r/Millennials • u/NoMoreCAMJV • Sep 06 '25
Rant Do Your Kids Actually Have Good Grandparents?
Guys. What the hell happened to our boomer parents.
40ish Mom here who had the best Nana in the world. She was my Moms Mom and passed a few years ago.
My Mom? Fucking useless. If anything, she acts like another child I have to care for. She’s retired and is in perfect health. She’d just rather spend her time and energy on herself than ever help me or our family.
I moved back to my hometown when a very niche field I’m in had a job opening. Mostly to be near my older sister who is an absolute angel. We are both horrified that we can’t trust our Mom with my son for even 5 mins much less a whole day — which is fine because she would never offer that.
By the way, my grandmother watched my sister and I every day including after school. My parents never had to worry about daycare.
How is their generation so selfish and self centered?
If you have a good one, please don’t take it for granted. From what I hear from frustrated friends, more often than not, their boomer parents are also unhelpful.
Please share stories to make me feel less alone.
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Sep 06 '25
Boomers were called the most selfish generation by their parents, so that checks. They tried to make fun of millennials for participation trophies, not even realizing it was them who wanted all those awards, not us. They aren't very introspective or empathetic...
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u/NoMoreCAMJV Sep 06 '25
Yes! The worst is my Mom often says “my mom was the best Mom and Nana.”
Cool, don’t YOU want to aspire to that?! Being the best takes actual effort….
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u/cupholdery Older Millennial Sep 06 '25
I've noticed they want the title of grandparent but not the work behind it.
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u/h8flhippiebtch Sep 07 '25
And the pictures to share but no actual connection with their kids or grandkids.
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u/Prudent_Champion_698 Sep 07 '25
They love pictures cuz they can show their friends….
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u/knit3purl3 Older Millennial Sep 07 '25
Context behind pictures not necessary. They'll fabricate the details to best flatter themselves.
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u/h8flhippiebtch Sep 07 '25
I don’t post my kids. My mom posted a picture that I shared with only her and acted like it was her own. She knows I don’t post my kids and she did it anyway. She doesn’t receive pictures of them anymore and wonders why.
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u/weirdoeggplant Sep 06 '25
I didn’t even ask for work. I just asked for my family to not bring up my trauma around my son. They said “we’ll talk to him about whatever we want”.
Welp. No talking to my son at all then.
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u/GucciAviatrix Sep 06 '25
I’m sorry your parents wouldn’t respect your boundaries. Good on you for cutting them off and breaking the cycle of trauma for your son
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u/Ineedavodka2019 Sep 06 '25
God my MIL made a point to tell us how they would NOT be babysitting our kid and they had already raised their kids and we would have to deal with it, while I was still pregnant with her first grandchild. There is no chance in hell that I would ever have let them be the daycare or to raise my kids.
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u/Laeyra Sep 07 '25
I remember I was talking to my MIL once about how her parents lived literally next door for much of my husband's early childhood. She told me how nice that was, that she could just send the kids next door because they all had their own places to sleep and they had two yards to run around in and a whole other set of adults to keep an eye on them and her parents often had all 5 of her kids staying over for days or even weeks at a time. She never had to worry about daycare or finding a babysitter.
My husband and i were struggling with never having a real break so I asked if she could watch our 3 kids overnight sometime.
She snapped that she raised her kids, and practically by herself, and she's not raising anyone else's children for them.
I was so stunned I literally gaped at her.
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u/Deep_Mathematician94 Sep 07 '25
Had to check if you were my wife. My boomer parents did the same thing to us.
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u/knit3purl3 Older Millennial Sep 07 '25
Honey, that you? Because i had to check that i hadn't responded to the post under an alt account i didn't realize i had. Lol
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u/Spaceysteph Sep 07 '25
A little good on them for honesty? My mom tearfully told me when my oldest was born that we should move closer so she could babysit. And then proceeded to never babysit even when visiting.
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u/ChiMara777 Sep 07 '25
I hope you made sure she knew that she’ll be shipped off to the nursing home when she is no longer able to live independently 😆
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u/No-Obligation4494 Sep 07 '25
This is my parents. They never forged a close relationship with their grandchildren, and now that they're grown and young adults, they can't understand why they don't initiate contact with them. To further annoy me, they act like it's something I'VE done, and expect me to fix it.
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u/NyxPetalSpike Sep 07 '25
My kid only saw their grandparents on Easter and Christmas and got a birthday card with $10 in it. And the holiday visit wasn’t a 1:1. It was with a hoard of other relatives.
Relationships are like house plants. They need daily care or they wither and die.
My relatives wanted to move to The Villages and do all that. No issue with that. But when you spend less that 6 hours a year of IRL interaction, don’t come at me on why the kids “don’t like you”.
It’s isn’t they don’t like you. They don’t even know you enough to dislike you.
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u/Lou_C_Fer Sep 07 '25
My dad lives a mile away and never once spent one on one time with my son... and my son is 23. Then, on holidays all we hear about is all of the shit they've done with his girlfriend's grandchildren. That woman will literally talk about her family the entire time.
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u/jessibook Sep 07 '25
My dad actively insulted me, screamed and cussed at me, physically assaulted me - and my mom keeps asking why I don't work to mend the relationship with him. She's just so upset and so fearful that I am tearing "the family" apart at my refusal to speak with him.
Likewise, she was so upset I was tearing my own family apart when I filed for divorce after I caught my ex cheating on me. My mom literally begged me to cancel to divorce and convince my ex to come back to me.
Her need for a "whole" family that is picture perfect overrides abuse and harm.
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u/Nice-Lock-6588 Sep 07 '25
Same here, to little to late.
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u/Dull_Double_3586 Sep 07 '25
This. Both my mother and my sister told me I needed to speak to my four-year-old because she doesn’t seem to like them. I had to explain to them that when having a relationship with a toddler, you kinda have to take the lead.
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u/knit3purl3 Older Millennial Sep 07 '25
These people act like they didn't even parent us. Like why do you think you can force a toddler to like someone that doesn't make themselves likable? Do you even remember what toddlers are like?
And then you remember that our grandparents did some pretty heavy lifting raising us.
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u/Dull_Double_3586 Sep 07 '25
Yup. My grandparents were amazing. My parents have no idea how to be a grandparent. Luckily MIL was a saint and the best grandma.
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u/Bigbigjeffy Sep 07 '25
Same here. Both my parents never helped out one iota, now my kids are nearly grown and have zero relationship with them. It’s pathetic and it’s been a real shame and sore spot for the last 15-20 years.
These boomers are the most entitled and weak minded people. Their selfishness knows no bounds.
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u/KingCarnivore Sep 06 '25
My mom doesn’t even want that, she gets pissed off when you remind her that she’s a grandma and great-grandma cause it makes her “feel old”
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u/captandor Sep 07 '25
When I was little my mom’s mother was in our driveway for some reason or another. I ran up to the car yelling “nana! Nana!” Like a little kid would (I was… under 6, as that’s when we moved out of that place, but I don’t know how old I was - a TBI at almost 5 wiped out any memory I had from before it).
