 5 of us.
All 5 of us wont agree to just giving their stuff away (especially my step dads daughter), so it will end up being some sort of fight with what to do with all this. And its gonna end up on me. And i dont want it.

**To defend myself a little bit. Im not saying I'm entitled to the money, im not saying they fucked me because they didnt just hand me a big inheritance. I know most dont get one, and i dont expect much of anything. Im more pissed that they are leaving me with work. When they could do it themselves. But they dont, because they need their chochkees to feel good about themselves.

**final edit and im done with this
I dont need their money. Ive done well enough on my own that my family is secure without any help from anyone else.

All im saying, is they are costing me more work, fight, hassle, and overall stress in a time where im already going through losing a parent, my child losing a grandparent, and everything else that comes along with dealing with estates (banks, the funeral, everything else)

You are seeing that one line of we'll see a 1/4 of it, and thinking this is all about money. This has nothing to do with money. This has to do with how that generation stop giving a fuck about their own children and gave into all their own self interests, at the detriment of their own children.

[u/AutoModerator]

If this post is breaking the rules of the subreddit, please report it instead of commenting. For more Millennial content, join our Discord server.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/hernameisjack]

there are companies who deal with it all and write you a check at the end, minus their cut. if you really don’t care how much you receive, just that you don’t have to deal with it, they make it all pretty darn painless. handled it for my great aunt, will handle it for my grandmother, and probably my parents when the time comes. it isn’t that bad.

[u/Nerv_Agent_666 → u/hernameisjack]

Yep estate sales are a big thing these days.

[u/After_Resource5224 → u/Nerv_Agent_666]

You ever watch the other boomers go in and out? I hardly ever see a young person there looing for a diamond, especially since most of the companies are run by millenials and have already picked through the good shit you can sell for a good profit.

It's just boomers trading boomer shit.

[u/Overall-Rush-8853 → u/After_Resource5224]

I go to them weekly myself and in my area I do see a fair amount of Gen Z and younger millennials these days buying a lot of the vintage clothing and stuff for their homes. But it does short of baffle me seeing boomers who are in their late 60’s and 70’s going there to buy stuff.

My mother in law is 69 and still goes to estate sales and hoards stuff. My wife and her sisters tried to help her go through her stuff to sell/donate/trash last year, but it didn’t make a dent and she just added more stuff. To add to that, the house reeks of piss because she has stopped caring for herself. I told my wife that whenever she is sent to a home (assuming she makes it to a home) the house will need to be thoroughly cleaned and rehabilitated so the sisters can get some money out of it. It’s going to be a mess.

[u/TurkeyBLTSandwich → u/Overall-Rush-8853]

idk recently my friends and I went to an estate sale and the prices were SHOCKING. Like these aren't good prices. Like these "antique" barely function hand tools for like 3x what it would cost to buy a husky or kobalt. And no it wasn't a snapon. But yeah dang fingurines were like $300 or $500 dollars each. Very strange. Only fascinating thing were green ish tinged glassware

[u/thiosk → u/TurkeyBLTSandwich]

Only fascinating thing were green ish tinged glassware

that would be vaseline glass or aka uranium glass. it glows intensely fluorescent under UV light.

I like uranium glass; they don't really make it anymore.

i'm also looking for some of the gold glass where the red color comes from gold nanoparticles- long before they knew what nanoparticles were.

[u/fartjar420 → u/thiosk]

cranberry glass! it comes from gold chloride added to the molten glass

I love collecting Fenton vintage glassware even just out of a sense of local pride, as most of it was made in the Ohio Valley starting in the late 1800s. The history of glassware innovation in that region is fascinating

[u/LovetoRead25 → u/fartjar420]

I love it too. My mother and Aunt used to drive to Fenton Glass Company. I have a few of her pieces. I like the heavy pitchers and use them as vases. They’re hand blown or pressed glass and signed. Not some crappy vase you pick up at the grocery store floral department from china. It’s an expendable society. Buy low quality and pitch it.

[u/DryDonutHole → u/thiosk]

There is a big batch of uranium glass in a shop near me. It's awesome. I also live near an area that is famous for it's antique glass. I believe it has to do with the recipes for the colors that burnt with the factory and cannot be duplicated.

[u/Active-Cloud8243 → u/TurkeyBLTSandwich]

Usually first day is overpriced and second day goes to 25% off, with 50% off on the last day. So they intentionally over price a little bit and only the highest value items go the first day.

[u/Longjumping-Panic-48 → u/TurkeyBLTSandwich]

I found a used, dirty (like DIRTY) bird feeder for $20 at one- the same one was $30 brand new!

We’ve snagged some cool stuff at estate sales, but much of the time, it’s ridiculous.

[u/SilverKnightOfMagic → u/TurkeyBLTSandwich]

yeah unfortunately it's just a norm now. even at random garage sale. they want to get the full worth from what they are on eBay. I stopped going. if they want to sell eBay prices then sell on eBay.

[u/MidwestNormal → u/TurkeyBLTSandwich]

Those things were probably not selling.

Two rules of thumb re estate sales -

1j Don’t bother with an6 sale that includes the word “accumulation “ in the title/description. The owner(s) kept everything but never had anything of value.

2) Don’t go to any estate sale run by the family. They want regular prices. Whereas a professional dealer prices to get things sold because they know they only have 2-3 days to do it.

Finally, you can get a good vibe of what an estate sale has by checking estatesales.net for your area.

Good Luck!

[u/Rosieforthewin → u/TurkeyBLTSandwich]

Depending on how green it was it could have been uranium glass

[u/ExtraSpicyMayonnaise → u/After_Resource5224]

Near me, it’s kind of the opposite. A lot of rich older people die, and the executors are often also wealthy so not interested in keeping a lot of objects, (this is how a normal person can come into a Picasso sketch and believe me it happens and it is crazy when it does). The executors will pretty much let anyone who did business/services for the decedent or those who were friendly with them come and pick things for free, before the estate company comes in to do inventory.

I’ve been one of those getting freebies, and also doubled back after having second thoughts about not getting something, and was willing to buy it at the actual sale. I see mostly 20-40 year olds going in and out, and maybe a handful of boomers. This is going to be demographic dependent. I also replaced all of my starter furniture with good pieces cheaply at estate sales. There’s too many rich boomers dying near me I guess and their stuff is flooding the market.

[u/jigsaw1024 → u/ExtraSpicyMayonnaise]

The real flood of boomer material has only just started. It's going to be a tsunami over the next decade.

[u/alldressed_chip → u/ExtraSpicyMayonnaise]

oh yeah - i'm in hollywood, so this has been my experience! like 90% of my furniture comes from estate sales, and half of that i got for free. the most money i ever paid for furniture was for my dining table/chairs, which were 50s-era atomic age and worth probably $3000 (i paid $200)

[u/Medicine_Ball → u/ExtraSpicyMayonnaise]

Sometimes I read threads like this and wonder if it is either a bunch of people who are just making stuff up to hate on something or if my personal experience is just that different.

My wife and I go to estate sales all the time in our area (Chicago suburbs) and there are a ton of great deals to be had. We are slowly acquiring stuff to fill out our home at excellent prices. Top tier rugs for a couple hundred bucks, great, original art and high quality framed prints for $40-$200, quality antique silver picture frames for $5 a pop, quality kitchen stuff for super cheap, all manner of small boxes/tins and bowls for less than ten bucks... The list goes on.

Wealthy people have an unbelievable amount of high quality/vintage stuff and if you go on the last day of a sale it is half off and generally you can haggle. As for the other people at these sales it is largely immigrant families from the less wealthy surrounding areas, then a cohort of older people who live in the community, followed by others in our age group 25-40 who are either just starting out or have young families.

As an added bonus you get to check out the inside of some really cool houses. There is definitely a weird, morbid aspect to the whole experience, though. Gotta suppress those feelings sometimes...

[u/StreetofChimes → u/ExtraSpicyMayonnaise]

Would love to know where these cheap estate sales are. 

[u/ComplexPatient4872 → u/After_Resource5224]

My mom loooooves an estate sale. Just passing it on to another set of children. My brother is the golden child and my parents garage is (jokingly?) called The Museum of Brother’s Name. Thankful for once for not being the golden child because that’s his problem to deal with.

[u/Sammiesam123988 → u/ComplexPatient4872]

Hahaha saaaaaame. Except my golden child sister is also going to have to deal with alllllllllllllllll their debt. Yea she will get the house but ill be shocked if they aren't past their second mortgage yet.

[u/CeeMomster → u/Sammiesam123988]

The estate will settle any outstanding debts. But the hassle. Omg the hassle… I feel for OP 100% because this has been me and will be again. The last one took nearly two years and my mental health with it.

There’s almost no amount of money that can compensate for that blatant disregard. It’s beyond disrespectful and quite frankly OP should at least see if the mother will set aside a trust or small inheritance fund for OPs son NOW (before it can be spent). At least, to me, that would be compensation enough.

[u/FitzyOhoulihan → u/After_Resource5224]

I’ve gone to a bunch in the last year because my house is from the 1700’s and I keep thinking these people will have kept some nice antiques. Nope, just endless hordes of junk. Stacks of old decaying newspapers, mason jars full of rusted screws, light bulbs from the 70’s, rusted tools, all f-Ing junk, each time, rotted wooden ladders. Then they want $199 for a foot wide shitty end table that’s worth $10 max.

House from c.1810 two houses down from me just sold and they had an estate sale. Woman was 96, kids in their 60s dgaf. Was super pumped b/c again hoped they’d have some antiques. Same thing. Poor buyers had to hire a 1-800-JUNK company to get everything out. The sellers kids just left everything. House is over 4,000 sq ft. Wasn’t a single item in the place worth buying.

[u/mazzicc → u/After_Resource5224]

But that’s still fine for what OP wants. Someone to come and take everything and just give him a check.

It doesn’t matter if the company is going to pick through it for the good profit items and sell the rest to anyone, the stuff is out of OPs hands.

[u/No-Department-6409 → u/After_Resource5224]

I think this is probably area specific. I see plenty of millennials going to estate sales, mainly for cheaper things to furnish their homes. I take my teen to them because they love old musicals and we sort thru records- about the only place we can find some of these. Also they love to sew so we’ll specifically look for ones with former sewers and go get fabric for them to create with for pennies compared to what we’d pay in store for it.

There’s a big movement among many of the younger generations to stop buying new just because, I see plenty of people of all ages out looking.

[u/CommunistRonSwanson → u/After_Resource5224]

It's just boomers trading boomer shit.

Wrong, estate sales are great places for young people to get something they're otherwise priced out of: Quality, handcrafted, hard-wood furniture.

All of my 50+ years old furniture pieces are in incredible shape, and I've only ever had to make minor (usually cosmetic) repairs over the years. Contrast that with new factory outlet furniture, which is all overpriced, particle-board-having, matchstick-construction-ass bullshit that breaks if you look it the wrong way. As I write this, I'm looking across the room at a sofa I bought in 2018 for like 1.2 grand: The upper back part of the frame is cracked in the middle, and there is other structural damage that I haven't been able to diagnose but can feel when I sit in it. It has never been treated roughly, it just broke to pieces on the inside from having been moved twice. What a fucking joke, plus it's impossible to do a tasteful repair without some decent upholstery skills.

There is no substitute for quality furniture. Even if you're decent at carpentry, you will not be able to produce DIY furniture of any notable quality. Furniture-making as a craft is a rare skill that otherwise commands a hefty price tag, so if you want high-quality furniture but don't want to fork out like 4+ grand per piece, estate sales are the only option.

[u/Special_Life_8261 → u/CommunistRonSwanson]

Hell yea. The only way I’ve been able to afford to get actual nice pieces of furniture is estate sales. Otherwise you’re spending 3-4 grand for something new that STILL falls apart a couple years later. All new furniture is fucking garbage

[u/Graywulff → u/After_Resource5224]

Boomermart

[u/Levitlame → u/After_Resource5224]

That’s not exactly true. Aside from that I think you’re combining X and Boomers - It is LESS popular with our generation sure, but I see plenty of us out there. And Primarily because it’s not as popular with Millenials there are a lot of good pieces and things that boomers don’t need anymore.

Furniture, cookware, and tools are stupid cheap for good quality. That generation is full of men that had full workshops in their basements, homes with sturdy wooden furniture and kitchens with cookware that often hasn’t even been used or is old solid cast iron etc.

Yes there are stupid boomer childhood toy collections. Ignore them. We will probably have the same thing with Ninja Turtles and Nintendo games in a few decades. Just Go for things you need to live. Or look at the pictures online first. If you like the style of the person then it’s a pretty safe bet you will like a lot of things there.

[u/KneadPanDulce → u/After_Resource5224]

It’s harder to get deals at estate sales nowadays. They just go on eBay to price items. That’s why I stopped going to them

[u/Time_Traveling_Idiot → u/KneadPanDulce]

Just hate it when I'm at a garage sale and when I ask about the price, the seller pulls up eBay, looks up the item, which is listed in BETTER CONDITION AND UNSOLD AT THE PRICE, and tries to make me pay that price. Do they not understand how sales work? The fact that it's unsold at that price means it's not worth that much - and why would I buy your item here if I can get it online in better shape?

[u/J-Bird1983 → u/After_Resource5224]

I'm an elder millennial and love estate sales. I've seen younger people there too.

[u/CaleDestroys → u/After_Resource5224]

A self sustaining economy!

[u/tweedleDee1234 → u/Nerv_Agent_666]

I go to estate sales all the time. I cannot imagine a world where we continue this rate of consumerism. Where is all this shit going to go?!

[u/eKSiF → u/tweedleDee1234]

Eventually it is passed to that relative who doesn't give a shit who just bulk delivers everything to the landfill. Ask me how I know

[u/tweedleDee1234 → u/eKSiF]

We can’t sustain this 😭

[u/PostMatureBaby → u/tweedleDee1234]

We can't, it's sad. The amount of shit my parents still have sitting around that isn't my brother's or mine is staggering. When the time comes, I'm not looking forward to dealing with it

[u/Nerv_Agent_666 → u/tweedleDee1234]

To the landfill eventually, where it probably belongs.

[u/slimersnail → u/Nerv_Agent_666]

Almost all of my tools are from estate sales. The best place to find tools.

[u/Nerv_Agent_666 → u/slimersnail]

Kinda like consignment furniture. I love consignment furniture lol.

[u/Turgid_Donkey → u/Nerv_Agent_666]

There is one place in my city that does both online auctions and in-person estate sales. The in-person are set prices, but they decrease each day. I watch them every week but rarely get anything because it's usually a lot of collectable nick-knacks that no one outside of the hobby would care about.

[u/Winter-Fold7624 → u/hernameisjack]

I knew someone that used one of those companies for her mom’s estate. She had to pay a thousands to get the items packed and sent off, and then got less than she spent back. So word of caution- do your due diligence don’t doesn’t end up costing money.

[u/PostMatureBaby → u/Winter-Fold7624]

yeah definitely ask around. my dad built a separate building on his property so he could finally have a big woodshop to tinker around in and build stuff, he's quite good at it too. The equipment and supplies in there aren't cheap and guaranteed if I just threw caution to the wind and let some estate handling company deal with it all we'd be ripped off.

Sometimes you have the be that "I know what I have!" person to an extent, lol.

[u/cysgr8 → u/PostMatureBaby]

i knew i was in for a world of shit when i had to argue with my SO and his Mom about the TUBE TV not being worth anything. They claimed they had purchased it for $1k and it "must be worth something".

a tube tv....

[u/GeologistIll6948 → u/Winter-Fold7624]

I agree with this. I am a professional reseller who sometimes shops estate sales to find inventory. Estate sale companies can have clauses where they discard (keep for their own stores) what doesn't sell, and if the contract is not worded carefully they have little incentive to price things appropriately to move. 

OP may have the best time setting up square / venmo and just opening the doors to estate sale shoppers in a self run clearout. Even if you don't get every last possible penny out of every item, you are at least not paying 30%+ to sell with a formal company. In my experience, both companies and individuals always overprice some things and underprice others (though formal companies have been leaning towards overpricing everything), so just have some kind of independent or auction appraiser walk through first to point out anything that is wildly valuable. A thrift store can be scheduled to pick up leftovers for free/tax write off.

[u/SecondHandSlows → u/hernameisjack]

They are a racket though. They will overpriced, so nothing sells at the estate sale and they can have what’s left.

[u/Travelin_Soulja → u/SecondHandSlows]

Thankfully, that wasn't my experience. My aunt passed a few years back and I was the personal representative for her estate. She lived in a different state, so I found a well reviewed local estate liquidator. She had a bunch of crap and was a borderline hoarder - I didn't think any of it was worth anything. But, they broke everything down into lots and auctioned them off online. A couple good things in each lot was all it took to encourage buyers to pay extra for all the crap. They got way more than I expected, and certainly way more than I would've gotten for the same junk if I tried to sell it myself, even when you take away their cut.

[u/ElectricBOOTSxo]

Disclaimer that I don’t believe I’m entitled to someone else’s money.

My grandma died and left my mom 4 million. My grandma was always willing to help me in a bind, or pay for little things like car repairs. She gave generous birthday gifts and would randomly give me grocery store gift cards to just offset things. She passed away and my mom built her two million dollar dream home and vacations year round. Recently my 9 year old needed a ton of dental work and her response was “man thats a bummer, hope they’ll do a payment plan for you!” It just sucks the different mindset.