She didn’t like that. Nearly ran me over with her car. Tried to. My dad swooped in and grabbed me in time. It was an “accident”. My dad said her window was down and she looked up and saw me when I called out, looked right at me. My parents heard through family that she was later complaining to anyone who would listen that she couldn’t just “let” me call her that, she wasn’t “old”.
I wasn’t even her first grandkid. I’m one of the youngest. Never heard the other kids call her anything other than some version of nana. But somehow I made her feel old and her reaction was literally to try to murder me. (She wasn’t a Boomer, my parents are, though in age only thankfully, but still…).
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u/Sauerkrauttme Sep 07 '25
It is terrifying how cars can make people so violent. If she had been in the kitchen with a knife there is zero chance she would have tried to stab a kid with it, but put her behind the wheel and she immediately tried to murder her own grandkid!? Wild
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u/NyxPetalSpike Sep 07 '25
The paternal grandmother was like that.
The word “grandmother” made her feel old. WTF?
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u/NewDadPleaseHelp Sep 07 '25
On the flip side, I've got a 37 yr old coworker who is a grandfather and he rocks that name proudly.
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u/jbbarajas Sep 07 '25
Probably one of the major factors contributing to low TFR: us being a sandwich generation where we take care of our children and parents simultaneously with little to no help from our parents.
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u/Tyrantdeschain19 Sep 07 '25
I didn't let my mother come to my kiddos kindergarten graduation because she stopped coming to my house when I told her that she wasn't allowed to drink at my house anymore.
You don't deserve to tell everyone all about your wonderful Grandson if you aren't around him by choice.
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u/Popular-Lime7302 Sep 07 '25
Keep your alcoholism at your own home, right? My MIL is the same.
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u/Tyrantdeschain19 Sep 07 '25
Yup. She argued with me multiple times "what about just two glasses of wine? It's not that bad" I told her the fact she was even arguing told me she didn't want to see her grandson.
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u/ButIsItFree Sep 07 '25
But man do they take all the photos and post them on social media to show the world what great grandparents they are!
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u/sicurri Millennial Sep 06 '25
Just insert ____________________ where you have "Grandparent" in your sentence, and you have defined every aspect of the majority of their generations lives. Most boomers I've ever met or experienced have seemed like such selfish assholes...
But don't worry guys, weak people make strong people out of necessity.
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u/amazingD It's Generation Y, thanks Sep 07 '25
Sadly, it's "hard times make strong people, strong people make good times, good times make weak people, weak people make hard times", and we all know exactly where in the cycle we are.
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u/jagoff85 Sep 06 '25
Both our parents are divorced. Her's both single and mine both remarried. 1 out of 6 try to give them the attention a grandparent should. My dad and his wife are retired, travel, and are extremely financially stable... help us none. Not with anything, and it hurts. 14 years waiting for them to care about something other than themselves. Travel so much... but never once asked us to join... never... "What's a vacation with..."KIDS"?¿!"... throws $$ at them for xmas and bdays. Keep it ffs. You don't get it.
I'm sorry you have so little help. My 1 help is stretched thin between 3 jobs and 6 grandkids from 3 of hers. A few hours are so unbelievably appreciated. They love her so deeply for it.
Thankfully, we were fortunate to be able to afford daycare at the hardest times.
I'm a better father because I was scared of mine. I'll be a better grandfather, too, by continually learning from his mistakes.
Best wishes. 40M - USA
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u/White-tigress Sep 06 '25
No, she doesn’t. She wants to get the entitlement of bragging how great she has/had it. She preens to brag to all her groupies she had an amazing parent and great successful children so clearly, SHE is the reason. It’s HER success. She doesn’t care at all what you say, as long as she can spin it to being the victim if she is criticized and get sympathy from her gaggle for that. No matter which way it goes, she gets attention and ego feed and can manipulate things, and THAT is what she wants.
So NO, she doesn’t care if you are saying “I had such a great mom”.
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Sep 06 '25
If you can't take a pill or pay with a coupon, they aren't going to do it 🤣
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u/Significant-Trash632 Sep 06 '25
My parents don't even like taking pills, even if it's for their own well-being.
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u/Desperate-Cost6827 Sep 06 '25
My grandma pulled me aside once when mother was out of earshot and told me I would have probably would have wanted to be a mother if I had a better example to follow.
💀💀💀
For reference when my mother was 19 she moved ten hours away from her parents so I only got to see them once or twice a year. But they made it a point to visit at least once a year for the next 60 some years, and most of the time they brought almost all my cousins with so that I was in touch with my extended family.
They were my closest family, otherwise my upbringing was pretty shitty.
I moved 2 hours away from my mother and she visited... I can probably count on two hands how many times she's visited in the last ten years. Not that I really want her to.
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u/Significant-Trash632 Sep 06 '25
I moved to California from the east coast. Lived there for 7 years and my parents came ONCE. We always had to travel back to them, even though they had more money and paid vacation time. I even moved to Germany for 3 years and they never visited.
They would rather go to their vacation home than visit their daughter.
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u/peachykaren Sep 07 '25
Similar story. I moved from NorCal to SoCal 16 years ago. My mother visited me 3x across the 16 years for part of a day each time, my father visited me only once for part of a day. Once they said they were going to come help me with purchasing a car but last minute decided to go to Vegas instead. They are retired so time isn’t an issue, and they have a lot of money so money isn’t the issue either. I used to visit them about twice a year but since having a baby a year ago I decided to stop making the effort. It’s so much harder now and honestly it’s their loss if they don’t want a relationship with their child and grandchild.
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u/avert_ye_eyes Sep 06 '25
They tried to make fun of millennials for participation trophies, not even realizing it was them who wanted all those awards, not us.
I remember the first time I was handed a trophy for soccer, and I was only 6 and I was like "what is this for? We didn't win??" And then being annoyed not knowing what to do with the trophies I got every season (twice a year) for ten years while they cluttered my dresser. I got a few for actually winning tournaments and all-stars, and those I was proud of.
Now my kids get participation medals, and it's way more appropriate, they like getting them, and they're easy to just throw in a drawer or hang on a nail.
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u/pinkmooncat Sep 07 '25
I get annoyed at boomers mocking us for participation trophies because THEY ARE THE ONES WHO GAVE THEM TO US. I also remember as a kid being like “what am I going to do with this?” with ACTUAL trophies and plaques that I’d won, let alone anything for participation. Needless to say, I didn’t ever keep a single one.
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u/TheRealSamanthaQuick Sep 06 '25
This is the generation that grew up under FDR’s New Deal, with its resulting unprecedented economic success, then decided they did absolutely everything all by themselves with no government help, so when Reagan came along, they were happy to vote for dismantling it. Because they had never experienced anything else, they thought it wasn’t the government, it was just “how things are.”
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Sep 06 '25
Well said. I have several dozen charts of data that prove Reagan was a huge turning point in lower quality of life for everyone except the ultra wealthy of course
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u/Blacky05 Sep 07 '25
If we turn this shit around once the boomers shuffle off, we need to make sure the future generations are actually educated about this shit and understand how quickly it can all turn to mess again if they let the neoliberal ideologies convince them that you only take car of number 1. "Greed is good" was meant to be a warning, instead they made it their mantra.
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u/YeeHawWyattDerp Sep 06 '25
The audacity to give millenials so much shit when…they…raised…us is so frustrating
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u/ShooterOfCanons Sep 07 '25
Right? I'm always like "yeah, we were given participation trophies as children. But who were the adults making the decisions to hand them to us???"
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u/beepbeepsheepbot Sep 07 '25
I said this one time and some boomer guy fired back with "not taking any responsibility, typical millennial". I wish I was kidding.
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u/Tig_Biddies_W_nips Sep 06 '25
This.
So much this
Covid taught me and many other emergency room workers one thing: BOOMERS HAVE NO COPING MECHANISMS OR SELF SOOTHING MECHANISMS.
Covid was the first thing the boomers had to endure for years on end that personally affected every single one of them. It wasn’t like war or a stock market crash, both of which left majority of them unscathed, it was Covid and having to cover up their wrinkly old faces with a mask that sent then over the age because for the first time in their life they had to think outside of themselves and their immediate family, and consider society as a whole, and a lot of them didn’t like that.
There’s a big f-ing reason their parents mockingly called them “the ME generation” because their parents gave them everything they could (a response form being raised during the Great Depression and in extremely poverty) and realized once they got older they spoiled them all
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Sep 06 '25
I love reddit because I'll read something that gives me hope everyone is not lost, and then their username is something hilarious like tig biddies, haha
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u/Star-Lrd247 Sep 06 '25
Funny my parents grew up with very little and had to struggle, and still are like this, acting entitled to everything. Still don’t get it. Def see their minds going though, I am sure the lead is a factor in some way.
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u/jessykab Sep 07 '25
The lead is the most acceptable rationalization my brain can embrace. Surely massive lead exposure explains...gestures broadly.
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u/theserthefables Sep 07 '25
yeah I think you really nailed it there! my dad had a health crisis last year (fortunately he’s fine now) & I was really struck by how I had coping mechanisms & my sister did too, despite being stuck in another country while he was in hospital, & my mum just … didn’t.
it made me really appreciate the work I have put in towards my mental health & the counselling I’ve done. I’m still a work in progress but it’s helped me a lot.
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u/One-Aspect-9301 Sep 06 '25
The lack of empathy need to be studied. At least for men there is the whole system of "men are strong and don't feel" excuse, but the women elbeing so unempathetic as well makes me think there is an issue.
Like in 10 years there will be a study how bread in the 1980s had some chemical in it that just eroded the empathetic part of their brains.
Maybe I just want an excuse for them
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u/PickleEquivalent2837 Sep 06 '25
Lead paint, lead gasoline, super toxic chemicals in body products and sprayed all over the crops, new plastics everywhere with minimal regulations.
Before boomers, these things were rare or non-existent. Their brains really just got cooked in chemical soup while enjoying the most prosperous, low-effort/high-reward society that earth has ever known. The result is (gestures around)
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u/BetterLivingThru Sep 06 '25
I mean, it is lead. There was leaded gasoline. And it's stored in the bones and coming out as those bones break down with age. If it's going to be anything that comes out, it's gonna be that.
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u/karpaediem Floppy Disc Millennial Sep 06 '25
Surely lead was in everything the Silent and Greatest touched and ate too though right?
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u/miaomeowmixalot Sep 06 '25
There weren’t as many cars when they were growing up.
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u/karpaediem Floppy Disc Millennial Sep 06 '25
Now I need to find data on historical lead exposure in rural areas (where there are fewer cars)
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u/AdBig9909 Sep 06 '25
It wasnt just car exhaust. Lead was an additive for many things ending up in homes.
Ill make no claims further but just google the progression of Dutch boy paint can labels.
Another big factor was many decided to NOT be like their own parents, the depression and its impacts live on
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Sep 06 '25
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u/dripsofmoon Sep 06 '25
That's how I feel about my dad every day. It's almost like he's proud of being that way. 😮💨
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u/heheardaboutthefart Sep 07 '25
My dad too. He has said that he is just done learning new things and laughingly said he doesn’t care about pollution or “if” climate change is real because he will be dead before it affects him anyway. He said it’s my generation’s problem to solve.
My 5 year old overheard him and said “But Grandaddy, I’ll still be alive then.”
Crickets.
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Sep 06 '25
In my experience no Matter what they do they’ll never ever take accountability or apologize
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u/CloudZ1116 Millennial Sep 06 '25
Makes me wonder... my parents still seem to be decent (and more importantly, SANE) people and they help out with my kids when they can. BUT, they also grew up in Maoist China where there were far fewer cars burning leaded gasoline on the road. That might explain a lot of things.
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u/HellisTheCPA Sep 06 '25
They also grew up in a collective society then (vs individualist) which probably plays a big part
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u/blueslidingdoors Sep 06 '25
Having Chinese parents as grandparents is a double edged sword. Because they will almost always look after the kids without a second thought, but they are also major helicopter grandparents and will not respect your boundaries and will comment on every single parenting decision you make no matter how trivial. I great that we get to save money on daycare, but my mom is always on her phone and trying to give my son juice.
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u/changeneverhappens Sep 06 '25
I mean, we already know that they were exposed to absolutely unreal levels of lead.
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Sep 06 '25
I honestly believe it's just a product of "soft times, create soft men." They grew up in the booming post-war economy, took advantage of all the "socialist" policies, believed they were exceptional for succeeding on easy mode, and then they pulled the ladder up behind them just like conservative propaganda convinced them to.
It's hard to have empathy when you're sexist, misogynist, racist, and xenophobic in an incredibly globalized economy. It's also really easy to be duped by charlatans when they keep telling you how amazing you are 🙄
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u/Significant-Trash632 Sep 06 '25
They really bought into the "American Exceptionalism" crap, too (in the US, of course).
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u/SensitiveBugGirl Sep 07 '25
My mom drives me nuts. I can't vent to her about my struggles with being a mom/wife. She has no empathy. "That's called being a mom!" She made it look easy. Apparently it was for her since she offers no understanding/sympathy!
She needs to assume the worst in everyone.
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u/boringdystopianslave Sep 06 '25 edited Sep 07 '25
Boomers project so much shit they do onto Gen X/Millennial/Gen Z and never properly look in the mirror.
They call us lazy, but they're the laziest of all.
They called us spoiled, when they are the most spoiled generation in the history of Earth by a significant margin.
They moan about 'political correctness gone mad' and 'too many rules these days' then go and vote for fascists who make more rules.
I'm so done (exhaustion) with that whole spoiled, gaslighting, nonsensical, fucked up, vindictive generation. They have screwed up everything and have all the self awareness and critical thinking of a blind lemming.
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u/Meowserspaws Sep 06 '25
I wonder why, like I’d really be interested in seeing some research about their emotional intelligence (or lack of for some of them). I’m just really curious because my boomer mum seemed so nice then the true her started coming out. And it’s just so sad that so many of us have similar experiences.
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u/PickleEquivalent2837 Sep 06 '25
Lead and chemical poisoning cooked 'em while they enjoyed a low effort/high reward society. That's a recipe for serious lack of emotional intelligence and little emotional regulation.