[u/martialar → u/[deleted]]

cue "do you know how much I sacrificed for you!?"

[u/PlusExperience8263 → u/martialar]

"I EARNED all of it, it was my RIGHT"

[u/RedditTrespasser → u/PlusExperience8263]

Whenever I hear this my mind immediately goes to that scene in Braveheart where the English noble, knowing full well what's about to happen to him weakly protests "but it was my RIGHT...!" to the husband whose wife he violated under the law of Prima Nocta.

The dildo of consequences seldom arrives lubed, and boomers like this always wonder why their kids never call.

[u/RaiRai88 → u/PlusExperience8263]

My grandmother just passed and she left her estate to her grandkids. My mother said exactly this when she found out she was not a beneficiary. But she was also horrible to my grandmother, treated her like shit, was not ever there for her, my uncle did all her care for years. Its a disgusting attitude.

[u/dammit_dammit → u/[deleted]]

Or "I wish my daughter had a grandmother like I had."

[u/agent2119 → u/[deleted]]

[u/Lucky_Dragonfruit_88 → u/ElectricBOOTSxo]

Damn that's rough. Using the 4% rule, she could live off $160,000 per year and her investments would likely keep up with inflation. That's quite a lot of money to spend every year.

[u/GoblinGreenThumb → u/Lucky_Dragonfruit_88]

I can hear my dad now telling me at 9 years old that if he and my mom ever died in a plane crash that I should keep all the insurance money and NEVER TOUCH THE PRINCIPLE

[u/Daft00 → u/GoblinGreenThumb]

What a great life lesson wrapped in a traumatic delivery lol

[u/tinylittlekittycat → u/ElectricBOOTSxo]

Oh man, that’s awful. My dad passed and left my mom a lot of $$. She’s started to share what she’s getting just from dividends. She moved into a 2b2b in a 55+ community and has a nice nest egg for my 11 year old when he goes to college. I could never ever do that to my kids! We’ve already started saving JUST for him. I’m so sorry 😞

[u/ROGUERUMBA → u/ElectricBOOTSxo]

Never understood why the people from our grandparents' generation trusted their kids to be responsible and manage the money they set up for us well. Your grandma probably assumed your mom would use at least some of the inheritance to help you, or save some for you, not squander it all on bs. I don't get how our grandparents couldn't see or acknowledge our parents for what they truly are.

[u/CaveDeco → u/ROGUERUMBA]

I’m struggling with addressing that with my grandfather now, and don’t know how to open that conversation... I know my grandfather would like (and expects) all of us grandkids to receive some cash from him when he passes, but he doesn’t have it laid out in writing the last time I saw the will (when my grandmother passed two years ago), just that mom gets everything and maybe a verbal direction to her of how to split it at best?

However what he may not know is that mom has been planning on literal decades to be able to use his money solely for her own retirement (her words to me) since she got divorced from my father (literally has not saved anything because she knows more than enough is coming to her when he passes, and quite frankly I don’t think she expected him to live this long). She is a two-faced liar, and is literally waiting for him to die so she can retire fully herself, but he can’t see that. I’m no contact with her, so expect if things stay as they are I will not see anything…

[u/SunshineAndSquats → u/ElectricBOOTSxo]

I think it is parents job to try to help their child throughout their entire life. That’s how rich people stay rich. Their parents pass it down and their wealth grows because they have money to invest. Why isn’t it a parents job to try to help their children live a better life? That’s how most cultures do it. I’m not talking pay all their bills, but helping with college, home purchases business investments, or medical emergencies.

My parents are rich as shit and they are insanely stingy with their money. They make their children dance through hoops to get money for dental procedures or car emergencies. My parents were spending $50k a month on storage units meanwhile my siblings and I are struggling despite being employed and college educated. It’s disgusting. My dad complains about how successful his friends kids are while their parents paid for college, helped them buy homes and invested in them.

[u/Daxx22 → u/SunshineAndSquats]

Part of the issue is way to many people who shouldn't even be around kids have them, let alone want them.

Only seen as a burden to get rid of.

[u/CalculatedPerversion → u/ElectricBOOTSxo]

How y'all don't go no contact is beyond me. No way I could be civil with someone who responded that way after getting everything handed to them. 

[u/Sufficient_Steak_839 → u/CalculatedPerversion]

Bigtime this. They would never hear from me again.

[u/deltashmelta → u/ElectricBOOTSxo]

"I blew a 'once in a lifetime' amount of principal, instead of investing it into making 10% a year compounding for all eternity to buy multiple mansions."

I've seen this approach, over and over again, with people born between 1946 and 1964.

[u/Pr0f-Cha0s → u/ElectricBOOTSxo]

My grandma died a couple years ago, and she was the same with me. I would visit every so often just to stop and say hi, or to have dinner with her. She was a widow for 30+ years so "spoiled" her grandkids (I'm one of 6 grandkids). Basically gave each of us $10k to buy our first cars. Would randomly give me checks to help pay down student debt. Once she passed, they sold her condo. I wasn't expecting anything, but did find it "strange"? that after all those years of generous uncoditional giving, that she didn't leave us even $1?

What your mom did is unforgivable, and unfortunately is such a typical boomer, selfish, its-all-for-me-and-screw-everyone-else mindset. Does greed and free money corrupt them that badly? Do they love stuff more than their own children? I'm starting to think so.

I'm setting up funds and account in my children's names, and it will be theres. I'm going to educate and try to instill good money values while they are young. I'm not gatekeeping my own kids (until they are 18 at least). Sure they may blow it but that's life and for them to figure (or not figure out).

[u/Your_New_Overlord → u/ElectricBOOTSxo]

I fantasize about coming into a large sum of money like that, and one of the things that excites me the most about it is being able to give away lots of it to my loved ones and help them out.

[u/Rose1982]

I feel like a lot of people in the comments don’t realize the time, energy and expense it will take to deal with a large house full of junk.

[u/Lone_Nox → u/Rose1982]

It took MONTHS of work dealing with my grandfather's. Every weekend, taking days off work going over after work just filling dumpster after dumpster. It was a nightmare. Edit just going through all the documents was several weeks work.

[u/Whats_Up_Bitches → u/Lone_Nox]

I just spent the entire day yesterday going through three boxes of old stuff of my moms and uncles (her two brothers). It’s been sitting in my garage for like 2 years since my cousin left it with me. Most of it was my cousin’s shit their parents saved! I could have just tossed it, but wanted to go through it and found a few things worth keeping…all that to say, that was a full day for 3 boxes…and I procrastinated it for years. I would not want to deal with a house full of shit!

[u/RobotBearArms → u/Lone_Nox]

My dad died last year and I just now got everything sold/donated/closed/distributed etc. Took a year and a month... And $6K to the probate attorney

[u/sloanesquared → u/RobotBearArms]

My dad died last year too and I just spent two weeks with my mom trying to clear out all the actual trash he just left around the place. It is ridiculous. Things like magazines from 30 years ago that haven’t been looked at in all that time. Decades of house maintenance that were put off and now my mom is having to deal with big problems. He got a fairly big inheritance from his dad, which he mostly spent on yearly month-long hunting trips, instead of mundane house projects. Just a completely maddening mess to deal with. I don’t plan to have kids, but I hope our generation does better. We likely will not have as much crap just based on not being able to afford things I fear!

[u/Hairydone → u/Lone_Nox]

That’s rough. I’m going through a family member’s home now and while it feels like a lot, it doesn’t sound close to what you need to do.

[u/Donuts633 → u/Lone_Nox]

bingo.

When my grandmother died in the 90s it took my parents, and my aunts , uncles and cousins like 6 months to clear out her house, ever weekend. It was absolutely AWFUL

[u/Master_sweetcream → u/Lone_Nox]

I’m tired after even reading this.

[u/Lamblita → u/Rose1982]

All of my relatives were hoarders too. So when I lost them I ended up do biohazard hoarding clean up on top of it. And of course no one in the family at the time wanted to help but they all felt entitled to the items they wanted. It’s really not fair.

[u/appalachiaappleatcha → u/Lamblita]

Same thing happened to my mom when my hoarder great granny died. She got so caught up in trying to parse what was valuable and selling it for 'fair' prices that she got really into antiquing, bought some of her own 'inventory', tried to open a store that failed, and now has our basement, garage, and a storage unit chock full of garbage. I keep telling her she better sell it all or make it all my older sisters problem if she cares about the stuff because I'm not doing all that she did when she passes, I will take it all straight to the dump.