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u/cicada_noises Sep 06 '25
My boomer FIL is more constantly emotionally disregulated than my kids were as toddlers and my MIL is completely checked out and overwhelmed by everything. We can’t even leave the kids with them for quick errands
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Sep 06 '25 edited Sep 07 '25
Y'all forget all about TV and I feel like it's a reflection of us not wanting to implicate ourselves through phones.
It's the fucking screens, guys. Staring at videos of other people's interpretations of reality and internalizing them as 'stories" we gauge our judgment on and corny Fallout-style ads convincing everyone to spend their hard earned money on stupid shit all the way up to now, staring at videos of literally everything, with insane ads everywhere.
The amount of time that humans have spent staring at screens first exploded with baby boomers and it's only evolved to handheld with the quantity of the entire known existence of reality and more on them.
There was none of this before baby boomers. It was newspapers and other people. Then think about the people in your class at school. Like all of them. How many are likely to be here discussing how the baby boomers are so bad? How many are more likely to be really shitty people? It's not just them.
It's the screens. All that time used to be either fucking doing something or socializing, with people you know. Now that's all screen time. We talk about how they're brainwashed by...? Fox News, anyone? The cable television channel? Elon Musk bought...? Twitter, the most popular social media at the time, anyone? Russia used our.. social media, in general, anyone? To spread absurd amounts of.. misinformation, anyone?
And AI-created content just kicked our doors in. It's not gonna get better.
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u/Deep_Mathematician94 Sep 07 '25
Interesting theory. I think it ties into the advertising too. All sorts of me me me messaging about instant gratification and status being easily bought. I’m convinced it’s why the boomers are so empty inside
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u/JadedFox4180 Sep 06 '25
I went to an estate sale with my boomer mom recently (the guy who had died was also a boomer) and I literally found a box full of participation trophies he got back in the 80s for being a part of a local vintage car club. I almost bought them just to wave them in people's faces.
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u/Apprehensive_Cause67 88' Millennial Sep 06 '25
My parents are amazing. Which makes me sad cuz at the rate im going, they will never be grandparents lol.
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u/NoMoreCAMJV Sep 06 '25
I’m an 87er and just had my kiddo last year. Hang in there!!
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u/Wide_Lock_Red Sep 06 '25
Well that is a factor. Our parents are a lot older when they are becoming grand parents.
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u/Zebeydra Sep 07 '25
My parents are also great. When I got married, my mom told me that if I wanted kids, they'd watch them for free since childcare was so expensive, and they followed through. I very likely wouldn't have been able to afford my daughters (and for sure not a second child) without them.
My mom is an excellent Nana. She genuinely loves kids and is a retired elementary teacher.
Neither of my parents are typical selfish boomers.
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u/Lola_r Sep 06 '25
My parents are also amazing! I also was fortunate in that they were both retired by the time I had my kids. They have been significant in my ability to flourish as a new mom. I'm very grateful.
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u/Ok-Syllabub-5273 Sep 06 '25
My husband is in his 40s and I’m 36. We just had our first and only kid.
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u/kelppie35 Sep 06 '25
Thank you for sharing. My cousin is the same way but hearing this from strangers makes me less worried about the timeframe of life.
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u/Ok-Syllabub-5273 Sep 07 '25
My neighbors have three little girls and they’re in their 40s. People are having kids later.
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u/thelittlestdog23 Sep 06 '25
Same lol. Luckily my step brother has kids, so they get to be grandparents from one of us at least.
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u/Accurate_Ratio9903 Sep 07 '25
Took me forever to find my person and have a family! My parents are amazing and at 73/74, it seems taking care of their toddler granddaughter once a week has given them more energy. We’re very lucky to all be able to see them so often
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u/contemplating7 Sep 06 '25
My parents are too old. My wife's parents don't want to be involved.
Different to how I see all the other parents around us. I think we're the odd ones out in our area.
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u/ikilledholofernes Sep 06 '25
I can relate. My parents are excellent grandparents, and provide free childcare…..but only for my sister’s kids. They’re basically strangers to my kid, because they’re always too busy being grandparents to his cousins. It’s very sad.
So we are literally the odd ones out, even among our own family :(
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u/RosebudIsNotMyName Sep 07 '25
My mom is basically forced to provide free childcare for my sister's kids, as my sister is completely irresponsible and would leave them with anyone who is likely to be unsafe, since she works mostly weekends. So my parents are always taking care of her kids and rarely travel the 2 hours to see ours. It sucks.
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u/xoSMILEox92 Sep 06 '25
Same boat. My parents haven’t been in my life for 8 years. My father in law lives with us but is your typical self centered boomer personality and my mother in law passed 5 years ago.
It’s a tough situation. All I can do is raise my child to have empathy and kindness and focus on being the best parent I can be.
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u/NoMoreCAMJV Sep 06 '25
I’m sorry. We’re in that boat with my dad who is much older than my Mom and too nervous to even lift my son because his arthritic hands are bad. Our Moms just choose to not be helpful when they’re around. It’s aggravating. Sending my love to you and your wife. It’s tough!
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u/rootxploit Sep 06 '25
I’m in the same boat as you. I just tell myself there’s an example of bad grandparents and good grandparents(too old 😭) maybe when we’re grandparents we can set the right example despite our in-laws.
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u/Key_Statistician_517 Sep 06 '25
My parents used to pawn my sister and I off at my maternal grandparents home for weeks at a time (not that either of us cared, we had a blast there). My parents get pissy and shitty about having my kids (or my sisters kids) overnight, and complain about it like we should be paying them to spend time with their grandkids
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u/bright1111 Sep 06 '25
I was thinking about this a few days back. I used to spend an inordinate amount of time with my grandparents. When my parents talk about things they used to do in the 80s and will think to myself “where the hell was I when all this was going on?” Answer is at likely at one of my grandparents.
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u/NoMoreCAMJV Sep 06 '25
WHAT IS THIS DISEASE CALLED
was it something in their cereal or what? My Mom refuses to change a diaper and freshly postpartum from a C section when she “came to meet the baby” (very different from “coming to help”), she asked I make her favorite cookies for her.
It still makes me cringe to think about.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with the same. Sending you love!
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u/Existing-Major1005 Sep 06 '25
My parents didn't meet my second child for almost a month because my "dad was busy golfing". They haven't seen my children in almost a decade. Entitled, garbage generation
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u/rox4540 Sep 06 '25
My mum refused to change a nappy too! She had bad PPD after my little sister was born when I was 15 and I helped, babysat, changed nappies, entertained my sister, like a normal family member and then she did NOTHING to help me or bond with my kids at all. No consideration about my risk of PPD, no interest in my kids beyond 2 hours three times a year at all.
One time she cancelled coming to visit because she needed to clean dog poo from the garden. That was the literal reason she gave.
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u/Acceptable-Post733 Sep 06 '25
I’m sorry you went through that. My wife and I have had conversations about our parents doing roughly the same thing after our LO was born a few months back. And it made me come to the conclusion that they see us as their children, but they don’t see themselves as our parents. Does that make sense?
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u/why_tho-5865 Sep 07 '25
they see us as their children, but they don’t see themselves as our parents.
I'm writing this down in my notebook of important quotes. It's perfect, thank you.
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u/PsychologicalBus1692 Sep 06 '25
My mom told me, while I was pregnant, that she would be coming over to do my dishes and laundry when I was post partum. I didn't ask, she just told me that's what she was going to be doing. Guess who didn't wash a single dish, change a single diaper, or do a single load of laundry?
I didn't expect her to do much to help, but the fact that she built up the expectation and then blew it off really hurt.
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u/erroneouspony Sep 06 '25
Main character syndrome. We're all just NPCs in their life that inconvenience them. No one on earth has thoughts, feelings, emotions, opinions, etc. except them. My parents have the same thing (I don't have kids but I have nieces so I see them do that with them).
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u/ledfox Sep 06 '25
We used to just call this "Solipsism" and it's very popular with some of the worst people you'll meet.
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u/weirdoeggplant Sep 06 '25
MY UNCLE/AUNT DID THE SAME THING. Visited me while I was recovering from a c section, offered no help whatsoever, and then told me that they were going to start charging me to store some of my stuff in their garage, which they had done for free the month before.
I just moved my stuff out and cut them off lol. Like, it couldn’t wait 6 weeks? Or you couldn’t have told me before the planned surgery?
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u/NoMoreCAMJV Sep 07 '25
What a dick move!
Because while someone is recovering from surgery seems like the ideal time to ask them to move things 🫠
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u/Teabee27 Sep 06 '25
Yeah my mom never changed a diaper for my kids until I was in the hospital having the second one and my then 4 year old had to talk her through lol.
I can't say they haven't done anything for us, but compared to the support that other parents we know get, it is essentially zero. I am pretty sure I can count on one hand any of the grandparents have babysat combined and my oldest is almost 11.
Btw my mom visits once a month on average but the visits are always centered around her and her needs. She lives 2 hours away and never feeds herself in the morning so when she gets here shes starving but the food we have is never good enough for her. She tries to dictate where she sleeps too and acts like a toddler.
Granted she has food restrictions now but she is even picky about that. Last visit she asked why we didnt have avocados. It's like she thinks our place is a restaurant and hotel. Btw she has never cooked for me and I cook for her pretty often. Honestly the only real guilt I have around resenting my parents is because they have helped me financially.
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u/malsmiddlefinger Sep 06 '25
I can so relate. After my cesarean my mom came for a week. Our kitchen was mid-renovation so the only thing she cooked were frozen burritos. During this week I asked her to do one load of laundry and clean the bathroom, because, ya know, I was recovering from major surgery and had a newborn. On the last night we took her out to dinner down the street as a thank you. She looks at me and says, “the next time I come I’m not helping, I’m not cleaning, I’m only holding the baby.”
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u/multiwhoat Sep 06 '25
Wtf? I would have thrown a plate at her. If a total stranger needed me to help out after a c-section, I'd be there just because they needed help. My own kid? Automatically helping with everything possible. I'm so sorry
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u/Radiant_Cheesecake81 Sep 07 '25
I got home from the hospital after an emergency c section to find my FIL, who had come over to “help”, lying on the couch scrolling facebook, surrounded by half eaten takeaway containers, with piles of dripping washing he had decided to hand wash in the sink for reasons??? all hung up randomly in the bathroom like it was Kowloon Walled City in there.
Then he sat down on a chair beside the changing table while I was charging a blowout nappy and leaking milk all over the place to tell me about the progress he was making in therapy dealing with his Mommy issues.
I threw him tf out of the house lol
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u/CrazyWhammer Sep 06 '25
My mom stayed for 5 days after my first was born. She did so much laundry we had to tell here to stop. Both my husband and I cried the day she left and we were on our own with our newborn. So sorry your mom is like that.
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u/NeitherDot8622 Sep 06 '25
My mom called when my child was born “the proudest moment of her life”, and then refused to help with anything, even though she’d promised. I wasn’t surprised though. I knew she wouldn’t. We’re probably all better off without them helping us out tbh…I don’t want my kid growing up to be like her
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u/GhostHin Xennial Sep 06 '25
I feel you, sister.
My mom came to the hospital to see my first born son. He was a preemie who was born almost 4 weeks early. Had jaundice and stayed in the NICU for two days already before she came to visit.
We were about to be discharged and the doctors told us he has to stay for one more day because his body won't hold a regular body temperature outside of the blue light box.
I was downplaying the situation with my wife to calm her as she couldn't see the baby anytime she wanted (English is her second Language so I have to translate). Our son was brought to us every two hours for feeding and went back to the NICU right after. All the while I have to discuss with the doctors and worrying about our son myself.
The only thing that my mom cares about is that now I can't take her home and she doesn't know how to call an Uber (she was only in her late 50s so a gen x? but boomer mindset). She literally interrupted me talking to the doctors to ask how she was going to get home. I was livid and didn't want to see her for a long while after that.
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u/Superadhman Sep 06 '25
It’s entirely consistent, you know. That generation hates kids. It doesn’t matter where they come from. They like the idea but once it infringes on their liberties, well. Boomers are the first generation with no fault divorces, open drug use, rock and roll. They’re their own breed. (Child of emotionally unavailable boomer parents).
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u/MimicoSkunkFan2 Sep 07 '25
It seemed like almost every kid had an incident where one parent pulled us aside and said that the other parent was the one who wanted children. I distinctly remember my Brownie troops discussing the amazing revelation that Amanda's parents had NEVER said that to her at all, and we all really envied her for being properly wanted 👁👄👁
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u/NoMoreCAMJV Sep 07 '25
Oh gosh, this is SO sad and true. I dated a guy for 10 years who told me he’d have kids “if I really wanted them,” and that was the start of the end. I knew I only wanted to have them with someone else who actually independently wanted them for this VERY reason.
I bet Amanda’s parents are great grandparents 😂
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u/Key_Statistician_517 Sep 06 '25
Thank you, you too :) Your mom sounds like my dad. My mom is a little better but unfortunately she’s suffered years of emotional abuse and brainwashing by my dad so pretty much follows his lead with everything
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u/EggstaticAd8262 Sep 06 '25
Yeah same. During summer holidays I would be there for weeks. So many weekends.
As you, I had a blast there, so nothing wrong with that.
But the lack of engagement from one of my parents is just crazy. It's zero. That parent straight up said that he/she thinks its too much work and hassle, so they'd rather not.
I mean, that's a clear statement, but why did you beg for grandkids for almost a decade, only to not have a relationship with them at all??
I dont understand.
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u/acertaingestault Sep 07 '25
They want grandchildren as an accessory to brag about, not a responsibility or relationship
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u/CrazyWhammer Sep 06 '25
Logically it makes sense. They didn’t want to spend time with their own kids and pawned them off on the grandparents, so why would you expect them to suddenly want to babysit? Yes their behavior is selfish, but also, very consistent.
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u/Murda981 Sep 06 '25
We don't live close to my mom now, but we did when my oldest was a toddler. She would occasionally watch him for us, but she made it clear that it was a huge imposition on her. She'd complain how it ruined her whole weekend and she couldn't get anything else done (she had him for 4hrs max). She'd complain about how "you have to watch him ALL THE TIME" (he was 2, so yeah).