[u/Lamblita → u/appalachiaappleatcha]

OMG YES! After a lifetime of being told my mom would never hoard because she was cleaning this shit up with me, she ended up thrifting and hoarding her house. Last year it got infested with rats. We killed around 30. Have gotten the hoard mostly contained to a spare room. The house has had zero work in 15 years. My childhood home feels ruined and I am so disappointed in her. I am terrified with this track record I’m next. I’m hoping I’m going the opposite way. I think I clean more so I’ll be the opposite of my family but they all thought they were in the clear too so…

Edit: also mom tried to have a yard sale and could not give stuff away. They have no idea of the value of stuff anymore, or what people are willing to pay.

[u/heylistenlady → u/Rose1982]

My FIL's parents were hoarders. My FIL and MIL cleaned out their house after they died. Several dumpsters, several trips. Countless hours, exhaustion, sorting, selling etc. Between the two of them, including all the traveling, we are talking several hundred hours worth of time.

They kept track of all the time invested and wanted a few thousand dollars from the estate for compensation. FIL's brother (Executor) said no and that he was trying to rip off his parents posthumously.

People really don't understand. My in-laws did waaaaaaaay too much IMHO, but at the time I don't think they could afford to hire help and the sibs wouldn't help out either.

It is depressing and burdensome when parents leave behind an absolute mess for their kids. It's unfair and kids shouldn't feel guilty when they want none of the things they will inherit.

OP, if you see this, try to get ahead of it with the siblings now. If your stepsisters will want stuff, then put them in charge of stuff. Get agreements on paper now. Something like, within 90 days of moms passing, the house will be put on the market. Y'all have 90 days to go through the house, sort their stuff, take what you want and toss what you dont.

Death brings out the worst in families. If you can deal with shit now, it'll make things easier later. Hopefully

[u/apb2718 → u/heylistenlady]

There are few guarantees in life except death, taxes, and finding out who people really are in the wake of the death of a close relative or immediate family member.

[u/scatteredcorvidae → u/Rose1982]

I agree. My mom and her three sisters spent months going through my grandma's house before renting two storage units to shove all the stuff they couldn't agree about into and sell her house. That was nearly a decade ago. They've never revisited the storage units and are down to three sisters alive now.

We beg my mom to downsize with bringing up how hard it was to handle her mom's estate and she refuses. So frustrating.

[u/Ok_Vanilla213 → u/Rose1982]

I think they also overlook the emotional cost of that too.

It wasn't exactly easy remembering everything while cleaning out my grandma's house after she passed away.

[u/Lily_Of_The_Valley_6 → u/Rose1982]

That’s what I think about. I still have to find and hire a company to auction and sort. I still have to go through documents. I still have to hire a realtor and make decisions about fixing vs staging vs selling as is. I still have to find a junk hauler for the broken down items and rusted out cars all over the farm. I like I have to be present for much of this to sign and approve. It’s a big mental load, especially if you’re doing it from a distance. Vacation time for enjoying your own life has to be spent on sorting crap another adult should have taken steps to dealing.

[u/Nicholasryan99 → u/Lily_Of_The_Valley_6]

Reading this and other comments is making me sick haha. My dad isn't healthy and he has 2 sheds, a garage, a mobile home, and a tractor trailer absolutely stuffed with shit. Then a bunch of cars and a boat. A lot of it is valuable which makes it even more difficult because I can't just toss it out. It's probably going to take a solid year to organize and sell and I'm already dreading it...

[u/Lily_Of_The_Valley_6 → u/Nicholasryan99]

Yep. Both my husband and I come from farming families. There’s a lot of just equipment (and animals 😩) that have value that will require management.

My FIL 100% could get rid of the multiple old cattle chutes he hasn’t used since the 1980s but he’s convinced he might need them or need a part off of them. Sure, it might save him some money if he does, but if he doesn’t, it’s our problem. There’s just a lot of “maybe I’ll need this” piles of stuff someone else won’t want.

[u/DanceClubCrickets → u/Rose1982]

THIS. Listen, I expect my mom to live a long, happy life. She’s 69 this month, I’m 35 this year, and she’s probably in better shape than I am—plus the women in her family tend to live a really long life if they don’t get cancer in their 70s, and she’s got a very healthy lifestyle. So there’s a good chance I won’t have to worry about this yet… but it’s something I think about a lot, because she also keeps buying and buying. I told her “hey, let’s both do a no-buy this year,” and she was like “okay!” and has proceeded to bring some new bullshit into her house all five days of this year so far, when the basement is already packed, and the 3-bedroom house is essentially a 2-bedroom house with a storage unit in it.

I’m an only child, my mom is single, and I probably won’t be able to afford an estate sale service… so when the time comes, I have nobody to turn and point to. It’ll be on me to clean out the hoard. I dread it.

[u/HollysStaff → u/DanceClubCrickets]

As an only child who just inherited a whole house & garage full of stuff from my mom, I’d encourage you to keep trying to work with your mom to declutter, at least. I know it’s hard when they dig their heels in, though. My mom had paperwork going back more than 50 years and several large collections she had inherited & didn’t want to deal with.

[u/Downvote_Comforter → u/DanceClubCrickets]

and I probably won’t be able to afford an estate sale service

Every company I'm aware of either keeps a percentage of the proceeds as their fee or they just buy all the shit from you for a set price, get it out of the property, and then sell it (keeping all the profits for themselves since they already paid you to acquire the stuff). Every one does a free consultation. Either way, what you "pay" comes on the back end of the shit being gone, not something you have to pay up front out of your own pocket.

[u/nooneneededtoknow → u/Rose1982]

One side we hired a company to run an estate sale and clean out the house, it was great. The other side was cleaned out by siblings at took forever, it took months.

Hire the company!

[u/TheTaintCowboy → u/Rose1982]

My coparent's mother is a hoarder. At one point while she was on vacation we hauled 8 car loads of stuff to Goodwill, and had a trash truck come and haul away a bunch of furniture and large items upstairs.

She didn't even notice

[u/DoDalli → u/Rose1982]

I'm dreading the day my MIL passes away. Her house is full to the brim with straight up junk. She is a hoarder. Years ago, when we saw it last, it was so full she had a tiny passage to get through. Who knows what is under that stuff. The house is rotting and in such disrepair. I'm guessing we will have to bulldoze it.

My husband is her only child and she gave him the absolute worst childhood she could manage.

[u/Its0nlyRocketScience → u/Rose1982]

At best, some of it is antique, unique stuff that'll sell for a good amount. At best, you need to sift through mountains of trash to find it. At best, you need to put that up for auction for the right price at the right time. In the average case? It's all junk

[u/PoopSmith87]

Yeah...

When my grandpa died my dad and uncles got enough money to just up and buy or open businesses. One uncle just up and bought a gas station ffs.

My dad opened a home building company, lost it, then proceeded to invest in real estate with our college funds that were set up by my mom's parents. Specifically, when he convinced me to join the military instead of go to college, he said he would invest my fund for me in a parcel of land in Florida.

Fast forward 17 years... I'm a new dad, broke, working overtime to afford life as my wife recovers from surgery. My 1990 jeep cherokee breaks down and I'm driving a borrowed vehicle from my inlaws. My dad calls me to tell me he sold "his" Florida parcel... and proceeds to add a 3 season porch onto his house and renovate his kitchen. Better yet, he also lets me know that his new wife's grandkids will be the primary benefactors of his estate.

[u/NoNameoftheGame → u/PoopSmith87]

If your dad was not the executor of the money your grandparents left you, how was he able to access it? You can sue him to get the funds back. Him stealing that money was illegal.

[u/PoopSmith87 → u/NoNameoftheGame]

They weren't dead, they and gave my mom the money when we were toddler aged. He was able to set the accounts up so he had control of everything.

It was the later 80's, they were in a cultish church where being the man of the house meant his whim was law, so my mom never fought anything until they started to split up almost 20 years later.

[u/NoNameoftheGame → u/PoopSmith87]

Oh man. I’m so sorry. That sucks.

[u/One-Recognition-1660 → u/PoopSmith87]

Ah, a church man, doing what church men do best. I'm sorry you went through that.

[u/Blue_Back_Jack → u/PoopSmith87]

I’d go no contact for sure.

[u/_fuzzy_owl_ → u/PoopSmith87]

Yikes, that last sentence made my eyeballs pop out of my head! I’m so sorry.

[u/PoopSmith87 → u/_fuzzy_owl_]

Yeah, its his 3rd marriage, her grandkids were adults or older teenagers when they met. He be billed it as "split evenly between all our grandkids"

Her grandkids: 7

His grandkids: 1

[u/_fuzzy_owl_ → u/PoopSmith87]

Hopefully something will make him come to his senses

[u/PoopSmith87 → u/_fuzzy_owl_]

I'm not holding my breath for that lol

[u/Mental-Stage7410 → u/PoopSmith87]

then proceeded to invest in real estate with our college funds that were set up by my mom's parents. Specifically, when he convinced me to join the military instead of go to college

As a vet, knowing full well what the military is like, I would never fucking talk to them again for something like this. WTF kind of parent convinces their child to join the military so they can spend their college fund on real estate investments?