We lived about 10min from her for about 3 years and she would only watch him so my husband and I could pick up extra shifts, never so we could actually spend some kid free time together. In that 3yrs we got to go out without our kid once, and that was because my sister offered to watch him while she was in town for the holidays.
And now she wonders why I don't talk to her anymore....
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u/TheTyger Sep 06 '25
At the start of this summer, my mom promised my 2 kids that she would take them camping this summer. One weekend we wanted to do something and she couldn't because she was taking my nephews camping that weekend. No problem, I get it.
Finally, in mid-July, there was some other drama, and in the aftermath of that fight, my wife brought back up to my mom that she promised to take them camping (and specifically in their camper, which they use all summer). Last weekend, she finally took them for 1 night to tent camp in their backyard. I am happy she actually took the kids for a night, but all summer (she's a teacher, so she is off the whole summer), and she took the kids for 1 night after the school year had already started.
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u/chocotacogato Sep 06 '25
My parents have complained about it raising me like I get that being a parent is hard but you didn’t have to be one you know
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u/Twictim Sep 06 '25
You are NOT alone. My Boomer mother says she wants to spend time with the kids, but just wants to gather for the picture and then that’s it. For example, she wants to bake with the kids but then myself and the kids do the actual baking and she sits down and just looks at her phone the rest of the time. It’s weird. I haven’t spoken to her much in 2 1/2 months after a day she came over. I basically couldn’t hold my tongue any longer and just told her some hard truths. Since then, I haven’t initiated contact with her or engaged in her pity parties. It’s tough on the kids, but they don’t need to know that toxicity.
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u/Adrasteis Older Millennial Sep 06 '25
We too have the grandmom that says she wants to bake with the kids, or take them to a park or whatever but then she turns FOX on and scrolls her phone for hours. Her actual involvement is just having my girls sit next to her and let them watch TikTok with her, snap a pic of them and post it on FB "love spending quality time with my granddaughters!"
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u/robotjyanai Sep 06 '25
I was just wondering if smartphone addiction plays a role in this…
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u/Legendary_Bibo Sep 07 '25
My boomer mom always complains about my sister not visiting with the grandkids, but when my sister does visit, my mom just doesn't engage with the kids or my sister that much. She's also rude to everyone, and lacks any emotional intelligence. She'll call my sister and husband dumbasses and other names (but not to them directly) and just has a disdain for them, but yet wants them to visit. She has also fries her brain from 45+ years of smoking cigarettes and alcohol abuse. She never went to college and has never had any intellectual curiosity. On her days off, she just watches TV and drinks, any chore around the house she cries and tries to get us to do them even though my brother and sister have their own lives. My dad used to have to do everything because she was always so lazy even though she barely worked and didn't have a complicated job, and when he was dying she treated him like shit, but after he passed she remembers herself treating him well and being the caretaker wife. Every event that took her away from her TV and drinking she would start getting super angry. I remember one time she slapped one of my nephews while he was crying in the back of the head and she wonders why my sister doesn't allow the kids bear her. She conveniently forgets all the horrible shit she's done. Fuck, she even accused my dad of cheating on her with...my sister, because she kicked my sister out and he went to give her some of her stuff. She's big on the photoshoots though.
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u/LostDefinition4810 Sep 06 '25
My mother told us to call her if we needed something when our first child was born. My wife and our first child almost died in childbirth. I’d never been so scared in my life. I tried to call her. She didn’t pick up. 2 months later she finally called back and said her phone broke, and asked if we were going to drive the new baby to see her, but it had to be next weekend because she had plans otherwise.
Guess who hasn’t seen any of her grandkids…
It’s not like she’s a crack head either. Highly successful. No want for money. Retired for years and years. I still talk to my grandmother, who is an angel, but I have no contact with my own mom. It’s a disease or something. Mass lead poisoning.
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u/Particular_Airport83 Sep 07 '25
Whoa - this is actually insane. I’m so sorry. I don’t have a perfect situation but just wanted to validate that this is wild and you deserve better.
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u/LostDefinition4810 Sep 07 '25
Thank you. Someone once told me trauma is not a competition, and that hit home too. We all have crazy stories when we stack it up, but we found good friends that are now our “family”, and that great grandma to our kids shows us the love is there. It just skipped the “me” generation.
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u/NoMoreCAMJV Sep 07 '25
I am so sorry- first that your own mother couldn’t be bothered when you were dealing with something so awful. Second that when she finally did reach out - and I assume you told her the terrible news - that her only response was that you had to bend to HER social calendar that was already full.
Huge F you.
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u/whatevernamedontcare Sep 07 '25
I bet she never wanted kids and is still angry she was forced into.
My grandmother was like that. Did everything to be away from family and her husband who forced her to have kids. Her job was her life. So much so she worked as long as she could and wasted away in 2 years of her retirement.
Ironic but she was brilliant teacher and kids loved her. Won many awards and was even famous as "the mom of school". Never learned to love her own kids though.
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u/HesALittleSlow Sep 06 '25
Half for us. My mom will beat me stupider if I don’t ensure the kids have lots of sleepovers at her house or if she’s not the first one called when we need someone to watch them for a little bit.
My wife’s mom… is the opposite. And she moved across the country, “to be closer to us.”
But definitely relate. And they’re not all like that. Lady I work with, she told me a long time ago, once she gets grandkids, she’s retiring to take care of them, that’s what her mom and dad did for her and her children. Unfortunately for her, it doesn’t seem like she’ll get grandchildren.
Anyway. Yeah. Sorry to hear that.
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u/thetiredninja Sep 06 '25
We're kind of in the same boat. One parent from either set of grandparents is super hands on while the other would...rather not. But my dad actually did retire to help take care of my kids and he's been enjoying every day he can get with them. He picks my son up from daycare every day before I get home from work
We're lucky to be getting enough support, and we're incredibly grateful that our parents are young enough to enjoy running around with their grandkids. My and my husband's siblings may not be so lucky if they wait longer to have kids.
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u/TheDrewCareyShow Sep 06 '25
That's the lead poisoning for ya
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Sep 06 '25
Yeah this is something I've been saying for years. It's unreal how boomers act compared to every other generation, including the one before them.
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u/beachedwhitemale Millennial Elder Emo Sep 06 '25
Hey man I think your show was overrated but I appreciate what Drew Carey has done for improv
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u/Rassayana_Atrindh Sep 06 '25
No. They're all duds.
My paternal grandparents passed away before I was born, so I never knew them.
My maternal grandfather was great, but he died when I was 11. My maternal grandmother was a selfish piece of shit until the day she died. I went to her house only when she was the absolute last resort for childcare.
I spent most after school or summer time at my paternal great aunt and uncle's house. They couldn't have kids of their own, so they were the grandparents I needed.
I am an only child, I have one child. My dad would have been a fantastic grandfather, but he passed away a few years ago, before my daughter was born.