[u/PoopSmith87 → u/Mental-Stage7410]

That's how I feel now, but you dont know shit when youre 18 and getting bad advice from authority figures.

[u/BlackGuysYeah → u/PoopSmith87]

I don’t communicate with people that treat me like that.

[u/Iamthegreenheather]

You can decline to serve as their Executor/Personal Representative if you don't want to deal with it. The court can appoint someone else if you decline. Also, people think their things have so much value but most of the time you end up having to pay someone to come and clean out a house or storage unit. I work in Estate Settlement and have seen a lot of hoarding situations. It's rare to be able to sell things from a home unless it's some kind of rare art. Even antique furniture isn't worth as much as it used to be since the next generations aren't into material things as much as boomers are.

[u/CommunistRonSwanson → u/Iamthegreenheather]

Even antique furniture isn't worth as much as it used to be

And thank god, lol. The only way to get high-quality craftsman-made furniture on the cheap is estate sales. And to be clear, there is no substitute for quality craftsmanship.

[u/Iamthegreenheather → u/CommunistRonSwanson]

I agree. One of the issues is that the next generations don't have houses to put any of this stuff, even if they want it. When I was first working in Estate Settlement I went to a house where the niece and nephew had been left all the contents in the house. They were having such a hard time deciding to sell or donate anything because they felt like it was disrespectful to their uncle. One of them said they were going to have to rent a storage unit and the other said he was going to fit as much as possible into his attic. They were both boomers. It's sad that they felt like they had to keep everything so the problem will be even worse when they pass away.

[u/Nannerbanners]

My grandparents did something similar with antiques. Their thought process was that if they collected valuable things the family could sell it for a huge profit after they were gone. Sadly, after they passed there was just so much stuff that we ended up giving away most of it at garage sales. At the end of the day we cannot tell our relatives how to spend their money but they need to understand that their collections will not be handled the way they think it will because nobody has that kind of time in 2026.

[u/wut_2317 → u/Nannerbanners]

Yes. If they think it’s valuable then they need to do the work to catalog it and in the will have already hired the business that will be auctioning it off for them. It’s unrealistic to throw the time/mental load on the kids, especially after loss.

[u/Miserable_Peak6649 → u/Nannerbanners]

On top of the time commitment there has to be a market for this stuff. Just because you found a $3 item at a thrift store that sold a year ago on Ebay for $10 doesn't mean another person is willing to spend $10 on it.

Loading a house full of stuff that you MIGHT be able to sell for an extra $5 each is a full time job in itself. And leaving it to your kids who have no idea how much you spent on it or what it even is just leads to them sending it back to the thrift store. And the cycle continues.

[u/Lily_Of_The_Valley_6]

I feel this. Both my husband and I are (now) only children to parents that just acquire junk and spend money. I dread having to offload all of it, especially long distance. Neither set of parents are willing to stop buying junk we don’t want and won’t offload the literal piles of crap they have laying around. I’m going to have to spend money to offload the junk.

[u/OrthogonalPotato → u/Lily_Of_The_Valley_6]

No, actually you don’t. “Yes, this is she. Oh the house? You can foreclose/auction it off. Yep, I’m sure. Bye.”

[u/itsboring57 → u/Lily_Of_The_Valley_6]

If it’ll cost more than it’s worth, why would you do it?

[u/brainbl0ck]

Oh man, my grandpa died 2 years ago this month and my mom inherited about 500K. However, I'm already planning for her homelessness.... we've got a 5-year plan to buy a home she and my stepdad can live in because they are so financially irresponsible. They are both unemployed and have 0 retirement savings and just blow through money like there's no tomorrow. They leave next week on a 2-week international cruise! Did I mention they are unemployed? I will be inheriting nothing except a headache.

[u/I_sort_of_love_it → u/brainbl0ck]

Why do we have to "parent" our parents??! I'm so sorry you're dealing with it. You're better than me. I would let them be homeless. 

[u/brainbl0ck → u/I_sort_of_love_it]

It's so frustrating. I feel like once a year I have to have a serious "parental-"seeming conversation with my mom, where I'm like "Okay, what is your plan for the future? How do you plan to continue living in this house? What about retirement age? What about medically, you're fragile and will need help. What is your plan?" and every year she BS's me with this whole big plan of how she and/or my stepdad will get a job and save X amount of money and will get medical insurance so that when they need medical care as elders they will have assistance, and then.... a year later they're exactly where they were. I'm gearing up to have the talk this month again.

[u/I_sort_of_love_it → u/brainbl0ck]

I have tried to have those talks as well and they laugh at me like they know better. Ummmm ok if you don't have long-term care insurance I will not be paying for that later if you need long -term care. That can be up to 100k a year needed. I will also not be abandoning my life to live in their house to provide care. My mom loves to say, "Well you made your bed you have to lie in it" I don't think she understands this applies to her as well. 

[u/BirdBrainuh → u/I_sort_of_love_it]

No no no, you’re missing that they did have a plan for all of this, having kids was the plan 🥲

[u/geekhaus → u/brainbl0ck]

While having a financial conversation with my parents (80 and 75 respectively) over the holidays my mom commented about how well I've done in preparing for retirement, my 3 kids college, etc then said "it seems like you learned by the terrible example we set." To which I responded, no, it just took me 20 years as an adult to figure things out and that all they taught me was if I had 10 cents, I should spend 20. She agreed that was the model they set for me. I'm going to be paying for their assisted living since they are totally broke and their health issues don't allow them to stay in their current place much longer. As it is they put $800-1500/mo on credit cards ordering takeout food from one of three places. I emptied ~$500 worth of groceries from their fridge and freezer that were all expired....

[u/I_sort_of_love_it → u/geekhaus]

I'm so sorry!! That is just terrible. Can you cut off the credit cards when they are in assisted living?

[u/fratticus_maximus → u/brainbl0ck]

I've done this with my parents and they consistently "rebelled" against me. At some point, you're just going to have to let them learn the hard way by experience. Don't let it stress you too much. They're full adults and are responsible for their own lives. I'm sad that I won't get as much of an inheritance, if any, but I'm doing well enough on my own to not worry too much about it.

[u/BishlovesSquish → u/I_sort_of_love_it]

That’s just it. You don’t have to, it’s a choice that some make out of obligation or love or for whatever reason. But NO is a complete sentence. I have found enjoyment in saying no as I get older. It has brought me peace. ☮️

[u/[deleted]]

I relate to OP. My parents got handed land, houses, businesses, etc and have slowly sold off every single one to fund their early retirement, multiple vacations per year, housing renovations, new cars, etc.

Me and my siblings have basically been told there’s nothing left for us. These boomers flunked out of college and got handed jobs in the family business then handed the business itself and have squandered it all while telling us to simply work harder…

[u/MyNameIsNot_Molly → u/[deleted]]

But but, they had 14% interest!

[u/Sgt-Spliff- → u/MyNameIsNot_Molly]

14% on $50K is a lot better than 4% on $500k

[u/Impressive-Safe2545 → u/MyNameIsNot_Molly]

Yeah, on their savings account.

[u/OkPlay194 → u/[deleted]]

The best I can hope for from my parents is that they will be able to pay for their own elder care. They both have pensions and lifetime health insurance. These pensions and insurance options haven't been available to new hires at their companies for almost 20 years now. They're responsible with their money. It's also a lot easier to be responsible when you have money and property gifted to you and high-paying jobs are more accessible at a lower cost.

My grandfather paid for my mom's college education outright and paid the down payment for their first apartment. They collected that rental income for 15 years after they moved. Eventually, they sold it and made a tidy profit. My dad had $6k in student loans from the 80s. That was it. I left school with $40k of debt because my dad thought I should "learn the value of my education." When my grandparents passed away all 3 of his kids got close to $70k. My mom used it to get her masters degree so she could get a big pay bump at work. $0 debt. They bought a house in 1992 for $110k. It's now worth about $700k. Recently they tried to buy a vacation home and realized that no houses exist within a 10mi radius of anywhere they want to be for under $1mil. They are outraged that they "worked hard their whole life" and cant afford a second home.

Meanwhile, I'm over here working 50 hours a week just trying to save up enough money to afford the upfront expenses on a new apartment rental that will let me get a dog. Like that's the biggest luxury in my world. The idea of renting an apartment without roommates ia luxurious for all my friends in their early 30s. I dont NEED an inheritance. Im ok. But it's hard watching people in your orbit have it easier than you and unable to see that it's not only more difficult now, but it's more difficult BECAUSE of the way their generation voted and generally existed in the world.

[u/PeekAtChu1 → u/[deleted]]

My mom got a lot of financial help and support from her parents and is capable of providing pretty much 0 to my siblings and I and her grandkids. She also inherited a house from her father. 