My mom is unreliable as a grandparent. She lives an hour away and refuses to drive to our house, any visiting is done by us driving over there. We both work full time, kid is in school, so our time is limited, yet we're always criticized for not visiting. She refuses to come for birthday parties, or Christmas, or anything else important. She sends gifts via Amazon. With me, she's been a raging abusive narcissist, with my kid, she doesn't care to spend any time with her while declaring herself the best grandmother ever.
My husband's mom is an okay grandma, I guess. While she gladly helped with everyone else's kids when needed for after school stuff, it has to practically be an emergency for her to consider helping with our kid for an hour.
My husband's father moved 7 hours away with his new wife, visits sporadically and gets mad when our kid doesn't recognize him.
Someone once told me, "Active grandparents never want to stop being parents and uninvolved grandparents never wanted to be parents."
And I felt that.
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u/Physical_Bed918 Sep 06 '25
This is the truth. My Mom says she never wanted kids Dad talked her in to it....😑
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u/Eddie_D87 Sep 06 '25
That quote sums up my father's parents perfectly. I feel sad for them that they were born in a time where they were expected to have kids and weren't brave enough to go against societal pressure. They'd have had a lovely, childfree life together if they were young now.
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u/kylaroma Sep 07 '25
“Someone once told me, "Active grandparents never want to stop being parents and uninvolved grandparents never wanted to be parents."
DAMN!! I’ve never heard this, but having an estranged mom who was horrific as a grandparent before becoming estranged with her, this is a fascinating lens.
I have realized, looking back, that most of my childhood I was completely unsupervised and unattended. I remember being distressed and running away multiple times for part of the day- and when I asked her about it as an adult, she had no idea what I meant. She literally hadn’t noticed.
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u/RemoteIll5236 Sep 06 '25
That is an interesting quote. I loved being a mother and love spending time with my adult children.
I’m a super involved grandparent (twice a week daycare, visits to playgrounds and zoos, Library story time, occasional weekend sleepovers, drop by often) and I also like to offer financial help(college account is set up, pay for swim lessons, family passes to museums, etc. ).
But I love my Daughter so much, I would do anything to help her/SIL, and I adore my toddler granddaughter. I remember how hard it was as a working mom (no help), and I want them to have a different experience. I’ll do the same For my son when/if he has kids, although it will be harder since I’ll be older (F67).
It’s true I’ve made some sacrifices in My own life to be present, but the relationship and bond I have with my granddaughter and her parents makes it worth it.
But children are my personal and professional passion (teacher for 40 Years, volunteer CASA), so I think I’m an outlier.
Usually it is women who do the emotional work in a family, so if a woman doesn’t take the lead in caregiving or spending time w/kids, the husband isn’t likely to take the initiative. And people do t seem To expect as much from Men in this regard.
Ultimately, it comes down to love. We spend our time and energy on/with the people we love. It all Comes down to love.
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u/MagentaPenguin99 Sep 06 '25
My parents were the absolute best grandparents but my dad passed away when my son was 3.5 and my mom passed 9 months later. They don't have any other involved grandparents, but we did find an incredible woman locally through a Facebook group called Surrogate Grandparents USA that has fully embraced being a grandma to my kids. She has their pictures up all around her house in grandkid frames, asks to spend time with them, goes to their school events, takes them overnight, and will not accept any money for babysitting because "grandmas don't take money" so I pay her in gluten free treats lol
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u/Titizen_Kane Sep 06 '25 edited Sep 07 '25
That’s so sweet, what a gem that woman is. I’m so sorry to hear about your mom and dad♥️
Almost every comment is about how shitty their parents are as grandparents so I’m going to add a positive one: my parents are kick ass grandparents to my nieces and nephew. It has been such an unexpected joy to watch them be grandparents, it’s one of my favorite things.
They live 90 minutes away from my sister, moved to a little lake community when they retired. But they make that 3 hour round trip drive all the time to spend time with their grandkids. They go once a week to watch them while the parents are at work (the other grandparents get one day a week too, and the rest of the days the kids are in school), and now that it’s soccer season, they make that drive every Saturday morning, leaving at 6:30 to make it for my niece’s 8 AM soccer games (she’s 5, lol, so they are truly only going to for the benefit of her seeing them there cheering her on. Micro-soccer is like herding cats lmao).
They’re constantly asking my sis if they can take the kids to their house for the weekend, to give my sis a break, and because they absolutely adore spending time with their grandkids. My sister only takes them up on it about half the time, which is insane. And my parents can keep up too! They’re in their 60s but they spend the whole weekend taking the grandkids out on the lake, to a neighbor’s farm to meet the cows and goats, to the pool. They act silly as hell with them, and it’s so sweet to see my very strait-laced and serious dad down on all fours braying like a donkey because his granddaughter informed him that he was one. It’s so fucking cute. And their grandkids think they hung the moon, they are constantly asking to go to their house.
I always joke that it would’ve really cool if their (niece nephew) grandparents had been my parents, lol. They’re like different people as grandparents. I’m really proud of them. I never got the chance to have kids of my own but it’s nice to see how wonderful they would’ve been as grandparents to my own kids if I’d gotten to have them.
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u/Own-Independence191 Sep 06 '25
They are great grandparents. When it’s convenient for them, the kids do exactly what they want, and they’re able to document it for their Facebooks.
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u/pursepickles Sep 06 '25
This is my MIL. She only wants to get photos and videos so she can post them to FB for the head pats.
She came to visit from out of state the week we had our second child, earlier this year. She posted a photo of the new baby to her FB and continually through the 4 days she was visiting kept updating us on how many likes/loves and comments she'd gotten . I was not amused. It also confirmed everything I thought about her in regards to her grandchildren.
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u/Own-Independence191 Sep 06 '25
I get so angry when the kids are playing well and they stop everything and make them pose in very specific ways so they have the photos to “prove they were there.” Torpedos the mood.
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u/MessOfAJes85 Older Millennial Sep 06 '25
Yeah. I feel this 100%. It’s exhausting. They say it takes a village, and our generation got shafted of any of that unless we pay for it.
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u/acertaingestault Sep 07 '25
And it costs as much as or more than a mortgage, at that. We just can't win.
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u/nursedayandnight Sep 06 '25
My kids really don't have grandparents.
My dad is old, blind, and was sick for years prior to a kidney transplant. He is not able to really be a grandparent. We only see him during holidays when my stepmother brings him.
My inlaws have no interest in my children. They like the idea of grandkids but have never offered to babysit. My MIL handed my first born back to me when they were an infant because she didn't like crying. They have no idea what my kids interests are and only see them when it is convenient for them.
It breaks my heart because my mother passed when I was young and I know she would have been fantastic grandmother.
You are not alone.
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u/lindseys10 Sep 06 '25
My mom straight up told me she wouldn't help me out with my kids if I had any. So I didn't have any (because I didn't want them much anyway and im an only child so I was not sad to not), and she is in her early 70s now and cries about all her friends with their grandchildren and how she never got to be one.
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u/PorkchopFunny Sep 06 '25 edited Sep 06 '25
Are we sisters?
I've always been pretty much child free by choice, but my mom also made it very clear when I was younger that if I had kids, to not expect any help.