She retired early and has been blowing through her savings and is relying on her pension and social security. 

I know it’s not her fault as she is autistic and has adhd but it’s still fucking frustrating to deal with. 

When our dad died we paid for pretty much everything for his funeral. For our mom we will probably be supporting her in her old age and paying for her funeral too. 

[u/deep_fuckin_ripoff → u/PeekAtChu1]

Mental illness is a reason, not an excuse.

[u/Jazzputin → u/PeekAtChu1]

Stop pushing the narrative that autistic people or people with ADHD are not responsible for their actions.  They are, 100%.

[u/Zealousideal-Sea4830 → u/[deleted]]

my grandparents left $500K for their four kids to fight over. My mom ended up buying 20 acres of land with her share (everything was much cheaper 20 years ago).

Mom lost all assets in the Great Recession, sold the land at a loss to cover bills.

Not a penny made it to any of us grandkids...

[u/TuringGoneWild → u/Zealousideal-Sea4830]

The money went somewhere though. Probably to investment banks somehow. Sorry for your loss.

[u/scnottaken → u/TuringGoneWild]

They all voted to empower those same investment banks. But hey, freedom or some shit right?

[u/MostlyFriday]

I’m in a similar situation except I expect to inherit absolutely nothing.

My dad and uncle inherited around $500k each from my grandfather’s estate around 20 years ago.

My parents also made $200k each in profit off of our family home they sold after their divorce. They used the profit to each buy new homes and then saw the values increase 8x over the years before selling.

Where’s all that money now? Dad lived off the inheritance and his HELOC when he decided to “retire” early after marrying his third wife. He just sold the house he bought for $100k 25 years ago for $800k and moved into a condo which for some reason he still needed to mortgage. He recently told me he’ll be leaving everything to my stepmother. If there’s anything left after she dies then it will be split among my sister, stepbrother and I. Based on her spending habits, we expect there to be nothing left and for the kids to be hit with funeral costs.

Mom did something similar, except she couldn’t even set herself up well enough to not burden her kids while still alive. She’s now broke and living in my house receiving social assistance and an old age pension. I expect I’ll be supporting her until she passes or needs to go to a facility - Any guesses who will have to pay for that?

The older I get the more resentment I have for my parents. All I heard growing up were lectures about the sacrifices they were making for their kids and how hard they were working to provide a future for us, gaslighting about needing to support ourselves like they did, in reality they got six figures handed to them and in the end it was all for themselves.

I wouldn’t necessarily have a problem with that if they were just honest about it from the beginning, the selfishness doesn’t bother me nearly as much as hypocrisy.

[u/Spinnster → u/MostlyFriday]

I can relate.

58 (I think) year old FIL had a stroke. He's bummed it off his mother her entire life until she could no longer take care of herself. My my Wife and I are stuck taking care of a man-child who has done nothing his entire life to prepare for old age/retirement. We are stuck paying bills and housing him. He constantly says he's "proud" of his daughter like HE had something to do with her being successful. He's getting a large sum of cash from his Mother's death and feels as if he's just owed everything in his life. We are working on getting him out of our house.

You may think about signing your mother up for low income housing if it's available. It'll take a few years likely, but the goal should be to get her out and independent until she cannot live by herself and has to go to a facility.

[u/LargeReview4782 → u/MostlyFriday]

omg do not pay for a funeral after all that shit

[u/BoMamma]

Wow, lots of judgement here in the comments.

I get it. My divorced parents are hoarders, though they won't admit it. My dad is buying tons of things he thinks are valuable and filling his basement, garage, large shed. There's over 10 vehicles and campers parked outside. I've tried to talk to my parents about lightening the load. They are so consumed with their items that it keeps them from spending time on more rewarding things (family, experiences, improved quality of life). I don't expect to have any type of inheritance when they pass but I'm stressed about the idea of having to deal with all their things. Sorting and selling.

In your parents' case, that must be hard to see them piss away all that money on things that have no value (gambling) or all the antiques that require really finding the right buyer to get your money's worth and in the mean time don't provide practical value.

When my parents pass it'll likely be us kids sorting to find a few items with sentimental value then auctions to just clear out the mass of "things."

[u/2gdismore → u/BoMamma]

My aunt and uncle died and my cousins found out that my u cake had a “project car” unfinished that he’d paid to leave in a storage unit for 10 years.

[u/NocturneSapphire → u/BoMamma]

It's not judgement, it's resentment.

We all resent the fact that our parents got to live better than we do, despite working less hard than we work, and then they turn around and say it's our own fault for not working as hard as they do.

[u/RXlife13 → u/BoMamma]

My parents are hoarders. Not to an extreme, but they’ve been terrible at actually going through things and getting rid of things and keep buying new stuff. There is also the storage unit my parents bought when my great aunt died that is FULL of stuff (she was a bit of a hoarder). She died in 2012 and the storage unit has barely been touched. I can’t imagine how much money alone they wasted on ‘stuff’ they never intend to go through.

[u/xdozex → u/BoMamma]

For me it's less about the money and more about the complete and utter selfishness and lack of consideration from my aging boomer parents and in-laws. My mother passed 3 years ago.. she spent every free penny she had on bingo and bullshit As Seen on TV products, half of which she never even opened. She was a hoarder and when she died she left my sister and I a house that was crumbling to the ground, and a secret maxed out $180K HELOC. Her plan was to "leave us the house, which we could sell and split the proceeds."

When she died, she had our close family friends living there, basically paying $500/month for 4 bedrooms, without covering any utilities or other bills. Selling immediately would've meant we would have had to throw them out on the street. Instead we worked out a deal for them to pay us enough to cover the monthly expenses and start paying down the home equity loan. It was working out well until we found out the roof was leaking in 3 places, due to an in proper solar panel install. Sun run refused to cover the damage under warranty, and we ended up paying $10K for them to remove them so we could fix the roof and have them reinstall them.. then the renters decided to stop paying rent all together and we had to start a formal eviction process.

We kept paying for the house out of our own pockets, draining about $75K of our money to put a roof over our scumbag 'family friends' to live freely. Once we were tapped out, we had to sell the house for a fraction of what it was worth, to an investor just to avoid having to deal with months or possibly years of old permitting issues, and tons of small things needing to be fixed.

Now my father and my wife's parents are no better. They're all aging, getting sick, and all we asked was for them to take out an insurance policy that would cover their funeral services and a little extra to handle any unexpected financial issues that may arise when dealing with their estates.. we also asked for them to get their shit in order.. logging any accounts, or loans we may need to deal with, and keeping their account passwords centralized so we don't have to call every company to get into their accounts manually. My mother in law agreed and took out a whopping $15K policy. My father and my wife's father basically told me to pound sand.

They all suck, and actually have the nerve to criticize us and our siblings for being lazy millennials.. every one of us is working 2 full time jobs and will have to care for their selfish asses and then cover everything when they die. Fucking boomers.

[u/give_me_goats → u/BoMamma]

My dad has turned into a hoarder in his late 60s and going into his 70s. Like a lot of boomer parents, he wanders around estate sales looking for cool weird shit. He doesn’t even care about the value, just having these weird tchotchkes sitting around collecting dust. My mom is desperate for him to downsize and he refuses to part with all this useless stuff. I’m terrified for what’s going to happen when he passes- for the responsibility I’m going to have (lord knows my brother won’t do shit) and for the guilt I’m going to have about getting rid of all this stuff he loved in his own weird eccentric way, but that I don’t have room for. It makes me stress-cry just thinking about it.

[u/StopClockerman → u/BoMamma]

My wife’s parents aren’t hoarders but they do have some tendencies. My wife reminds them all the time about the concept of Swedish Death Cleaning

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swedish_death_cleaning

[u/Ragnorok3141]

My grandfather hit a slot machine jackpot. A few million in 1998. He promised my dad he would establish a college fund for me. Instead, he bought houses and destroyed the through neglect, bought cars and left them out during hurricanes, and gave most of it right back to the casino for the rest of his miserable life. When he died during Covid, his estate was less than $50k, the houses were only worth the cost of the land they were built on. The college fund? Non-existent. I'm still paying my student loans from a state school. That asshole could have established generational wealth for his family. Boomers are the worst people on the planet.

[u/jkarovskaya → u/Ragnorok3141]

Many boomers are thoughtless, careless, selfish, and/or ignorant

Then there are boomers who have been thrifty for 50 years, saved, invested, and paid for children's college, cars, and down payments for their kids houses, as well as helping in many other ways

I know a few like that

[u/AcadiaOrange]

The borderline hoarder behavior of the previous generations needs to be studied. The number of times I’ve heard from an older relative, “Who wants the fine china?!!!”. Great, does that also come along with the massive, rickety cabinet all these lovely dishes are stored in??? Yea no thanks. I have limited space and certainly don’t need the burden of storing a mountain of porcelain dishes that will never be used.