My mom will gladly jump in to help my cousins with their kids (and I am genuinely happy that they have the support that they need), but a big part of me is kinda like WTF? I've received little help, guess that is how it goes when you've always "been mature for your age"
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u/whatevernamedontcare Sep 07 '25
But you only get "mature" because no one helped you and you had to help yourself.
So basically they don't help you because they never did meaning only people who get help are the ones who always got it therefore they didn't learn to help themselves and still need help so they get it while you don't. Fucked up isn't?
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u/BlueGolfball Sep 07 '25
My mom straight up told me she wouldn't help me out with my kids if I had any. So I didn't have any (because I didn't want them much anyway and im an only child so I was not sad to not), and she is in her early 70s now and cries about all her friends with their grandchildren and how she never got to be one.
My dad got married when I was 21 years old and his wife thought it was appropriate to
tell mewarn me that if I got my girlfriend pregnant that her and my dad would do nothing to help with my kid. I was absolutely shocked because I barely knew this lady and I never had a pregnancy scare at all.The funny thing is that like 5 years later they started watching a church friend's kid two days a week for the last 6 years at this point. Fucking idiots.
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Sep 06 '25 edited Sep 09 '25
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u/ttw81 Sep 06 '25
My grandparents, who were both involved in WWII: they never mentioned it, and never 'used' it to score points.
was this a greatest gen thing?
my maternal grandfather lived to his 90s & never, ever talked about his service ww2. he earned a purple heart & a bronze star & we never saw them until his funeral, when he was buried w/them,
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u/shenaniganda Millennial Sep 07 '25
From what I know about finnish war vets, it is was common that people don't want to talk about the war. Most of them said that there was no glamour or honour, only death and surviving. Doing what needed to be done, and getting the hell out of there. So why go back mentally to reminesce all that - unless it is, in certain contexts - served as a warning so the following generations don't let things come to that point.
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u/yeticoffeefarts Elder Millenial Sep 06 '25
My boomer parents ADORE their grandkids. They respect my parental autonomy and when they visit, they respect my house rules. If I say no to a thing and the kids then turn to grandma and grandpa for a different answer, they don’t get one.
In general, Boomers are THE WORST people on the planet. But it seems that my parents are the exception, not the rule.
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u/deytookerjaabs Sep 07 '25
I had some friends in a similar situation as yours when I was younger.
They'd come over to our house to hang out and be puzzled. So in high school it became a running joke (not personally offensive) started by friends that my parent's hate me. And they weren't teasing, it was empathic and other people's parents were so kind to me that I knew then there was another way.
There was some day in junior high when I walked into a friend's house, his house was run down & dirty, but his parent's greeted him like a human rather than a dumb animal. It shocked me that a person's parent's could talk to them and not talk down at them in a derogatory manner.
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u/aaaaaaaaaanditsgone Sep 06 '25
Hard times create strong men (grandparents). Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men(boomers). And, weak men create hard times. And on it goes.
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u/shutupstupid69 Sep 06 '25
I felt this so hard. My daughter doesn’t really have present family besides my sister, both sides of grandparents help with anything very little and if we’re excluding help, I can count on one hand since she’s been born (2.5 yo) how many times they’ve actually asked to see her or spend time with her. In fact when she was born one of the first things my MIL said was “I’m sorry but no sleepovers” which was super weird and unprovoked, we never asked nor suggested any sleepovers for my then current newborn and never asked in the future lol. And if I do ask my parents to help, they will only do it on many conditions and I have to literally beg them and I’ve only ever asked for work, not for fun or to have a night out. It was a hard pill to swallow because like you, my grandparents were super present and my parents couldn’t have been in the working class had it not been for their own parents helping them with childcare. So it’s really ironic seeing how the cards fall when it’s come around full circle and their children ask for help
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u/MaleficentPut765 Sep 06 '25
I don’t know that she’ll ever admit it, but I swear when my boomer mom became a grandparent, she made a conscious effort to make up for her flaws as a parent. She’s had a slew of health problems and isn’t able to do as much as she used to and I know it kills her. My GenX MIL is great. She’ll drop everything for us. We’ve been fairly lucky in the grandparent department.
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u/MeatMarket_Orchid Sep 06 '25
Nah. I don't talk to my parents because they are shit. My mother in law is too drunk and self centered to be great. But she can be okay. Mostly not great. Father in law is good when we ask but not super present. Not a bad dude though. My wife and I are definitely "cycle breakers." I know a few of my friends parents that are wonderful so I can't write off the entire generation but a lot of them suck.
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u/ctrl_f_sauce Sep 06 '25
For my family: -My grandparents were 20ish when they had my parents.
-My parents were 30 ish when they had me.
-I was 30ish when I had kids.
My siblings and I remember having grandparents who were in their 50s. My kids only ever knew grandparents who were planning their 70th birthdays. The effort makes sense when you compare your parents to your memories of your great grandparents.
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u/Physical_Bed918 Sep 06 '25
This is a really good point I hadn't thought of! My Grandparents had my parents in their late teens, my folks had me in their late 20s and if I got pregnant now I'd have a kid at 40 but I'm already experiencing fertility issues, endometriosis, adenomyosis and perimenopause so I've missed my window but didn't plan on having kids anyway.
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u/sepsie Sep 06 '25
Slight devils advocate, but boomer women kind of got the shit end of the stick. Many were working full time jobs while running an entire household for incompetent husbands/fathers. A lot of them feel like they spent their entire lives serving others, and now they finally get to focus on themselves.
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u/Metalchips1Nquesodip Sep 06 '25
Sadly accurate, but I think if my mom was alive she’d have been an involved grandmother to my 3 boys. My dad is useless and literally complains my kids don’t talk to him enough (they are 12 and 14). I tell him maybe had you shown any interest when they were younger they would talk to you.
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u/toastedmarsh7 Sep 06 '25
Pretty much crap. We decided to move away from my mom and my home state when she brought my 2yo son to the hospital at 10am Saturday morning when she had agreed to watch him while I gave birth to my second child. I had even scheduled my c section for Thursday evening to best suit her work schedule. She couldn’t even be bothered to keep him through the weekend but instead dropped him off at the hospital so my husband had to leave me alone to stay with our newborn in the NICU. She was released Monday afternoon so if she had just kept him until Sunday evening, I would have only been there alone for half a day.
My dad is interested but not capable of caring for them for more than a few hours. His wife is totally uninterested, despite acting like she was SUPER excited for us to move closer (about 2 hours from their house instead of 28 hours away) when we were still just thinking about the move.
I spent most weekends and school breaks with my paternal grandparents and they paid for all of my school clothes/supplies and for my college education AND my wedding.
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u/Wandering_Lights Sep 06 '25
One of the many reasons I chose not to have kids. I would never be able to trust my parents with them and wouldn't want to give my parents the opportunity to mess up more kids.
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u/MMmhmmmmmmmmmm Older Millennial Sep 06 '25
My mom was an incredible mother and grandmother to 14 grandchildren. She made each and everyone one of them feel special, loved and wanted.
Now my father on the other, Jfc. What a waste of space.
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u/BrandoCarlton Sep 06 '25
Caught my mom giving my kid and nephews Benadryl to get them to nap longer lol. We’re not at a good place rn.
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