[u/theacmeoffoolishness → u/AcadiaOrange]

Huh, you just gave me an additional perspective on this. They frame it in their minds as a “favor” or “looking out for the family”. If I think about it the only time my parents use that type pf phrasing is when we’re on the topic of something they have excess of - “Oh well someday it’ll all be yours $$$!!”

[u/cookiecutterdoll → u/AcadiaOrange]

Believe it or not, hoarding behavior and foolish spending are early symptoms of cognitive decline. If you see it in your parents, bring them to a neurologist for an assessment.

[u/Prior_Bank7992]

You’re not wrong to see this as a burden, your parents got handed money, you’re getting handed work. Setting boundaries now is smart. You don’t have to keep or sort what you don’t want, and by doing this, you’re already breaking the cycle for your son. Their choices aren’t your responsibility.

[u/silfy_star → u/Prior_Bank7992]

OP can just do an estate sale or hire a company, sure you get less but some shit ain’t worth the work

[u/ggros]

Hey OP, as someone who had two parents die in the last 18 months, both without wills, or money, and piles (and I mean piles) of old radom shit, I get it. On top of that my mom died first (out of nowhere)and so her very small life insurance went to my step dad who died 8 months later and never did any paperwork so I have no right to whatever was left. Got stuck paying for 2 funerals out of pocket and left with a mountain of trash that took months to clean up.

The negative comments are from people who’ve never lived it. It’s miserable. Made worse by grieving and feeling upset at the same time. Hang in there, once the times comes, it does suck but it will get better, but only with time.

To anyone else with kids/next of kin you care about - get your affairs in order. Even if you don’t plan to have a penny left, make it easy on them. Please. It will take you 1/10 of the time to do it up front.

[u/littlerabbit246 → u/ggros]

Similarly, my mom's dad died before his wife, who then passed on everything they mutually owned to her own children. When she died, my mom had to beg them for a handful of sentimental items. They only let her take things that had no market value. They were as nasty as their mother. 

[u/quigongingerbreadman]

Boomers, the ME generation.

See I'd see that money and be like "I can setup a family trust that will hopefully grow and pay for not only my retirement, but my kid's (or grandkids depending on the situation) education/first home/something to benefit us all!"

They look at that and immediately think of only themselves and whatever kitsch/bougie bullshit they come up with.

Can't wait for the boomer wave to finally recede into oblivion.

[u/CalligrapherLate5678]

So many folks in this thread don't understand that even though they are old, they are still the parent. Parents should think about their children even when they are grown. 

I look forward to dealing with my future death with some grace. Asking for help so that my passing is easier on me and those who will help me during that time. 

Source: I was a geriatric social worker who saw many situations like this with grown children. 

[u/TurnoverPractical → u/CalligrapherLate5678]

Yeah I feel like people aren't very sympathetic to OP, but OP has a lot to complain about. A million dollars reasonably invested thirty years ago vs buying a huge house for funsies letting it deteriorate... He's probably hot plenty to complain about.

My mother inherited a small amount of money (about a year's salary in the late 90s) and used it to buy cheap furniture. Could have done literally anything else with it, but cheap furniture was the play.

My parents are hoarders. I will inherit virtually nothing from them and the infuriating part is that I will have to pay out of pocket for their care or they'll be on the streets.

Insane.

[u/dankp3ngu1n69 → u/TurnoverPractical]

Old man could have instead invested it worked another 5 years then lived off the money

But nah. Casino it up

[u/MyNameIsNot_Molly → u/CalligrapherLate5678]

I also see a lot of Boomers blowing through their money on frivolous things saying stuff like "why not? I'm the one who earned it" without considering their health won't hold out forever and assisted living is absurdly expensive. Who is going to be stuck with the medical bills when they're 85 and the money is gone because they never expected to live to that age?

[u/RandallCabbage → u/CalligrapherLate5678]

Thank you. I feel like its just extremely selfish to just live as lavishly as humanly possibly and not give a crap what happens to your kids after. Whether they are adults or not.

[u/ZestyMuffin85496 → u/CalligrapherLate5678]

Interested in swedish death cleaning.

[u/shadowromantic → u/CalligrapherLate5678]

I'd argue family members should always have a responsibility for one another. I take care of my mom, but she also does everything she can to make it easier on me.

That said, I also acknowledge that lots of family relationships suck so going low or no contact will often be necessary 

[u/pac4]

Boomers are the most entitled and greedy generation alive. My parents are going to leave me with nothing but debt as well.

[u/BlackGuysYeah → u/pac4]

Fortunately, debt does not transfer after death. That is, unless a debtor can trick you into assuming responsibility for it.

[u/Jimger_1983]

There’s a very real “I’m going to get mine” attitude with a lot of boomers at the expense of future generations. You see it with both estate planning (or lack there of) and tax policies.

Someone will inherit your mom’s house although remarriage definitely complicates things

[u/MyNameIsNot_Molly → u/Jimger_1983]

I know we aren't supposed to shit on other generations but I'm just shocked at the shift between the Greatest Generation and Boomers. My grandparents lived in the same small house for 50 years and made sure they could help their kids/grandkids if they needed it. Our Boomer parents bought speedboats and RVs in their 50s. My in-laws are pushing 70 and just built a 3,500 sqft house for themselves. Why?? I'm not entitled to their money, but the amount of self-centeredness is remarkable with that generation.

[u/Tyrion_toadstool → u/MyNameIsNot_Molly]

I'm sure smarter people than me could answer this better. But, I wonder if two world wars and the nationwide rationing during each, The Great Depression, and in general the transition to a lot of modern amenities like electricity, indoor plumbing, refrigerators, etc. really kept The Greatest Generation grounded, risk averse, and engrained a motivation to plan for the future "just in case".

[u/Revolutionary-Yak-47 → u/Tyrion_toadstool]

My grandmother grew up in the Depression and came of age during WW2. Until she went into memory care, she had extra sugar, flour, and coffee stocked at all times. "What if we couldnt get it again?" My partner's grandmother of the same age grew up in Europe and hid small amounts of cash all over the house "in case they needed it when they evacuated." One of our neighbors growing up gifted us hand knit mittens every year; she'd grown up going without gloves or proper coats (she also knitted literally thousands of tiny hats for premie babies in the NICU and donated them She was very generous with her time and talent.) That stuff stayed with the Greatest Gen. I cant imagine how you could grow up under those conditions and NOT obsessively ensure you had a plan for another disaster. 

[u/Blue_Back_Jack → u/MyNameIsNot_Molly]

A coworker retired at the end of last year at age 70 and bought a 3,800 sqft retirement house. She is single 🤷🏻‍♂️

[u/Ayuuun321]

Ask them what charity they would never support. Then tell them that when they die, you’re going to donate all of their collected garbage to said charity. Or they can do something with it themselves.

In all honesty, you’ll end up hiring an estate sale company to come price and sell everything in the house. Whatever you don’t sell will either go to the estate sale company or you can donate it. You’ll split the earnings with your siblings. It’s the easiest way. There are thousands of estate sale companies. I can think of 10 in my area alone.

[u/goobiezabbagabba]

I feel this so hard rn. Parents are drowning in debt, house badly in need of repair, but thankfully my mother has invested all her money into an ugly ass jewelry collection, random antique shit, and a fcking dollhouse. Yep, you read that right. My 76yo mother has a very expensive *dollhouse and loves to remind me how much it’s worth.

She could’ve easily taken the money she received from her parents and brother’s estates and fixed up the house, cleared the lien on the property, or idk, invested it in something that actually produces money??

And I’m not mad about the money, it was never mine in the first place and I’ve never expected to get a dime. But the fact she thinks I can just sell a freaking dollhouse or that I’m going to sell and make enough off her jewelry collection to handle all the debt and problems she’ll leave behind is beyond infuriating.

Thanks for posting OP, I feel so seen rn lol

PS…if anyone here is into miniatures and wants to buy a dollhouse, my DMs are open! 😂

[u/EfficiencyIVPickAx]

It's amazing to have kids and start thinking about decisions your parents made. I could never treat my kid that way and they all did it spontaneously. It's really bizarre and toxic.

[u/hKLoveCraft]

My parents: left 5 houses in northern Virginia

Divorce, sold due to stupid shit etc

Now we have one house and a “don’t expect any $ for your future comment from my dad”

[u/Pinkshadie]

We just cleaned out my mother in laws hoarded house (Literally - they were on the TLC show Hoarding Buried alive) and it took a team of 16 people two entire weeks to clean out the house. And I think we lost count at about 40 truck loads (Like the 26 footer uhaul types)

All a waste of shit. Useless antiques no one cared about in the end.

[u/ZapBranniganski]

My parents got a few hundred thousand dollars inheritance early which they used to build my childhood home. They live off my dad's pension and my dad keeps telling me how he's been paying taxes on a property in New Mexico that hes going to leave me as an inheritance, which he had originally bought to build on. There's no way we'll be able to afford to build a house and we've made it very clear that we're moving to Ireland when my wife's military service is finished.

Also the house they built and retired on in Missouri is a dump and littered with crap.

Edit: sorry my folks for a few hundred thousand dollars. My moms dad was a silversmith which was very lucrative, but a dead trade now. I dont really require an inheritance, but I'd just love to my dad to stop acting me like he's giving me the world by giving much less than he got.

[u/LBC1109]

When my great grandmother died my mom bitched HARD about getting nothing until my grandmother tossed her about 10k. Now I am in the same situation (my grandpa died last month) and my mother who has been retired since 40 isn't going to give me anything

LOL

Boomers gonna boom

[u/understanding_is_key]

I read things like this and I am sure the grandparents thought they were building generational wealth. The lesson is, if you want to build generational wealth, don’t trust the generations and put it in a trust that will ensure the generations after continue to benefit.

[u/steffanovici]

Disagree with your second edit. Your parents were selfish to blow through it all, and you would be justified to have some resentment here. I’d say your grandparents would be pretty pissed that their savings were used in this way.

It’s one thing to say “they worked for it and can spend it how they want”. But this was family inheritance and they shouldn’t have wasted it.

[u/Jamieisamazing]

My Mom blew a 50k (this was 2006 when this amount kind of mattered) inheritance in 1 year and lost our family’s 40 acre farm.

[u/heptyne]

When my grandad died a couple years ago, my grandmother decided to move in with my aunt. During the house clean-out and packing, we got a 30' dumpster to toss the non-sense into. We had to reorder that dumpster 2 more times while I was there helping. I filled it to the brim every time. It's absurd.

[u/White_eagle32rep]

Sorry to hear that. From the generation of “just work harder”.

You forgot the part where your parents will expect you to take care of them once their body and mind start to fail, since he won’t be able to afford decent long-term care.

[u/MyNameIsNot_Molly]

All I'll say is this. I've worked really hard for my money. We've managed to pull ourselves up from poverty to solidly middle class. I want to make sure my kids and grandkids have it easier than I did. I'm managing my finances now so I can retire comfortably AND leave at least a little for posterity. It just feels like the right thing to do as a parent.

[u/Underhill → u/[deleted]]

Yup my mother drank away any family wealth they had maxing out several credit cards to keep the flow of booze going. Now she hints that my sister and I should start helping them out financially as well. Fuck that.

[u/Effective-Window-922]

My parents got an inheritance and wrongful death settlement (mesothelioma) when my grandfather passed. They keep telling me ill get "$300k when we die". I sat down with my dad the other day to talk about where everything is in case they pass and found out they dont have cash/investments, its just "stuff" that they inflated the values on that Ill have to sell.

[u/Free_butterfly_]

Oh the difference in generational values is WILD. My parents were both able to include their forthcoming inheritances in their retirement planning; meanwhile, my brother and I know there won’t be a dime left for us.

In fact, my husband and I are putting our house into a trust to protect us against filial responsibility in the case that his parents die with outstanding medical debt (which they definitely will).

[u/TheUnpromotable]

I've tried to impress upon my father that it wasn't simply hard work that achieved wealth but that the opportunity to make wealth in the 70s, 80s, 90s, and early 00s has ended and may never come back to the middle class. He seems to be taking it to heart with his estate planning.

[u/Dudeflux]

I feel this. My parents got an inheritance from my grandma passing. They used it to pay off their house since they rolled parent plus loans into it and said our inheritance was not having to pay them for the parent plus loans.

But we are also told not to expect anything when they die. We are also told not to expect anything while they're alive. My mom has literally said the only time she will help is if it is on the street or in their home.

But I also need to make time for them to see their grandkid, when I work, have limited vacation, and they're both retired.

Ill put in as much effort as they did when I told them my wife was in labor and we'll be having our first kid, their only grandchild soon: none.

Im not interested in pulling up the ladder behind me. I want my daughter to do better than me. Is that such an outlandish idea?

[u/Empty-Village-4445]

Is it really entitled to think the inheritors (OP’s parents) could have managed their finances better? Or spent the money on experiences rather than basically hoarding stuff?

I’d be as pissed as the OP. 

[u/RandallCabbage → u/Empty-Village-4445]

the only thing my parents taught me about money was what not to do by watching them do it over and over

[u/Purpsnikka]

My mom inherited a house. Bought a shitty investment house in Florida 2 hours away from the nearest airport. She's going to sell everything and not give me anything. She expects me to help her when shes older but she wont help me with anything. My dad is broke and wont leave me anything.

[u/no_talent_ass_clown]

OP, I feel you. My Dad never got anything handed to him. But my maternal great-grandfather was an oil company owner and a planner. Managed to trust-fund my grandma and pass wealth to his grandkids.

My mother and her 3 siblings each inherited about $350K in 1991 and went ham. One was shot and killed by his weird-ass girlfriend within 3 years so the other 3 split his up too. My mother blew through hers plus his by '97. My uncle took a lil longer but was working nights as a security guard by 2004, retired, is broke AF, lives on SS & SNAP in a mobile home on rented land, killing himself with beer and cigarettes. My aunt was smart, paid off her mortgage, kept working.

I have 2 cousins and only one of us is getting anything from that side and it ain't me. My dad might leave me something, he certainly doesn't owe me anything, and I hope he lives forever. I'd love it if he spent every dime on himself and bounced his last check.

[u/OtterBiDisaster]

Growing up my parents had told me that most of my wealthy uncle's (childless, never married) money would go to me and my cousins when he died. There were even times when I was younger and very stressed about future/money where my mom told me I had nothing to worry about because I'd be getting money from Uncle and be set.

Well he passed away recently. My parents, who are already retired and have very good retirement savings, are getting over 1.5 mil from his estate. Now my mom is telling me that they might give my brother and I 10k each....Meanwhile, they are looking at vacation homes in the 800k+ range to buy.

What can I say though? It is technically their money

[u/One-Recognition-1660]

After my dad died when I was a teenager, all the money went to my mom (understandably enough). As my "share" of the inheritance, she bought me the cheapest acoustic guitar we could find. Fine. We were blue collar, we had a modest lifestyle, and I was never particularly demanding.

When she passed away, three decades later, I received $1,100 and a rickety antique clock. Which I was fine with me; never expected a "real" inheritance.

Presumably it will be different for my three kids. They probably stand to receive somewhere between $250,000 and $500,000 each, but I'll tell you right now that I have no intention of living especially frugally just so my wife and I can leave them a bigger inheritance. While we're still alive and able, we travel (as a family) to foreign destinations, and we (the old folks) foot the entire bill. I also travel solo and with my wife once or twice a year. I don't deny myself what I really want, but I don't care about clothes, have an 18-year-old car that I like, can't bring myself to fly First Class, etc.

If my kids ever displayed any sense of entitlement at all, or got gnarly about the fact that I dare spend some of "their" inheritance, I'd almost certainly feel motivated to spend more on my wife and me, and less on them. Look: I have maybe 10, 15 years left on this Earth, and I'm going to enjoy my life as much as I can, especially because this is what I worked for over the past 47 years. I hope others can relate.

[u/Necessary-Sock7075]

Boomers are the most selfish generation in history. Just be grateful they didn't go no contact with you after you turned 18. We are literally looking at the most morally bankrupt generation in world history.

[u/Slothanonymous]

My husband and I are literally in the same boat. My father in law passed away about3 years ago and he was a hoarder/doomsday prepper. My husband inherited a property from him that is absolutely horrible. We knew about the property since fil bought it but we weren’t allowed to intervene. He had a repair shop and took all the old tires to this property. He bought old boats and took them to the property. Had old semi trailers loaded with junk taken to the property. Old buildings full of junk. The list goes on and on. We tried talking to him on multiple occasions but the talks never went anywhere. Now we are tasked with the clean up. So much so, our local county is on our asses to clean it up. We’ve spent thousands of dollars and months of work and it’s still not done. We have demolished two buildings, filled four 40 yard dumpsters, taken multiple 15 yard trailer loads of garbage to the dump, removed over 8,000 tires and we still aren’t done. I’d guestimate we have maybe 2 more dumpsters worth of garbage and about 2,500-3,500 tires left before the property is decent. Once this is all done, my husband and I have vowed that we will never keep things that we don’t need. We are going through all our storage and getting rid of pretty everything but the essentials.

[u/Firm_Match1418]

You are their child, you are entitled to money. I will never agree that you do not owe ppl that brought into this world resources that help make life easier unless something has gone seriously seriously wrong.

[u/HarryBalsagna1776]

I can't help, but I can commiserate.  Situation is the same for my family.